Takes

A sniper's most likely hiding spots are a clock tower or a warehouse

That feels like the, the two most likely places for people in Texas to hide if they're a sniper.

It is worth $40,000 to watch the Patriots lose a Super Bowl

$40,000 is a lot of money. It is, no matter how you slice it, it's worth it for the Patriots to lose. I, if you, if you would tell me that I would have to pay $40,000 for every Patriot Super Bowl loss, I'd say that's a hell of a deal. I'd shake your hand.

The Knicks' usage of Karl-Anthony Towns is becoming a real issue

The Knicks, as much fun as they are... the imperfections with them. The cat [KAT] stuff here... He's now sixth in minutes in the fourth quarter for the Knicks... since January 1st. So you're seeing his minutes decline... Mitchell Robinson's so good... I wonder if [Thibodeau] like bails on Kat in specific matchups? 'Cause he's already starting to do it in the regular season.

Duke cannot just lose a basketball game; they always have to make it about a larger issue like player safety.

I just love when Duke loses. They can't just lose, they have to make it about something... It has to be something bigger than just basketball. It has to be, you know, teaching kids to become men or unsportsmanlike or this or that or the other. Just lose the fucking game. You lost the game, you choked.

The Wizards fleeced the Mavericks in the Anthony Davis trade

I think that this is a great trade for the Wizards. I do. I think this was an absolute fleecing of the Dallas Mavericks... The two first round picks aren't really two first round picks. We didn't give up two first round picks. We gave out one that's protected that we're gonna keep. And then there's another one that could end up being like the 30th pick.

The 49ers would have beaten the Seahawks if they were healthy

At the end of the day, man, you need your horses when you're going up against the guys who have their best players. To not have me and Bosa on defense... the times that we have been healthy, man, we've been in that game down the street [Super Bowl] and have had a chance to win them.

Matthew Dellavedova stinks and has zero athleticism

I have a ton of respect for Deli. 'cause he's so, so hard-nosed, but like both things can be true. Like I can have a ton of respect for him and he stink... The man was like guarding the hell outta Steph Curry... He has zero athleticism.

Bill Belichick is an obvious Hall of Famer and the voters look foolish for his snub

They look pretty foolish... I had my speech half written for Bill. Not that I'm sitting there writing it in January... 11 people [voting against him] is a lot. It's a lot of people. I understand. Willie Mays wasn't unanimous... but duh. He's in... Oh God yes. [He should be in the Hall].

Hank dismisses Drake May's shoulder injury and calls Twitter doctors 'fake doctors'

He missed a couple throws. He'll be fine. He's a young buck. All the fake doctors on Twitter are making stuff up, but I'm not concerned about his shoulder. They act like they're in the know. They're just watching the same football that we are.

The Todd Monken hire feels pre-botched for the Browns - Ravens fans think it's a home run for the Browns as a Ravens fan

It feels maybe pre-botched, and I don't mean to disparage Todd Monken, but if you ask any Ravens fan what they think about this hire, they think it's an absolute home run for the Browns. As a Ravens fan.

The Hall of Fame is a joke for not making Bill Belichick a first-ballot inductee

The Hall of Fame looks really stupid being like, yeah, Bill Belichick's not a first-ballot Hall of Famer. It's like that one guy who voted against Derek Jeter. It was the dumbest thing ever... The Hall of Fame is a complete joke now.

Hiring Mike McCarthy is like shitting your pants and only changing your shirt

Going from Tomlin to McCarthy is like shitting your pants and changing your shirt. [Big Cat]: I don't know if it's right. Because again, Mike McCarthy is a good coach... but I too understand how you would look for somebody that's like a very clear change of direction and this is not that type of hire.

The NFL should implement a 'Loony Rule' requiring teams to conduct one absurd head coach interview

Instead of the Rooney Rule, we need a Loony Rule where every single team has to do one crazy out of the box interview. Have Pinto Ron come in with his ketchup and his mustard... I watch Cortez get interviewed for the head coaching job... you'll get something out of that conversation that will help you going forward.

If you are a soft coach who is scared of Philadelphia fans, you shouldn't coach for the Eagles

There's guys that can coach in Philly and there's guys that can't. I like this soft. If you're not a guy that, that can't coach in Philly, don't come here. ... I don't want a soft coach that is scared of coaching Philadelphia.

The Bills must fire Sean McDermott

I think you have to move on from Sean McDermott. Yeah. I don't know. It's not that he's a bad coach. You can't keep doing the same thing every single year. You can't keep losing in the playoffs every single year this way and expect things to change.

Kyle Tucker came up small and 'sucked' in the playoffs

Kyle Tucker did have the perfect spot in game five against the Brewers and had a perfect pitch to, to, to hit an extra base hitter or a home run. And he fucking did nothing with it. Came up so small... he sucked. He was hurt, but he sucked. No, no. Don't give him, don't give him an out. Yeah, he sucked. He was a pussy about it.

Failure to win a championship is an indictment of the Buffalo Bills organization, not Josh Allen

Josh Allen's ready to go to the Super Bowl. He just needs the help that Patrick got that others in history have gotten... If Josh Allen doesn't [win], that says more about the bills, in my mind, it says more about the bills than it does Josh Allen.

Josh Allen is currently the best playoff quarterback in the AFC

Josh Allen, who is the best. I think he's the best playoff quarterback in the AFC right now. As much as people like to say that Josh Allen is a choke artist because the Bills haven't won a Super Bowl, Josh Allen is awesome in the playoffs. He is incredible. And the losses that he's had, he's been the best quarterback on the field.

Any NFL team without an innovative offensive mind from the McVay/Shanahan tree will be out of the league soon

If you don't have the innovative mind and process and play calling stacking of someone from the tree of Sean Payton, Andy Reid, Sean McVay, or Kyle Shanahan, then get out of the league. ... It's not working. And you look at what's happened in Jacksonville, Liam Cohen... he's the fruit of the tree, right? And he gets it.

Drake May's MVP case is strengthened by his lack of Pro Bowl offensive teammates

Every other MVP in the NFL history has played with another pro bowler. Okay. But he's, so if [Drake May] is able to put up those stats without another pro bowler, that makes his case that much more interesting. Zero Pro Bowl teammates on offense.

If a college coach doesn't show significant improvement by Year 2, the hire was a failure

If your guy's not getting it done by year two, you blew the higher. That's, that's it. In this era, you blew the higher, if your guy's not good by year two... if you've got a coach te begging for patience, that's a coach who knows He's already cooked.

Drake May should win Most Improved Player and maybe MVP

Drake May wins the sophomore quarterback rankings. Drake May is—should we say our as a podcast—Most Improved Player of the year. Slash sophomore of the year.

Michigan officially broke Ryan Day and the Ohio State program

It actually is my, my weird take here is that Michigan did it again. They broke 'em. Ryan Day had spent so much energy to beat Michigan this year, after they beat Michigan, it was over.

Indiana is definitively a better football team than Alabama

My theory going into it was Indiana is better than Alabama in every single facet of this game. In a seven point spread was so disrespectful to the type of team... No, Indiana's turned it... they're just better than Alabama. Like their dudes are better top to bottom.

Tyler Shuck is the hands-down NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year

Could you imagine this guy not winning rookie of the year? No. Oh, he is a rookie that your hands down easily. Hands down.

Saquon Barkley 'fucked' the fantasy team and wasn't clutch

We're never drafting an Eagle ever again. Max. It's over Saquon. Hey Max. Saquon fucked us hard this season. He fucked us real hard. He was our first pick... Championship game. Championship game... He fucked us so hard. Max so hard.

Tyler Shough should win NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year

Tyler Shough today with his wide receiver two and three out, RB one, two, and three out... takes the Saints down the field time and time again... there's just something about Tyler Shough... He should win Rookie of the Year. Shook of the year.

The Bears can beat any team in the NFC in a one-game tournament

I walked away from this game still convinced that... can the Bears play with every single team in the NFC playoffs? I'd say absolutely. Yes. In a one game tournament, they can beat any of these teams. Can they do it three times in a row? I don't know... but there's not one team where I'm like, we have no chance against them.

The Eagles might still stink despite clinching the NFC East

I think this team might still stink. They were losing to the Commanders... we were losing with three minutes to go in the third quarter. I'm not very confident in this team, if we're being completely honest.

Caleb Williams is the clutchest quarterback in the NFL this season

I'm fully in on the Iceman nickname because that's what he is. That's what Caleb Williams is. He's the clutchest quarterback in the NFL this season.

Todd Bowles should resign as Buccaneers head coach

I don't think there's anything he can do from here except maybe resign... Respectfully, maybe get out of town. Go retire, find a beach somewhere. Because you can't just keep delegating the thinking to other people. We need a guy who's down to think.

Ava Hudson is the best volleyball player I've ever seen

Ava Hudson was insane. She might be the best volleyball player I've ever seen before in my life. And that's saying a lot.

Quinn Ewers should start for the Dolphins now that they are eliminated

Why not play Quinn Ewers? ... I am intrigued. I'm questioning whether or not I wanna see Quinn Ewers play. ... You might as well roll the dice though, if you're the Dolphins.

The 'Haters' were right about Jayden Daniels being injury prone

The haters were right. Congratulations. Jayden's shut down for the season. RG4, injury prone, made out of glass. ... Haters were right. Can't say anything to the haters. Focus on next year.

Jalen Hurts is Russell Wilson 2.0 (and that is a good thing)

I said Jalen Hurts is Russell Wilson 2.0... I said Russell Wilson was a very good quarterback. I think Jalen Hurts is a very good quarterback. They, they're not the top three guys in the league, but they're somewhere after that where if their team is good around 'em, they're winning a Super Bowl.

The James Madison vs. Oregon playoff game is not a health and safety issue

Bud Elliot said that it was possibly a health and safety issue... he was like, I'm worried for the health and safety of JMU playing against Oregon... Stop saying it's a health and safety issue. Okay... fuck it, let's go win the game.

James Madison is a better team than Notre Dame

Does that mean that JMU is better than Notre Dame? I have no choice but to say yes. It does mean that because we would be in, Notre Dame would be out.

Texas should not be in the College Football Playoff because they lost to Florida

I have a take and, and people will probably say this is wrong, but it's my take... Texas is out... That Florida lost. I know they have three very good wins... that's not a playoff team.

Texas A&M is a fraudulent team

Texas a and m has the classic look of a fraudulent team... Their first seven SEC games where they started seven and oh, they played teams ranked nine through 16 in the sec. The second they played somebody in the Top half league, Texas stumped them. This looks like a team that feels like a fraud.

Michigan is a poorly coached team and Sherrone Moore is a mistake

They are a poorly coached football team in for 2025... they just, they, they're going to a gunfight with a, with a knife. They just can't do it. And Sherrone Moore is, they're wasting their time with Sherrone Moore as the head coach.

Michigan players saying they were 'protecting the logo' after getting crushed is pathetic

If you're a Michigan fan, you have to be completely embarrassed that that was actually said afterwards... to come a to afterwards be like Yeah, we were making sure that they couldn't do anything with the m we're gonna protect the m... That's so pathetic.

The Eagles run the simplest offense in the world and every team knows what they are going to do

Every team knows what the Eagles are going to run because we just run the simplest offense in the world. How are, is every other person in football recognizing what is going on to this offense except for Kevin Patullo and Nick Sirianni themselves to make a fucking change.

JMU is the number one destination for any up-and-coming head coach

I think that that would cement JMU as being the number one destination for any up and coming coach. Yep. If they want to get paid, which is a good spot to be in.

The Colts are frauds

If you're not a fraud, this is a game you win. [The Colts] are frauds. That was their game to lose and they choked.

Jackson Smith-Njigba is the best wide receiver in the NFL this season

I have been saying Jackson Smith-Njigba has been the best wide receiver this season for a month and it is facts. He's incredible... He's on pace to break an NFL record of 2,029 yards.

Miles Garrett should be the NFL MVP if he breaks the all-time sack record

Miles Garrett should be the MVP if he breaks the all-time sacks record, which it looks like he's on pace to break/smash/shatter... If Miles Garrett does all this on the Browns, that's equivalent to Lawrence Taylor doing it on crack.

Sam Darnold will eventually revert to his old, mistake-prone self because 'you are what you are'

Usually this league you are what you are. You're gonna have moments where you're up here... and moments when you're down here... eventually you're in the middle and that's who you are... [Sam Darnold] looked frazzled [last week] and that can't happen. It just can't happen in the big games... there's a Sam Darnold problem at least in my mind.

NFL teams should be required to win at least four games to receive their first-round draft pick

Dumb rule: teams should have to win four games to get their first pick. So at the end of the season, a Raiders Monday Night Football game has actual consequences where it's like they need to desperately win this game to get their allotted first-round pick.

Pat Fitzgerald is the absolute best fit to be the next head coach at Penn State

Pat Fitzgerald. One blank. Agree. If the Penn State people can get past allegedly what happened at Northwestern... doesn't it make a lot of sense? ... I was ready to go outside and head to the Northeast and just get cold and frozen and play for Pat Fitzgerald.

The best way to surprise a girl with a proposal is to do a fake one at a sports game first

The surprise is already over because you already are planning it. ... The only way he could truly surprise you is doing it at a sports game... center court at a mid-tier college basketball game. ... He does a fake proposal to you at a sports game and then he's like 'piss you off! Just kidding!'