Takes

If Texas beats Alabama, they will be officially 'more back' than Colorado

Now if Texas wins on Saturday, [Texas] is more back than Colorado I think. Texas and Tuscaloosa for sure. Yeah, absolutely. We're on back watch right now.

Brian Kelly is the most unlikable coach in college football

In terms of football coaches though, [Brian Kelly] is probably the most least likable football coach in college football right now. So when you lose, I can't feel bad 'cause I just, Brian Kelly's so unlikable as a person.

Dak Prescott sucks

He sucks. He sucks. He sucks. Prescott sucks. He's a byproduct of the star in his helmet. He sucks.

Geno Smith is one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL at ball placement

I'm more in than out [on Geno Smith]... accuracy is quantifiable in the sense of completion percentage, but I think there's also like a different side to it. And like Geno, his ball placement is like some of the very best in the NFL. He was absurd last year.

Jordan Addison and Zay Flowers are going too late in fantasy drafts

Jordan Addison... he's a first round pick, but he's going like way too late in drafts right now. Zay Flowers from the Ravens as well.

Nebraska shouldn't try to compete with Ohio State; they should drag teams to the depths and wait for them to drown

I think Nebraska's get it all figured out. They don't need to step it up to compete with the Ohio States of the world. They just need to drag everybody down to their level and then beat you with experience. Drag 'em to the depths and wait for them to drown.

My proprietary betting strategy for 2023 is to fade the Cardinals

I have a new proprietary betting strategy for this year. It's hot. Just fade The Cardinals. I don't believe their head coach. I don't believe... he did like the fire up speech for the guys... his speech was just like looking around the room being like, who here took the bus to get here? Well, you better light a fire... and I was like, fuck this guy. Yeah, I'm out.

I am very high on Todd Monkin as the Ravens' offensive coordinator

I'm high on the OC for the Ravens, Todd Monkin. He's, I think they're gonna have a very good year.

Michael Pittman is an under-the-radar wide receiver one

Michael Pittman. We think he's gonna have a good season. He's a, he's under the radar wide receiver one. And I think Anthony Richardson's a good quarterback.

Chase Claypool is a great late-round flyer in fantasy

Chase Claypool. I actually think that he could... he's playing for money. He slots in better now that DJ Moore's there. Just a flyer [in the 13th or 14th round].

I'm not drafting any Packers players this year

Green Bay. No one. [Big Cat: Nice. Okay, good, good, good, good.]

Justin Thomas is a killer in international play and belongs on the Ryder Cup team

Justin Thomas is a killer in international play. That's a fact. ... Justin Thomas 16 and 5 [in international play]. ... How do you say no to that? Hank? That's a resume pick. ... He's a fucking killer when he plays an international play.

Selecting Justin Thomas for the Ryder Cup is a risky pick given his current form

He's not playing good golf right now. ... I just feel bad for, you know, Keegan and the guys. ... It's a risky pick in my opinion. ... Imagine if he performs badly. The final day is 12 singles matches. If he performs badly, everyone would be like, why would you pick a person who didn't even make the FedEx Cup playoffs?

The 'World Champion' debate is dumb because all the world's best players are in the NBA

This is the dumbest debate ever, especially when you consider all the best players in the world playing the NBA. ... This is one of those cases where a guy's trying to say something deep and then he says it... and when it comes out of his mouth, he's like, yeah, take that guys.

The Arizona Cardinals are in full tank mode for Caleb Williams

That team is clearly trying to get the first pick. They want Caleb Williams more than anything... That team is in tank mode. I just watched the Bears do it last year. So I know the move.

Jason Garrett is a total buzzkill on the broadcast

There's no better way to kill your football buzz than having Jason Garrett call the game... I know it was week zero. I know there's only like seven games. They all, they all mean something to me. And then Jason Garrett was on there and I immediately fell in a nap in the second quarter.

The Pac-12 is dying because people can't watch stars like Caleb Williams play on their network

The returning Heisman Caleb Williams, who would probably be the number one pick in the draft and no one in America could watch it 'cause it was Pac-12 network... that could not have been the better way to tip off the last Pac-12 season opener to be like, hey, this is why we're dying. Because we can't watch fucking Caleb Williams play football.

The 2023 Commanders vs. Ravens matchup was the most important preseason game of all time

It is good to have games that mean something besides obviously the Commander's Ravens game, which was the most important preseason game of all time.

College football should move the season forward so every team plays during 'Week Zero'

I wish week zero. Like everyone should play Week zero. They should just move the season forward... everyone plays. And then week one... I just want all the games right now.

Bob Barker is the GOAT game show host

In my mind the GOAT game show host. Yeah. I mean I know Trebek... Trebek's great. It was, it was the GOAT game show. Right. And he was the host for so long... Just the perfect amount of kind of horny, you know, made sure that everyone got their pets spayed and neutered would get a little pissed off when people were dumb. He just was the best.

The 49ers trade for Trey Lance is one of the worst busts in NFL history

Find another team that trades three first round picks and misses that badly on a quarterback and still is potentially a Super Bowl team... but that has to be one of the worst bust slash trades in, in NFL history.

The new college football running clock rule on first downs is ruining the game

The new rule about First Downs sucks. The fact that they keep the running clock sucks. Yeah, it sucks. It's stupid... they just added more commercials. They fucking, it sucks. They're ruining college football.

Stephen Strasberg's contract was the worst in baseball history

Post World series, he was paid $460,000 per pitch. He was paid 2.6 million per out. 7.8 million per inning pitch. And he was paid $30.6 million per start. Whoa. Probably, probably the worst contract in baseball history.

Messi's assist against the Red Bulls was the craziest pass I've ever seen

Beat the Red Bulls scored another or no? Yeah. Unbelievable goal. Probably the craziest pass I've ever seen in the, in the sport of football... I think it was [better than his World Cup pass].

Howie Long Jr. is the best athlete in the Long family

People ask why I waited to name our third child Howie. And I said, well, you know, it's easy because he's our favorite. You know, he's the best athlete in the family. He's, he's really just our favorite.

Kyle Long would win a wrestling match against Chris and Howie in their primes

Kyle is frightening. When he puts hands on you, it's a different kind. It's like, some people are, I'm heavy handed, he's heavy handed on a bigger... I would take Kyle [in a wrestling match].

Modern NFL players are undeniably bigger, stronger, and faster than the 80s generation

It's, trust me, I, I I have no problem saying that. It's bigger, it's stronger, it's faster. Yeah. And, you know, that's the way it is... biggest offensive line's three 20 across the board. Different game.

Shohei Ohtani should become the best closer in baseball history

Why doesn't Shohei Ohtani become the best closer in the game? I was thinking about that. I went up, looked up Smoltz's history. He was a great pitcher for the Braves. Moved into the closing role and then dominated for a few years, then came back and started. He would be a lights out closer. Imagine if he was just like ding every day and then closing games. That would rule.

Trey Lance should step away from football for a little bit

[Trey Lance] should step away. Trey Lance for a little bit.

Trey Lance should try to play for Andy Reid in Kansas City to save his career

Trey Lance should step away and then try to find a way to wind up in Kansas City and play for Andy Reid and then become great.

Penn State is a legitimate national title contender in 2023

Penn State is loaded with freaky talent this year. Like they could really be a Big 10 title contender. And if you're a Big 10 title contender, it means you could actually be a national title contender.

Kentucky is a dark horse to surprise the SEC in 2023

Kentucky seems to have fixed a lot of the things that caused problems last year... They've got Devin Leary now... They could be quite a bit better. That's one that if you're Tennessee, if you're Florida, if you're South Carolina, you're worried about them right being considerably better than they were last year.

Michigan is the best-positioned team to win the national championship in 2023

Michigan, this is the best chance Michigan has to win a national championship. It feels like this is the culmination of everything Harbaugh's built.

Dabo Swinney is on the hot seat because of the NIL era

I would say yes. Hot seat for Dabo, by the way. Because in his own words, he said he would quit coaching college football if the players got paid. He put himself on the hot seat.

Donald Trump's 2016 Republican debate performance is a first-ballot Hall of Fame ass-kicking

The one that we, no one's gonna pick, but I do actually think it is a 1-1. It is Trump and the Republican debates. Trump versus all the other Republicans. He just fucking smoked him. He ended all their careers. Ted Cruz, your wife's ugly. Marco Rubio's got a small penis. He just great school bullied them all. It was a total ass kicking.

The Washington Commanders' win over the Ravens was the biggest win in preseason history

The Washington Commanders have had the biggest win in Preseason history. We did it... some people were being haters saying like, oh, that you guys are acting like you won the Super Bowl... This was not just a Preseason game for the Commanders. This was a release.

You don't become a billionaire without being at least a little bit weird

It was a cringey weird moment by a billionaire who I believe that all billionaires are weird. That you don't get to a billionaire without being a little weird.

Aaron Rodgers is actually trolling Zach Wilson by being overly polite to him

I think Aaron [Rodgers] was being sarcastic when he said that [he'd turn it over to Zach for 20 years]. I think he was laying the praise on a little bit thick and having a big joke on everybody... Zach will not know that I'm making fun of him because I'm being so obviously over the top.

Josh Allen, Joe Burrow, Jalen Hurts, Trevor Lawrence, and Justin Herbert are the actual top 5 QBs in the NFL

We should start taking PA—top five quarterbacks in the league right now. Sam Howell, Josh Allen—Sam Howell, no. Josh Allen. Josh Allen, Joe Burrow. Joe Burrow, Jalen Hurts, Trevor Lawrence, Justin Herbert, Justin Herbert. That's our five.

Drinking is a bigger cause of fan misbehavior at sports than gambling

What do you think is a bigger culprit for people screaming out at inappropriate times or yelling inappropriate things? Would you say it is gambling or would you say it is drinking? Because it's probably drinking.

Jim Harbaugh's self-imposed three-game suspension is a genius move to avoid missing the Texas game in 2024

Jim Harbaugh, Michigan self-imposed a three game suspension on him. Genius. Genius Moves. So he misses all the out of conference games... Michigan was like, okay, tell you what, you pressed our hand. We'll go as far as three games. Well, I mean it would, I would guess... they're playing like no one. It's at all the, at a conference stuff.

Josh McDaniels is a terrible head coach who won't be successful

Not a fan. ... He implemented the Patriot Way though... Overnight you've got 'do your job' written on every wall... It was just kind of awkward from the start.

All NFL kickers are dorks, with the exception of Matt Prater

[Kickers are] dorks. Huge dorks. [Matt Prater] is not a dork. Matt Prater is a dude.

Christian McCaffrey's versatility makes him worth a high running back salary

I think the backs that bring that true three down versatility that you're gonna use him as much throwing in the ball as you are hand, those are the guys that are gonna get paid... you look at what Christian [McCaffrey] can do, he's a dual weapon. You can line him up in the backfield, you can split him out. He's a return. He just brings so many different elements.

Kanye West's 'College Trilogy' is the best pound-for-pound album trilogy in history

To separate the art from the artist Right. And understand that these are maybe the three like pound for pound best albums out there... It is Kanye West College Dropout Late Registration. Graduation. They call it the College trilogy.

The Godfather Part III is so bad that it ruins the whole movie trilogy

Godfather three... one and two are so good... The Tri literally just say the Godfather of three doesn't exist. It like they try to make it so it's not a trilogy... The trilogy then sinks the whole trilogy within itself. That's not, that is incorrect.

The 2017 Barstool Van Talk cancellation was caused by a bad omen involving a dead squirrel

He said that when we were there, a hawk came and picked up a squirrel and after we left the hawk dropped the dead squirrel on the bench we were sitting on. And his wife said, whatever those guys were talking about, it's not gonna work out. ... That's a bad omen. Really bad.

Trey Lance sucks and doesn't know how to play football

Trey Lance sucks. Yeah. Well that's, doesn't even know how to play football. ... The one clip of him throwing, just standing there with no pressure while guys were open, feeling pressure that wasn't there, and then mis-throwing it. That was a bad look.

Lionel Messi is the best soccer player ever and the MLS might be rigged for him

Messy, he's a goat. We all know he's a goat and he just keeps proving that he's... Some people are saying MLS is rigged that they brought Messi over and they're letting him score all these goals because there's no way that the professional league can be that bad where [Messi] just steps in and dominates.

Signing Aaron Judge to a mega-deal was a mistake

Build around Aaron Judge. ... I don't know if you wanna build around Aaron Judge. He's like 32 isn't he? They just signed him to a mega deal. I know that was a mistake. ... He's gonna be 32 before next season. Okay. Whew. And he's got like 14 years left on his contract.