Takes

LeBron James is by far the best player I ever played with

Well, clearly [LeBron James] is the best by far. I think you give D-Wade the nod [for second] because he has three championships, but T-Mac to me was the hardest cover ever.

The New Orleans Saints are clearly the best team in football right now

The Saints are clearly, in my mind, the best team in football right now. Drew Brees is insane... 21 touchdowns, one interception, 77% completion percentage.

The Cowboys will give their fans just enough hope to break their hearts

The Cowboys can't go out in a normal way. They can't lose and not make the playoffs by just being bad. They have to do it in a heartbreaking way. So we have not heard the last of the Cowboys this season.

Kyle Shanahan's offensive installs are outrageous

Every install meeting that [Shanahan] does is absolutely outrageous... he explains it so fast. He'll go through 60 plays in about 15 minutes and then you guys got all that, and we're out on the field practicing.

Chinese food lacks cheese because of lactose sensitivity in Asia

I actually know the answer to this. Because Asian people, by and large, are more sensitive to lactose. So when they first opened up ice cream shops and stuff like that over in China, most people got sick and went out of business.

The Rams will have 'super strength' by training at high altitude before returning to sea level

The LA Rams went to Colorado Springs to practice in altitude all week... Will they have super strength by going back down to sea level? Okay, so yes. I was going to say, if there's any other answer, then yes, you're wrong.

Les Miles will be the next head coach of the Kansas Jayhawks

As first reported on Pardon My Take, stolen from message boards online. Les Miles will be the next head coach of the Kansas Jayhawks.

The holiday season officially starts right now (November 14th)

My cool throne is actually for everyone who wants to get drunk all the time, because I think we can officially say it's holiday season. Starting right now.

Ben Mason is the clear number one fullback in college football

Mason's my clear number one. No, Mason, to me, is clearly the best fullback in college right now. He just destroys dudes.

Baker Mayfield is having the best year of all the rookie quarterbacks

I'm going to give it to my guy, Baker Mayfield. I just feel like, given how bad that offensive line is, the way that he stood in there and taken some of these hits and made plays... the performances that he's put up with all the turmoil inside the organization have been kind of crazy.

Josh Rosen has been the most disappointing rookie quarterback

The one that really disappoints, I think, it's probably Josh Rosen. Any one of these guys, given no-skill position players around them, some uninspired play calling could look as bad as Josh Rosen looks right now.

The Steelers are officially a factor again

I'm ready to declare the Steelers are back. No, they're a factor. That's what I'm going to call them. They're going to be a factor. They could make some noise.

Bad things happen when Notre Dame wears green uniforms

When Notre Dame wears their green uniforms, bad things happen. 2007, they lost 38-0 to USC. 2006, you might remember, it was something a little called the Bush Push... 2002, they lost to Boston College as 10-point favorites... When they wear the green uniforms, bad things happen.

Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak is likely the most unbreakable record in sports

I agree. My longest hitting streak was 16 games. And so to think somebody could go 56 games without going 0 for 4 is amazing to me. And I think the pressure of the consecutive games hitting streak... because of the media coverage and the scrutiny, that creates more pressure. And so I think that's almost unattainable.

Mike Tomlin's quotes make no sense despite sounding smart

We've never been more right than we were with our Mike Tomlin take on Monday, basically saying every quote from him is just – makes no sense. But it makes enough sense that you walk away being like, oh, that was smart... You take three steps and you start writing it up, and then you're like, wait a second. These words have never been put together.

The loss to the Saints was a statement loss for the Rams that showed championship resolve

I think that was a statement loss for the Rams. Okay. Because they basically had everything go wrong in the first half... And the way they came out in the second half, even though they didn't win the game, that was championship resolve.

The Eagles will eventually shake off their Super Bowl hangover and wake up

I just think the Eagles are going to come on because that's just, they feel get over their Super Bowl hangover. They're going to get over it. They're going to finally wake up.

The Dodgers' bullpen would be their undoing

I said that the Dodgers' bullpen was going to be their undoing. From the start. I also said Red Sox in five. So not to brag, but I called it.

Hugh Jackson is statistically the worst coach in NFL history

Out of 219 coaches with a minimum of 40 games coached, Hugh Jackson ranks 218th all-time in winning percentage. The only one who is worse, former Eagles head coach Burt Bell. He's last, but he couldn't be fired because he was also the owner. That's how bad Hugh Jackson is as a coach.

The Bears will be in first place in the NFC North (for now)

The Bears are back. They're number one. NFC North. Just saying. I don't know if we'll hold on to it for very long, but you have to enjoy the small steps, okay?

I'm withholding all judgment on Josh Rosen for his rookie year

I'm officially saying this whole year, too early to judge. I learned my lesson from Jared Goff. I like that. What about Sam Darnold? Too early to judge.

The lottery would make significantly more money if they had a one-click app

Can you imagine how much money the lottery would make if they somehow just made an app that you can, with one click, buy lottery tickets? Yes, it would be insane. It would be ridiculous. I would buy so many lottery tickets.

The Eagles are suffering a quintessential Super Bowl hangover

No, they are a quintessential Super Bowl hangover. Because every game, they're up 17-0. They're like, oh, we got this... but it's these games that they think they've won and they just lose them.

The Saints are the second best team in the NFC

[The Saints] are just five and one now and look like the second best team in the NFC behind the Rams.

Boban Marjanovic is not of this world

My who's back is Boban... His clips of him playing are, I mean, I remember people talking about him last year, but this year it's like surreal. He's not of this world. It's like he's playing on a seven-foot hoop.

Philip Rivers is the most underrated quarterback of our time

Phil Rivers is probably the most underrated quarterback of our time. He's for sure a Hall of Famer.

The Bears are officially good if they can beat the Patriots

If the Bears can beat the Patriots, then they're officially good. It's going to be a big test.

The Bucks will win over 48.5 games and win the Central Division

I have the Bucks over 48 and a half. I think the Bucks are going to be very good. I think they'll win the Central. I think Giannis is going to – do you see he shoots threes now?

The Jets might actually be good

The Jets might be good. 3-3. Todd Bowles, turn that squad around. Turn it around. Top 10. That's what he does. He's getting up there.

The Giants must move on from Eli Manning if they get the number one pick

After the year, look, if they finish with the worst record in football and they get the first overall pick in the draft, then you have to move on... At some point you just have to write it off and move on, right?

The Eagles season is officially saved after beating the Giants

Eagles season is saved. Carson Wentz, there was no QB controversy. But Carson Wentz, Eagles season saved. They're now 3-3, which is essentially like a 10-game lead in the NFC East.

Von Miller is so fast that you have to make a 'business decision' to avoid him

Newton's first law is when Von Miller is diving at you, make a business decision. I actually fully buy in on the Al Davis, let's just get all the fastest guys... speed kills.

The Red Sox will beat the Astros in 7 games in the ALCS

Hank, are you worried at all about the Red Sox against the Astros? The Astros are a wagon. [Hank:] I think it's going to go seven games where the Red Sox are going to win.

The 2018 World Series will be a Dodgers vs. Astros rematch

I think it's going to be a repeat. Dodgers, Stros. I think the Dodgers are going to – Rich Hill is going to do something. But playoff Kershaw.

The Rose Bowl is the greatest venue in all of sports

The Rose Bowl is the greatest stadium to watch a football game of all time. It is the greatest venue in all of sports.

Showtime Mahomes is a great nickname and it has to stay

[Patrick Mahomes] is Showtime Mahomes. Jason Witten gave him that name, and I think it's got to stay. It's such a bad nickname.

The Patriots are officially back

The Patriots look pretty good, I guess... The Patriots are kind of back, I think. This is their annual thing where they make us think that they're done with the dynasty.

The Jaguars are the ultimate up-and-down team that mails it in after big wins

The Jaguars are the ultimate up-and-down team. Every single week. If they have a big win, they will completely mail in the next week. And then off that, I think Doug Marrone just has them on a yo-yo.

The Red Sox middle relief is their biggest postseason concern

I'm a little concerned, to be honest with you, about the middle reliever. You know, I think we need to approach the opposition better when it comes down to it... once Sale got out of the game in the 6 or 7, those inning and a half, I want to make sure that we are covered.

The Rams are officially the team to beat in the NFL

I feel so proud of our friend Jared Goff, and the Rams are officially the team to beat. Circle them, put them on the pedestal. They are a fucking juggernaut.

I would like to pitch one more year in Major League Baseball

If we make it to next year, I'd like to get one more year in.

Animal crackers are cookies, not crackers

I think they're cookies. They're sweet. They're not savory, they're sweet... they're the worst cookie but the best cracker.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is the most classic NFL player because you can see his magic disappearing in real-time

I love Ryan Fitzpatrick. If you don't love Ryan Fitzpatrick, you got a big old dump in your pants because he is so classic and you can tell the minute Ryan Fitzpatrick is losing his magic. It is so fun to watch the downfall. It's great to watch the rise. He will get to the highest of highs, and then he will get to the lowest of lows.

Brad Stevens is the best X's and O's coach I have ever seen

From an X's and O's standpoint, he's one of the best, if not the best I've ever seen. It's like when you watch... the Celtics games, or if you have watched old Butler games, like after timeout plays, we're getting the bucket every time.

Alabama's maroon home uniforms look slow and boring

I've always thought that the Alabama maroon uniforms look kind of slow... Whenever they put on the maroons at home... They just look a little slow. They're a little dull. Just everything about Alabama is a little bit boring. It's a factory. It's industrial.

Route running is the most important skill for a wide receiver

I would say that route running is supreme over every other characteristic of being a receiver. Forget the speed. Forget the height. Forget the vertical. If you're a route runner, you can be so deceptive with everything.

Patriots September losses never matter

The Patriots always lose these games in September. It never matters. I got another stat from this from Tim Whelan on Twitter. So the last three years in which the Patriots reached the Super Bowl, they lost by double digits within the first four weeks.

The Jets are overvalued after their Week 1 performance

Is this a major Ravens against the Bills situation where they're [the Jets] overvalued now? Correct. Well, guess what? I'm an idiot, and so actually all of my picks, I'm looking at them all right now, they're all basic picks.

Ohio State will kill TCU on Saturday night

Let's just say I think Ohio State's going to kill TCU on Saturday night.

The Eagles will win the NFC and go from there

Give me an official prediction real quick for your record this year... As an eagle. I think we're going to win our conference and go from there.