Jadeveon Clowney is no longer a good football player

Like Jadeveon Clowney in college, I was like, that guy's not going to be good at the next level because he wears number two. I was right. He's not good anymore.

Kliff Kingsbury is a 'mimbo' who doesn't understand late-game clock management

It was more of a, I think we're right that Kliff Kingsbury's kind of a mimbo. I don't really understand what Kliff Kingsbury was doing at the end of the game. I don't know why they were throwing to the end zone three times in a row when all they needed was to just keep moving.

Anyone who tries to fight DK Metcalf should be suspended for their own safety

If you try to fight DK Metcalf, you should be suspended just for your own health. Because you need to get your brain examined at that point. [Metcalf] is a scary big dude who's very, very muscular.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.