Takes

There should be a 'TopGolf' but for football

TopGolf. But for other sports... There should be TopGolf but for football. You're the quarterback... imagine you have a football, and then in front of you is this big field, and there are people that are running routes, and you can hit the receivers with passes... They keep score of every ball that you throw.

We should fix the ozone layer by spraying ozone from a giant aerosol can in space like Flex Seal

just put ozone in an aerosol can and spray it up into the sky. I'm pretty sure I solved that. And no one's done it. Like, why not? ... We'll put someone up in a fucking spaceship with a huge aerosol can, and they just spray it on, like Flex Seal for the ozone.

Restaurants should replace gumball machines with 'Tumball' machines filled with Tums

An idea that's just, instead of a gumball machine, just out in restaurants, have it just be filled with Tums... I would take one every single time, even if I didn't have heartburn, just like knowing you might get it later... Call it a Tumball machine.

NyQuil Listerine is a million-dollar product idea

NyQuil Listerine. Both of these things, they look the same. Basically the same packaging. Combine them into one... You have your Dayquil Listerine for the morning and the Nightquil Listerine for night.

The lottery would make significantly more money if they had a one-click app

Can you imagine how much money the lottery would make if they somehow just made an app that you can, with one click, buy lottery tickets? Yes, it would be insane. It would be ridiculous. I would buy so many lottery tickets.

We should resolve the Confederate statue controversy by shrinking them by half every year

What I propose that we do is we just make every Confederate statue half the size that it is right now, year after year after year. So guess what? They're never going to go away. ... It'll be a penny.

Dentist offices should be installed on airplanes to save time

I'm also the guy who has the idea that we should start having dentist offices in planes so we can, you know, kill two birds with one stone... obviously we're gonna have to get through some of these hurdles [like turbulence].

Touching things that are cold is objectively better than touching things that are hot

I'll say this touching things that are cold it's objectively better than touching things [hot]. Correct correct. If i could never touch a hot thing again i'd be happy yes.