Takes

The Denver airport is the worst one we have reviewed so far

I'm just gonna say it... I take Indy airport and Madison airport over this airport. [PFT: It's in last place.] It's firm last place. That's new power rankings are out.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are the best candy overall

One, one, no brainer. Pick hat knows this favorite candy. I literally had it for breakfast this morning. Reese's.

Peanut Butter M&Ms are better than regular M&Ms

Our third pick, we're gonna go with peanut butter M&Ms... Easy money in the bank. I would take that over regular M&M actually all day, all day. If somebody handed you a bag of regular M&Ms, and one peanut butter, you're taking peanut butter every time.

A Twizzler can be used as a straw for drinking Coke

You know, what's the best part about Twizzlers? If you bite both ends, you can use it as straw. That's true... get a large Coke. Yeah. Longs, Twizzlers bite. Both ends use the Twizzler as a straw for the Coke.

Pink is the greatest Starburst flavor

Pink one. One's... Pink is the, is the goat. Pink's the only one for me.

You can never be at the same level of authentic humanity as Pat Tillman

I try to not talk too much about Pat because I feel like he lived his life at such a high level for me to talk for him... I'm trying to raise my game so I can actually be at that similar level, but you could never be at a level of someone like him.

Todd Bowles and Mike Zimmer are two of the toughest defensive coaches to play against

I think Todd Bowles has done a good job at that over the years. I think he's a really good coach. What coach Bowles does with the pressure package. Mike Zimmer for a long time was as hard as it came playing against because they had eight up looks... and they had every variation.

The West Coast offense is the most beautiful offense ever created

I grew up in the West Coast offense. West Coast offense, I think is the most beautiful offense ever created. It's very, it's about timing and rhythm and balance and everything makes sense protection wise... It started with Bill Walsh and Montana and Paul Hackett.

As soon as the first quarter of the first preseason game is over, I am done with the preseason

Every Hall of Fame game's the exact same... Seeing the field is great. And then you're just like, okay, this kind of sucks. I want the real football. It's very funny. When the first preseason game happens, I'm so excited to watch it. And then as soon as we get through the first quarter, the first preseason game, I'm like just fucking get over with the preseason, I'm done with the preseason.

I still believe in Kyle Sloter as the preseason quarterback of all time

Kyle Sloter, who right now is beating the Raiders three to nothing... He stinks? He's preseason quarterback of all time. The fourth quarter too. There's still the fourth quarter Kyle Sloter. I still believe in him. If you've watched him play, you should believe too.

Vin Scully is the best play-by-play broadcaster of all time

Yeah, no, definitely. He is the best play-by-play broadcaster of all time. He has moments that you could put in a dictionary. Like you could fill a dictionary with just thousands of pages... If I could have 1% of the success that he had, that would be a successful career. He is the best ever.

I was the first to report that Trevor Penning is a savage

There's this dude I've been watching since early college... Trevor Penning. I kind of feel like one of those guys, like I was following them when they're small. So now basically he just got kicked out of Saints camp for going too hard. He's an absolute animal... now everyone's on it... I was there when he was doing this. Just make sure the internet knows that Billy had it first.

Neutrogena has discontinued the face wash I have used my entire life

I'm pretty sure the face wash I've been using my whole life has been discontinued... probably like middle school. And I've gone to like five or six CVSs... Neutrogena website, sorry for the inconvenience we're sold out. On Amazon it's going for $70. I've transferred to Cetaphil.

The Washington Nationals were never going to re-sign Juan Soto

The Nationals were never going to re-sign him. So you've got a lot... the Padres aren't going to re-sign him. The Yankees are, the Dodgers are the only two teams that are going to afford Juan Soto.

Pineapple is a tier-one fruit

Next pick, our next pick is pineapple. Great fruit. Tier one. Pineapple makes everything taste good. It's big and strong.

Bill Russell is the most 'Mount Rushmore-able' NBA player ever

[Bill Russell] might be the most Mount Rushmoreable professional basketball player of all time. Like on various Mount Rushmores. Yeah. As far as like what he did obviously for the Celtics, he's maybe the most clutch postseason player of all time. He was 10 and 0 in elimination games in the playoffs.

George Jetson was born on July 31st, 2022

My woe is on today... July 31st as we're taping it. This is the day that George Jetson was born on whoa. In the TV show The Jetsons. Whoa, whoa. That is whoa. And if you watch the Jetsons, we're like journeying throughout outer space, future conquering other solar... nothing's changed.

You shouldn't be called a streaker unless you are fully nude

You shouldn't be allowed to be called a streaker unless you're fully committed and you go totally nude on it. I wanna just tip my hat to that individual... and not just running out there in a t-shirt having Al Michaels be like, and we're not gonna show you the streaker on the field. Cause I think that's bullshit.

The 'Notes App' social media post is a top-tier way to announce a career change

We're gonna go with posting a notes app on social media to announce a career change. Thanking everybody involved... a lot of people, public figures do this, right? They say goodbye via notes app. And it usually puts their name in the trending column. So I think it moves the needle.

I would pay any price for NBA League Pass

For the NBA league pass, I would pay anything. I have to watch those games. So I think it's like, I think it's 300 bucks. I don't know what it is, but don't tell Adam silver, but if it was higher I would pay higher.

Wolverines are more closely related to seals and sea lions than they are to wolves

Wolverines are related to seals and sea lions closer than actual wolves.

A team that a PMT member roots for will win a championship in the next year

A team that a PMT member roots for will win a championship. We have so many opportunities.

2023 will be the 'year of normality' and a return to normalcy

I'm gonna say that it's gonna be the year of just normality. A return to normalcy.

There should be extra enthusiasm for Aaron Judge hitting 62 home runs because it is the post-steroid era

Aaron judge has been mashing race to 62. I want everyone to get involved in that because it does look, I'm a, I'm a pro steroids guy. So I, I definitely think Barry Bond's the best player of all time. And I also think his records stand, but there should be like an extra enthusiasm. If someone can hit 62, just knowing that we're not in the steroid era anymore.

Beachfront spray kiosks for sunscreen would be a 'godsend' invention

I have a beach idea. ... it's a spray tan booth, but it's got sunscreen, spray sunscreen in it. So you just walk through it, they set up like a kiosk and you walk through it on your way out to the beach. You pay like 10 bucks and then you turn around like your Tony Hawk, your entire body gets coated in sunscreen. I feel like for kids, especially if you got kids, this is like a godsend of an invention.

I only care about comedy and hate acting, even though I keep getting offered roles

I only care about comedy. Right? You gotta force me to act. Right. I don't, I'm saying this right now. And every time I say it, I get offered another gig. I don't like acting right. I'm bad at it.

A pet is the absolute worst gift to receive

Any animal that you have to take care of? It's like, not a, it's not something that let's say you don't like the gift you can, you know, pretend to like it. And then kind of just forget about it. If you get an animal, like you have to take care of that animal.

A gym membership is a terrible gift because it implies the recipient is fat

Number one, a gym membership, because the double double, like whammy of basically saying that you're fat and you need to get in shape. And then like the gift is you just have to go punish yourself at the gym, a gym membership fucking sucks to give someone.

Russell Wilson is reaching 'turn on tweet notifications' territory because of how corny he is

I was thinking about that yesterday. [Russell Wilson] is dangerously close to crossing into turn on tweet notifications territory. Because like, you never know what you're gonna get with [Russell Wilson] and it's going to be extremely corny, but extremely funny.

Cardinals Week 1 against the Chiefs is a lock

I think [Arizona] Cardinals week one's when we a lock of the week... he's [Kyler Murray] engineered to be an early season guy with a home against the [Kansas City] Chiefs. It's a great game.

Joel Embiid should have won the MVP

Obviously I'm going to I'm on the [Joel Embiid] campaign of why he didn't win MVP, but it is what it is.

MLB players should wear their own team jerseys during the All-Star Game

My second take is... the jerseys. I do think it's bullshit. They should wear their own jerseys in the all star game. I don't like these... Everyone's wearing the same color. The cool part of it is like one side wears all road and one side wears all home. That's cool. You get to see all of the jerseys on the field at once.

Squids have the largest eyeballs in the animal kingdom

Squids had the largest eyeball in the animal kingdom. Bigger than elephants. Oh yeah. I guess that would make sense. Right? There's just giant squid. ... Colossal squid. He's right. Damnit he's right.

I was the last person to talk to Dale Earnhardt before his fatal crash at the 2001 Daytona 500

Dale Earnhardt came up to me and he goes, 'I just have to say, you've brought me and my daughter so much closer, your show.' ... Other than his crew chief essentially, I was the last person to talk to him.

Putting a monster bet on a primetime game kicks it up a notch

It is going to be putting a monster bet on like a prime time or big game when you're like, all right, Sunday night football. Let's go fucking all in here... That feeling, that rush you have where you're like, this is gonna be awesome.

The Suns would be stupid not to match Deandre Ayton's offer sheet from the Pacers

Deandre Ayton might be a pacer. They signed an offer sheet. I feel like the sons will be stupid not to match it, but I don't think they like him though. Well, the sons are stupid.

I genetically cannot get a six-pack

I'll also never promise a six pack during the summer ever again. I am [getting there] but no. I don't think you genetically can get a six pack. Absolutely. I'm kidding. It's not everyone can get one. No, I am. I'm on the road there.

I always bet the over on Bedlam no matter what

My favorite college tradition... betting the over in Bedlam, no matter what, no matter what. Oklahoma/Oklahoma State play, over, put it on your phone.

The Big 10 should keep its name even if they grow to 30 teams because it is funny

I think the Big 10 should keep their name forever. And I hope it gets to like 30 teams. Cause that would be funny. And like, why would they change now? It's been 14 teams forever and they still have been the Big 10.

Pac-Man is the greatest arcade game of all time

The game of the century announced on the Tokyo game show in 1999? And that would be the one that I would have to choose. Pac-Man. Pac-Man was also the first game inducted into the video game hall of fame.

The Deshaun Watson suspension could have been more but probably couldn't have been less

Put that on a quote board. Pardon My Take's official statement. It could have been more. Probably couldn't have been less. That's our take on the Deshaun Watson suspension.

Wait until the last week of August to do your fantasy football drafts

Just a reminder. Don't do your fantasy drafts until the last week of August. Yeah. Even maybe the Tuesday before the Thursday kickoff. That's usually what I do that Monday or that Tuesday. The freaks out there that draft their fantasy team in July and then they're shocked when half the roster is gone before the season starts stop doing that.

Neon is officially back this summer

I feel like this summer neon is back. The eighties are coming back. Like for real, it's going to be crazy... I do think that this is the summer where everyone's like, man, finally COVID is over. We're going to do neon now. And look, it's been enough time where you can look at us. Neon looks good if you have a tan, it just does.

The Stanley Cup lifting ceremony is a top-three sports tradition

When you see that, no matter who you root for, it's a great ceremony. Like you're seeing the person lift the cup for the first time, the team captain, or like a long time veteran on that team finally get their Stanley cup. It's awesome. That's like a top three sports [ceremony].

The Colorado Avalanche were one of the most dominant Cup winners in history

The avalanche incredible team, like an absolute wagon of a team... they went 16 and four in the playoffs. They had, they had a four game sweep [of the Predators]... the Oilers [sweep]... 4-2 against the lightning. They, if you combine it all and he'd take out overtime losses and the regular season, they had, they won a 78% clip, which is insane. It's pretty like dad is just, thrills are just awesome. Awesome hockey team that deserves to win the cup.

Football is back because the Patriots announced their red throwback jerseys

I saw the Patriots put out that they're gonna come and wear their red throwback jerseys this year. And that was the first time I was like, I think football's back.

Game 4 is the pivotal game of the Stanley Cup Final

I'd say that it's gonna come down to pivotal game for winner that game... if they lose it, it's over no way that they went three in a row.

Wayne Gretzky's dominance over his peers will never be seen again

Just given how much he was better than his peers at that time. I don't think that we're ever going to see anything like it. I think Lemieux was close... Wayne was like three times as good. Maybe four times as good as some guys... The sheer dominance and the amount of points that somebody could produce and comparable to the better overall competition, it's just going to be very diff Wayne was just so much more ahead of his time.

Your dependency on coffee becomes absolute after age 30

Your dependency on coffee after you turn the age of 30... You're thinking you're taking on more responsibilities, whether it's with work, whether it's the fact that you have a family, you know, if you have kids, you gotta be cranking at least four or five cups a day, even to just get your fucking day started.

Hangovers become two-to-three day events after you turn 35

Overall, dude, I cannot, cannot go out if I have something to do the next day... if I'm up till two in the morning drinking, I'm actually done for like two to three days. Oh... Monday, you're a terrible Tuesday. It creeps in and then Wednesday, you're not hung over. You just don't feel right.