Takes

A girl taking forever to get ready is actually a positive for guys

Taking forever to get ready to go out... as soon as you like as you get older you realize like the timing of things and that's just free time. that's a rain delay that you get for going out that's you know what that time is that sit on the couch and refresh Twitter every two seconds right and not have to feel bad about not feel that at all.

ESPN's 'Long Gone Summer' documentary stunk because it taught us nothing new

The long-gone summer stunk. It was impressive in the fact that it was a two hour long documentary that taught me absolutely nothing new. It will have—that's a—I've never sat down and watch which should be like a detailed look at an era where they—there were no new facts. It was a YouTube compilation with some Radio Calls.

Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and Roger Clemens should all be in the Hall of Fame

Everyone was doing it one, you can't tell me that Barry Bonds isn't a fucking Hall of Famer or Sammy Sosa isn't a fucking Hall of Famer, Roger [Clemens]—like all these guys should be in the Hall of Fame.

Kyrie Irving is right that the NBA's return could distract from the Black Lives Matter movement

The thing I don't understand—I actually Kyrie's statement, I actually kind of agree with. Like his point is if you're—if we're pushing for something to radically change, the one thing you don't want to allow is for people to be like, 'can we just get back to normal?' because like when you're back to normal, it's easy way of just saying, 'Oh well, like we'll deal with that later.'

For many players, using steroids was simply a 'business decision'

This is a business decision and you've got to—you got to—you got to think about a few things here... am I okay with being able to look the man in the mirror... look my friends, family, fans, whatever. Can I look them in the eye and be okay with making that decision? And if at the end of the day, you can check all three of those boxes, that's a business decision regardless of who's in front of you.

Managing will be more important than ever in a 50-game season

This will be interesting because this will probably be the hardest season for a manager and the most that managing will come into play a game to game because like you said, first sign of trouble we got to win this game. It's not going to be like a Sunday in the middle of July where you hey, we can let's get the fuck out of Cincinnati we can lose this game and recoup tomorrow.

I'm genuinely happy that Chase Stokes and Madelyn Cline from 'Outer Banks' are dating in real life

John B and Sarah Cameron dating in real life. Yes. Fuck. Yes. That is so hot. That's awesome. Oh fuck. Yes. All right. I need all the Deets on that... Chase Stokes and Maddie in real life. According to—get stoked—Ria's already—Ria's where's my heart is about to burst.

Brooks Koepka should keep his mustache forever

[Brooks Koepka] looks so good though, that mustache. I hope he doesn't shave it because he is one of those guys that if he committed to the mustache life, he could be a mustache guy forever.

Sports leagues should offer a 'Darren Rovell-free' broadcast option for extra money

Just give me a Darren Rovell free option and I'll pay extra for that. Right? Even if he wasn't going to be on the original cast, they could be like, hey extra $10 a week to watch Sunday Night Football with no Darren Rovell on. I'd be like, yeah, just to be safe. To make sure that he doesn't show up.

Paul Finebaum's take on Nick Saban running out of time is just a result of him having no other takes

Paul Finebaum has run out of takes so his take now is that Nick Saban is running out of time. Oh, like we all like he's on the downside of his coaching career. He's 69 and he's going to be 69 this year. So he's like, yeah, he's too old.

Authenticity is the key to comedy because real people are naturally weird

If you're authentic in your credible. People are funny. Anyway, right like you could if you're real people are weird like in real life people are just nuts. So you can if you telling you know, the story about someone's life and some lesson they learned or how they got through something hard if you take it seriously, it's still going to be funny.

Michael Jordan's 'Flu Game' pizza story is high comedy regardless of whether it's true

This brings us to the Michael Jordan eating a pizza during the NBA Finals question. What is funnier than that? Right? It's the the highest Stakes thing in the world... Whether it's eating a pizza or pretending to have eaten a pizza to cover up a mistake that's high comedy stakes. And what would the end of that movie be? Having the best game of your life while almost vomiting the entire time.

Underappreciated comedies like 'Walk Hard' and 'Popstar' are often more enjoyable to look back on than blockbusters

Walk Hard is a movie that made very little money. I think it's one of the funniest ones of all the ones we did... That's our favorite thing when you know, something feels dismissed at the time and it seems to hold up ten years later... [Popstar] is another great one. It is always a bummer when you don't have the box office you were hoping for... but you want something to make people happy.

Lance Armstrong is the most self-centered and selfish person in the world

Does who the fuck is Lance Armstrong think he's fooling to be like remorseful without remorse... he's realize he's he's the most self-centered person I think I've ever ever seen like that's not really an exaggeration I think he's the most selfish person the world but he's reached the point in his life where he's had to confront what a dick that he's been in public.

Lance Armstrong is exactly like Pete Rose in how he only admits to what he's already been caught for

[Lance] actually reminds me a lot of Pete Rose in the way that he deals with things where he wants he's like caught red-handed he'll admit something and maybe he'll give you like a little bit past what you already know about right but then you ask them well what about all this other stuff and then he'll put up like one blocker but like no I never did that.

We have officially become the 'dads' of the podcast

I think what's happened here, you know when whenever you have a family right and there's that point in time when the 10-12 year old kids turn into teenagers and the dads start becoming the butt of every single joke... We are the dads now. We have become the dads. I'm getting roasted on Twitch. You're getting roasted by Hank and ping pong. Billy is just roasting me. Just mentally we are the dads.

Lance Armstrong single-handedly ruined the name 'Lance' for babies

I think Lance Armstrong probably killed the name Lance. Yeah, you know babies named Lance? Yes, yes. Lance is not a little kid's name. I feel like you name a fucking—that's the kid that you're like, I'm going to wait until I meet it and know its personality and it turns out to be real asshole.

I could beat Jameis Winston in a boxing match

Watching him box—I actually think I could beat up Jameis Winston and I'm not a good boxer. Wow. He looks like a beginner out there... I hereby challenge Jameis Winston to fight me in Rough N' Rowdy... I'm a wide five-nine. I'm like a chode. My arms are longer than those of a five-nine man... If I fought Jameis Winston straight up, I'd just double leg him and take him down.

Having low-hanging fruit for people to criticize is a great shield against being called an asshole

having some low-hanging fruit that everyone can always pin you to is actually not a bad thing. Because then they won't... No one will be like, fuck PFT, I think he's an asshole. They'll be like, fuck PFT, he just didn't give the money he said he was going to give to charity. You basically give them a layup.

College coaches who claim they don't know what's happening in their programs are lying

Every coach that has ever coached in college basketball or football is the biggest control freak you've ever met. They know everything. They know everything that goes on. Everything that goes on on campus, no matter what.

Any move I make is by definition a 'Blake move' because I am a Blake

I seem to subscribe to the thought that any move I do is a Blake move because I am a Blake and I'm not sure that you guys can quite speak to that because you've never been a Blake.

The NBA season should start on Christmas Day to avoid competing with football

I do think that we should we should push our start date back just because we're having we're competing against college football and nfl football just so big. I feel like the casual fan of sports doesn't really care about basketball until christmas anyway.

The worst part of vacation is waking up on the third day after binge drinking

Waking up on the third day after binge drinking for two days, and it really just all sets in. I think Thursday. I basically just slept all day.

Different state laws are a top reason to stay home rather than go on vacation

Changing state laws. Like getting arrested in Virginia with a radar scanner... So I just like to stay home and I'll come to work anytime. This is way better than a cubicle by any means.

The NBA return plan is effectively the 'Zion Williamson rule'

The New Orleans Pelicans are right now the 10th seed... they want to figure out a way to get Zion West and I am all for that. It's the Zion rule. Adam Silver could have just gotten in front of the nation and been like 'Hey guys Zion, have you heard of him? Kind of a big deal and we want to make sure that he's involved in this no matter what.'

Counterfeit wine is the perfect crime

It's the perfect crime. Really, even though he's in jail, I know that sounds very counterintuitive because you got caught, but finding a way to sell to get a bunch of rich white dudes drunk and then pulling a scheme on them while they're drunk is genius.

Wine snobs are 99% full of shit

It kind of reveals what I thought all along—why people are full of shit. Most of them are. 99% of them... I think that most people could probably tell the difference between a seven dollar bottle wine and like a $70 bottle, but anything above that you can be influenced by a cool-looking label.

The Buccaneers at number five is fine because they already had a decent core and a good defense

I'm actually okay with the Bucs being five because the Bucs... they had the core of a decent team last year. They just had a quarterback that threw 30 interceptions... And they had a pretty good defense, too.

The Buccaneers' rushing attack is underrated

I also think that the running game in Tampa is underrated... so many people are talking about Tom Brady and Gronk and Mike Evans that no one's talking about Barber and the rushing attack that they had, which was pretty effective.

Peter King's power rankings are influenced by which coaches and quarterbacks return his phone calls

Once you get out of the top five, you can tell which coaches and quarterbacks return Peter King's calls. Because that's also why Tom Brady's up there is because he calls him back.

A 50-game MLB season is too short to weed out the bad teams

I think 50 would be exciting, but it also would be maddening to watch a team... 50 games is tough. 70-80, I think you can weed out. You'll still have a couple teams where you can point to and say there's no way they would have lasted an entire season.

The Forrest Gump book is not as good as the movie

I think it's not even close... I think the author is a talented man and I couldn't have imagined it without him. But I think I just took off in my own direction and something spoke to me.

Writer's block doesn't exist; you just need to 'change the weather' in the script

I've never, I've had places where I've gotten sort of stopped, but I just... what I have always advised people was change the weather. In other words, make it rain, make it snow, do something different just with the weather. And all of a sudden you have a different look at things.

David Fincher and Martin Scorsese are the best living directors

but David Fincher to me is the best, probably let's say Marty and him best living directors.

A dog's head tilt is the best thing about having a dog

The inquisitive ears slash look when a noise or, you know, like your dog's like trying to learn something new and they give you that sideways glance. The head tilt. Oh, the best.

Resting your hands on your knees while tired is a sign of weakness that I will exploit

I still believe if you have your hands on your knees, it's a sign of weakness and I will exploit you. [Resting your hands on your head] was such a mind fuck when they said that it doesn't make a difference if you're tired.

The NFL's statement on George Floyd is only being made because it's now 'safe'

The NFL has a track record of being reactionary rather than proactive. And this is exactly what they're doing right now... They're saying it because it's safe to do so now... If you're really with it, then condemn the ownership that has blackball cap, condemn the ownership that has funded and backed publicly a man that is calling the same protesters thugs.

White privilege is not something to feel guilty about, but something that requires empathy

I shouldn't have to feel guilty about being white. I agree. You're conflating guilt with empathy. That's all it is. Saying, I see black people struggling or I see the plight against a people of color is not the same as saying it's wrong for me to be white in this country. Nobody's saying that.

Bonobos are the greatest of the great apes because they have sex to solve all their problems

Bonobos are the goats of apes... These guys have governments made up on sex... Instead of like a group of bonobos meeting another group of bonobos, they don't fight, they just make love. They have sex for three reasons, pleasure, bonding, and peacekeeping.

Fake crowd noise in sports broadcasts is a good idea with no downside

I'm totally down with the fake crowd noise. They had it for the Bundesliga. I thought it was awesome. It really does make it seem like a real game... I don't see any downside. I know the opposition to that is we want to hear the players talk, but as soon as players know that they're on a live mic, they're not going to talk the same way.

MLB owners are bluffing about canceling the season to force a better deal

I keep going back to the fact that it feels like the owners are okay threatening this year not having baseball, and that tells you everything. Because if they are, that means that they're probably not losing as much money as they're claiming they're going to lose. They're just trying to get a good deal.

Netflix's Outer Banks is a bad show that is also good

I like Outer Banks. It's such a bad show. It's so bad. It's become good. It reminds me of all my favorite action movies with Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme... it is so bad, and I'm learning nothing. I'm getting dumber.

MLB players are right to stand by their collectively bargained contracts

I don't expect you to have pity for the players. This isn't about pity, but it's still about right and wrong. And if we have a contract and the contract has been collectively bargained... All right. Well, I already gave you half of it back [for games not played], and now I'm going to go honor my contract, and you want me to take half less again. Well, that's bullshit.

Truck nuts are the ultimate indicator of a douchebag

I will start with truck nuts. Truck nuts are the Mount Flushmore of car accessories. If you see a dude with truck nuts, he is 100% a douchebag.

0.0 bumper stickers are the lamest distance-based stickers

I actually think there's a new number one leader when it comes to distances that's way worse, the 0.0. I think that's the lamest. That one used to be funny. Now it's lame. Now it's so lame.

People in their mid-20s are losing a prime year of their life due to the pandemic

If you're in your mid twenties, you're just giving away a year of your prime. It's like Sean Payton getting suspended for a year with the Saints. Like, you have just given away a year that you'll never get back.

The Match should be held every other week with different celebrity pairings

They should take what they did with the match, too, the rematch of Tiger and Phil and Tom and Peyton and just do it every other week with a different celebrity pairing.

It is more entertaining to watch amateurs play golf than professionals

People love amateur stuff. Whether it's pornography or it's golfers, it's almost better watching people who aren't professionals do it.

The NFL should call their new officiating system 'Sky Judge 10,000' to prevent anyone from disagreeing with it

The thing with the Sky Judge is that all they have to do is officially call it Sky Judge or even Sky Judge 10,000, and no one will ever disagree with it. It doesn't even have to be anything new. It could be the exact same system and just say there's a Sky Judge. SJ10K.

Your imagination is better than any video game console

Turns out your imagination is way better than any video game console. We should definitely do a just hour-long Dungeons and Dragons episode.