Takes

The San Francisco 49ers might not actually draft a quarterback with the #3 overall pick

San Francisco is... everything they've done has been very secretive. It's all sort of come out of – it's been a surprise. And now I don't know if they're really going to take him with the third pick... I don't know if they're going to draft a quarterback.

Kyle Shanahan is a quarterback killer

He might be a quarterback killer. If you go back and you look at the quarterbacks that have played under Kyle Shanahan, they put up good stats occasionally, but then after he leaves, it all goes to shit. He's had Johnny Manziel, RG3, that's Rex Grossman III, also the other RG3, John Beck, Matt Schaub, Matt Ryan, who never won another MVP after Kyle Shanahan, and then Jimmy Garoppolo.

This summer will be the 'Summer of Fake Butts'

I have a theory. This is going to be the summer of fake butts. The Roaring Twenties. My theory is that a lot of people got elective cosmetic surgery during this year that the world hit pause. And this summer, you're going to see a lot of fake asses that come out of nowhere.

Aaron Rodgers will go to the Broncos

I think [Aaron Rodgers] is going to go to Denver, and it's got to be an awesome life to be a Broncos fan. Because it's like, yeah, you get a couple seasons that are mixed in here and there, but then you just get good quarterbacks that just want to come to you. And Aaron Rodgers sounds like he wants to go there.

Tim Tebow is only returning to the NFL for attention

He is such a fucking attention whore, annoying piece of shit... He's 33 years old, by the way... I wouldn't be surprised if Tim Tebow just became an astronaut after this year.

I would not trade Bill Belichick for Aaron Rodgers

I said no. [Hard no]. Belichick's got a longer lifespan. He's pretty old. And he's a better proven winner.

Essential Quality will NOT win the 2021 Kentucky Derby

I can't tell you who I'm going to pick, but it's not Essential Quality.

Justin Fields is the best football player in the draft but only the fifth best quarterback

A take that I'm kind of squatting on, because I haven't heard anybody say it. I don't actually believe this. But it'd be cool to hear somebody say, and I feel like it might be coming, just saying that Justin Fields is the best football player in this draft, but he's the fifth best quarterback.

Mac Jones will be a bust because he is crying in his DUI mugshot

I like my quarterbacks when they get a mug shot to not have a little cry in their eyes. Oh, he's sad in it? Yeah, look it up. He's got a tiny bit of cry in his eyes. So I'm saying bust just on that. Just based on that.

Devonta Smith will not be a top 10 pick in the NFL Draft

I had the take during the national championship... I think Devonta Smith is going to be awesome, but I cannot see a team spending a top 10 pick on a 175 pound wide receiver... drafting traits over production... Devontae Smith just does not have the frame.

The Bears will draft Kyle Trask and he will be a bust

I'm calling it right now. They're going to draft Kyle Trask, and then he's going to stink, and [Big Cat's] life will be made a living hell by a quarterback who sucks that looks exactly like Billy Football.

Jake Paul 'owns' Dana White by exposing UFC fighter pay disparity

The reason why I say Jake Paul kind of owns Dana White a little bit, he got Dana White to talk about him in the post-fight press conference... he points out that he has made more money than every other UFC fighter before him. Except for Khabib and McGregor... basically he is like, Dana, why don't you pay your guys so they don't have to come fight me and make their big payday?

Kyle Shanahan wants to draft Mac Jones while the Niners personnel staff prefers Trey Lance

What I'm told is, and from people that I really trust in the league, is that the personnel department would like to take Trey Lance from North Dakota State. But Kyle Shanahan, the head coach, wants to take Mac Jones.

Long-haired quarterbacks do not win Super Bowls

Are you concerned that his [Trevor Lawrence's] hair is too long because long-haired quarterbacks don't win Super Bowls? ... It's basically, I think Kenny Stabler is the only one. And he was a little shaggy. I wouldn't call it long hair.

The NFL stashed the news about Justin Fields' epilepsy to drop during a slow news week.

If the draft wasn't pushed back this far, we might never have found out about it... They're like, hey, the week before, let's drop the epilepsy story. We're going to stash that one away because people are going to be starved for some news.

Mark Davis will eventually have to sell the Raiders because he won't be able to afford the inheritance tax.

And then when Mark gets the team, he's not going to have the money to pay the inheritance tax on it. Correct. And so he'll have to sell that team.

Patrick Mahomes' diving incompletion in Super Bowl LV is the best throw ever made on a football field.

Patrick Mahomes touchdown throw that didn't count. Yeah, the best throw I've ever seen on a football field.

I went 27 years and no one ever told me how to pronounce pint

I went 27 years and no one ever told me how to pronounce what you put a thing of ice cream in or a liter of beer.

Hank's greatest hits: Thailand, Ob-jen, Pint, Post Mostly, Super Relatives

What are Hank's greatest hits? There's Thailand. There's Ob-jen. Pint. Post Mostly. Super Relatives.

The European Super League would actually have been sweet because of the high-level matchups.

The Super League kind of would have been sweet. ... Imagine if there was just a Wednesday, like every Wednesday afternoon, just the best teams in the world playing each other. ... would you watch because it's going to be sweet. They'd be like, yeah, I'd watch. ... It would have been fucking sweet.

The European Super League was a trial balloon that will eventually lead to it actually happening.

It's going to happen. The Super League's going to happen. This was a trial balloon that they sent out there.

America deserves all the credit for killing the European Super League

In order to kill something so evil as the Super League, you have to create it. So shouldn't Americans get credit for creating something that the world can get behind and [kill]? We did this. We created and killed it, so we deserve all the credit. Specifically this show and generally America.

Criticizing the cartoon 'Bluey' for a lack of human diversity is stupid

Kids cartoon Bluey criticized for not having disabled, queer, poor, gender diverse or dogs of color. It's dogs. It's a show about cartoon dogs... none of us were [represented] because we're not dogs. It's a show about dogs. Cartoon fake dogs.

I could break the underwater bench press record

The underwater bench press record was broken... repped it out 77 times, beating the previous record of 62 times. Only 110 pounds... it's more of just a holding your breath thing. So I'm kind of, you know, in the back of my head, I'm like, I could do that. I could break that record.

Zion Williamson will eventually become a New York Knick

Big time shout out to Zion for just knowing exactly what he was doing... he goes, thank you for asking me that question. Then went on for about a minute and a half talking about how New York City is his favorite place in the world to play basketball... I think, I mean, he's got to become a Knick now, right?

Anyone who announces they are retiring from Twitter is an asshole who will eventually return

Here's just a simple rule in life. If you announce that you are retiring from Twitter, you're probably a fucking asshole who will be back on Twitter in due time. That was Chrissy's biggest thing... we pulled you back in you can't fucking leave we got you we got our claws in you you're a fucking loser like us

LaMarcus Aldridge is not a Hall of Famer

[Speaker 2]: is LaMarcus Aldridge a Hall of Famer? [PFT Commenter]: Nah. Hang on, hang on. Let me just be strong.

J-Lo should buy the New York Mets as an all-time flex on A-Rod

You know what would be an all-time flex if J-Lo went out and she bought the New York Mets? If she invested in it.

Trevor Lawrence does not actually like football

[Trevor Lawrence] actually doesn't like football, which means that he's never fought to keep playing football. And he's going to get to a point in the NFL for the first time in his life where he's never had to play hard to keep playing football.

Julian Edelman isn't actually retiring and will try to come back

I have a lot of faith in his work ethic, and I think he definitely is going to try to rehab it and come back. [Edelman] isn't actually retired.

Samus Reyes is a future Hall of Famer

My Washington football team just signed a collegiate basketball player to play tight end. He's never played football before. His name is Samus Reyes. This is a guy that immediately, in my mind, he's already a Hall of Famer. This guy is going to be the diamond in the rough that turns around the entire field.

Alex Rodriguez is buying the Timberwolves specifically to move them to Seattle

It's definitely a move, though, for A-Rod. He is buying that team to move it. To Seattle.

Winning the Masters will eventually be worth over $1 billion to Hideki Matsuyama

Andy North kept saying to me, you cannot comprehend the amount of pressure that's on this young man's shoulders... He's like, this is worth a billion dollars to him... This guy's 29 years old. He's got to have, you know, give him 40 years of being able to be, I'm the Masters champion in Japan. He's like, you could be a nine figure a year guy... David Duval... told me this morning, he goes, look, that's not, that's not crazy at all. He said, it might be conservative.

Maryland basketball's success is cheap because it's built on transfer portal 'mercenaries'

Do you think that your success next year, which I'm sure you guys will have tons of success at Maryland, is cheapened by the fact that it's all transfers? ... Classy and honorable to talk to a kid when he's 12 years old and keep talking to him until he goes to your college, and then you win with him as opposed to getting just a mercenary from another school.

Bryson DeChambeau looks fat when he is playing poorly

When you're bigger and you're doing well, you're strong. And when you're doing poorly, you're fat. And he looks fat today. Not to body shame, but there's something about the plus four next to his name that the strength now becomes a little pudgy.

Every team Kevin Durant joins becomes 'whack'

Every team KD goes to, he makes them whack, you know? I love the Warriors. The Warriors were cool. They had their thing going. And then KD showed up to the party and was like, wait, guys, include me. And then I hated the Warriors. And then, you know, he went to the Nets. And now they're like, you know... If they don't win the championship, they're so whack.

LeBron James never would have won the 2020 title if fans were in the stands

LeBron. Because he never would have won a title if there were fans. Seriously.

Miley Cyrus is the greatest entertainer of all time

I went to the one [concert] where she did the tour, and she had a bunch of... It was almost like a mini circus that she brought out onto the... She's the greatest entertainer of all time. It was awesome.

If a play is cool enough, it should not be a penalty or a foul

If it took place in a basketball game or in a football game, if it's cool enough, it should not be a penalty or a foul. Correct. Secondly, I also think that if you are the type of person that's going to well actually a great play like that, you should have a great play taken away from you as well.

Kyle Pitts should be the number one overall pick in the NFL Draft

I think Kyle Pitts should get drafted, number one. He runs like a deer. He is a chess piece mismatch. And then he keeps opposing defensive coordinators up at night. Those are the three things that he does.

The tight end is the new quarterback in the NFL

I think if you look at teams that won Super Bowls recently, you can go through the list. They all have dominant tight ends. Is the tight end the new quarterback? They're game changers because tight ends are the best.

Roy Williams has been a better coach than Coach K since he joined the ACC

I actually do feel like my take about [Roy Williams] being a better coach than Coach K has been vindicated at this point. Since he's been at North Carolina, North Carolina has five Final Four appearances. Duke's only had three. They've won the ACC in the regular season nine times to Coach K's three since he's been there. I think in terms of the ACC, it actually is cut and dry that Roy Williams has been a better coach since he's gotten to the ACC.

North Carolina should not hire Brad Stevens

America wants it to be Carolina and I want to come on your show nationally and say: We don't want Brad Stevens. Why do I want a floundering NBA coach to be my coach? I'm trying to win championships. Send him to Duke. He's a private school coach. Send him to Duke.

Indiana basketball fans are exactly like Nebraska football fans

Indiana fans, they're much like Nebraska football fans where they think the glory days are right around the corner from coming back, and that is torture. That is true torture.

Baylor is going to absolutely crush Houston in the Final Four

So I think that Baylor is going to shit pump Houston. Well, so Houston deserves credit. I'm going to do it. I bashed them... They can't shoot.

The Oakland Athletics can go deeper in the playoffs this season than they did last year

There's no reason that the Oakland A's, there's no reason that the Oakland A's can't make a run deeper into the postseason than they did last year... Matt Olsen very well could lead the league in home runs. Baseball. Fuck the league. Baseball. He very well could lead baseball in home runs.

Oregon State is the greatest team of all time

Oregon State, Loyola Chicago. Oregon State is just the greatest team of all time. And I'm going to say that about pretty much every team, just be warned that I don't have a lot in my repertoire right now, but they are the greatest team as of right now.

Rajon Rondo was the main reason the Lakers won the 2020 NBA title

Rondo really was the reason why they won the title. [Rondo] the LeBron stopper. People forget, Rondo really was the reason why they won the title.

Rondale Moore is a Super Bowl-winning weapon if used in space

If you draft Rondale Moore, get him in space, Super Bowl. We're trying to get more touches with Rondale Moore. That's all it takes.

Steph Curry and the Warriors will win the NBA title this year

I think Steph Curry on the West will take it... [Big Cat: No way, are they going to even make the playoffs?] Steph Curry definitely not going to win. LeBron going to take it. My underdogs is Steph Curry.