The Dodgers have already won the World Series after the trade deadline

The winners and losers of the trade deadline, the Dodgers have won it all. Just give them the trophy right now. You get Yu Darvish. Yeah.

Colin Kaepernick isn't being signed because his vegan diet makes him physically weak

I think that the reason [Kaepernick] is not being signed is because he's not taking care of his body. He's made up of plant proteins. Not animal proteins, and he's just not as... resilient. I've never seen a plant win a fight.

The government has already won the spying game because everyone willingly put Alexa listening devices in their homes

Big Brother, you thought that the government was going to start putting robots in our houses. They just flipped the script and they're like, everyone has to go buy those stupid Alexa things. And they willingly put it in their house. And now we've been spied on. And now it's over. If you buy an Alexa, you're done. It has your credit card information. You're done.

The Jets can't build a winning culture

You just can't. It's hard to build a winning culture ever. It doesn't matter what you're doing if you're the Jets.

The WNBA badly mishandled its Finals scheduling

Instead of doing it in an arena where it's like a 5,000 capacity arena, they could have done it at the regular time. They chose to do 12:30 in the afternoon.

There is real tension between Jalen Brown and the Celtics

I don't think it's Jason Tatum and Jalen Brown really have personal beef. I think it's just, you know, Jalen Brown, Celtics, and that's turning into Jason Tatum in some ways. But I think there's definitely beef between Jalen Brown and the Celtics organization.