Takes

Chris Paul will get injured sometime in the middle of the second round of the playoffs

Have you decided what your spin zone is going to be when Chris Paul gets injured somewhere in the middle of the second round this year? ... Emergency podcasts [when the injury happens].

The NBA Finals will be a Suns-Bucks rematch with Phoenix winning the title

Phoenix, Milwaukee. I think it's a rematch. Phoenix wins.

The Celtics will beat the Nets in six games

I think the Celtics are going to beat the Nets. I watched that game tonight that Kevin [Durant] and Kyrie [Irving] didn't miss a shot for three quarters and the Cavs... almost won... the Nets just don't have any defense... I think the Celtics are going to beat them in six.

The Nets are going to 'whomp' the Celtics

I think that the Nets are going to whomp the Celtics. I really, I really do. I think it's going to be a whopping... When they want to play well, they can play well. They are the rare team that I think the switch can be flipped on.

Ben Simmons will return for the Nets during the playoffs

I do think that Ben Simmons is coming back. I think that he's ready. I think that they've just been waiting to get them back out there... I do think that he's going to come back. I think that he's ready to come back.

Dan Snyder is finished as an NFL owner because he took money from other owners

I think Dan Snyder has done. I think that motherfucker is done... it's been proven through the other books that have been released now, the documents that have been sent to Congress, that he was taking money out of the pockets of Jerry Jones out of all the other owners. And if there's one thing like you can have 40 sexual harassment claims against you. If you take money from the other owners, that's when they're going to do something about it.

I can hit an 8 or 9 on the 18th hole at Augusta using only a putter

I go putter off the deck off the tee box... then I just go putter the entire time I ended up hitting eight, maybe nine. If the pin's attackable, if it's center green, I think I could do it in eight. If it's back, right, that might be an eight or nine.

I would shoot a 13 on the 18th hole at Augusta if I was lucky

I think I'd go 13. I would, I documented I'd slice it into the woods. I would hit it into a tree... piece of shit, one good shot. Then I'd just go bunker, bunker, maybe like, like a, sorry, a sand wedge that I can't hit for shit for five yards. Then another one on then I'd put like five times 13.

Bet against the Pittsburgh Pirates in every single road game this season to make money

My algorithm is thus, you just bet against the Pittsburgh Pirates every single game... we're going to bet on road games, every pirates team under and for the other team to win Moneyline against the pirates. And we're going to all make a bunch of money.

The Cleveland Cavaliers can beat the Brooklyn Nets in the play-in game

I think the calves can beat the nets. I'm just gonna, yeah. [They] are a better match up for us. I still think we can beat the nets. And then if we beat the nests, we have a better path to the finals.

The Milwaukee Bucks will sweep the Chicago Bulls in the first round

The bucks are going to kill him. It's going to, I just want it to be over as fast as possible... the box are going to sweep the bowls and at least I know how to deal with Packers fans.

The 2022 NBA Finals will be the Boston Celtics vs. the Golden State Warriors

Go Celtics warriors.

The 2022 NBA Finals will be the Brooklyn Nets vs. the Golden State Warriors

I'm going to double dip. I'm going to go nets warriors... Meaning like the warriors are kind of, I'm treating them the same way I'm treated the nets, which is they're too good. They've got so much talent. They're going to figure it out.

The New Orleans Pelicans will make the playoffs through the play-in tournament

I have a, I have a big future on the pelicans to be in the playoffs after the play and games are over.

The Dodgers will beat the Mariners in the 2022 World Series

The Dodgers versus the Mariners. Dodgers win. I'm going to go like that. Mariners going to be the playoffs in 20 years.

The Phillies will win the World Series after playing the Padres in the NLCS

I think it's going to be the Phillies against the Padres in the world series. I just think those are the two best teams. So they're going to face each other in the NLCS. And then the winner of that, I'm going to say as the real world series champion.

St. Peter's has a chance to become a small-school powerhouse like Gonzaga

I actually think [St. Peter's] have a chance to become like one of these small school powerhouses that ends up like a Gonzaga. Seriously, like they'll make runs with... now that the school has had such an increase in enrollment and increase [in funding].

I am 100% guaranteed to make the cut at the 2022 Masters

The only thing that's made me nervous is for the first time in my life, I've kind of laid my nuts on the table and said I'm going to do something... I texted you that I was a 100% making the cut.

Kansas will defeat UNC in the National Championship game

I'm going to predict it... I think Kansas is actually going to win. I'm going to bet on Kansas in the Natty, because I do feel like the UNC Duke game was UNC's national title... I feel like it was so much emotion that got spent in that game.

Dan Snyder's financial theft from other owners will be what finally forces him to sell the team

Dan Snyder... Apparently Snyder was lying about how much money he was getting into his gate. So he was actively stealing from the other owners... if you steal a million dollars from Jed York, they want to kill you. And so it looks like if anything's going to happen, this would be what could bring Dan Snyder down.

I would bet my life that Duke will not win a national championship in the next 10 years

If Duke wins one title in the next 10 years, you've got to kill yourself... I'll take that bet. I would take the under... I'll bet you our lives. You get 10 years because... John Scheyer, we don't know. He's not proven.

UNC has a 70% chance of beating Duke in the Final Four

My own proprietary algorithm has the chances of UNC winning at 70%.

Duke is going to smoke UNC in the Final Four

I'm very excited. I think [Duke is] going to smoke UNC... I just know how it goes. We know how it goes. We've done it before, you know, we'll do it again.

Duke is going to win the national title

I am actually very nervous. I'll be honest with you. I do think that Duke is going to win the national title. I've mentally prepared that in the back of my head.

Duke will win the national championship

Jake decide. 3, 2, 1. [Jake]: Duke.

The Buccaneers will definitely make the playoffs

You look at the flaws of the other teams and then you have Tom Brady and in the continuity it's like, all right, Bucs will be in the playoffs.

There is a 95% chance Tiger Woods plays in the 2022 Masters

I talked to my sources in the golf world, aka Frankie Borelli. And he said that there's a 95% chance [Tiger Woods] is going to be playing in the masters.

Will Smith and Chris Rock will host the next Oscars together

I think that Chris Rock and Will Smith will definitely be hosting next year's Oscars together. I also think that they're probably going to do like a little routine together. At some point they're going to be in a commercial.

The USMNT will get out of the group stage in the 2022 World Cup

When we make the World Cup, we always get out of pool play.

Hank's parlay: Duke wins the title, Celtics win the championship

Duke Celtics championship future... Duke money line, Kansas money line and Celtics championship... 5,000 pays 115,000. That's it.

Coach K will lose the game immediately after his 100th career tournament victory

Of course [Coach K] is going to get to 100. He's probably going to lose the next game so he can walk away with exactly a hundred clean wins, just straight up three figures. Okay. You get it. Great job, Coach K, a hundred. Everyone's going to remember that for all time. We'll look back on it 50 years from now... oh yeah, Coach K had a hundred wins. Of course he wasn't going to lose at 99.

Miami is my Game of the Year against Iowa State

Miami's the game of the year. Fuck it. I might just flip my winnings from tonight responsibly. Miami's the game of the year I'm going to be going... making another game of the year. Fuck I, that was my original game.

Gonzaga's window to win a title has officially closed until they move conferences

I'm officially announcing that until they move to a real conference, Gonzaga's window has officially closed.

Texas Tech will beat Duke because of their toughness and experience

Really like Texas Tech in this situation because of the experience toughness. And I think they could just make Mike [Krzyzewski] crumble of being with the youth in in in inexperienced... it really reminds me of 2009, when Villanova finally broke through and beat Duke... because they just, just crushed them defensively.

St. Peter's will cover the double-digit spread against Purdue

I saw a stat... the last two 15 seeds to go to the sweet 16... Florida Gulf Coast and Oral Roberts... they both covered double digits. Lean St Peter's.

Kansas is the most dangerous team left because they can win in many ways

I'll go with Kansas because I think they have so many guys that can beat you and, and, and they can defend. I mean, they can really defend... they've got some real spurtability that where they can knock you out, because they've got such quickness, they've got such speed. They don't have to rely on any one aspect of the game to beat you.

Purdue is on the doorstep of a Final Four with a clear path through St. Peter's

On paper you have to think you have a Jaden Ivey, who's a lottery pick. You have two guys in Williamson and Edey who were fucking monsters. You'd have to think Purdue 12-point favorites to get to the Elite Eight to be on the doorstep of a Final Four.

I'm betting the St. Peter's money line against Purdue despite the physical mismatch

In the game against St. Peter's... there's no reason why I should bet St. Peter's against this team... with the physical mismatch... But I'm still gonna do it. Cause fuck it. Cause I ride. Sometimes you just gotta take the part of your brain that thinks that it's being smart and tell it to shut the fuck up.

The Indiana cheerleader who retrieved the stuck ball is a lock for the One Shining Moment montage

The Indiana cheerleader, also a lock. That one is the moment of the tournament.

Tom Brady will eventually end up playing for the Las Vegas Raiders

Davante Adams goes to Las Vegas. This lends more credence to my just pot shot that I took in the dark earlier this week that Tom Brady is going to end up in Las Vegas.

Von Miller will not finish his six-year contract with the Bills

I will bet all the Von Miller's money that they said he's getting, which I don't have, that he will not see the end of the contract. He will not see the end of the contract. Von Miller's going to be 39 by the time it's over.

Ohio State will beat Loyola Chicago in the first round

I think Ohio state wins. I think a Texas as well. Everyone's like, oh, Virginia tech. Agreed. Sister Jean is going down.

The Jets are a wagon and will beat the Patriots in Week 8

Jets are a wagon, calling it. Week 8 at MetLife, they're beating the Pats, calling it right now. We're updated, upgraded... we don't have Mr. INT anymore.

Kentucky will win the 2022 National Championship

I have Kentucky... winning the whole thing... They are a team to me that can win in a million different ways. And I think what really opened my eyes with Kentucky was the Kansas game when it turned into a track meet.

Tom Brady will play for the Raiders under Josh McDaniels

My theory is that Tom Brady wants to play for the Raiders for [Josh] McDaniels who's now the head coach of the Raiders, his old offensive coordinator... Pioli being very weird and cryptic on NFL network today about whether or not Tom Brady was going to come back and play for the bucks. Like he knew something.

Gonzaga will beat Duke in the regional final to end Coach K's career

Setting up a Yukon Arkansas round of 32 game... I got duke moving on against Michigan state, duke playing Texas tech... duke falls to duke will duke beacon Zagat and the regional final that beat him once already. I'm going to take the zags and coach K's career ends at the chase center. So Gonzaga over duke and the regional final of the region of prospects.

South Dakota State will upset Providence in the first round

South Dakota state has not lost a game since early December, they've won 30 games. They shoot just under 45% from three as a team. I'm taking South Dakota state over Providence.

Arizona will beat Gonzaga to win the 2022 National Championship

I got an Arizona Gonzaga, Kentucky. Then I look at this region... I have an all big 10 regional final. I've got Keegan, Marie and Iowa going to the final four... setting up [the final] Against Tommy Lloyd against mark for you. And for the first time, since 1997, Tommy Lloyd in year one wins the national championship. Ben Matheran explodes in the NCAA tournament like a volcano.

Malik Willis will either be a Hall of Famer or a complete bust

Like he could actually like, you know, it's either going to translate and he's going to be like Patrick Mahomes or it's not. One of those things where it's... so like hall-of-famer or bust. Exactly. Yep. I like that.

Duke will make a run in the NCAA tournament

I do think that Coach K is going to get the guys together and they're going to make a run in the tournament though. Next week's tournament. The real tournament. I think Duke's going to the Final Four.