Takes

I am betting the biggest bet of my life on the Buccaneers to win the Super Bowl

You're going biggest bet of your life on the Bucs responsibly? Yep. I packed the vest. That's all you need to know. ... The man of vests is in the building.

The Chiefs will beat the Buccaneers by double digits in Super Bowl 55

I am going with the Chiefs in this one. ... I will say that it will be a double-digit win for the Chiefs. ... I will put the Chiefs as mid-30s and the Bucs probably kind of mid-20s. ... 60-some, 65-point range.

I will beat Billy Football easily in our Rough and Rowdy fight

He's going to beat you? Yes. Would you like to put a side bet on that? ... Five grand that I beat him easily. ... If he runs from me, I'm not going to chase him.

I am going to 'skull fuck' Jose Canseco in our fight

I'm going to skull fuck him. ... I'm absolutely going to skull fuck him. No doubt. He's tiny. I mean, yeah, he looks big. He's 270 pounds. But I just care about the frame. He has a smaller frame than I thought.

I am starting to lean toward betting on the Bucs in Super Bowl LV because Tom Brady is alone and focused

The tweet that I saw, Tom Brady has had the house to himself with his family out of town. It'll be 12 days of preparation alone. He said he's never had that much time to prepare his mind and body before... That got in my head, and I was like, wait, what? He has how much time? He's never had this much time? Uh-oh. I'm starting to like the Bucs.

I am 100% betting on the Buccaneers in the Super Bowl and might put a 'nuclear missile' on it

I'm 1,000% betting the Bucs. I'm betting the Chiefs. Not a doubt in my mind. [Correction] I mean, Bucs, Bucs, Bucs, Bucs. I'm 100% betting the Chiefs. I'm probably going to put a nuclear missile on it.

Tom Brady will uncover a game-winning play in the fourth quarter because of his extra film study

That means that he's going to uncover something that he never saw and it's going to come out in like the fourth quarter and then Peter King's going to fucking masturbate onto a piece of paper being like Tom Brady found this in our, you know, 746 of sitting in his Tampa Derek Jeter's house by himself.

I am going to 'skull fuck' Jose Canseco with my fists

My hot seat is Jose Canseco. I'm going to skull fuck him with my fists.

Kelsey first touchdown in the Super Bowl is a great bet at 7-1 odds

Super Bowl prop, Kelce, first touchdown. That guy's ridiculous. I mean, you go over seven and a half receptions. He has eight with six minutes left in the second quarter. So he's getting shovel passes, bowling ball passes from the two-yard line. I like that at 7-1 or 7-5.

Bet on clear Gatorade for the Super Bowl shower

I go clear. People are showing mercy on their coaches lately, and they're pouring water instead of the sticky stuff. If you can find clear, go for it.

Tony La Russa will bring necessary clubhouse leadership to the White Sox

I think Tony is a guy, if those guys listen to Tony La Russa and go after the way Tony go or prepare you to win, I think this ball club is going to have a lot of success.

The Rams must win a Super Bowl in the next two years for the Stafford trade to be worth the lack of first-round picks

The Rams' window feels like it's pretty small here, and they have to kind of win a Super Bowl in the next two years before the fact that they haven't had a first-round draft pick in seven years is going to catch up.

Mitchell Trubisky will be very good as soon as he leaves the Bears

He is going to get really good wherever he goes [next].

I am an absolute weapon and I'm going to give 180 seconds of hell to Jose Canseco

I'm fucking gonna go balls to the wall... I'm an absolute weapon... I can get hit. I can look like I'm about to die when I'm a zombie. Keep coming.

I'm shorting Robinhood as soon as they go live

I'm shorting Robinhood, though, when they eventually go live.

David Cully is just a stopgap hire to get to Josh McCown

My favorite conspiracy is that I'm seeing this report as being a stopgap to get them to Josh McCown as their head coach... They're saying that David Cully is going to be the interim head coach.

Civil damages against Robinhood for breaking user agreements could be enormous

If Robinhood shut down and stopped you from being able to trade, in violation of the user agreement you signed, I think the damages against them in a civil case are fucking extraordinary, enormous damages.

Aaron Rodgers is staying with the Packers because it is his destiny to torture me for another decade

I knew deep down [Rodgers] wasn't going anywhere because I think it's destiny for Aaron Rodgers to torture my soul for another decade. I think he'll just be there forever. And every time that I start to think he's getting old, he'll be like, oh, here's another MVP.

Wall Street will eventually make it illegal to talk about stocks online once they realize message boards are too powerful

What will probably happen is there's going to be one hedge fund that goes out of business like Bear Stearns or whatever and then they're going to come back, rewrite the laws so it's going to be illegal to talk about stocks online and then boom now they're fucking you again for the next hundred years.

The only way I lose to Jose Canseco is in some messed up swift decision

The only way I lose to Canseco is in some fucked up swift decision. Even if I lose, I'm not going to get knocked out in the first 30 seconds. No, I'm not losing.

In-person interviews will likely return after the Fourth of July

Would you guys say over, under, Fourth of July? [for having people back in-person] Over, probably, if I'm being realistic, yeah. I really hope that it does [happen].

I am betting on the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl

I'm not going to make the same mistake. I'm going to bet on the Chiefs. My bet is the Chiefs.

Philip Rivers will eventually get into the Hall of Fame

I think [Philip Rivers] will eventually get in the Hall of Fame. He's not a first-ballot Hall of Famer. I think he will eventually get in. But he obviously will get dinged for the lack of playoff wins and the lack of a signature win and the lack of a Super Bowl. But when you actually look at it... Phillip Rivers was the better quarterback in terms of numbers throughout his career [compared to Eli Manning and Ben Roethlisberger].

The Packers will easily beat the Buccaneers because of the cold weather at Lambeau

I think Green Bay is going to be able to handle it pretty easily. The weather right now, it's scheduled to be 29 degrees and snowy in Lambeau Field. That, to me, that's a Packers win. God is on their side this week.

Aaron Rodgers will eventually become the full-time host of Jeopardy!

I actually think that Aaron Rodgers is going to eventually be the full-time host of Jeopardy. I think he's going to be, after he retires, I think he will. I think Aaron Rodgers is going to like doing it too much, and it combines all his favorite things: mustaches, being smarter than everybody, and letting everybody know that you're smarter than them.

The Bills will win the AFC Championship, possibly convincingly

I said it on Monday, and I'm sticking with it. I think the Bills are going to win, and I wouldn't be surprised if they win convincingly.

Patrick Mahomes will pass the concussion protocol and play in the AFC Championship

I'm ready to say that I think that he [Mahomes] will pass the concussion protocol test at the end of the week.

The Buffalo Bills are capable of blowing out the Kansas City Chiefs

I said the Bills could blow out the Chiefs. I guess I should have just phrased it the lame way and been like, it's a coin flip game... I'm saying a blowout wouldn't surprise me either way. People think that the Bills blowing out the Chiefs would be some shocking result, but to me it wouldn't be because I think both these teams are so fucking good that if either shows up with their A-plus game, they will blow out the opponents.

The Packers will beat the Buccaneers in the NFC Championship Game

Packers are going to win. Probably. Packers are a wagon right now. And they're going to win. It's going to be boring. Nope. They're still going to score 33 points.

The Buccaneers will beat the Packers straight up

I think the Bucs are going to win straight up.

The Bills could blowout the Chiefs in the AFC Championship Game

There's part of me that thinks the Bills might fucking blow out the Chiefs. I wouldn't be shocked if the Bills dominated the AFC Championship. I wouldn't be like, oh my God, where'd this come from? I really think they have that in them as a complete football team.

Patrick Mahomes will play in the AFC Championship Game

Mahomes... I think Mahomes will be fine. He's going to play. I'm not saying it's right. What I'm saying is he's going to play. Andy Reid's already planting the seed. Andy Reid's like, hey, he's doing fine.

Urban Meyer will get the Jaguars to an AFC Championship Game

I'm going to say that Urban Meyer won't be an abject failure. Now, what does that mean? I think Urban Meyer will get the Jags to an AFC championship game. I don't know if he'll last more than five years.

Urban Meyer won't last longer than three and a half years in the NFL

Urban Meyer, I don't think he'll last... longer than three years in the NFL. I think it's three and a half. Three and a half is the over-under.

The Nets will break the NBA scoring record

They're going to score 150 points a game... they already were scoring like 118 a game, I think, and giving up 113 or 12. They could break the record. I think the record's like 250.

The Packers will beat the Rams in the Divisional Round

In my heart of hearts, I think the Packers are going to win... I know deep down this is probably a game that Aaron Rodgers is going to win just because Jared's thumb. He had surgery 10 days ago or 11 days ago. It's going to be fucking freezing cold.

The Rams will beat the Packers because of their defense

I want the Rams to win, but I disagree with you because I do think that the Rams could win. I'm feeling good just in terms of their defense. I like the Rams' defense a lot.

Bills vs Ravens will not be a blowout

It won't be a blowout. These two teams are too evenly matched... 40-10. But that's how I feel. I honestly feel that way.

The Browns are 'live' to cover +10 against the Chiefs

I have talked myself all the way into the Browns... they haven't beaten the team by more than six points. So they've been toying with teams... The Browns are too live in this game for 10 points.

The Saints will dominate the Buccaneers

I think they're going to win. I think they're going to dominate the Bucs... I don't think this is going to be close. I think this one might be a blowout.

Eventually there will be a QB who runs like Lamar Jackson and passes like Patrick Mahomes

Think about eventually there's going to be a quarterback who can run like Lamar and pass like Patrick Mahomes. And then our minds are going to be just blown at that point.

The Browns will beat the Chiefs by three points

I will go with the Browns will win... the Browns are going to win... win by three.

Mark Andrews will have a big game against the Bills

I think Mark Andrews is the key guy that you want to be looking at to have a big game for Baltimore. I think regardless of what Buffalo ends up doing, they stink covering tight ends. So I think Mark Andrews is going to have a big game here.

I am going to kick Jose Canseco's ass

I'm going to fucking kick his ass... I'm going to fuck him up. No, yeah, you are. Dude, I've hit the point in my athlete-to-weapon transition where it's like, the only way to win and to get this guy to stop punching me is I have to punch him harder to make him quit.

James Madison will win the FCS National Championship this year

JMU has a shot this year at winning the Natty. We got a second football season [in the spring].

I will 'wipe Jose Canseco off the face of the earth' and force him to retire from public life

If I beat up Jose Canseco and he loses his fight, I don't see how he can even show his face in public again. So I'm literally wiping him off the face of the earth. We're never going to hear from him again.

The Cleveland Browns will get 'clapped' by the Kansas City Chiefs in the Divisional Round

The Browns are going to get clapped against the Chiefs.

Deshaun Watson does not have it in him to actually sit out games to force a trade

I don't think [Deshaun Watson] has it in him, though. I really don't. I just think he wants to play football.

I will never wrestle another match in my life

I'll never wrestle another match in my life... I'll say it. I'm done. Never's a long time [but] no, it ain't worth it... I got the wrestling bug out of my system.

The Steelers will trade for Sam Darnold and he will become the next Ben Roethlisberger

I still think they're going to get Sam Darnold, and he's going to be the new Big Ben. He's kind of fit for it. Big guy, throws some picks.