Takes

True team chemistry is built through shared suffering and relentless work, not group activities like bowling

Chemistry comes in my mind is when you know you're working so hard and I don't think I can take another rep... They're so focused on being pissed off at me, they can't be pissed off at each other. That builds a type of chemistry.

Bologna is the ultimate comfort food and survival food

Whenever I want to feel good, I eat bologna. If someone said, what's the one food you're bringing in that bunker? Simple: Bologna. Because it can turn into so many other meals... I fry it... Once I fry it, I kill all that bacteria and I still got a great meal.

Ron Rivera and Mike Vrabel are the toughest coaches in the NFL

Mike Vrabel is probably the toughest. Ron Rivera is a tough son. Ron Rivera is a good one. To be a coach in this profession, you have to have a toughness about you in some way or another.

The biggest mistake a successful team can make is assuming they will be back in the same position next year

The biggest fault you can have is to think, 'Hey, listen, this is going to be every year. We're going to be back here.' That's the number one mistake you can make.

Baker Mayfield already 'Gets It' because he refused to draw a stripe on his Browns helmet logo

Baker draws the Browns helmet... they're like, 'Hey, why don't you have the stripe on there?' And he goes, 'Well, it's because I haven't earned my stripe yet.'... He gets it. Baker gets it.

Kevin Durant is the one guy I want taking a shot when the team needs two points

I think Kevin Durant is the one guy I would want to take a shot when your team needs two points. Just two points to put into overtime.

The Golden State Warriors are now Klay Thompson's team

It's Klay's team now. It has to be his team.

No matter what Kevin Durant does for the Warriors, it will always be Steph Curry's team

No matter what [Kevin Durant] does for the Warriors, it will always be Steph [Curry]'s team in the fans' eyes. And he's never going to be loved, Kevin. Just know that.

I am officially not worried about the Capitals

I told you ultimately I haven't been worried once this entire playoffs for the Caps because I don't actually care, so it doesn't really mean anything... So I am not worried. As a Caps fan, I'm not worried.

Lamar Jackson is the most intriguing quarterback of the 2018 draft class

But the guy that really intrigued me was Lamar Jackson. I mean, I saw you where the league's heading... him and David Johnson in the same backfield and put some speed outside. How much fun would that be coaching?

Possession time in football means nothing

The clock don't mean shit. People that talk about it, it's production time... Possession time, nothing. You get no points for possession time.

The best Hall of Fame strategy is to tell them to purposely mess up your plaque so it goes viral

If you ever get inducted into a Hall of Fame, tell them to purposely fuck up your plaque to start... have it go viral and then they'll fix it. But everyone talked about you.

I am way better looking than Ed Sheeran

I'm way better looking than Ed Sheeran. A million percent... The dude can't even pee next to me.

A girl who can throw a perfect football spiral is a major turn-on

A little secret for all the chicks out there, a chick who can throw a sick spiral, that's a turn-on... When you see a girl just throw one just deep in a perfect spot, you're like, oof.

You should never hand someone your phone to show them a picture

You have to be an absolute psycho to hand someone else your phone. You've got to do the holding your phone and scrolling for them. You never give anyone anyone your phone.

James Harden looks like he is taking weird designer drugs every playoffs

I don't understand James Harden. I don't understand how this is supposed to be different, and then he goes to another playoffs and looks like he's taking some weird designer drug the entire playoffs.

The Rockets and Warriors series has the weirdest bodies in peak sports

The fact that these are the two best teams in the NBA playing each other in the Western Conference Finals and if you had them all take off their shirts you'd be like I don't know are these guys peak athletes... Eric Gordon has a full on gut.

Charles Barkley would get his ass kicked by Draymond Green

Charles Barkley would get his ass kicked so bad by Draymond. Oh, so bad. So bad. He's not, like, so bad.

Brad Stevens and Danny Ainge are better at coaching and management than LeBron James

Brad Stevens and Danny Ainge are better than [LeBron] at coach and GM. Brad Stevens is so much better of a coach than LeBron. But at the end of the day, LeBron, like, you don't want to get into Game 7 against LeBron.

I'm not trading lives with Prince William because his hair is so bad

That guy, William, that is the worst bald guy I've ever seen. You got to pick it. You're a fucking prince, man. His hair is so bad, I wouldn't trade lives with him. I would not trade lives with the Prince William.

A Chrissy Teigen and John Legend divorce would melt down Twitter

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. It would be incredible. It's like sometimes I sit up at night being like, if they got divorced, I think I'd stay up for a week straight on a meth binge just looking at Twitter and getting high off that.

Sack fumble is the best play in football

You know sack fumble is the best playing football, right?

There is nothing better than the deep touchdown bomb

I want to be physical, but there ain't nothing like the deep pass, man... I like the touchdown pass. I like the bomb. I like it, you know, like the Oakland Raiders go deep.

I count the LSU bowl game against Notre Dame as a win because I hate Notre Dame

And I count your bowl game [Citrus Bowl] as a win. That was a weird game. I count that as a win. I hate Notre Dame, so I count that as a win. So just in my record book, you went 7-1.

The NBA was 'asking' to be prank called because their security is so bad

Not to victim shame, but the NFL knows how to stop us. The NBA, they were kind of asking for it... There were some elements of provocation that the NBA gave to us.

Outside of the Bears, the Bills and Browns are the two teams I most want to be good

I think that I mean, obviously, I want the Bears to be good again. But like after the Bears, it's like the Bills and the Browns. Those are the two teams that I would like to be good again, you know, or good period.

The Rockets winning a game doesn't mean the series with the Warriors is competitive

The Rockets have made it a series, although I don't think it's a series... They looked so sloppy and like, we don't really care [the Warriors].

I am not worried about the Capitals despite the series being tied 2-2

Listen. We just wanted to say, as a team. It's our year. We're not worried. So the Capitals lost... But we didn't win. We didn't win, but we're the better team. We injected money into the local economy... Not worried.

LeSean McCoy is the best cold-weather running back in the world

You do have the best cold-weather running back in the world on your team. LeSean McCoy, for some reason, when you put him in the snow, he gets better traction.

I am not fully convinced on the CTE science yet

I'm not fully on the CTE thing... I think there's a lot of studies that need to be done. I didn't make a knee-jerk reaction off of one study where they only tested NFL players that thought that they had CTE.

I would still let my son play football, but I would delay pads until age 12-14

[If I had a son], I still would [let him play football]. I would just probably delay when he actually was in pads to like 12, 13, 14. It's just some kind of balance... Football's really fun and enjoyable. I don't want to rob my kid from that.

A person can be judged by how they get ketchup out of a Heinz bottle

Basically, [Paul Alexander] decides that a player can be judged by how they get the ketchup out of their Heinz 57 ketchup bottle... 'When I see a large football player turn a bottle of ketchup upside down and pound at its heel with tremendous force yet with limited success, I immediately make the mental note he must either play defensive line or if he plays offensive line, he can't play for me.'

I am a full-blown Manalytics guy now

I have to say, boys, I hate to do it, but I'm going to give a little hat tip to Colin Cowherd. Because I am a full-blown Manalytics guy now. It's all Manalytics in the playoffs.

The Celtics are just a better team than the Cavs

The Celtics are just a better team than the Cavs. I still think this is going to be a series because it's LeBron. LeBron has kind of got that Aaron Rodgers thing where when the Packers are eliminated from the playoffs, you're like, but he'll probably throw a Hail Mary and they'll end up in the playoffs.

James Harden needs to get in shape

James Harden, he played his heart out in the first half... when is that guy going to get in shape? Because he was running – he was doing what I do... When I get really gassed and I just pass the ball and then stand as far away from the hoop as possible.

Chris Paul is a sneaky, very dirty player

I think people forget often that Chris Paul is sneaky, very dirty. Like, they're like, oh, shit, Chris Paul, what are you doing there? Oh, no, that's actually... Chris Paul's like, yeah, he'll elbow you right in the butthole.

I am NOT worried about the Capitals

We're not worried about the Caps, repeat we're not worried about the Caps... I'm actually not worried. I'm not worried. Nope. We got another one at home. Marlon's Man's going to game four.

An expansion team like the Golden Knights winning the Cup in their first year is a bad look for the NHL

The one thing you make sense is it's not a great look for the NHL in a sense that— Right... every GM around the league is like, all right, this team's lighting it up. Like, my owner's going to be like, why the fuck isn't your team good?

Mark Scheifele is an NHL superstar now

I want to get respect out to Mark Scheifele. I don't if you've been watching the Western Conference. He's a, I'd say superstar now, Scheifele. He's incredible.

Modern hockey is much better than the 'old school' era

No, because the game is so much better now. And when you say old and grumpy, there's a generation above us that the best players didn't make much money... But for me, like, I love seeing guys get paid... I love seeing guys get [money].

Diet is more important than working out for weight loss

It's no secret when people say it's actually not about working out, it's about the diet, because what happens is... because I went to the gym, I was like, I can eat anything I want. And then I ate way worse than I normally would have.

The Celtics are a problem for the Cavaliers

I think it's a problem. I mean, everybody's saying, okay, LeBron's going to just snap back into LeBron. But Brad Stevens, the mad scientist, looks like he's just completely outmatching the Cavs. The Cavs suck, besides LeBron.

The 2018 Washington Capitals are playing better than any version of the team in history

I'm telling you, this Capitals team is playing better than any Washington Capitals team than I've ever seen with the exception of like every Washington Capitals team between the month of October and February.

Every crime drama can be successful with just interviews and aerial drone shots

We need to do a crime drama because essentially all you have to do is interview a couple like FBI or ATF guys and then mix in a shitload of drone shots of where, around where it happened. Like, Making a Murderer, it was just half drone shots. Evil genius, half drone shots.

I have a photographic memory like LeBron James

LeBron memory test... I had a donut on Saturday, but I played two hours of basketball, so that doesn't count. I had a donut. I had two donuts... I had Thai food for dinner... Fucking photographic memory of my ass.

A Winnipeg vs. Tampa Bay Stanley Cup Final would be the NHL's worst nightmare for ratings.

That sound you hear is Gary Bettman shitting his pants in anticipation of a Winnipeg-Tampa Stanley Cup Finals.

The Vegas Golden Knights being successful as an expansion team makes the NHL look like a 'rinky-dink' league.

I think if you're a true blue hockey guy... you kind of got to root against Vegas because this makes them a little bit of a rinky-dink league if an expansion team can come in and just steal the show.

Winning the Stanley Cup in their first year would be bad for the Las Vegas Golden Knights franchise.

There was a takequake on ESPN the other day... they said that Las Vegas winning the championship in their first year would actually be bad for Las Vegas... I agree 100% with that. You can't set the expectations that high.

LeBron James is arguably up there with Michael Jordan as one of the best players in history.

It's a no-brainer that LeBron has ended up becoming one of the best players in the history of the game. And arguing, you know, up there with Mike.

Tom Thibodeau's high-intensity practices and heavy minutes took a physical toll on the Bulls' stars.

I think, unfortunately, it ended up taking a toll on us... You've got a guy like D. Rose playing 42 minutes a night. He's also practicing three hours a day... I think there has to be this balance between preparation and game.