Takes

The 'Bang!' call would work perfectly for a game-winning NFL field goal.

Can 'bang' go in any other sports? Could you use it in any other sports? I think you go hands. You wait for hands. Game winning field goal. Bang! Works. [A] game winning field goal, 'bang' works.

Age 40 is a major cutoff; your fitness level on the day you turn 40 determines your physical trajectory for the rest of your life.

It's time to get back in shape. Gotta get in shape before you're 40. I feel like anything you do before you're 40, that's who you're gonna be after 40. 40 is like a big cutoff. If I'm in shape the day I turn 40, I can get fat and then get back in shape. No problem.

The 'Uncrustable Diet' is the perfect way to get in shape for age 40

I'm trying a new diet that I think I invented, which is strictly Uncrustables. ... My meal plan is, I eat four Uncrustables a day. ... I think that the Uncrustable is probably the perfect snack. The perfect meal, the perfect everything.

Dots Pretzels are the most addictive snack in existence

I've never been addicted to a snack more than this. And it's dangerous. It is crazy.

Bill Walton died because his work on earth was done once the Pac-12 ended

The Pac-12 ends, Bill's like, well my work here is done. [He's] probably hanging out with Jerry Garcia right now and the Pac-12 is on 24/7.

The Celtics are a seasoned team that has overcome their past tendencies to 'turtle up' in close games

The Celtics are a seasoned team that knows how to make big plays and that's what they did time and time again in this series. In the past when it feels like they turtle up in close games... they didn't do that at all. They found a way to win.

The NBA Finals schedule is idiotic for making fans wait until June 6th regardless of when the conference finals end

I'm rooting for double sweep just so we can make fun of the NBA scheduling. Fans have to book their hotels and tickets months ago... there's no way an NBA fan books their hotels and plane tickets for the Finals months in advance. It doesn't make any sense.

Luka Doncic and Kyrie Irving are the best offensive backcourt of all time

Kyrie and Luka, the best offensive backcourt of all time. And people laughed at [Kenny the Jet Smith] and then they played three games and they're like, maybe he's not that far off.

Kyrie Irving is a better player than Jrue Holiday

Kyrie's better... than Jrue Holiday? Yeah. Because I don't think he's better than Tatum but has hasn't been playing out of this, out of his mind. Their championship experience supersedes the Celtics because their championship guy is better.

I'm sprinkling a bet on the Timberwolves to be the first team to come back from down 3-0

I may put a little future on the Wolves to be the first team to come back and... Timberwolves plus a thousand. They just can't be any worse. And the thing is, they're not playing good, but they're still building leads into the fourth quarter.

The WNBA fans and media are ruining the fun of sports with cultural think pieces

Caitlin Clark is adding so many new fans and there's a lot of fans that are just taking the fun out of sports. Everything that happens in the WNBA now has to be a fucking bigger cultural talking point. It's like, hey, it's fucking sports. Shut the fuck up... there's seven think pieces after every game she plays.

Caitlin Clark has a marketing problem because every game results in cultural think pieces

I actually feel bad for Caitlin Clark... what's happening is there's no way that she can tune out all this stuff. I've got seven people on slate.com writing about why Caitlin Clark is problematic for the league and how the league has a marketing problem.

Draymond Green is 'going out sad' and only complaining because his career is ending

I think Draymond Green knows it's over and he's going out really sad, just complaining. He's made $177 million... for him to say that the fines are the big problem... I think there might be a small part of him when he goes to bed at night, he's like, did I call Steph like a couple rings? And it's over. He's grasping at whatever he can to try to keep it going.

Conor McGregor will lose to Michael Chandler in his return fight

I love this energy. I think he's probably gonna lose to Michael Chandler. But I like the fact that Conor McGregor just like us is like, it's Memorial Day weekend. Like diet starts Tuesday. Fight camp starts Tuesday.

Michael Jordan is the best player I ever played against

Well, Michael Jordan. Yeah, I would say that's fair answer... Michael is so fun to play with, right. I mean, he's a great competitor as we all know.

The 1986 Celtics are the greatest team of all time, better than the 1996 Bulls

No, no, no. Not up there. It's above [the 1996 Bulls]... Best team of all time. In my unbiased team... we were 50 and 1 [at home]. That's insane... we just assumed [playing the Lakers in the Finals] was gonna happen. We weren't gonna lose either way.

My wife fell for me because I dominated her previous boyfriend in flag football at BYU

That's close [to what happened]. He played center, I played quarterback... that's what I claimed to my wife. That's when she fell for me. I wasn't supposed to be playing flag football.

Bill Walton thought he was a chess genius but actually sucked at it

We thought he was like a chess genius... Finally one day I challenged to play him and I beat him and then Jerry Sichting challenged to play him and he beat him. And we said, you can't ever talk chess again. You are not good.

If a player is a great athlete and has a good brain, shooting is the skill they can always learn

I mean, if a guy is a great athlete and a good player has a good brain but can't shoot, I think that's a good bet... they can learn that. Like Scotty Pippen, Magic Johnson... they weren't great shooters... they still would've been great players. Kawhi Leonard was another guy that wasn't a great shooter in college and turned out to be one of the best.

Jimmy Butler is my biggest draft regret

I would say Jimmy Butler is the first one that comes to mind. It was, you know, he was a late first round pick and he was seriously in our thoughts of drafting and we went another direction.

Jalen Brown is the best player on the Celtics except for almost every statistical category

I can definitely smell a narrative that's building. There are gonna be people that ask like, is Jalen Brown really the, the leader of this team? Is he the best player on this team? And aside from the player efficiency rating, scoring field goal percentage and defense and dribbling with your left wind shares and all the other advanced stats, except for all those, he is the best player on the team.

The Celtics-Pacers series might be a sweep because of Tyrese Haliburton's injury

I do think that they're gonna beat the Pacers... No, I'm saying like in game. Don't get crazy in game three. I think it, it might even be a sweep because Halliburton's probably not gonna play.

The Boston Police Department giving the Pacers an escort is proof the series is over

The reason why this series is over is after the game, Rick Carlisle, thank the Boston Police for escorting the Pacers team bus today... Do you think there's any chance if the Boston Celtics or the Boston Police thought the Pacers posed any type of threat, they would escort 'em and give them that type of treatment? That is a full sign that they know this series is over.

Luka Doncic is currently the best player left in the NBA playoffs

I said he is the best player left in the playoffs with four teams left. . . Luka Doncic, what he did on Wednesday night is why he's the best player left in the playoffs.

Jason Tatum is the 4th, 5th, or 6th best player in the NBA

Let's just end this Jason Tatum thing for one last time. I have him ranked somewhere between the fourth and the sixth best player in the NBA... [If he wins the finals and Olympics] I'd probably have him third.

Anthony Edwards has not been good enough over his last six games

Anthony Edwards has not scored 20 points in four of his last six games. That's not good enough.

It would be very funny if the Indiana Fever don't win a single game this year

It would be kind of funny if [the Fever] don't win a game. I mean, I'm rooting for that.

I'm okay with colleges paying players directly because fans shouldn't have to fund NIL

I think I'm okay with this because I don't think that fans should have to fund these college programs any more than they already do. . . Why isn't, if you keep showing to me that like the Big 10 and the SEC and the ACC keeps signing billion dollar TV rights deals, why can't the players get a little of that?

Inside the NBA is significantly more important to the NBA's culture than the In-Season Tournament

Inside the NBA is more important to the NBA than the in-season tournament by a large margin. Like those are not equal to me in terms of the consumption of the culture around the sport, the way the sports talked about.

Kyrie Irving has become the elder statesman and leader in the Mavericks' locker room

Kyrie so settled in even more than last year, he's such a leader in the locker room. . . the fact that Kyrie has willingly stepped in to do all of that, the guys in that locker room love him. It's really unbelievable.

No single player will ever win six NBA championships as the main guy again

I personally, I don't think it's even possible for someone to win six rings anymore. Like maybe as like the extra guy who goes tops from team to team or something. But as like the main guy, I just don't think that's available anymore. . . the competition is so much thicker from team to team and game to game.

Living in the Northeast keeps you in a state of constant mayhem and anxiety

You don't realize the Northeast, Philly and New York, it's like you're constantly under mayhem. Your angst is up, your anxiety's flying. You're just angry for no reason.

It is impossible to be a sports fan on the same level in California as it is in the Northeast

If my team loses a big game and it's like, oh, it's 70 degrees and go to the beach. I just don't think you hold it in the same. . . You go, I'm sitting at a beach. My team just lost. Who do I think I am?

The 'Sod Father' groundskeeper might have sabotaged the Eagles in Super Bowl LVII

That guy, he has been doing the, the groundskeeping work for the Chiefs for like what, 50 years... His last game was the Super Bowl. And on the way out, they had all that controversy about how slick the grass was... The Chiefs knew Chiefs had the right cleats. The Eagles didn't... Look into it.

Chevy Chase once kicked me off his trampoline for jumping too high

freshman year of high school... I'm gonna impress [Chevy Chase] by how high I can jump on this trampoline... And instead he goes, get off my trampoline. You jumping too high. It's dangerous. And I was like, oh man. And I get off the trampoline and then he just jumps on the trampoline with my friend and I was just standing there.

A healthy relationship requires constant bickering and conflict

I think a healthy relationship requires a bunch of that [bickering]. . . It was a perfect storm of living together. Then you're getting into lifestyle differences. . . that person's gonna get it.

People catching and eating cicadas at baseball games will be a viral trend this summer

We're gonna see more and more, I predict this summer of just cicada cam. Just people just grabbing a cicada and eating it on camera. . . normalize it.

The Celtics' Game 1 win over the Pacers was a 'wake-up call win,' which is the best kind of win

It was a wake up call win, which are the best types of wake up calls... they overcame, they were stumbling at the end of the fourth quarter, couple of really bad turnovers. Jalen Brown was not playing good in the fourth quarter. And then he came up clutch when it mattered most.

The Pacers' Game 1 loss to the Celtics is the most demoralizing loss possible

This seems like the most demoralizing loss possible. The Pacers had the game won and they gave it away. And when you give a game away like that in the last like 20 seconds, it feels like even if it goes into overtime, there's nothing good that's gonna happen to you.

I predict the Celtics will blow out the Pacers in Game 2

Blowout wake up call. Celtics. They've been woken up. This was the perfect ending. It was a wake up call win.

Edmonton losing in the Stanley Cup Finals would be the best storyline for hockey

I kind of just for our own sake, I hope that Edmonton loses in the finals. Just for the storyline. Canada... I hope they get to the finals and I hope that Edmonton loses.

Never have Bryce Harper help you with a promposal because he is too attractive

You don't wanna stand next to somebody way more attractive than you when asking such an important question... mission accomplished, but now did she say yes just because she wanted to give Bryce Harper a hug?

Caleb Williams lost all his swag the minute he put on a Bears uniform

The minute Caleb Williams put on the Bears uniform and they had him running around as a quarterback, he lost all his swag. He's gotta figure out how to overcome the Bears quarterback uniform. People were tweeting about it like 'this guy's got no swag anymore.' I kind of agree.

Snake is the greatest video game ever created

Snake was the greatest game ever created. Brick Breaker, probably a year of my career. My former career was Brick Breaker, just trying to beat it.

Jim Harbaugh will lead the Chargers to an AFC Championship game within the next 5 years

The chargers, they're gonna be good. Harbaugh will be in an AFC championship game over under five years... I think we'll do it in the third or fourth year. I think it's three.

The NFL's electronic first down measurement system is bad for the sport because it removes human anticipation

This is bad. And here's why. The chain and the stick is awesome. It gives you another play. It's a free play that you get... the anticipation. That's another stop of them running out... That's what we love about football is the weird shit. If we were starting football from scratch right now, there's no chance in hell there would be three old guys with sticks.

Scotty Scheffler has more street cred now after his arrest

Scotty Scheffler at the top of this mountain... Scotty's from Highland Park in Texas or whatever, he's got more street cred than all of us now. In golf, it's like every other sport you're like 'is he gonna be able to make it?' and now it's like 'oh he's a badass.'

Anthony Edwards is the best player on Team USA

[Steve Kerr] came to Ant [Edwards] before they played. And he's like, 'Hey, you know, when team USA sometimes star players come off the bench'... and Ant was like, 'I was cool, but I didn't see Kobe on the roster.' And by the maybe the third exhibition game... Steve Kerr was like, 'yeah, actually he's our best player.'

Anthony Edwards wearing a microphone in Game 7 on the road proves he is fearless

He wore the microphone in game seven. Game seven on the road. I'll take that mic, put it right here. That before the game, he's like 'yeah I'm not worried at all, go ahead and record everything I say.' ... His leadership and his belief, I don't know, maybe he can carry it.

The Mavericks' team defense is much better than their reputation suggests

They were the number one defensive team for the last six weeks of the season, which is one of the most amazing things that we saw happen... Maverick fans are really pissed off that Luca... didn't get more credit. there was like one game against the Clippers where I was like, 'oh my God, Luca's like making game-changing defensive stops.'