Takes

Brock Purdy is a top-eight quarterback and better than Justin Herbert and Jalen Hurts

Is Brock still available? Oh yeah, Brock's still available. Brock is almost Brock's higher than nine. Oh Eagles fans are gonna be so mad that Brock is higher than nine. [Brock at eight].

Jared Goff is the 6th best quarterback in the NFL

Maybe Jared at seven. I like Jared at seven. That feels good. Okay, so put wait. Jared at six. Six. Yep. Love that. I love that for us.

Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen, Lamar Jackson, Joe Burrow, and C.J. Stroud are the top five quarterbacks in the NFL

I think it has to go [Joe Burrow], [C.J. Stroud], [Lamar Jackson], [Josh Allen], [Patrick Mahomes]. Let's flip C.J. and Joe. I think put C.J. at five. Joe at four. Do you want to go Josh at three? No, Josh has to be two. [Mahomes is one].

Aaron Rodgers will prove he is the number one quarterback in the NFL this year

Rogers will prove that he's the number one quarterback this year. Patrick Mahomes never beat him in the playoffs.

UFC 303: Conor McGregor vs. Michael Chandler is in serious jeopardy of being canceled

There was supposed to be a scheduled press conference for UFC 303 that got postponed on Monday... It's not looking great for UFC 303 unless this is all a work. [McGregor] is on the Hot Seat.

Smoking cigarettes is a valid and respectable strategy to quit vaping

Somebody reported that [Charlie Hull] is smoking cigarettes to help her quit vaping. Which respect? We've all been there. When you vape, you do it more often. The act of having to go outside [to smoke] is a very fair point.

Ippei Mizuhara is the greatest Fall Guy Hall of Famer of all time

Ippei is came out and he's guilty or he's admitted guilt... If he is a fall guy, I think he is the best fall guy of all time. Ever. Fall Guy Hall of Fame.

Dudefest 2024 is going to happen and it will be a major success

We are in the works of, and it's gonna be a Barstool Sports joint. PMT will be big behind it. Jersey Jerry started it. Dudefest. We're doing it. Dudefest 1.0 is not gonna—think about like Elio's Ice Icon. It's kinda like that. It's gonna rock.

The French Open court conditions were to blame for Novak Djokovic's meniscus injury

He blamed the court surface because of the rain. He asked them to wipe it multiple times and they did not approve... could this injury have been prevented? Possibly if there was just a little bit more frequent care of the court.

The Celtics will beat the Mavericks in the NBA Finals

I like Boston. I'm scared to death of Luca... but I feel like Boston has the two versus the one... their primary lineup of Pingus back is going to be five people that you have to worry about.

Kristaps Porzingis is the most important player for the Celtics in the Finals

Pingus really does feel like the most important player... matchup wise, changing what Dallas has done and making their bigs do something they haven't done before, not that they're incapable of doing it, but pulling that rim protection away, he feels the most important for me.

Buying a boat with the intention of recouping costs through charters is a scam

When I bought it originally I was told if I put it in the charter that I was gonna recoup a lot of the money back. And I already knew it was bullshit when it was happening. The projections and then the revenue—I don't even know if we hit 10% of the projections.

Kyrie Irving is one of the most skilled yet disappointing players in NBA history

When people start coming at you with like, he's the most talented player of all time, it's like, okay, so then you're admitting that he's one of the most disappointing players ever... for multiple seasons that the guy looked like he didn't really even care about playing basketball anymore.

Shai Gilgeous-Alexander is a better basketball player than Jayson Tatum

I'm not gonna start putting [Tatum] ahead of Giannis and SGA. It'll be interesting to see how far somebody goes with it. I think [putting him ahead of SGA] would be wrong. Even if [Tatum] wins it.

Jalen Brunson is a better player than Jayson Tatum and would never lose an NBA Finals

Jalen Brunson. Say what you want about—he would never lose in the finals. Yep. Yep. Yes. He will not lose in the [finals].

Joel Embiid is no longer a top-five NBA player

That fifth spot is not reserved for Embiid for me anymore in the way that it was prior to this season. I mean, at some point man, at some point... I'm sick of seeing playoff games where I need him to figure out a way to unlock the possession and get him into his stuff on his own in a way that I don't think he's capable of doing the way other guys are.

Joel Embiid is a top-three NBA player and his stats prove it

33, 11 and six in the playoffs this year. Better than fucking Tatum's averages in the playoffs... his [PER] was on track to be like the greatest single PER of anyone.

Strength is a choice

I just, you know what I did towards the end [of my bench press] I was struggling and I went 'choose to be strong.' I was like, 'Wait, how many more do you have?' I go, 'Hey, why don't you just choose to be strong?' Mind over matter.

You should always take the deal to have all your teams win championships in one year, even if they never win again

I think you gotta take the year. Because, alright, I'm thinking about my college teams too. And I don't think that my college teams are ever gonna win a title. So I'm basically getting a guaranteed one that I would never get. Sweeping the entire board for an entire year—you just have that for the rest of your life.

The NFL season should start in late October and run through April to preserve the summer

I kind of wish football season was in a different part of the year... I find myself trying to wish away the summer, which is the best season in terms of weather... I kind of wish we had summer after football season... if football started in late October and went till April and then it's like summer.

Connor McDavid still sucks because he hasn't won the big one

Not that he [McDavid] needs it again. He, he still hasn't won the big one, so we're gonna wait on that... Right now. He still sucks. In a way I'm kind of hoping that he loses so we can really focus this take on him. Like, losing in the Stanley Cup finals would be the ultimate point on that crown of cannot win the big one.

I'm rooting for the Edmonton Oilers and Canada to win the Stanley Cup

I think I'm rooting for Canada. Sorry Jake. Sorry about your [Florida Panthers]. Me versus the world. I am as well. Yeah. I just, Canada, you're just so nice. Just cares so much.

The 2023-24 season was likely the Rangers' best chance to win a Stanley Cup for a long time

This year was probably their best year. [The New York Rangers].

I'm sticking with the Celtics in seven to win the NBA Finals

I'm sticking with my Celtics in seven, but I do, I did find some stats... I feel, I feel strong about Celtics in seven.

WNBA players are 100% jealous of Caitlin Clark and they should just admit it

The people who are jealous of Caitlin Clark and when they take cheap shots at her... they are jealous. They're jealous of Caitlin Clark. They 100% are, it's okay to admit it. They're going again. They're going to be footnotes in Caitlin Clark's career. When it's all said and done, they're going to be the Lance Stephenson blowing in LeBron's ear.

The WNBA players' hatred for Caitlin Clark will ultimately be good for the sport's growth

Having this type of hatred and love, I think is ultimately gonna be very, very good for the WNBA. Let sports be sports, let them be fun too. Let's just, let's just sports happen... When Caitlin Clark wins, it's gonna be awesome for her.

Replacement caddy is the easiest job in professional sports

I feel like a replacement caddy is the easiest job in sports... You need a guy that's just gonna do the job and this guy... That's a man that can do the job.

Tiger Woods definitely used HGH to come back from his injuries

He definitely, I think he without a doubt a hundred percent used HGH to come back from injuries. I like this. Maybe this is the summer of getting all of our goats... They all use steroids. That's fine.

The NBA Finals is the Celtics' series to lose and I think they win in six

I think it's Boston series to lose. I think it's their series to lose. Kristaps should be back. They've had the best record all year... I think Boston wins in six, but if it's a one possession game, gimme Dallas.

Luka Dončić is impossible to guard because he's a 'heavy' 245 pounds and uses his body perfectly

He's heavy, right? You know, with with, with respect to the heavy people out there... Luka is heavy man and he's a good, healthy, heavy, like strong, sturdy. He's still quick. He, he, he has a great change of speed... I mean he's gotta be at least 245, maybe heavier healthy body fat. ... Luca is heavy, hard to guard. He can lean on you, he can post you up.

Luka Dončić takes the matchup against Kristaps Porziņģis personally

Luca and [Porzingis] played together and it didn't go well... I think if you know anything about Luca, he takes things very personally and this is a chance for him to really beat a guy he played with and wasn't able to necessarily get over the hump with.

Luka Dončić is already a better player than Dirk Nowitzki ever was

Jay Kidd said he was already better than Dirk, you know, he's 25 years old... they're already talking about he's better than Dirk and he ain't even won a [ring]... this is telling you how special this kid is. Like this man is a real problem and he's still not really in his prime.

A bad shooting day in an empty gym for an NBA pro is still making 65-75% of shots

A bad shooting day for me, I'm probably making 65% of my shots. And that's like a's like a bad, like I'm bricking nobody in the gym, empty gym. ... If we go do we do a hundred threes a bad day, I'm making 75 outta a hundred. That's like a terrible day... A normal day 80 plus out of a hundred... [Normally] 90, 92, 93 out of a hundred.

There is no way on earth Lenny Kravitz hasn't had sex in nine years

Lenny Kravitz said that he hasn't had sex in nine years. Yeah, he hasn't fucked in nine years. That must be really, that's impossible. Difficult for Lenny Kravitz to do that. That's insane. ... Lenny Kravitz is so hot that there's no one on earth that can make him come.

Karl-Anthony Towns is the hardest player in the NBA to fully get behind and root for.

If you're a Timberwolves fan, I, God bless you because you are, you have to root for Karl-Anthony Towns. He must be so infuriating to root for. I'm just saying he, he is probably the hardest player to fully delude yourself into getting behind in the [NBA].

The Timberwolves lost Game 5 the moment they decided to wear their 'terrible' alternate jerseys.

The Timberwolves... you lost the game the minute you went with those jerseys. It's terrible. Jerseys terrible. Max, I saw your face... those are not back against the wall jerseys. No, those are game two jerseys. Preferably a game two of the season in October.

Karl-Anthony Towns cannot claim to be the best big man shooter of all time because he lacks post moves.

Karl-Anthony Towns is a self-proclaimed best big man shooter of all time. I feel like you have to have post moves, like really good post moves to be able to say that, to claim that. Otherwise, you're just a tall shooter. There's a difference between being tall and being a big man.

The Celtics will beat the Mavericks in 7 games

My gut kneejerk is Celtics and seven

The Celtics will beat the Mavericks in 6 games

I I'm thinking Celtics and six.

The Celtics will beat the Mavericks in 5 games

My gut reaction is Celtics in five. I think so. I'm a bigger Celtics fan than Hank is, I guess.

The Mavericks will win because Kyrie Irving and Luka Dončić are better closers than the Celtics' stars

I think that this is gonna be a very close series. It's going to come down to very tight games at the end. And one team has two guys that have proven to be excellent closers against very good teams in this playoffs. And the Celtics have looked a little Iffy.

I'm going to bet whoever loses Game 1 of the NBA Finals because the series is definitely going to seven games.

One strategy. I actually, the one only betting strategy I think I have for this is I think I'm just gonna bet whoever loses game one because I do think it's gonna go seven. So no matter who loses game one, I'm just gonna bet that they're gonna trade games back and forth.

I'm worried Hard Knocks will ruin the Bears' upcoming season

There's a small part of me that's worried that hard knocks might taint all the success the Bears have had these last few years. Like this could go south.

I want the Rangers to win Game 6 and then lose Game 7 in historic, embarrassing fashion

I would like the Rangers to win game six. And then lose in historic fashion [in game 7].

Fans would not cheer if Jose Altuve died on the field, despite how much they hate the Astros.

[Ben Verlander] tweeted yesterday: 'I honestly think if [Jose Altuve] got hit in the head and died on the field, people would cheer.' I don't think that. I don't think so. I think it'd probably be pretty quiet. Probably be a 'ooh'. Probably cancel baseball for a couple weeks. Maybe a week. At least a day. No, Ben's way off on this one.

Major League Baseball is only integrating Negro League stats to make themselves look like the good guy

The weird part to me is MLB segregated the black players. Told them they cannot play in the M lb. Yes. Created, like, made them create their own leagues because like you cannot play. We're keeping you out. And now 80 years later, they're basically inheriting their statistics and putting them on the MLB website and almost erasing it. Like the Negro Leagues being like Oh. yeah. It's all part of MLB. ... It feels like they're just kind of patting the Negro Leagues on the head being like, these are ours now.

Major League Baseball should get rid of all stats from the pre-integration era

I actually think you should just get rid of all old stats pre-integration because that was ma the major league stats are also tainted. You kept out because you kept out some of the best players. You've deliberately kept them out. You shouldn't be able to count those as those the like the number one stats.

Instant replay has become a 'necessary evil' that hurts the flow and quality of the NBA product.

I don't know if [replay has] made it more difficult [to announce]. I think it hurts the product a little bit. It's become a necessary evil and they're certainly not going back to no replay. But there are certain times that the flow of the game is affected and that's when the games at it's best... those games, especially a playoff game where it's like a three, four minute review, those are maddening to me.

Modern sports broadcasting has become much higher intensity compared to the calmer calls of the 1970s and 80s.

Compare a 1970s or eighties call of a finals game or a Super Bowl and then compare it to now, it's different in a lot of cases. And I think that's a big part that it's become okay. In fact, it's become a good way to show you're excited as much of a fan. Back in the old days, you wouldn't do that 'cause you'd sound like a fan. Now it's more encouraged and I think fans like that.

Madison Square Garden is the best arena in the world for a major sporting event

Madison Square Garden is right up there. There is no better place when it's a big event. Whether it's basketball, whether it's hockey, even like a concert. There's just no better place.