Takes

Caitlin Clark is on the 'can't win the big one' list because she never won a title at Iowa

Caitlin Clark can't win the big one. She has not been able to win the big one. She lost... she literally college cannot win the big one and like, I don't know what else you could say about it.

Not pulling out is a bad idea

Not pulling out. He's saying not pulling out when you were supposed to pull out. [Big Cat: You're against cream pies?] Billy Football, anti-cream pie.

Oxygen is a universally loved thing

Something we all take for granted... Oxygen. Everyone loves oxygen and especially, hey, we've all been carrying stuff around altitude... If you didn't have oxygen, you would die. Do you love breathing? You want to breathe. If I took you out to the water and drowned you... you gotta succeed as much as you want to breathe.

Capitalism is the true villain of the Titanic movie

Billy says capitalism is the villain and Titanic because we're trying to maximize profits instead of safety.

I could take a boa constrictor in a wrestling match

I think I could take a boa constrictor. I don't think a boa constrictor could take down like a fucking well... I just punch it in its brain over and over. I would you kick a boa constrictor up doesn't have to take down a boa constrictor our python an anaconda might get you.

Jesus is the greatest comeback in history

My first one is going to be Jesus... Jesus got crossed up, came back three days later. Pretty impressive. Saved all of humanity. So a little disrespectful on your guys' account, not picking Jesus, number one.

Oatmeal raisin is the number one cookie of all time

Number one of all cookies ever is oatmeal raisin cookies. I love the texture of oatmeal and cookies. I think it adds something to the texture that I like.

The Patriots would be viewed as frauds if not for the coaching collapses of Pete Carroll, Dan Quinn, and Andy Reid

A 30 for 30 about how everybody would look at the New England Patriots as being the biggest chokers of all time if it weren't for the three biggest Super Bowl collapse coaching jobs with Pete Carroll, Dan Quinn, and Andy Reid forgetting how clocks work. If it wasn't for those three, then everybody would say, I think the word we'd be using with the Patriots wouldn't be dynasty. It would be fraud.

Tom Brady showed signs of regression in the 2016 playoffs despite winning the Super Bowl

The playoffs last year weren't great. I know they won the Super Bowl, they came back, but in the fourth quarter of that Falcons game, if you go through it, he threw the ball to defenders. On the Edelman catch, if you look at where that ball arrives and where he threw it, it was straight to the defender... That's just lucky.

I could make the pros in five years as a knuckleball pitcher with seclusion and a personal chef

I said if you put me in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a personal chef and a knuckleball specialist, I could be in the pros within five years. I think with some training, seclusion, and just a lot more training, I could make it to the double A's and then, you know, who knows what happens from there.

Owning a dog and having a child are essentially the same thing

Owning a dog and a kid, same thing. Yeah, for example, sometimes my dog, he sleeps in really, really late, and I have to wake him up to take him outside to use the restroom. ... Stella's taken care of all day [by a walker], just like your baby.

Mike Brady is a beta male for raising kids that aren't his

Mike Brady [is] raising somebody else's kids. He's got to pay for all their education and their trips to Disney World. Those weren't even his kids. He's not a real man. He's a beta male. He's stuck paying for an alpha male's problem.

Bill Russell is better than LeBron James

Hank you actually had speaking of hot takes hank didn't you say bill russell was better than lebron? yeah that's right... I'm not ruling [Russell beating LeBron one-on-one] out by any means.