Takes

Grayson Allen is everything I need in college basketball right now

Grayson Allen is everything I need in college basketball. And I think most Duke fans, the rational Duke fans, we have a mutual respect. I hate their guts. But they're like, you know what? [We] need [each other] to exist.

The Vikings' trade for Sam Bradford was a dumb move

I always told you guys that Sam Bradford trade was a fucking dumb move. The Titans and the Lions. Let's check the tape on that one. Yeah, we'll check the tape maybe after New Year's.

NBA superteams and a lack of parity make the league boring

There's not a lot of parity in the league. It's super teams. Why even watch? If you have one unbelievable player, then it's pretty much a guaranteed win.

Henrik Lundqvist has flawless, dreamy hair

Mostly his hair... When [Lundqvist] is playing, he kind of either goes with the cap on or the cap off, and when the cap's off, it's... It's dreamy. Yeah, it's flawless.

Video games and social media have killed the camaraderie and road life of modern wrestlers

The guys nowadays... pretty much stayed to themselves. A lot of video games, a lot of stuff like that. Social media is tough. The guys don't go out like they used to. It's just different times... it's a different time. And the scrutiny of social media... we all have fun but it's in a place where we're safe from scrutiny.

WWE's production values are superior to the NBA and NFL

WWE's production values are [so good]. Their stuff is better than NBA, NFL, Namath. Their stuff is so good and so far advanced.

Every crime headline should include the sports teams the criminal roots for

Every time that there's a crime in the paper, if the detectives are able to figure out what teams they supported, they should include that in the headline. So like Pittsburgh Penguins fan hits Washington Wizards fan in a drunk driving accident.

Kirk Herbstreit's take on players sitting out bowl games is invalid because he wasn't an NFL prospect

[Kirk Herbstreit] forgot to mention the fact that he only started one season at Ohio State and he wasn't good enough to play in the NFL, so that wasn't even an option for him.

I have no problem with players sitting out bowl games because the system is corrupt

I have no problem with any of these guys sitting out any of the bowls... I like players taking care of themselves when the system is corrupt.

The NFL Commissioner is perhaps more powerful than the President of the United States

Al [Davis] believed the NFL was very, very, very powerful. He believed, you know, at one point he said to me... the commissioner is powerful and something to the effect of, you know, perhaps more powerful than the president of the United States.

I would never work for another NFL team because being a Raider is not fungible

I've been approached a number of times... since leaving the Raiders. I don't [have interest] for two primary reasons. I was a Raider. I spent almost 30 years as a Raider. And to me, that's not fungible... I don't know that I could ever wear the colors of another team.

The Raiders are officially 'back' this year

The Raiders are headed for the playoffs. They've clinched a spot, and now it remains to be seen what they do with that opportunity... Of course they're back this year. They're back. Raiders are back.

It is yet to be proven if Derek Carr can win in cold weather

We saw that the team had some problems in Kansas City. Some people want to attribute that to the pinky. I don't necessarily agree that we should be pointing to a pinky... We'll see because the team could have to travel to New England. We don't yet know if that will be the case.

It is an ethics violation for NBA media to vote on the All-Star Game

If you're going to have journalists that cover the NBA determining what's going on in the NBA and who's good or not... That's just a major ethics violation. Conflict of interest. Stay in your lane.

The Rams need to hire John Gruden because a new stadium requires a 'splash' hire

The Los Angeles Rams are moving toward a meeting with ESPN analyst John Gruden... that's really nice because you need a splash, and nothing says a splash like a guy who hasn't been coaching for about 15 years... they need a coach to bring in the new stadium.

Matt Moore is the truth

I think Matt Moore is the truth. Did you see him? He was having so much fun out there.

I have completely sold myself on Matt Barkley

Since we're in the trust tree, I have completely sold myself on Matt Barkley.

Retiring NFL players lose their identity and are quickly forgotten

Very few people are going to remember that you played and even less are going to care once you retire. ... your identity better not come from playing football because your identity will be taken eventually or your career will be over eventually.

NFL owners care more about profit than winning

There's a lot of owners that don't really, they say they want to win, but they don't want to do what it takes to win. They want to be profitable. They're in the entertainment business. They think it's cool to own a team.

NFL free agents always have a fatal flaw

if you hit the free agent market, you've got some fatal flaw. Right? You're either an attitude issue [or] an injury issue. ... The Redskins said, you can't play anymore. You're so injured, you can't play anymore. And I flunked three physicals.

The Heisman represents the player with the biggest campaign, not the best player

Let's not call it the best college football player because it doesn't represent the best college football player. It represents the guy with the biggest campaign who happens to touch the ball.

Jay Cutler should have played through his injury in the 2010 NFC Championship Game

You had a chance to win that game. ... Show me anybody who gets injured in a game of that magnitude, you still have a chance. ... And he's sitting on the bench, Mopey McMoperson over there. ... You'd have to drag me off the field at that point.

LeBron James is taking money out of kids' pockets by resting for games

It's honestly a little bit disgusting on LeBron's part to take a day off... He's taking money out of kids' pockets. He is.

The Seahawks' neon algae green uniforms are the best Color Rush uniforms ever

Color Rush happened last night. Best Color Rush uniforms ever. Ever. Seahawks look pretty good. Seahawks are great. Algae green.

The Buccaneers might actually be the best team in the NFC South

Are we sure the Bucs are also good? [PFT Commenter]: We're not sure that the Bucs aren't the best team in the NFC South. And then you've got to look at the Falcons.

You have to be a little crazy to be a professional goalie

All goalies are a little bit off. You've got to be a little bit off to do that for a living.

Donald Trump only appoints tall people to his administration

Senator Corker... did not get the Secretary of State job because the guy that got it [Rex Tillerson] is taller than Corker. Apparently Trump fancies tall people who are billionaires... if you're short, you're going nowhere in the Trump administration.

Grown men over the age of 30 should stop using the word dude

When did the word dude become part of the speech. I don't like that... I really don't mind when someone, a teenager or early 20s, uses it. But when you get older, the thing I hate the most is someone my age using it.

Jim Rome is an awful, irritating broadcaster

Oh, [Jim Rome] is terrible. He's awful. And I mean, another one, what does he have to invent a new language for? And he speaks in a whole different way.

Jim Rome is a treasure who has done more for the human race than almost anyone else in media

I think Jim Rome is a treasure. I think that he has done more for the human race than just about anybody outside of Bristol, Connecticut.

Young people need to stop using the word 'like' as a filler word

All people your age and younger do this. The word 'like'. I'm trying to stop [them].

Mark Dantonio's approach to fixing Michigan State's problems by 'firing himself' is a great PR move

Mark Dantonio... he fired himself, kind of. He said, to be honest with you, I've taken the approach of, hey, I'm a new coach coming in here. I'm going to fix the things that the other guy did last year... and that's how I'm going to take the approach.

Jay Mariotti is just a troll looking for attention

It's called a troll that's looking for attention. And I absolutely played right into what he wanted.

A college football coach shouldn't be fired if there's a 'rat' in the building selling plays

So if you missed the story, literally the radio guy for Wake Forest has been selling playbooks and insider information to all of Wake Forest's opponents for the last three years. I didn't know anyone needed help to beat Wake Forest... You can't fire a coach if there's been a rat in the building, right?

People who complain about how much 2016 sucked are officially on the hot seat

My hot seat was, I think I talked about this a month ago, but I want to officially throw it on the hot seat because we're getting close to the end of the year. People who complain about how much 2016 sucked. You only have two weeks left to be a whiny little bitch on Twitter talking about how 2016, worst year ever.

The 'Yates of Hell' nickname is the greatest for someone who can't back it up

Maybe the greatest nickname for someone who can't back it up because this is what happens with TJ Yates. You sell yourself on Yates of Hell, and you even bet on Yates of Hell, and then you remember that it's actually just TJ Yates and he sucks.

Yellow colored gloves and cleats should be illegal in the NFL

Should be illegal. I'm going illegal with that. Because we don't want to offend dumb people like yourself.

Harry Douglas's low hit on Chris Harris Jr. was not illegal or dirty

I say dirty from my standpoint is based upon whether it was illegal or not. And it's not illegal. I mean, he's in front. He's blocking low. It's a run up the middle. I don't think it's illegal at all, and I don't think the league does either.

Jeff Fisher would have broken the all-time NFL loss record if he hadn't been fired

Coach Fisher was one loss shy of the record... speaking with his career, was he going to ever get that record even though it was cut short? [Psychic Laura: 'Absolutely'] He was. It's good to know that if given the time, he would have been successful failing with the losses.

LeBron James is the 'Disney' of the NBA and corny as fuck

He's the Disney of the world. He's the Disney of the NBA. He's the Disney of memes. He makes everything corny as fuck.

Name your kid 'Coach' so they are respected by peers and have job security

Name your kid coach. Why not just give your son, our daughter, the name coach? That way they're respected by all their peers. If they're playing sports growing up, you're taught to respect your coach, and you also are immune to being fired unless you really, really, really suck at your job.

I could make a lot of money as a 'Hanksy' street performer playing bad music as performance art

I just want to set up one of those musical sets but play really bad music and just make people think it's an art piece and see how much money I can make. You're doing a live Banksy. You're doing a Hanksy... Just stand there and just do [a didgeridoo] over and over again. I think people move so fast in New York, they would be like, oh, this guy's pretty genius.

The subway should have a 'fart car' with a discounted monthly pass

There should be a discounted train pass for a fart car. But would you not pay like 50% less a month on your train pass if – but you can only ride in the fart car?

Derek Carr, Russell Wilson, and Dak Prescott are all 'Cali boys' who cannot handle the cold

I'm keeping a list right now of guys that can't handle the cold because we need to update this as we get into the playoffs. [Derek Carr], [Russell Wilson], and now we've got Dak. You know, they're all Cali boys pretty much.

America needs Russia to be the 'bad guy' again to maintain national focus and competition

Russia is back. And not only that, but America's hate for Russia, which is good. The Cold War is back. It is healthy. We need Russia to be in a spot where we wake up always nervous about Russia. You need somebody to point to as your competition.

Ben McAdoo is an aspirational, try-hard football guy rather than a real one

I still continue to say [Ben McAdoo] is not a football guy. He's a football guy in disguise. He's trying to be. He's an aspirational football—he's a try-hard football guy. Football guys don't even know that they're trying to be football guys. He knows.

Marcus Mariota is a genuine 'baller' and a high-character leader

I could spend an hour raving about Marcus Mariota. He just does shit the right way. He shakes everybody's hand, says hi to everybody, always smiles, and there's never malintent behind what he's saying. It's really cool to be around a guy like that who is actually a [fucking] baller.

Marc Trestman was a genius offensive coordinator but not a head coach

Trestman was a great offensive coordinator, he just wasn't a head coach... you can just tell by the way the guy is wired. He's an offensive-minded genius, and he should just be in charge of anything that falls under the offensive branch. When you're trying to talk to D-linemen and linebackers, who are just a different group of individuals, then you got to have a different way of going about it.

Lamar Jackson should write a Players' Tribune article announcing he is 'returning' to college (even though he has to)

Write an article for Players' Tribune saying that you're coming back to college. And say, 'hey, after talking it over with my family, doing a lot of prayer... I've decided that the right move for me at this time is to return to Louisville.' Because [he's] not eligible for the NFL.

Jack Del Rio is like a gambler on a heater who just lost all his money

Jack Del Rio, he's your friend who got on a heater and was like, no, no, no, don't worry, guys. I'm still up. I'm still up. And then you look and he's lost all his money.