Takes

The Giants must move on from Eli Manning if they get the number one pick

After the year, look, if they finish with the worst record in football and they get the first overall pick in the draft, then you have to move on... At some point you just have to write it off and move on, right?

The Giants should be treating Saquon Barkley like the centerpiece of their offense

They should be treating Saquon Barkley like the Cowboys treat Elliott, like the Vikings treated Adrian Peterson. The offense goes through this guy instead of him just being a piece in a bigger puzzle because the rest of the puzzle is crap.

David Price's good postseason game was actually mediocre by normal standards

Strive in life to be like David Price where you set the bar so impossibly low for yourself that pitching four and two-thirds and four earned runs is actually, people are saying, you were dominant.

The Red Sox should move David Price to the bullpen

Why don't they just move him to the bullpen? That would make sense.

Eli Manning needs to retire

Sir, Eli Manning, sir. Please retire. I've seen enough. The Giants offensive line is bad, and it's the worst combo possible because the Giants offensive line is bad, and Eli Manning is also a Hall of Fame self-sacker. And he can't – he just – like, it's just not there.

Saquon Barkley is the closest modern equivalent to Barry Sanders

Saquon Barkley is absolutely incredible. Breathtakingly so. He is as close to Barry Sanders as we're going to get in terms of that squatty body, huge-ass legs, makes everyone miss.

Jimmy Butler's practice takeover in Minnesota was a Jordan-esque move

Jimmy Butler wants to be traded... Jimmy shows up to practice for the first time and basically emasculates the entire organization. He takes the bench players, the third stringers, and beats the first team... I'm a Jimmy Butler skeptic through and through. I'm skeptical of his top 20-ness. But this was a Jordan move.

Jimmy Butler is officially 100% a dickhead and a diva

Let's just, because we're kind of all on Jimmy Butler's side, let's just say Jimmy Butler's for sure a dickhead. Like 100%. Yes, he's 100% a dickhead, a diva... it's clear that he's really feeling himself these days.

Aladdin is the greatest Disney movie of all time

My sleeper is Aladdin, the greatest Disney movie of all time. Yeah, I said it. It's being made into a live-action movie star in Will Smith, The Fresh Prince, which means it's sure to fucking slap.

An elite college team has no chance of beating an NFL team

[PFT: I legitimately think that your 2000 or 2001 team at the University of Miami could have put up a stiff competition against an NFL team.] No, no chance... I've never felt like it would ever even be... even the teams that go 4-12, they're about 12 points away from being 12-4 in the National Football League. They are unbelievably physically talented. The size, the speed, you know, the worst players on the team would be superstars on a collegiate team.

Skydiving is scarier than free solo climbing

Skydiving is actually a good example... I found that pretty scary. I wasn't at all scared [climbing]. Skydiving... it's just so fast and frantic and... there's a lot of stimulus... you're like, Oh my God, I'm falling out of a plane. I think that's scary.

I will likely never free solo at a high level again for the rest of my life

I don't know if I'll always be free-soloing at a high level. In fact, I mean, I doubt I'll be free-soloing at a high level my whole life... if I went the rest of my life without free soloing anything else at a high level, I'm sure I could still lead a happy life.

Von Miller is so fast that you have to make a 'business decision' to avoid him

Newton's first law is when Von Miller is diving at you, make a business decision. I actually fully buy in on the Al Davis, let's just get all the fastest guys... speed kills.

Giancarlo Stanton is a bum

Giancarlo Stanton, I'm ready to say he's a bum. No pinstripes for you, Giancarlo. If it were an April game between the Miami Marlins and the Atlanta Braves, I'm sure you would have hit a home run in a big spot.

The Yankees should fire Aaron Boone because anyone would be better

You probably should fire Aaron Boone, and you will get someone better than him because everyone is better than him. Anyone. Luis Severino bringing him out for the fourth inning in game three on Monday night was maybe the most inexcusable thing I've ever seen a manager do.

You have to be "fucked up" to be truly great at anything

You've got to be fucked up to be in this sport. Okay? We're different. Everybody in this sport's different. And, you know, same with football players. You've got to be fucked up to play in the NFL. You've got to be fucked up to be great at anything. You can't be kind of normal and great.

It is better to be the last reporter to break a story and be right than to be the first and be wrong 10% of the time

I'd rather be last and right and everything than first, in a bunch, and wrong 10% of the time. It's just, especially nowadays with people wanting attention and clickbait and all that stuff.

The 17-year longevity of the Brady-Belichick relationship is more impressive than the reported friction between them

Brady and Belichick should do a TED Talk on marriage counseling because what relationship lasts 17 years without hearing a thing? I looked at it totally the other way.

Mike Vrabel is the NFL coach who would win in a street fight against any other coach

Who do you think could just do the most damage as a coach right now off the street? Put them in a ring together... Vrabel. I would say Vrabel, though. Vrabel's off.

Modern NFL players don't work as hard as the Drew Brees and Tom Brady generation

The way guys come into this league now, they don't work. They don't understand what hard work is the way guys like that [Brees and Brady] did. So it's getting easier for them.

Teaching your kids to enjoy alcohol responsibly makes you a good father

Real take? I don't give a fuck. This is the most common thing ever... It's actually like teaching your kids how to enjoy alcohol responsibly is probably a really good father. So it's not like a novelty when they get to age 17 and they're just like butt funneling mad dogs.

Jon Gruden needs to stop talking to the media because his quotes are either obvious or contradictory

John Gruden just quit talking. He's just got to stop talking dude. He... in his press conference I think on Monday he was asked by a reporter how to get more turnovers and he says it starts with pressuring the quarterback... just shut up. Just come on man.

The 2018 Cleveland Browns are for real

These Browns are for real. Phew! Never meant to make the Ravens cry. I apologize a trillion times. Browns 12, Ravens 9.

Bill O'Brien doesn't know how to coach Deshaun Watson

[Bill O'Brien] doesn't know how to coach Deshaun Watson, that's pretty clear. He was like putting him in shotgun and running the ball in fourth and one on the goal. I don't know what the hell he's doing.

Joe Mixon might be a top three running back in the NFL when healthy

And Joe Mixon might be top three running back. Yeah, I might say that. I'm going to say it.

Using a fullback is donating a down to the defense

Look, fullbacks, if I needed a blocking back, I'd bring one of my linemen in. Other than that, I'm in one back all the time with three receivers. I don't need a fullback. [Using a fullback] is donating a down. Don't ever hand to him. He can lead the blocking or whatever. Don't hand off to him.

Tony Ferguson must be the next undisputed UFC lightweight title contender

Tony Ferguson is absolutely impossible to deny right now. 11 straight wins at 155 pounds. His next fight has to be for the undisputed UFC lightweight championship, and I can't say that any louder.

Andrew Luck is the heir apparent to Eli Manning as the 'dumb quarterback face' of the NFL

Andrew Luck is going to be the new dumb quarterback face. Eli Manning retired after the 2016 season—we've had that hole in the entire NFL. Where is the Eli Manning face? Where is the dumb quarterback face? Andrew Luck, he is the dumb quarterback face. I think he's a very good quarterback... but he does have a dumb face and it shows up in the worst times when he plays football.

Jameis Winston is a prime candidate to take over the 'Eli Manning mantle' for the funniest quarterback faces

Absolutely, Jameis. 100% Jameis. If he could get just a little bit better at quarterback and play a few more prime times, he absolutely could be that like Eli Manning mantle face.

The NFL has the weakest union and contracts because players don't view themselves as businessmen

I think the big issue with people in the NFL in general is that they don't view themselves and we don't view each other as businessmen. And the NFL doesn't view us like businessmen. I think this is why the NFL has the weakest union and the weakest contracts of all major sports is because of how we're viewed and how we view ourselves.

Thursday Night Football is terrible for players in the trenches

I do not take that back, man. It might feel good in the moment, but that Friday, for the people in the trenches—I can't really talk about the corners and the receivers and the quarterbacks—but for the people in the trenches, everybody hurts the next day, man. 1,000% [advantage for the home team] because you don't get a chance to practice.

The Rose Bowl is the greatest venue in all of sports

The Rose Bowl is the greatest stadium to watch a football game of all time. It is the greatest venue in all of sports.

The Bears are back

The bears are fucking back, okay? That's number one. The bears are back. The bears are awesome. The bears are good. The bears are great. The bears are back.

Showtime Mahomes is a great nickname and it has to stay

[Patrick Mahomes] is Showtime Mahomes. Jason Witten gave him that name, and I think it's got to stay. It's such a bad nickname.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are in a lot of trouble

I'm not a Steelers fan. Steelers, they're in trouble. They're in a lot of trouble.

Bud Black did a poor job managing the Rockies in the NL Wild Card game

I actually think that Bud Black didn't do that good of a job. There were some pictures [pitchers] he left in the game where it's like, what is this guy doing?

It's more fun to root for Clayton Kershaw to choke in the playoffs than to see him succeed

on the other hand, it's so fun to root for Clayton Kershaw to choke in a big situation.

'Showtime Mahomes' is a terrible nickname that does not work

My other hot seat is Patrick Mahomes' nickname. We've got to find a better nickname for that. Showtime. Showtime Mahomes does not work. That just doesn't work. It just doesn't work.

Kliff Kingsbury never developed a personality because he is too good-looking

Kingsbury, he's all hat, no cattle. He's just a good-looking guy, so he never developed a personality, so he gives out shitty nicknames like Showtime.

The Red Sox would rather play the Yankees than the A's in the playoffs

If you're the Boston Red Sox, I think you would rather play the Yankees... the A's just represent an air of the unknown. Billy Bean doing his weird shit every few years... you just haven't seen these guys with the repetition that you have seen the arms for the New York Yankees.

The biggest risk for the Braves in the playoffs is their youth and young rotation

For the Atlanta Braves, I think the biggest thing to question with them would be their youth. How is the youth going to respond? The young rotation as well.

Brian Snitker is the playoff manager I trust the least

I was going to go with Snitker, Brian Snitker... He's got his work cut out for him. He's steering a young ship. Like I said, he's got to manage a young pitching staff.

I am a proponent of bunting because it applies pressure on the defense

If you were a manager, would you bunt? Yes. You look at it as giving away outs. I look at it through a different lens. I'm applying pressure. Make them make a decision. I'm forcing you to play the game... Pressure.

Matt Barnes is the one who looks bad in the Kobe flinch video

I was questioning Matt Barnes' toughness because I thought Matt Barnes was cool enough to like put the ball directly in Kobe's face. It turns out he was he was the one being a pussy. Why are we shaming Kobe Bryant for not flinching at a ball that was not thrown at his face? So this is actually a Matt Barnes problem. Matt Barnes is not man enough.

The Dolphins continue to be candy-ass frauds who always suck

The Patriots probably are good, and the Dolphins continue to be their candy-ass fraud selves. I'm so sick of the Dolphins. I think we need to put an official disclaimer every year. Like, hey, the Dolphins might start hot. Just remember, they always suck.

The Patriots are officially back

The Patriots look pretty good, I guess... The Patriots are kind of back, I think. This is their annual thing where they make us think that they're done with the dynasty.

Jeff Fisher did a fantastic job as a broadcaster in his debut

Jeff Fisher in the booth, Jets, Jaguars. I listened to a little of it. I thought he did a fantastic job as an unbiased person. I saw a lot of tweets saying that he was not good. I think those people are haters and losers.

Jason Witten is a robot and will never be a good broadcaster

Now that [Tony Romo] realized Jason Witten is a robot and never will be good... [Witten] has obviously been told, 'hey, man, you need to start using emotions like humans do'... in the middle of sentences, he would just start smiling because he was like, 'oh, yeah, I'm supposed to tell people that I'm a human being.'

Aaron Rodgers is surly, malcontent, and uncoachable

They hate each other. They always have hated each other. It's great to watch. Aaron Rodgers, surly, malcontent, uncoachable.

I don't mind if a baseball player is selfish as long as they produce every day

People always talk about being selfish, playing the game. I don't mind if you're selfish. The longest you bring something to the table every day.