Takes

The Packers are a finesse team not built for the cold

I don't think that this Packers team is built for the cold. I think that the, I think they're built for a finesse. You know, they're built for global warming... I don't know if they're built for the call. I think that the, the Cowboys team that we're seeing right now, that team travels better than the cold than the Packers do.

Jalen Hurts is not a long-term solution at quarterback for the Eagles

[Jalen Hurts] is gonna make some really good plays with his legs... and he shows he's shown us that he does that consistently. But I mean, I just don't think that's like a long lasting plan.

The Bears should fire everyone from the front office to the owner and replace them with a real football president

The bears are just a dumpster fire. It's top down... The fact that George McCaskey has Ted Phillips and accountant making football decisions... they need to strip it down. Not only front office, not only coach, but like ownership, like all of it.

The Washington Football Team will beat the Eagles 13-9 with Garrett Gilbert at quarterback

I feel like it's shock the world time. Oh see, you're predicting a win. I'm thinking 13, 9, 13, 9 tonight the Washington football team over the Philadelphia Eagles.

I'm officially nervous about my pinky bet because the Colts are for real

I'm officially nervous about my pinky. If you don't remember, the Colts are my pinky team. I am officially nervous about the tip of my pinky. I spent Saturday night looking at the nail on my left pinky being like, this might be gone. It might just be a nub. But yeah, the Colts... it felt like the biggest win the Colts have had in a very long time.

The Cardinals are frauds

I've been thinking about them [the Cardinals] all year. I've been thinking about putting the F-word on him. I know I thought about putting the S word on the soft word. They are frauds. The Cardinals are, are definitely fraudulent.

The Jets are going to be sick next year

This team's [the Jets] going to be sick. Next year we have draft picks and it just all starts shaping up. Progress is honestly better than a win, you know, just for the future and looking forward. I think Zach's got enough mistakes in the season. I think he's learned a lot and now it's starting to pay off.

The NFL intentionally screws over non-winning fanbases like the Browns and Lions

The Browns and the lions or the say, well, I guess you could throw in the saints and the Patriots too, for other reasons. But the Browns Alliance non-winning fan bases. They get screwed by the NFL. Feels like an inordinate amount of time. It feels like the NFL essentially says, oh, well, it's the Browns who cares? Like they, like, what is a bunch of people from Cleveland going to complain?

Urban Meyer will be back on Big Noon Kickoff within a year and win another college title in three years

Everyone should be ready for this urban Meyer sliding back into that desk on the Fox, big noon kickoff. I don't even know, might even be as early as this year if they have a bowl game. Pre-show but that will happen. And in like three years, he'll be linked to some big time job. Probably go take it, win a national title, and this will all be like, oh, remember when urban Meyer coach the Jaguars for 15 games.

Refs shouldn't call pass interference on fade routes

You shouldn't even get pass interference calls on fades because it's such a dumb play call.

U.S. politicians should settle disputes in MMA matches

Two politicians down in Brazil... had a three round MMA fight, which was sick... I really wish I kinda wish that would happen more in the United States and other places.

I could have been the Chiefs' quarterback until Patrick Mahomes took over

If I had fallen past Detroit, then [the Chiefs] were going to take me... I could have been Chief until Patrick Mahomes took over.

Chase Claypool shouldn't be blamed for the Steelers' loss because a Viking knocked the ball out of his hand

Billy thinks that it wasn't [Chase Claypool's] fault that they lost the game. Billy thinks that it should have been a penalty penalty. They never caused the Vikings for knocking the ball out of his hand. [Billy]: he could have done that little celebration. Then the ref would God there... it also should have been a penalty.

Urban Meyer will leave the Jaguars due to a medically dubious reason

I think he'll probably, well, this is like fake, maybe a health issue... He's going to get [COVID] hanging out in those college bars. [PFT]: I don't think that he [quits]. He doesn't quit jobs. He just, he has medically dubious reasons for leaving them.

No team in the AFC other than the Chiefs can beat the Patriots in the playoffs

Mack Jones is a rookie, so it wouldn't blow my mind if the chiefs beat the Patriots in the playoffs. But I don't think any other team is.

Ben Roethlisberger has at least three more seasons left in him

I don't think that this Big Ben that we saw in the second half is even a year away from... Nope. That was fake news. Big Ben's got minimum three more seasons left.

Lamar Jackson is a limited passer who stinks at throwing short passes

I will say it with my chest. When I criticize his throwing short passes, he does stink at throwing short passes.

Justin Fields will have a magical performance against the Packers at Lambeau

Wouldn't it be nice. If a little passing on the torch, Justin Fields went up to Lambeau his first trip to Lambeau, beat the Packers... I definitely deep down, I won't let myself say it in a serious tone because I don't want to be mocked afterwards, but deep down I'm thinking like this could be magical.

NFTs are becoming more valuable than diamonds

Turns out there's a bunch of new diamonds that are fake, but no one can tell the difference... De Beers is totally panicking because now diamonds have no value. So Hot Seat: Diamond... NFTs are kind of more valuable than diamonds, I think about it.

NFL games should be played in domes to ensure the best version of teams win championships

I want to see the best version of the Bills against the best version of the Patriots. And I want the best team to win, not the best team in those conditions... I just, I don't want that stuff to dictate who wins these games and who ultimately, you know, creates history and wins championships. I don't want that to be the case... I'd rather play in a dome in every, every game that I play than anywhere else.

Super Bowl Prediction: Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. New England Patriots

Let me go with Tampa Bay in New England. I just think it would be an unbelievable way to finish the season. And Tom got his last year and Bill has his chance with a young quarterback... I think it's possible, you know, and with the way both teams are playing, I think it's definitely possible.

I will knock out Jeff Nadu in the second round with a body shot

Game plan is to come out and put the pressure on right away and back him up and have him on the defense, the whole fight and run around the ring and cut off the corners... and just bodywork. And once he drops those hands, it's lights out... Second round knockout, second round knockout, a body shot.

Doing spreadsheets so fast that you sweat counts as blue collar work

I don't care if you're just like a little bit out of shape, you're doing spreadsheets. You're doing them really fast. I agree if you're so fast on the computer that it makes you sweat. That's blue collar for sure. A hundred percent.

Matt Ryan would be a perfect fit for the Eagles next year

Matt Ryan next year, going home to Philadelphia. Kind of perfect... They have a good offensive line, they have some weapons... he's clearly not dead, he's not done, but the Falcons are not in a place where he should be their quarterback next year. So where like similar to Phil Rivers, similar to the end of the career of Brett Favre... Matt Ryan would be such a good fit in Philadelphia.

Cincinnati can give Alabama a good game in the playoffs because of their secondary

I'm actually already going to do it again because I actually think Cincinnati could give Alabama a good game because their secondary is that fucking good. And they have a quarterback that is like, just doesn't let anyone catch anything.

The Lions will beat the Vikings moneyline this week

I want the Lions to win, but I'm not... I would not touch them with actual money. Nope... I'll take them Moneyline.

Chargers vs. Bengals will end in a tie

You know what this guy makes me think of right here? This game absolutely makes me think. Tie. Yeah. I predict a tie... My numbers are telling me this is going to be a tie this week.

I will get a Warzone win before the new season or I'll get duct-taped to a wall

A month and a half ago I was playing War Zone... I was like I'll get a win before the new season comes out, which is next Monday or Tuesday... if I don't you'll get duct tape to wall. I was like absolutely. There's no doubt in my mind I'll get that win. No problem at all.

Russell Wilson is no longer a top five NFL quarterback

It's just very bizarre to me that like Russell Wilson, he's not a top five quarterback right now. ... If you're talking about like the guys that are difference makers weekend and week out, he's not that. He hasn't been that for a little bit right now.

Will Anderson is the best player in the country and should win the Heisman

If a player isn't the best player in his own county, he cannot possibly be the best player in the country. So Bryce Young, not the best player in Tuscaloosa county, that person's name is Will Anderson. Will Anderson has 30 and a half tackles for loss. He has saved the Alabama defense this season. He's the best player in the country. It's not close.

Sean McVay does not adjust as well as other teams do in the second half of the season

There's some interesting stats on like McVay teams after week nine, just like completely taking a nosedive. I guess the prevailing theory is that like he's awesome in the off season and figuring out what to do for the upcoming season. ... And he doesn't adjust as much as teams adjust to him.

Justin Tucker would be a first-round draft pick today

If Justin Tucker was in the draft tomorrow, he has to be first rounder. And I know that sounds crazy. Someone has to, some stat nerd has to do like a deep dive on just the amount of points that the Ravens get in terms of edge wise. The fact that they're the minute they get past the 50 yard line, it's like, alright. As long as we don't turn the ball over, it's an automatic three points.

Rob Gronkowski is the most important player on the Buccaneers' offense

I think this puts to rest the conversation of who's the most important player on that Bucs offense. I think it's Gronk. Because they can do this without AB. They still looked not great in that first half.

The Chargers are not actually a good team despite the hype

Every time I watch [the Chargers], I'm like, they're not really that good. Their offensive line has major issues. And Justin Herbert, who I like, has like big time bonehead plays. they've been bad for a month and a half. and I turn on the TV on Monday, it's like 'the chargers watch out for the chargers'. it feels like every time you turn on a chargers game, they're down a score and Justin Herbert's running for his life.

Cincinnati will be left out of the CFP if Oklahoma State wins out and Alabama beats Georgia

I still do not think that's going to happen, if a Power 5 one-loss team gets jumped by Cincinnati... I think if Oklahoma State wins out and Ohio State wins out and Bama beats Georgia, Cincinnati will be fucked.

Texas fans regret firing Mack Brown for the first time in years

If you're Texas, you regret for the first time in probably like eight years firing Mack Brown. You wish that Mack Brown had stuck around.

Tim Boyle should not be in the NFL

What the fuck is Tim Boyle? Why is Tim Boyle in the NFL? ... He wasn't even good at UConn. He actually sucked at UConn. And then he transferred to Eastern Kentucky and had a breakout season his senior year where he threw for 11 touchdowns and 13 interceptions. After sucking at UConn, he sucked at Eastern Kentucky, and now we've just agreed that he's going to be an NFL quarterback?

LeBron James got off easy with a one-game suspension for punching Isaiah Stewart

LeBron James basically owns the NFL [sic], which we already knew, but the fact that he got suspended one game for assault is fucking ridiculous... He looked him dead in the eye and then punched him in the face. Like if you watched the replay, he knew exactly what he was doing.

I am done with the Seahawks; they are a miserable team of has-beens and losers

I think that the Seahawks are just a miserable football team filled with has-beens and losers. ... I hate watching the Seahawks on television. It's probably way worse in person.

The Buffalo Bills are fraudulent right now

The bills have a issue, a fundamental issue that I'm worried about for bills fans. I'm trying very, very hard not to say the F word, but they seem fraudulent right now because they got, we talked about tough teams and man football teams. The culture that the bills are not right now.

Trevor Lawrence has 'bust smells' coming from him

This is just, it's becoming a situation where it's impossible to evaluate them. I'm going to need at least three years of tape on Trevor Lawrence before I make a definitive declaration. But he's, there's some bus smells coming from him.

The Rams are a soft football team

My other side of the coin, I will make you say it, but I'll say it, the Rams are soft. The Rams are soft football team right now. And part of it, I think has to do with bringing a bunch of guys in. That's always gotta be hard, right? When you add guys mid season.

I'm betting on Lamar Jackson because he plays better with diarrhea

Another important thing to note is that Lamar Jackson has been out two days this week with diarrhea. Again, he's the most diarrhea quarterback in the NFL and he always plays great. He plays lighter when he's at diarrhea. So this is a big time intestinal bug issue for the Ravens and for Lamar Jackson. So I'm going to bet on Lamar Jackson.

The new Pardon My Take NFTs are unstealable and cannot be copied

But you yourself can own one of these NFTs, the auction starting soon and they can't be copied. These ones can not be copied. I went, it's going to take a little longer stress testing. These ones are going to be rock solid NFTs. These are unstealable. Don't even try it. Folks cannot steal the high security.

Notre Dame will sneak into the playoff over Cincinnati

Notre Dame [is] sneaky and over Cincinnati, which I would be the most wrong thing of all time, but also would be the funniest thing of all time.

LeBron James is an absolute fraud for how he handled the Alex Caruso departure

Last night was a perfect encapsulation of how LeBron is just an absolute fraud. The story came out that the Lakers basically asked Caruso to take less money... LeBron is the GM. Everyone knows this... then it's all over him hugging them on social media like 'love you bro'.

The Packers are a lock to win the Super Bowl

The Packers are locked to win the Super Bowl. I win all my locks... I'm going to know better than one to know game of the year. It's a lock.

Falling asleep after masturbating in a hotel room is the best feeling ever

Falling asleep after jacking off in a hotel room is maybe the best feeling ever... Most middle-aged men would look at that as the best vacation.

Washington has a clear roadmap to the playoffs

I actually think that they've got a good chance to make the playoffs. I have a roadmap for the playoffs. Here's the roadmap... They beat the Panthers next week and then they win all their NFC East games, not including the Cowboys games... I think the football team could make the playoffs at that point.

Antonio Brown is the most important player on the Buccaneers

I think officially we have to say it's Antonio Brown... The Bucs are five and O with Antonio Brown and they're one and three without him. He is the difference maker for Tom Brady and how he wants to run an offense and the security blanket and the guy he trusts the most.