Takes

The 2017 NBA Finals will be the Celtics vs. the Warriors

I got Celtics and Warriors. Kevin Durant and Isaiah Thomas are going to be a serious force to be reckoned with.

LeBron James is the most valuable player in the NBA, regardless of who wins MVP

I would say LeBron should be the MVP this year, though. He is the most valuable player in the NBA. That's a fact. Well, I guess we got to get into a debate over what valuable means.

I'm officially done with Riley Curry

I'm hashtag done with Riley Curry. i've i've had it that's riley time riley curry okay yeah it was it was cool last year um it was a nice little like diversion from the normal post game press conference now i feel like i feel like she's reading her press clippings a little bit too much and she thinks that she's really cute and she might be really cute but she she knows that she's really cute now and last year she didn't know it she was just being cute so um i'm done with riley curry don't want to see her again

Brian Windhorst is in LeBron James' doghouse for not voting him MVP

Windhorst didn't vote for LeBron. How dumb is Windhorst? That's his meal ticket... He was like, someone will vote for LeBron, and I can just tell LeBron it was me. And then no one voted for LeBron.

The Cavaliers could beat the Warriors in the Finals

The entire season has been about the Warriors and then a little bit about the Spurs. The Cavs, they can do like the whole nobody believes in us shit, which is unreal with a guy like LeBron on your team. And I don't know, man. I wouldn't be shocked if they beat the Warriors. I really wouldn't.

Kevin Love is the best player of all time because he is 12-0 in the playoffs

People forget that Kevin Love is undefeated in the NBA playoffs... He's undefeated. 12-0. The Cavs literally never lost with Kevin Love. Kevin Love has literally never lost in the playoffs. He's maybe the best player of all time.

Steph Curry's unanimous MVP is bad for basketball because it ruins the debate

The news on this press conference is not that he won. It's that he managed to get 131 media people to agree to the same thing at the same time... When you can get the media people not to basically pull their pants down and go, I'm going to vote for the wrong guy just so people will notice me, you've done a remarkable thing... he's been horrible for basketball. He's broken the game, first of all. He helped ruin the regular season now. And now he's in the process of breaking the playoffs.

The NBA deserves bad officiating because they retired the great iconoclasts like Joey Crawford

Joey Crawford's retirement is one of the darkest moments in what has been a pretty lackluster season... Officiating in the NBA was better with two guys who knew what they were doing... now they get Scott Fosters. Now they get Tony Brothers. They deserve it. They deserve to have nothing but crappy officiating from now until the end of time.

Dwyane Wade dunking during the Canadian national anthem is the most American thing possible

He was actually dunking during it, which I think is the most American thing that you can do is just be dunking during another country's anthem. But like, isn't there a fine line between being like too courteous to another country and then committing treason? Because if you're really respecting the other anthem, that means that you don't love your own country.

Always be wary of an 'offensive genius' coach

The offensive mind, always be wary of the offensive mind. That's actually a good motto in life. Mark Trestman's another one. Always be wary of the offensive genius. I'd rather a defensive guy than an offensive guy any day of the week.

Does LeBron James have the it factor and the clutch gene?

My question is, does LeBron have the it factor? I don't think people are talking about this enough. He's won a couple championships, but the years that he won it, was he really the it guy? Did he really have that clutch gene?

Chris Bosh is a first-ballot Hall of Famer because the Basketball Hall of Fame lets everyone in

The Basketball Hall of Fame lets in basically anyone who played basketball for more than 10 years. So Bosh is a first ballot then. There's really no rhyme or reason... 50% of the basketball world is a Hall of Famer.

Chris Webber was definitely betting on the Thunder-Spurs game

Chris Webber, I'm pretty sure Chris Webber was betting on this game because I've never heard anyone so emotionally invested in a game... It was clear that Chris Webber had money on this game.

The Golden State Warriors offense works better without Steph Curry

Now I'm starting to hear reporters out West saying that the, that the Warriors function in like a more smooth offense. Now that Steph Curry's gone... they're like, you know, there are elements of this offense that work better without them.

LeBron James has been doing steroids since the day he was born

Steph Curry's hurt, Chris Paul's hurt, Blake Griffin's hurt, you know who's never missed the playoff game? LeBron James. But LeBron James has always been huge. ... Always has been doing steroids probably since the day he was born. I've never seen a more clear steroid case in my life than LeBron James.

Russell Westbrook is an All-Star, not a NBA Superstar

Westbrook? All-star. I agree with [Mark] Cuban. Not a superstar. My criteria for superstar is a superstar has at least like 10 million Chinese people wearing their shoes.

Carmelo Anthony is a bum

Carmelo? He's a bum. ... He's a bum on the Knicks. And he wears bum hats.

Anthony Davis is a bum because he can't get a date on Tinder

Anthony Davis? He's a bum. He's a bum right now. Did you see him on the thing with Tinder? He was saying he couldn't get a date. Now let me ask this: does an all-star, a star, a superstar ever not be able to get a date? Anthony Davis is a bum.

Jimmy Butler is a bad leader and a bum

Jimmy Butler is an all-star, but he's also – he's got a couple bum qualities in him that have pissed me off. ... He's an all-star who thinks he's a superstar, which then makes that part of his brain bum-like. ... He is the leader of the Bulls now, yes, but he's a bad leader. ... All right, fine. He's a bum star.

The Golden State Warriors are better without Steph Curry

I think the Golden State Warriors are a better basketball team without Steph Curry. Thompson can really shine now.

The NBA should fast forward to the conference finals

Let's just fast forward. They should eliminate half the teams in the NBA.

The NBA first round should return to five-game series

I honestly think they should go back to the five games in the first round. The five-game series just felt more like every game means so much. And if you can win one game, it's like, ooh, maybe they can actually pull this off.

The first round of the NBA playoffs is terrible

I hate the NBA playoffs first round. So we'll talk about that.

Stanley Johnson is actually in LeBron James' head by making LeBron think he's crazy

So you're thinking LeBron has probably read this and was like – like laughed it off, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, Stanley Johnson thinks he's in my head. And then there was a quick pause, and he's like, uh – maybe he is. I don't know.

The Warriors' 73-win record means nothing if they don't win the championship

My thing is, the record, in my opinion, doesn't mean much if they don't win the championship. I think it's one of those things where they have to do both to be recognized as one of the best teams ever because they're both 72 and 10 team won the championship. And if they don't, then I just don't think they're on the same level.

Matthew Dellavedova could make the roster of most NHL teams

I will say that Matt Dellavedova could probably make the roster of most NHL players, but he's probably the only NBA player that I think could cross over into the other sport.

The NBA's new hustle stats are just a way for Matthew Dellavedova's agent to get him a big payday

Basically it's like—it's Matthew Dellavedova's agent coming up with these stats to try to get Delly a big payday this offseason. Just being in somebody's face for a shot is now a stat.

The NBA will lose its man card if they go to more than one ad on their jerseys

I'm going to take the NBA's man card once they start throwing these. If they go to more than one ad on their jerseys, man card time.

LeBron James' Zero Dark 30-23 playoff social media blackout is really stupid

LeBron is so dumb. It's Zero Dark 30-23... Not Zero Dark 23. It's Zero Dark Thirty. So it's the full movie name. Twenty three. And it really goes back to the biggest weakness LeBron has is no one in his circle has like any brain to say, hey, LeBron, this is really fucking stupid.

Kobe Bryant has given people more false confidence than Adolf Hitler

He's trapped a lot of really weak-minded people into believing that if you go around all the time and act like you're the shit... then you're going to be the best person in whatever field that you've chosen. So he's given a lot of false confidence to people, probably more false confidence to people than Adolf Hitler, I would say.

The Bulls will give the Celtics a really good series in the playoffs

I think the Bulls are going to give the Celtics a really good series.

The 2016 Warriors will win the NBA title

The Golden State Warriors won their 72nd game last night against the Spurs. So now they are an all-time team. Unless they don't win the title. If they don't win the title, then it really doesn't matter. But we all kind of assume they will win the title.

The 1996 Bulls would beat the 2016 Warriors because modern NBA rules don't allow defense

I got to take the bulls because when the bulls played, I don't know if you know this or not, but nowadays you're not allowed to play defense in the NBA. I've heard a lot of people say that recently and they've said it so much that I'm starting to agree with it.

The UConn women's basketball team would be a 3-5 point favorite over the Philadelphia 76ers

I think that the – well, yeah, [UConn women] are going to win, and I think that the spread against the Sixers, they'd be like three to five-point favorites, depending if it was in UConn or if it was being played in Philly.

Villanova would beat the Philadelphia 76ers

So yeah, I Villanova, I'd take Villanova over the Sixers.

Kobe Bryant had the best left-handed shot in the NBA

Kobe's like, I'm the best left-handed, the best left-handed... Do you remember when he broke his finger? Okay, so he breaks his finger in the game, doesn't check out. His line that night was like 18 and something with just one hand. He literally played with one hand... He looks over and goes, Amo, like what? He goes, I told you I had the best fucking left hand in the league.

Everyone in the NBA is tradable

I played this game. Everybody's tradable. It's not like – You know, some guys, you know, when you're a broadcaster, you never played. I played in the NBA. I've been traded. So it happens. It's a business.

Matthew Dellavedova is a better player than Kyrie Irving

Deli is better than Kyrie. How does your starting point guard only have four assists when the team scores 124? Kyrie is more worried about his brand than actually winning.

The 'other bracket' guy is the worst person during March Madness

I'm power ranking. Other bracket guy is number one is the worst... The guy who always he'll always chime in whenever there's a big upset. But he'll like have one bracket in his hand... 'I don't have that upset here. I just have it on my other bracket.' This like elusive other bracket that no one knows about.

Coaches collapse during games for motivation or to avoid accountability

Tony Bennett made the mistake of doing it when his team's up. You're supposed to do it when it's down so that even if you lose, people can't be like, oh, that coach sucks... I think that every single time my team got down big in a big game, I just collapsed... and then if you lose, everyone's like, wow, man, I can't believe like he just collapsed and he kept on coaching.

Ivy League schools shouldn't be allowed to participate in March Madness

All these rich pricks that think they're better than everyone they shouldn't get this experience. No, it's a state school experience only... You fucking Ivy League kids should not get to participate in March Madness.

Yale vs Duke Under is my lock of the century

That's my lock of the century. Put the money in the bank right now. It's done... if you start a good place to start is by betting the under on two teams that you hate. [Yale vs Duke]

Cincinnati will beat St. Joe's because they are too big and physical

I think Cincinnati, too big and too physical for St. Joe's. St. Joe's wants to play on the perimeter. Cincinnati will beat you up physically. They're not going to wow you with their jump-shooting ability, but I think they'll be able to get easy buckets. So I like Cincinnati in that game, laying the 2, 2.5.

LeBron James is passive-aggressive and can't spell his own metaphors

That's LeBron James because J.J. Watt would never tweet anything as passive-aggressive as that... He also did spell it wrong. He said, you can't accomplish the dream if everyone isn't dreaming the same thing every day.

Derrick Rose is in a permanent state of being so hurt that he's actually injured

With Derrick Rose. I, I say he is injured by a thousand hertz. Like he's gotten hurt so many times that it's all like just one big injury for him right now at this point. His body is just in a permanent state of being so hurt that it's injured... His mind, body and soul.