Summer is officially over after Labor Day

Summer's over. Sorry, anyone who says summer lasts past Labor Day is a loser. We're so fucking pissed. Summer's over.

The first person to live to 200 years old has already been born

They think the first person to live to 200 has already been born. There have been studies that have been done. No, Big Cat, you didn't read the studies that I read.

Short people live longer because their hearts don't have as much mass to pump blood through

Short people definitely live longer. Yeah, because we don't have this mass to pump all the blood through. [We are] closer to the ground, better pad level.

JMU may not win again until the dog-poop bettor returns

JMU probably won't win another football game until that guy logs back on.

The Wizards are a one-through-eight seed team

I feel confident in my one through eight seed. Love that for the Wiz.

The Falcons can expose the 49ers defense

They might not actually be as good as we think they are on defense. I don't hate the Falcons at all in this game.