I am the biggest Carson Wentz super fan in the world right now

I've reached this point in my bargaining stage where I think I'm the biggest Carson Wentz super fan in the world right now. I've had some time to think it through logically... Carson Wentz's ceiling is better than any quarterback in that division. Now, all we have to do is to get him to play at his ceiling on an average basis.

Carson Wentz is the best quarterback in exactly 73-degree weather

The average temperature last September in Washington, DC was 73 degrees. No quarterback has performed better from a yards per attempt standpoint in exactly 73-degree weather than Carson Wentz. Top 50 quarterbacks yards per attempt and exactly 73-degree weather, he is number one, 9.71 yards per attempt.

Malik Willis has the most fuckable spiral in the 2022 draft

Number one. Malik Willis. God damn moon bomb. And the thing is, I love how the ball turns over on his long balls. It points up when it's going up and when it's going down, it points down and it looks like an absolute cruise missile.

Technically Vanny Woodhead does not exist and is legally destroyed

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of, I couldn't, I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it. No, one [owns it]. The, it's technically like scrap. It's a ghost car. It just hasn't been scrapped.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.