Takes

You can't make Boston racism jokes about Gordon Hayward if he's coming from Utah

One first hot seat is people making Boston racism jokes and saying that Gordon [Hayward] went to Boston because he liked... casual racism. Guess what? You can't say that if he goes from Utah. Doesn't work that way.

Carmelo Anthony's 2 AM workout videos are laughable

Carmelo Anthony was working out over July 4th... it was so laughable that his own team actually laughed at it. I don't know if you saw that clip. No, there was a clip of the Knicks front office sitting at a summer league game watching the clip of Carmelo Anthony working out all laughing at him.

Adrian Wojnowski is on the hot seat for being 'cucked' by his own reporting and transition to TV

Woj, Adrian Wojnowski on the hot seat big time. He was getting cucked left and right on his reporting... He actually screwed up because he walked back the Gordon Hayward trade, right? And so he's like, actually, it's not done. And then he got double cucked over the top when Gordon broke his own news.

Summer is the best time for Kenny Chesney

My cool throne is Kenny Chesney. When it's hot like this, it's summertime, it's the best time for Kenny Chesney. So he's got a solid two months where you can play Kenny Chesney pretty much at any place, and it will work.

Adding a second staircase to elevated bar levels significantly increases social interaction

I used to build elevated levels in bar and restaurants like everyone else with a staircase... you feel like a freaking idiot. You've got to turn around, walk back the other way. You're busted... So I simply put a second staircase in on the other side... social interaction went up big time. I'm guessing there are people that are married to this very day because of that freaking staircase.

NFL teams should use comedians or bands as opening acts to improve the stadium experience

what is the kind of stuff that, you know, cat can get that he can't get at home? ...putting a band before a game or after a game so that you can infuse a different type of entertainment into a show doesn't hurt either. I mean, you're going to laugh at this, Dan, but how about a comedian to open as an opening act?

Empty seats in NFL stadiums are a bigger embarrassment than 'minor league' promotions

Isn't that interesting that it's beneath them, but the empty seat isn't beneath them? I mean, it's pretty asinine and pretty egotistical. To me, the empty seat would be beneath everything.

Zing Zang is the only acceptable Bloody Mary mix

The things I hate the most about bars, number one, when they make their own Bloody Mary mix instead of using Zing Zang. Because Zing Zang... It's the perfected Bloody Mary mix. There's no topping it. It's perfect all around.

Bar farters are a major societal problem

Number one, I have a longstanding issue with it. Bar farters, anyone who farts in a bar, because they know they have the masses to hide behind. I think it's bullshit when you're walking through a bar and boom, it smells like someone just took a shit on the floor.

Rickie Fowler is coming off desperate by liking all 164 of his girlfriend's Instagram posts

Ricky Fowler, who apparently has been liking... He's liked every single one of his girlfriend's Instagram posts. Yes, 164... He's coming off a little desperate. Maybe tone it down.

Jamie Horowitz should have worn a hat to hide his large forehead

Jamie Horowitz... Definitely should have been a hat guy. Should have went with a big hat. He's got a large forehead, and I'm not saying that's why he got fired, but it's the Tom Crean, right? It's like you can't give them an extra reason to fire you... if you have a big forehead that just looks stupid.

Befriend your TA instead of your professor to get better grades in college

You got to befriend your TA because that's the guy who's going to be reading everything. That's the guy who's going to be doing your grade. That's the guy or girl who is going to be deciding your fate. So forget the professor. Go find the TA.

The best way to enjoy a lake is to float in the middle with a life jacket and five beers

I like to just put on a life jacket and just sit in the middle of the lake and just drink beers, drink like five beers while I pee and just do nothing else. So you just sit there. It's great. You get all your friends just sitting there doing nothing.

Being called 'football smart' is actually an insult meaning you are dumb in every other regard

People come up to me and they say, well, he's football smart. That means that he's, they have no common sense and they're pretty much dumb in every other regards. So yeah, that's not a tag you really want.

Nick Saban's resting heart rate is just 'angry'

Nick Saban, because Nick Saban, he's like a volcano that only erupts every now and then. But when it does, and Nick Saban, you get the added bonus where he yells at his coaches... His resting heart rate is angry.

Phil Jackson's master plan was to get paid for screwing up the Knicks

Phil's master plan was to get paid for screwing up a franchise and he's getting paid. He's just like [fucking] the ground, having a good time, getting paid for it. He played James Dolan like a fiddle.

Attending an Ivy League school like Princeton hurts a player's NFL draft stock

I think [going to Princeton] hurts. In fact, we had another guy my year at Princeton that got drafted. Ryan Grigson... said, 'I'll never make that mistake again.' You know, I just didn't believe that Princeton could have two dudes the same year. And the other guy was like a total freak show... they didn't even look at me because of that.

The Patriots' winning culture is actually miserable and based on negative reinforcement

Terrible culture. So terrible. When I was there, 05 and 06, most of the guys were pretty miserable. You always feel like you're kind of being watched... It's 100% negative reinforcement. They start every meeting with the five worst plays from the day before. So your whole motivation is to not be on the low light tape and have Belichick cussing you out.

The 'All-Joe Team' is just a list of mediocre white NFL players

It just means you're really shitty and white. For the most part, I believe. I don't know.

The Bulls front office vote for Executive of the Year was a self-vote by Gar Foreman

Gar Foreman, he got a single vote for executive of the year. ... I still think it was himself I think it was himself it's like James Harden getting one vote for defensive player of the year yeah survey says it was himself

Reggie Bush was a bust in the NFL

Reggie Bush, who's been pretty much a bust. So it's Reggie Bush, Lendell White, Vince Young, and Matt Leinart. Wow.

The US needs to replace Uncle Sam with James Harrison as its national rebrand

The US is in need of a rebrand. Uncle Sam, I'm kind of sick of Uncle Sam, like the tall guy with the beard. Just put James Harrison in the Uncle Sam outfit. No country will fuck with us.

If you stay in a bar that is uncomfortably hot, you are a crazy person

If you go into a bar that is hot and you don't leave immediately, you're a crazy person. I will absolutely call a night like, alright, night's over if I walk into a bar and it is uncomfortably hot in there.

60s and 70s rock was specifically made to be listened to in a car on the highway

Bands in the late 60s and 70s made all of their music so that it sounded beautiful in a car going 75 miles on the highway.

Lincoln Riley is the right character and guy to lead Oklahoma forward

Lincoln's the right guy. He's got all the right attributes and character to be the guy to continue to lead the program forward. And I knew that. And I believed strongly that the administration would believe that as well. And so it could be as seamless as could be.

Kevin Love is the perfect fall guy for LeBron James because he won't talk back

Actually we kind of predicted this, that Kevin Love was going to be the fall guy. Everyone knows you need a fall guy. Chris Carter told everyone, need a fall guy. Kevin Love is the perfect fall guy for LeBron [James] because Kevin Love's never going to say anything. He's not going to subtweet. He's just going to go about his business.

Russell Wilson is at the bottom of NFL coolness

Derek Carr is pretty much a great player, pretty lame dude. Way cooler than Russell Wilson. But to be chirping Russell Wilson and ball-busting Russell Wilson, Russell Wilson is actually at the bottom of NFL players when it comes to coolness.

Bulls front office members Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads

Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads. [The Bulls] never even began, but yes, it is over. They're dead... You got trainers saying that they're worse than drug dealers. [Paxson], you choked out your coach, Vinny Del Negro, and punched him. Don't tell me that you have morals.

Lauri Markkanen is a bum who is soft and sucks

I find out they drafted... Lauri Markkanen from Arizona. I am now going to sell myself on this guy, which is going to be the greatest spin zone of all time, because we went to the Pac-12 championship game, and I think we said multiple times, this guy fucking sucks. He's a bum. He's soft.

The Sacramento Kings actually had a good draft

Sacramento Kings. The Kings actually drafted well. So they got Fox, Justin Jackson, and Harry Giles from Duke. And I actually for a moment was like, is the world – are we still on earth right now?

Phil Jackson is the Wile E. Coyote of the NBA

You could just make up a story like Phil Jackson was spotted walking around MSG with his hand in a toaster and his foot stuck in a bucket and he fell off a balcony, and his feet kept moving until he looked down, and then he fell. He's basically become the Wile E. Coyote of NBA.

The Vegas Golden Knights jerseys suck

Those jerseys suck. Bad sleeves. Suck. It's like they tried to get as many colors as they could fit on a sleeve... A fictional 2004 franchise in Madden has better jerseys than a 2017 real-life franchise. It's really bad.

Putting your airplane seat up during landing is useless

Why the fuck do I have to put my seat up when I'm landing in an airplane? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck's going to happen if my seat doesn't go up? It's like one of those seats that creeped back even without me pressing the button... the woman asked me like four times to put my seat up.

Incoming college freshmen should break up with their long-term girlfriends

So I've been dating my girlfriend for around a year now. [Billy Football]: Okay, dumper. Break up. Pretty easy stuff.

Rugby is the best sport to lie about playing to pick up women

Clear answer, obvious rugby. Rugby does it. We pay money to each other and we buy equipment and beer. We have socials with other sports teams and we sing songs.

LeBron James is the actual General Manager of the Cleveland Cavaliers

It's funny because people do make the joke that LeBron James is the GM of the Cavaliers, but you can tell from some of the trades. Like the Channing Frye trade, you can tell which one's not a LeBron trade. It's like if you listen to a Beatles album, you're like, Ringo wrote that song. I can tell that's a Ringo special.

Phil Jackson is dangerously close to tarnishing his NBA legacy

Phil Jackson, I think we've said this on this podcast, but he is dangerously close to tarnishing your legacy territory... as himself. Phil Jackson, his legacy as an NBA guy, mind, player, coach, GM... You always remember the last thing you did, and if he trades Porzingis and continues to make the worst team in the NBA even worse, that's some legacy talk.

Wikipedia is the greatest website of all time

My number one is Wikipedia. The best website of all time. I don't think I even need to explain it. We have a Wikipedia club.

Jonathan Isaac is the Tyrus Thomas of the 2017 NBA Draft

If you're giving me that comp, it's probably Jonathan Isaac from Florida State. Because on the high side of things, when you watch him and it's good, he's seven feet... he can shoot from three... when he's right, it is so impressive that you're sitting there and you're going, wait a minute, how come this guy's not going number one?

The U.S. Open course at Erin Hills was way too easy

The golf course lost. I expect more. I want to see the U.S. Open golf course. I want to see Jim Nance giving his tie to the course. Everyone was just hitting it right down the middle the whole time. Easiest golf course I've ever seen. So USGA, figure it out.

Ricky Fowler can't win a title wearing 'candy-ass' bright orange uniforms

We do have the theory that candy-ass uniforms can't win titles. So, are we a little nervous? He had that bright orange on Sunday. Maybe, like, I was just thinking, hey, is Ricky Fowler playing for the Dolphins? Because... This sucks.

Madison Square Garden is the best place to play in the NBA

My number one pick, my favorite city always to visit is New York. The Garden is one of the most fun places to play. Just the energy, even when they're not as good or even if they have more hype. It's always a good crowd, great city.

Phoenix is a sleeper NBA city with huge potential

Number two, kind of a sleeper city for me, is Phoenix. Young. It's a good time. Great weather always. I like to get in there a little early. Just take my claim, put them on the Mount Rushmore, and then when they do blow up, it's like, hey, I was here from the beginning.

Indianapolis is a top-tier walkable and 'scootable' sports city

I have never had a bad time in the city of Indianapolis. It's a very walkable city... I hate DUIs even more [than walking]. It's a very scootable city. If you have a scooter, it's easy to get around.

Kevin Durant should lean into the 'fart face' rumors to be relatable

The reason why people hate you [Kevin Durant] right now is that you joined a 73-win team to win a title. Give us something to make you relatable. Be the fart face guy. It actually humanizes him a little bit, doesn't it?

Number 56 makes a defensive end look the fastest on the field

I believe as a 32-year-old white defensive end, I would decide on picking the number that made me look the fastest. [Number 56].

Freshman should always get a roommate instead of a single

Got to get a roommate. The guy who gets the single, he's immediately judged like, oh, you're better than us. And it becomes a party room. You're a freak. The guy who has a single room, there's always questions. Freshman year, just get a roommate, deal with it.

If Conor McGregor beats Floyd Mayweather, boxing should just jump off a cliff

If McGregor wins, boxing should just jump off a cliff. This is the only time, at least that I can remember, that if one person wins in a matchup, he has the ability to defeat an entire sport. Just close an entire sport down.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT

Michael Jordan. The GOAT.

LeBron James is still fighting his inevitable baldness but will eventually have to give in

See, [LeBron] is fighting it. He's really still fighting it. Eventually, he'll come home, but he's putting up the good fight.