Takes

Tom Brady is allowed to have a dad bod because he is a father of three with multiple rings

he does have a dad bod. He is like 44 or something. Yeah, he's allowed to have a dad bod. I think once you get three Super Bowl rings. And you're married to the world's most successful supermodel. It's okay to have a dad bod.

I am the person who introduced the French Levi's shirt fashion trend to the United States

I noticed, not to brag, I was over in France... everybody wears this Levi's shirt. It's like a really big fashion thing. And so it's going to come over to the U.S., and I'm calling my shot. I'm going to be the first one in the U.S. to start wearing it. So then when you see all these famous people wear it, be like, yo, PFT actually introduced that to the United States.

Aaron Donald is one of the top five players in the league and the Rams need to pay him

they have not given their best player and one of the top five players in the league, Aaron Donald, a new contract. So I feel like this is not getting – you've got to take care of that guy, right?

Kevin Love has the perfect career because he has a ring and now has zero pressure playing for the Cavs

I feel like Kevin Love has finally reached happiness... now he gets to just be on the Cavs and hang out and not make the playoffs and shoot the ball a lot... make a lot of money. Hang out. Put up stats. Live a good life. I kind of love it.

The Cleveland Cavaliers will make the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed this year without LeBron James

I think the Cavs are going to make the playoffs. That's my hot take. I think they're going to be like a 7 or an 8 seed.

Yadier Molina will be the next player-manager for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Yadier's going to be the new player manager. That's what my sources are telling me.

Texas football is officially back because they have 60 players who can vertical jump over 30 inches.

Texas football. This could also be filed under Texas football being back. Because they are back. Tom Herman said they have 60 players that can vertical jump over 30 inches.

French kissing animals is fucked up.

Slipping your dog some tongue, that's fucked up. That's an issue, yes.

Elon Musk is a total fraud.

I'm so here for Elon Musk, like, just having meltdown after meltdown because everyone realizes he's a fraud and, like, promising people to go to Mars. ... Elon Musk... Total fraud.

Imagine Dragons' new song will be the perfect pump-up music for college football this fall.

Imagine Dragons dropped a new song, which is going to be the perfect pump up music for college football this fall. ... It's really good. ... It's very, very, it's like perfect. You can actually imagine, you know, like South Carolina playing Clemson on a Saturday night.

Russell Wilson is currently 'killing the sexy dance game'

Russell Wilson is absolutely killing the sexy dance game and dancing with Ciara... So he did a video with Ciara doing this little weird dance and he stole the show. So you would think, oh, Ciara, she's a professional performer. She's got moves. False. Russell Wilson was in the background killing it.

I'm tired of the NBA being 'too in our face' during the summer

I don't need the NBA Summer League. I don't need it in my face. The NBA gets like 10 months now. I can take a break. I love the NBA... but I just don't need to talk about every single thing that happens in the NBA Summer League... I feel like the NBA is way too in our face. Like, just chill.

The PGA Tour is ridiculous for investigating Bryson DeChambeau for using a compass

[Speaker 1] (16:38-16:41) My hot seat is Bryson DeChambeau. [Speaker 1] (16:41-16:47) The PGA Tour is investigating him and trying to figure out whether it was legal of him to use a compass or not. [Speaker 1] (16:48-16:49) What century are we in? [Speaker 3] (17:16-17:21) I love this that it's a compass is now an illegal tool in golf.

Paul George is going to sign with the Lakers

[Speaker 3] (25:30-25:31) My cool throne is the Lakers. [Speaker 3] (25:34-25:38) And Paul George is going to L.A. to take a meeting. [Speaker 3] (27:55-27:58) Yeah, I think Paul George is going to L.A.

LeBron James will sign with the Lakers if Paul George goes there first

[Speaker 3] (27:58-28:02) I think if Paul George goes to L.A., LeBron is very fast behind him. [Speaker 3] (28:13-28:18) But the minute one of those two guys [George or Kawhi] goes to L.A., [LeBron] is going to L.A.

Real dinosaurs will be recreated within five years

A famed paleontologist, Dr. Jack Horner... came out and said that we're only five years from actually recreating real dinosaurs. Using chickens.

Puma is on a five-year comeback in the sports world

I think Puma's going to be on the comeback. Remember when players started going to Adidas a few years ago? Everyone was kind of shitting on it... Now Adidas is back. Puma's on the five-year come-up.

LeBron James will not sign with the Houston Rockets because he hates the city

Houston is my hot seat because the word on the street from, directly from LeBron James' lips. During the season when they were in Houston, he hates Houston as a city... The strip malls? The congestion? When you pull up Google Maps and it's just a ring of red... I believe that he hates Houston. I'm taking them off. We're officially taking them off the Pardon My Take big board for LeBron.

LeBron James is signing with the Lakers now that Bronny has enrolled in an LA school

Gary Payton, recurring guest Gary Payton, is saying that LeBron, Bronnie Jr. has enrolled at a school, private school in L.A... My two favorite things about free agency... is school updates where the kids are going to go to school and then realtor updates. Who's looking for houses where?

The Ravens are using a two-QB package as a passive-aggressive way to bench Joe Flacco

The Ravens just blew our minds. They're working on a package that has two quarterbacks on the field at the same time... This is the passive-aggressive Ravens way of just like, kind of easing [Joe Flacco] out. Just like having the formation change slowly until Lamar Jackson is standing directly in front of him on every snap.

The Yankees' protest against ESPN's scheduling is a power move using Aaron Boone's inside knowledge

It's also a power move because you know Aaron Boone knows the inside deal with ESPN, so he knows the leverage he has.

The NFL has a 'charity problem'

I'm going to go as far to say, does the NFL have a charity problem? Might be. Might be. Let's look into that.

Darren Rovell officially killed 69 jokes

Ravel has caught on... He did it on the Browns to win the Super Bowl, $6.90. And get this, the ticket writer laughed no less than three times... This is like when your parents figure out how to text emojis and bitmojis and stuff. It just kind of all loses its luster.

Miss America is no longer a beauty pageant if it removes the bikini portion

It's also ridiculous that a beauty pageant is no longer being judged on beauty. That's where we're at.

LeBron James is breaking his social media blackout by using his wife's Instagram

LeBron James, who said he's not going on social media one time the entire playoffs... decided that after the Eastern Conference Finals that he was going to do an Instagram takeover on his wife's Instagram account, which to me seems like he was on social media and not focusing on the biggest series of his life.

The Cubs should throw at the Pirates for failing to throw at Anthony Rizzo

The Pirates neglected to enforce an unwritten rule, meaning the Cubs should actually throw at the Pirates today to make them respect the unwritten rule of throwing at Rizzo.

Lauri Markkanen will average 50 points per game by his eighth season

Dirk's peak was 26 points per game. If you do the math, by Lauri's eighth season, he's going to be averaging 50 points a game.

Adam Silver is a narc for reporting email threats to the police

Adam Silver, he turns out he's a narc... Everyone thought that Adam Silver was the cool commissioner. But if he's so cool, how come he called the police on the guy that threatened to murder him? And had him arrested.

Wisconsin cities are the Mount Rushmore of drunks

USA Today ranked the top 10 drunkest cities in America... seven [were from Wisconsin]. Green Bay is number one, Eau Claire, Appleton, Madison. They have all four of the top four. They are the Mount Rushmore of drunks.

Legalized gambling will eventually end the relationship with personal bookies

My first hot seat is your bookie... gambling is legal. I don't think anyone's going to lose their bookie overnight. I think it's going to be probably like a decade, but at some point the bookie relationship will be something of the past. And that's very sad.

Kyrie Irving won't be happy that the Celtics are 'Brad Stevens' Team'

Kyrie's not going to be happy that this is Brad Stevens' team. Kyrie left Cleveland because it wasn't his team. And now he's gone somewhere else, still not his team. You think LeBron sends Kyrie a U-up text tonight?

If you put an 'American stink' on an EPL team, they deserve to be relegated

If you get an American stink on your EPL team, you deserve to be relegated. [referencing Bob Bradley's tenure at Swansea City]

Tom Brady looked like a 'plastic weird doll' at the Met Gala

My other hot seat is Tom Brady for looking like a plastic weird doll... Take away the clothes. His face looked weird. I definitely don't understand fashion. I don't, but I don't think it was a fashion. Take away the clothes. His face looked weird.

Indiana basketball is back because they signed Romeo Langford

My cool throne is Indiana basketball. So they signed Romeo Langford, the number one recruit in the nation. His minister said that Romeo is like Abraham Lincoln. So, I mean, it's going to be huge.

Jeff Bezos is building rocket ships just to liquidate his $100 billion

He figured out that the way that he's going to be able to spend money is by just building rocket ships and just going to different planets. That's the only thing that he can do to liquidate $100 billion in a lifetime, so that's what he's going to do.

Big Ben will play for 3-5 more years because the Steelers drafted Mason Rudolph

Big Ben says he wants to play three to five more years. He's just saying that because they drafted Mason Rudolph. 100%. But it's so fantastic that Big Ben, the guy who was contemplating retirement last year, is now like, yeah, you know what? Pencil me in for five more years.

LeBron James will lose to the Pacers in the first round of the 2018 playoffs

Not only is [LeBron James] about to lose to the Pacers in the first round, which will be embarrassing for him... Probably not.

The NFL should fine quarterbacks for receiver head injuries if the pass leads them into danger

Micah Hyde... came up with a new idea that actually makes a lot of sense about finding players for helmet-to-helmet hits. He thinks that quarterbacks should be fined for their receivers getting hit in the head if the quarterback leads them into danger. I don't hate it.

The Browns are smokescreening everyone by pretending to like Josh Allen with the #1 pick

Everyone thinks they're going to take Sam Darnold, but they're making a lot of moves for Josh Allen. And everyone says they like Josh Allen, but it's a smokescreen. And they have the first pick.

Scott Frost will build an 11-win team at Nebraska

We're going to walk into Nebraska and Scott Frost is going to build an 11-win team. And I'm going to be very, very upset about it.

The fact that Andrew Luck isn't healthy proves that books are officially junk science

He says that he's been reading a lot as part of his rehab. Nerd. So he's been reading a lot of books and nurturing himself with literature. The fact that he hasn't gotten better means that books are officially junk science, right? If that's his treatment course.

Mark Zuckerberg failed his mission to look human and is definitely a robot

If Mark Zuckerberg's sole attempt was to try to persuade people that he's not a bad guy who is stealing all of our data and our brains, he failed terribly. Because he looked like a robot. He had a terrible suit. He had a bowl cut. His eyes were huge. He just looked exactly like I would expect a robot to look who was put in front of Congress.

The Oakland A's low attendance signifies that baseball is dwindling away

My hot seat is the Oakland A's and baseball in general. Oakland A's only managed to draw 7,000 people for their game against the Rangers last night. ... I mean, baseball, another sign. Baseball's dwindling away.

Drew Brees will have to play for several more years because he lost $8 million to a fraud jeweler

My cool throne is the New Orleans Saints. ... They're on my cool throne because Drew Brees is going to have to play for another couple years. Because it turns out he lost $8 million to a fraud jeweler.

The Yodeling Walmart Boy will eventually be found to be problematic

The yodeling Walmart boy. At some point, he's going to be problematic, right? ... I've seen this story play out on the internet enough. Someone in his family has a Confederate flag Facebook profile, and everyone's going to turn on him and be like, man, this kid is problematic.

Villanova has officially earned its seat at the table as a college basketball blue blood

Villanova is now getting called a blue blood. So maybe one less seat at the table. You can't only have so many blue bloods. Are we going to shuffle someone out? I don't know.

Josh Rosen's intelligence and outside interests are red flags for NFL teams

I think a red flag has been brought up for Josh Rosen that he's too smart and that he cares too much about things besides football. ... Teams should send scouts to the UCLA library and hang out there, see how many times Josh Rosen comes in... if you're reading more history books than your playbook, then it's going to be a real issue.

MLB should have every player miked up for regular season games

They should just have everyone miked at all times. I would love it. I'd watch another feed. ... First five innings. Perfect.

Duke will win the 2019 national championship with Zion Williamson

2019 Duke national champions. No even reason to play the season. You can just mark it down right now. Duke is winning the title next year.

The Sixers are easy to guard in the playoffs because Ben Simmons can't shoot

Ben Simmons can't shoot, so if you just take them out of his hands, it's a lot easier to guard a team with four players instead of five.