Takes

Eric Musselman will be 'Mr. March' if Arkansas beats Kansas

[Eric] Muss is one game away from officially being Mr. March. If he takes down Kansas, I think he's Mr. March because that would be two straight years where he takes down a one seed and he'd go to another Sweet 16.

There is a 'wedgie' conspiracy involving the balls or rims in Des Moines

There's a scandal of foot in March Madness this year in Des Moines... There were five six wedgies today, four of which occurred in the Des Moines, Iowa gym. So either the balls are stickier, the rims are harder. Maybe the balls are a little bit smaller... there's something different this year.

Alabama, Houston, and Purdue will view this season as a disappointment if they don't reach the Final Four

There are certain programs that have opportunities in front of them that they're not going to have a line like this for a significantly long time. One is Alabama... Another is Houston because Houston has obviously the final four in its home city. And the third would be Purdue. Those are all programs where if they don't make it to Houston to play in a final four, you will feel like the season's a disappointment.

The 2023 Final Four will have no #1 or #2 seeds

It would not shock me if when we get to Houston for the final four, if there's no one and two seeds in the final four.

St. John's has no backup plan if they don't land Rick Pitino

St. John's has no secondary candidate. St. John's knows that in order to restore relevance, it needs Rick Pitino... St. John's has done that through back channels to his representatives. So now it's just a matter of if St. John's can obviously get a deal done.

Tom Izzo will coach as long as he is physically able to

What would Tom Izzo do though if he didn't coach? I don't think Tom Izzo would wanna, you know, be a studio analyst... Tom Izzo wants to coach. Tom Izzo wants to win... So I think Tom Izzo is going to coach as long as he can coach.

USC has more talent on their roster than Michigan State

I'll say this much from a personnel perspective, forget the name on the jersey. I see more talent on USC's roster than I do Michigan State's... I think USC doesn't just have a chance to push Michigan State, but could push Marquette in the round of 32.

Memphis is a scary matchup for Purdue in the Round of 32 if they both advance

If Memphis can get by FAU, Memphis could be a really difficult matchup for Purdue in the round of 32... I think Memphis is a scary matchup for Purdue in the round of 32.

Alabama will defeat Gonzaga for the 2023 National Championship

I've got Alabama out of the region of opportunity... I've got Gonzaga out of the region of brands and I've got Alabama beating Gonzaga for the national championship.

The Jets are immediate Super Bowl contenders with Aaron Rodgers and I'm happy he's gone from the Packers

I think the Jets are immediately a Super Bowl contender once [Aaron] Rodgers on the team... everything's up for the Bears. Fuck him. He's gone. I'm so happy. Wednesday was one of the best days. Everything is up for the Bears. Fuck him. He's gone.

Helen Keller was not actually deaf and could hear everything

She could hear everything. Yeah. She just couldn't speak or see... [Her parents] are tell some Tell Tales... Great commitment to the bit.

If you go to a bar that doesn't have a TV, you are an alcoholic

Honestly, if you go to a bar where there's not a TV, you're an alcoholic.

Edwin Diaz's injury is the most Mets thing to ever happen

This is the most Mets thing to ever happen... Edwin Diaz is gonna go play in the World Baseball Classic. Oh shit. He's probably gonna tear his patella tendon celebrating after a win. Right. When he is just jumping up in the air and then he's not gonna be able to pitch for the next 12 months.

Aaron Rodgers is a bitch for how he's handling his decision

Aaron Rodgers is being a fucking bitch. He is being a real bitch. This is like vindication for me where everyone has slowly been like, dude, just make a decision. This is annoying. You're holding everyone else up.

Sam Darnold going to the 49ers means Tom Brady is not going there

I think the fact that they signed Sam Darnold means that we can probably take Tom Brady out of the question of if he's going to the 49ers.

Taylor Heinicke will beat out Desmond Ridder for the Falcons starting job

My prediction is that he's going to be the starting quarterback next year. I think he's going to beat out Desmond Ridder in camp. That's just what Taylor Heinicke does.

Aaron Rodgers' heart isn't fully committed to playing for the New York Jets

I have a feeling like the way that this has started feels like his heart's not all the way into playing for the Jets. ... It feels like if Aaron Rodgers really, really wanted to play for the Jets badly, this probably would've been over by now.

Aaron Rodgers makes the Jets a Super Bowl contender

Aaron Rodgers on the Jets. You guys will be a Super Bowl contender. I really do believe that. I agree. Memes, you getting excited? Super Bowl, Super Bowl contender.

Combined no-hitters are fake and shouldn't count the same as a single-pitcher no-hitter

There are so many no-hitter. Fake ass, no-hitter mouth. No. I think it's actually history is going to look... in college baseball, it's every single day I see something else for a combined no-hitter. Well, because it's so much easier to get a combined no-hitter. That's fake. ... It doesn't feel the same. Zero hits is not the same as no hits.

Kansas received a much better tournament draw than Houston

Houston is the one in the Midwest. They are playing in Birmingham. If Auburn beats Iowa, they are playing Auburn in Birmingham, Alabama. That's not gonna be fun for a one seed. So when I look at that... I think Kansas got the good draw as opposed to Houston.

I'm officially crossing Virginia off my list of national title contenders

I have not eliminated anybody. ... But when I go down and look at Teams to win the title that I would say, I think I have to cross off Virginia. I just can't... you know what they look like Saturday night against Duke.

Oral Roberts will beat Duke in the first round of the NCAA Tournament

And this is what I'm talking about with the recency bias. Everybody just sees that and they're like, all right, [Duke is] hot. They, they've won nine in a row. ... I have them losing the Oral Roberts in the first round.

No team from the ACC will reach the Sweet 16

ACCs definitely at the bottom. I don't, I don't see anyone making the Sweet 16 from the ACC.

Texas A&M is the lowest-seeded team with a legitimate chance to win the national title

I have A&M and they got the worst seed of any team. I think so. I would guess A&M... lowest seed that has a chance to win the national championship.

Kansas State will cover the spread against Montana State in the first round

I do like Kansas State. Montana State is a team... I don't think much of Montana State's offense. And I just like what Kansas State brings to the table. I think it's under double digits. ... I lay the points with Kansas State.

Iona will keep it close and cover the points against UConn

I would lean towards Iona plus the points [against UConn]. I think UConn wins, but it's gonna be tight. And the thing about UConn... this coaching staff hasn't won an NCAA tournament game. There's a lot of pressure on them.

The Arkansas vs. Illinois game will be a low-scoring brick fest

Arkansas, Illinois feels like a brick fest to me. ... I just don't, I, I don't think both these teams are great shot making. ... I think that game played in the sixties. [Under 144.5].

I'm betting the under on Maryland vs. West Virginia

Maryland, West Virginia that opened at one 40. I took that under, it's already down to like 1 38 I think.

Michigan State will make the Final Four

I have mayhem in that bracket. I, like I said, I have Michigan State going to the Final Four there.

UConn does not own Madison Square Garden; Villanova is the program that owns the building

Danny Hurley also said that UConn owns the MSG and he's never even made it to the Big East final. ... There's one program that clearly owns MSG right now in the Big East. Yes, [Villanova] had a down year, but it's certainly not fucking UConn who hasn't been to the Sweet 16 in nine years.

The first six seasons of Jersey Shore were 100% real

It was all fucking real. Yeah, all six seasons. ... When we shot those seasons, we were in a house 24/7 cameras everywhere for a full month. So you got to see everything. You didn't need to make anything up.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey are mean, dirty, and grimy

I personally wouldn't do Housewives because those bitches are dirty. They are mean. They're grimy. It's all about drama. I'm, I don't want that. I just wanna have a good time and go home.

Somebody got fleeced in the Bears-Panthers trade, but we won't know who for three years

The Bears have made a big trade on Friday afternoon... Fleeced, they fleeced somebody got fleeced, I don't know who asked me in three years, but somebody got fleeced.

Rutgers got screwed and completely fucked by the NCAA tournament committee

I do wanna say Rutgers got screwed. Let's just throw that out there. Rutgers got fucked. I I, one of my favorite parts of when they do the bracket reveal and you have the last four out and one team always gets fucked. That team gets maybe like three minutes of everyone feeling bad for 'em. And then you're like, oh shit. I have a bracket in my head.

UNC are cowards for refusing to participate in the NIT

UNC preemptively declaring that they're not going to participate in the NIT [are] cowards, which is a bullshit thing that they're doing. It's disgusting that UNC is bowing out... This is, it's disgusting. It's a slap in the face to all of college basketball.

Duke will win the National Championship this year because it's the year after Coach K left

I think this is Duke's year. I think we gotta go heavy on Duke. Because how awesome would that be if Duke won the national championship the year after Coach K left. Coach K was holding the boys back.

The Panthers will draft CJ Stroud with the number one overall pick

The Panthers seem like they're, somebody leaked something because CJ Stroud went from being like plus 600 plus 400 in some places to now he's like negative money to be the number one overall pick. So somebody somewhere knows that the Panthers love CJ Stroud.

Aaron Rodgers is making the trade process dramatic just to keep people talking about him

There's no reason that he's doing how, how this whole process goes through. He's just making it as dramatic as possible so people can keep talking about him. That's really all it is... He's a fucking diva bitch.

Odell Beckham Jr. will have 2,300 receiving yards if he signs with the Chiefs

If he signs to the Chiefs. The Chiefs are all the way back. They're all the, he's gonna have, Odell Beckham's gonna have 2300 yards receiving if he signs with the Chiefs.

Nobody can beat Scottie Scheffler or Jon Rahm when they are dialed in

When somebody's locked in the two most fearsome golfers, when they're dialed in right now, nobody can beat either Scotty Scheffler or John Rom. Yeah. When they're dialed in.

The World Baseball Classic should allow players to use aluminum bats

In the World Baseball Classic... they should at least if they're not gonna have the bigger bases, let them use aluminum bats. Yeah, that would be sick. Ping. Just here? Yeah, like Schwarber would be going yard. Oh, all over the place.

Oleksandr Usyk will beat Tyson Fury when they fight for the unified heavyweight title

I actually think Usyk could beat Fury. That's why I think Fury's been trying to duck him for the big belt, for the all the belts.

Alabama will win the National Championship

I did it. Dan, I took Alabama. It was that, it was, they play the best defense, I think in the country. They have the best player in the country. Probably. It was just wrong place, wrong time. I guess I, as I was filling out the, I smell the bracket.

Baylor will not win the National Championship because their defense stinks

Baylor, the three seed... they're not gonna win the national championship cuz they, I don't think their defense is good enough... they are so fun to watch. And I just think on down the line... Baylor's not quite as fun as they can be obviously... their defense stinks. It has been really bad.

Furman will upset Virginia in the first round

Furman bombs. They just chuck and that's how you can beat Virginia. Cuz they're the pack line defense. They're gonna like, if you could just shoot over them, you might have a chance.

The Pack Line defense used by Virginia might be dead in the era of high-volume three-point shooting

I am worried that the Pac line might be a thing in the, like it might not have. Yeah. It's heyday might have come and gone. As every team starts to learn that [the three is worth more than two]... I am worried that the Pac line might be a thing... it might not have. Yeah. It's heyday might have come and gone.

Purdue will lose in heartbreaking fashion to an inferior opponent in the NCAA Tournament

Perdue, this feels like the best shot that Purdue had in a while on paper, watching them try to navigate the press against Penn State. That's exactly it. They're, they're gonna lose, I'm calling it right now. Purdue's going to lose in heartbreaking, somehow fashion against an inferior opponent.

Oral Roberts will upset Duke in the first round

Oral Roberts is the best 12 seed. And and that's, that's a horrible matchup to start... Oral Roberts win at least one game. This team is better than that team [that made the Sweet 16].

Marquette will win the East Region and reach the Final Four

Marquette's not the best two seed. I don't think they, they are playing really well. I have Marquette coming outta this region for what it's worth. I, I, I don't think Duke is the best five seed per se... I have Marquette coming outta this region.

Memphis will beat Purdue and reach the Final Four

I'm gonna take, you know what I'm gonna say fuck it... I'm gonna take Memphis in this region. And I'm gonna look so stupid when they lose in the first round.