Getting COVID is karma for not following through on my promise to inject myself if March Madness was canceled

If you remember, around this time last year... I said that if they don't play March Madness, I will inject myself with coronavirus. Well, they didn't play March Madness, and I didn't inject myself... So I think that getting it is finally karma, and on top of that, it means that we officially will have a March Madness tournament this year.

Tom Brady's 'We Will Win' texts are the most confidence-inducing messages in the world

The story that came out that Tom Brady texted his entire team every night the week leading up to the Super Bowl just saying, we will win. And I have to imagine that's got to be – like in terms of text messages you can get, that has to be the single most confidence-inducing text message you can get from anyone at any point in your life.

The only way to sustain Super Bowl runs in the NFL is to funnel money through a quarterback's side business

The only way you can do that [sustain Super Bowl runs] is if your star quarterback has an alleged money laundering operation that's taking place as his company behind the scenes that you can funnel money to instead of spending cap hits on that.

Jalen Brown complaining about flopping after losing game seven is loser talk

I gotta put my hand up on that one. That is sour grapes. That is loser talk. You just lost game seven and then not complain, but kind of bitch on that. That is a little bit of loser talk. If you're a good competitor, you're gonna be a sore loser. If you win the game, it's not a problem. Every shit happens in every NBA game that's ever been played.

The Celtics will win Game 7 by 40 points

The Boston people that I follow... that is overdramatic. And that actually makes me feel better that this is when the Celtics do thrive, they come together, they win by 40, they use that momentum and they keep going. So that, that's what I think is gonna happen. They're gonna win by 40.

I now want the Lakers to blow their 3-0 lead so bad

Now I want them to just blow this lead so bad.