Takes

The Chiefs don't get enough credit for being hilariously bad in the playoffs

The Chiefs don't get enough credit for being hilariously bad in the playoffs... 1-11 in their last 12 playoff games. That is so, so bad. And I actually feel bad for Kansas City fans because it's one of those stats that I didn't even believe when I saw.

This is Philip Rivers' last best chance for a Super Bowl

This one [Chargers-Patriots] means a lot because we not only have Phil Rivers, probably his... I'm not going to say his last best chance for a Super Bowl, but this seems like his last best chance for a Super Bowl.

Kyler Murray is making the right choice by choosing the NFL over MLB

Kyler Murray making the right choice, playing a real man's sport... This is the right choice, wouldn't you say?... even 32, Lamar Jackson got $7 million guaranteed last year... Kyler Murray, if he goes to Major League Baseball, he's already behind the clock... basically betting, like, the money would be better right now for the NFL. It's guaranteed in the first round.

Will Ferrell is the funniest person I've ever worked with

Will Ferrell is up there. Will Ferrell is by far the funniest person I've ever worked with. I would definitely say that... Will Ferrell's level of funny on and off the camera is extremely high. It's effortless.

Eddie Murphy is the funniest person of all time to hang out with

Well, you know, I work with this person, too, and he's the GOAT. But now, hanging out, nobody's funnier than Eddie Murphy... He's that good.

Nick Saban got significantly outcoached by Dabo Swinney in the National Championship

Not only was it an ass-kicking, Nick Saban got outcoached. [Saban] looked like he was going to explode on the sidelines. He got outcoached. He was outcoached by far.

Trevor Lawrence is Teddy Bridgewater 2.0

He's like a six-month-old dog... His paws are big. He's got skinny shoulders. He's got skinny hips. Skinny knees. He's like Teddy Bridgewater 2.0.

Drake jinxes teams publicly and then bets against them to profit privately

Drake, is he the best gambler in the world? Because he basically wears the clothing of the team and then bets against them. And it always works in his way. So he wears Kentucky clothes, or he says he's an Alabama fan, and then he bets against them in the big game and cashes his tickets.

You should be allowed to walk your dog in just boxers and slippers before 9 AM

If you have a dog and it's before 9 a.m., you should be able to walk on the street in just boxers... boxers and slippers. And people can't say anything. It's the dog walking rule.

Calgary's Saddledome is a complete shithole

It's really cool to look at from the outside, but it's a complete shithole. For a current day pro sports arena, it's in the very, very low bottom percentage of that entire list.

Montreal is the best atmosphere in North American hockey

Montreal... you should see this place. Just the fans right on top of you... the seats just go straight up. It's loud as hell. The French are completely nuts. By far and away, it was my favorite place to play.

Derrick Rose's 'kill yourself' comment was not a slip of the tongue

Derrick Rose said, 'everyone that thinks that it's going to stop, kill yourself.' ... He then doubled down on it. He said, 'like I said before, kill yourself.' ... When you say it twice, you don't get the slip of the tongue tag. When you double down, the slip of the tongue doesn't work anymore.

You only get to break one TV in your life due to sports anger

I have a take. I think everyone gets one TV in their life to break. If you show that much passion about a team, then you probably have a lively personality... You got one TV to break in your life. Use it wisely.

Middling NBA teams should hire Tom Thibodeau for a short-term boost

If you're any middling NBA team out there, why not hire Tom Thibodeau right now? He's at least good to give you a little bit of juice for a few months. ... He's like steroids. Really good short-term. Bad for your hips.

The price for Dak Prescott's contract extension went up after the Seahawks win

Whatever they wanted to pay him, it went up on Saturday night because he played at a higher level. ... I think that they're in good hands with Prescott now.

If Nick Foles beats the Saints, the Eagles have to keep him and trade Carson Wentz

If Foles pulls it off again, if he's got one more rabbit up his ass that he can pull out in that [Saints] game, then I think that's the point where you have to say, you know what, Carson Wentz is a better quarterback, but we're a better team with Nick Foles, and we just have to accept it and move forward with him.

Carson Wentz isn't a franchise quarterback because he plays recklessly and isn't available

With Wentz, the problem is this. It's not how he plays. It's that he's not available to play. And if you can't keep yourself on the field every week, every year, then how can you call yourself a franchise quarterback? ... Carson Wentz still plays recklessly.

The 2018-19 NFL playoffs are the most wide-open in history

I've been saying it. It is the most wide-open playoffs we've ever had, and I'm excited. Yeah, three of the four games [this weekend] are under a field goal in terms of the point spread.

Bank of America is a terrible company with archaic technology

I'm dealing with the hated Bank of America... Can you imagine Bank of America cannot email things. They can only fax a guy... They sound like you [Big Cat]. My son told me... anybody that uses a fax is by definition an idiot.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT because he doesn't have to say it

You know who doesn't say they're the GOAT? Michael Jordan, because he knows he's the GOAT. You don't have to say it if you know you're the GOAT... Michael Jordan was asked if he was the greatest of all time and he was like, my career is not over.

LeBron James is the Donald Trump of basketball

LeBron James actually has the exact same take on LeBron James being the goat that you had... LeBron won while he was in Ohio. Won in Florida, both of them. Check, check. They've both got weird hair. Check. Check. LeBron can't win in California. Neither can Trump. Check.

Jason Garrett is the dumbest person alive for playing his starters in Week 17

Jason Garrett wins the Are You the Dumbest Person Alive Award for playing all his starters because he desperately – now, I don't know what you think, but I think it was clear that Jason Garrett wanted to win 10 games so that when Jerry Jones goes to his office next year and is like, hey, I'm thinking about firing you, he's like, but I won 10 games.

I would rather play the Vikings than the Eagles in the playoffs

I actually went back and forth because, listen, I'm not on the team, so I can say this. I would rather play the Vikings than the Eagles. This is not bulletin board material. I think playing the Super Bowl champs, Nick Foles... versus playing Kirk Cousins who cannot beat anyone. Ever. Who has a winning record.

John Gruden loves himself too much to build the Raiders into winners

I think what you're seeing now is that John loves John. It's about John. And, you know, you get rid of Khalil Mack, you get rid of Amari Cooper. Not sure why in the hell you do that because they're two really, really good players, cornerstones you build around... I don't think he can adapt to this player in this day and age right now... He's still about coming in at 3:17 in the morning, writing his own cue cards. He's got to change that. If he can't, he won't be successful.

The strategy of not paying quarterbacks is only true if the quarterback is Kirk Cousins or Matthew Stafford

So essentially the argument that people are tweeting out that you shouldn't pay a quarterback boils down to just don't pay Kirk Cousins or Matt Stafford. That works. That's it... Essentially the entire theory that you should just draft a young quarterback and never pay a quarterback makes no sense because half of the playoffs are quarterbacks that are going to be paid $20 million or more.

Dabo Swinney is the second best head coach in the country

I think Dabo is probably the second best coach in the country. I think he's way better than Brian Kelly. I like the Clemson. I like the Rock.

I would love to run the same offense in the NFL that I ran at Oklahoma

To me, yeah, obviously the easiest answer would be, yeah, I'd love to run the offense I did at Oklahoma. That's because I had three years to do it, and I got so comfortable in it.

It is human nature for an injured player to sometimes root for their team to lose

I don't think you'd be human if there wasn't a part of you that was like, I hope that we lose. It's the competitive nature in you. Kyrie's probably going through the same thing. Like, I wish I was out there. I wish I was helping the team win. I think to compete at this level, you have to have that mentality.

Eli Manning deserves more respect from Giants fans despite being benched

Why are they still playing Eli Manning and benching Blake Bortles? That makes no sense. Eli brought them two championships, even though they were bullshit wins. They count. Eli should get the kind of respect that he deserves from the Giants fans, and all these guys are flipping so quick.

Investing in professional sports is a much smarter financial move than investing in movies

Putting money into movies is one of the most foolish investments you'll ever make in your life. Invest in sports. You know why? Because sports, people always want to go. Sports are seasonal. It's cyclical. Going to see a movie, that's a crapshoot, man. That's like Vegas.

Modern NFL rules favor the offense so much that it is no longer good quality football

It [pisses me off] because the rules favor the offense so much. They favor the offense, and it's frustrating to watch. And fans, for whatever reason, they want to see high-scoring games. And to me, it's not fun. That's not good quality football.

Cam Newton should have dove for the fumble in the Super Bowl

What do you think about Cam's business decision? Yeah, I think you just go for the ball, man. Be a team player.

The Ravens are the NFL team of the weekend

Our team of the weekend has to be the Ravens. What they did on Saturday night, going to San Diego and beating Phil Rivers and a super hot Chargers team by playing 1940s offense is unbelievable. They do bully ball.

I'm not selling my Chargers stock yet

I'm still hanging on to my Charger stock. It's going to turn around just like Bitcoin. I completely agree that was a nightmare matchup for the chargers.

Patrick Mahomes is the most fun player to watch in the NFL

Would you say that Patrick Mahomes is the most fun player to watch in the NFL? If the Chiefs are playing, I have an option to watch that game. I'm watching that game every single time.

NBA players would dominate the NFL as wide receivers and tight ends

I think NBA players playing football. All the way around. I think most NBA players could probably play wide receiver or tight end. That would be my answer.

I'd rather the Bears play the Vikings than the Eagles in the playoffs

I'd rather play the Vikings than the Eagles. The Eagles are scary. Nick Foles is a scary quarterback. He's so fucking good. In the month of December and January, Nick Foles, when everybody else shrinks up because of the cold, Nick Foles just flops all around.

Kyler Murray should choose baseball over the NFL

Hell yeah. No doubt. I just think his size and his skill set, I just think it's just a smoother path to baseball. He can play baseball forever. Make more money. Exactly.

The Bengals and Marvin Lewis are staying together for the kids

The Bengals and Marvin Lewis are staying together for the kids. And they're in a loveless relationship. That's okay. They don't fight in public. They don't kiss on the lips anymore. That's fine.

College basketball's five-foul rule is bullshit

He's saying the five fouls are bullshit. Well, guess what? It is. Fix it. Yeah, it is bullshit. It makes the game way less enjoyable to see a star player get subbed out in the first half after like 10 minutes.

A McGregor fight is for money, but I fight for legacy

Conor is the best for money fight... If you fight Conor, it's for money fight. I have money. I'm not really interested by money. It's more legacy. When I fight someone, it's because I want to have what he has.

It is harder to stay champion than to become champion

It's hard to be champion, but it's much harder to stay champion. Because when you're a champion, you're up there. Everybody's been studying your game for a long, long time. You only see that guy, you study that guy for maybe a few months. But him, he's been watching you for many years. So he had a lot more time to download your data than you did.

I would rather be able to dunk than suck my own dick

Which would you rather do? [Dunk or suck your own dick]. For me, it's a no-brainer. I'd rather dunk. Yeah, I would dunk.

Greece is the perfect place for Rick Pitino to coach

Rick Pitino's going to a place where there's a lot of backroom dealings and shady handshake deals and no one pays their taxes. Pretty good place.

The peak of life is age 24 or 25

I'd say like 24. Yeah, 24 is a good age, but yeah, 25, because you can rent a beach house in a car. The age where you don't have, you have not gotten old enough to realize life is meaningless. But you're not young enough to be dreading what life is going to look like.

The Saints are the most complete team in the NFC

The Saints look pretty good. Their defense is awesome, I would say. So, yeah, they are probably the most complete team in the NFC, I would say.

The fumble-out-of-the-end-zone touchback rule is actually good because it rewards defense

You're looking at as the punishment doesn't fit the crime... You should look at it as the reward. It fits the feat. It fits the accomplishment. So if you're the defense and you make a guy fumble through the end zone at the one-yard line, that's an awesome play by our defense. You should get a big reward for that.

I actually like Carrie Underwood's 'Game On' Sunday Night Football song now

I have maybe been tweeting about that from weeks one through 14, and then week 15... I just started singing it, and I was like, you know what? I give up. I like this song now.

The Lakers have a better shot at trading for Anthony Davis now than in the summer

If you're the LA Lakers and you want a shot at Anthony Davis without Danny Ainge and all his pile of assets competing with you... they have a more clear run at Anthony Davis now than they will in the summer.

Kawhi Leonard is a robot who does not have emotions

He doesn't have emotions. He's a robot... he doesn't have a heart yet. He laughed, there was some laughing, him and Nick Saban laughed the same way, they both have like a button they're like it is appropriate to laugh now so I will push my tickle button.