Takes

You should never order appetizers at a steakhouse to maximize your sides

I'm of the mindset now that you don't need any appetizers at steakhouses. It's, it's a good place to run Zero apps... You don't need the calamari at a steakhouse... The sides at a steakhouse are elite. The mashed potatoes are always elite... mac and cheese always elite at a steakhouse, you wanna maximize your sides to go with a steak.

Sugar cones with soft serve ice cream is crazy

I think sugar cones with soft serve is crazy. I think it's crazy. Soft serve ice cream will drip. ... Sugar cone's guaranteed dripping. ... Sugar cone is a classic ice cream cone [for scoops], not a soft serve cone.

Pistachios are a grand slam nut

I would put pistachio on my Mount Rushmore of nuts. ... Peanut is a double off the wall. I enjoy peanuts. But you talk about a grand slam, now we're talking pistachios. ... It might be my favorite nut.

Unsalted nuts suck; the saltier the better

Unsalted nuts suck. ... There's nothing worse than when you see like a, a thing of nuts and you take a little handful and it's unsalted nuts. Oh, unsalted nuts suck. No saltier the better.

The 'Uncrustable Diet' is the perfect way to get in shape for age 40

I'm trying a new diet that I think I invented, which is strictly Uncrustables. ... My meal plan is, I eat four Uncrustables a day. ... I think that the Uncrustable is probably the perfect snack. The perfect meal, the perfect everything.

Dots Pretzels are the most addictive snack in existence

I've never been addicted to a snack more than this. And it's dangerous. It is crazy.

Fried lobster is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten

I had fried lobster for the first time in my life. That's all I've been thinking about. It was the most delicious thing I've ever ate.

Eating 14 hot dogs in 12 hours is not a lot of food

When you say 14 hot dogs in 12 hours isn't that much. It's not. That's a fat ass statement. Not that you're a fat ass, but... it's really just dealing with Stu Feiner all the time.

Tuna is the beef of the sea and Salmon is the chicken of the sea

Tuna is the beef of the sea. Salmon's the chicken of the sea. [Big Cat: Tuna cans literally say chicken of the sea.] No, because it's red. It's the beef.

The only time you should use hot sauce is to mask the flavor of food you don't like

I use hot sauce for eggs. Cause I don't like eating eggs... it masks the flavor, which is the only time you should use hot sauce, is to mask the flavor.

Ordering a steak 'Medium Rare Plus' is a 'Karen' move

I officially accept that medium rare plus is a thing. Okay. At the same time, just kind of a Karen move to order... I acknowledge its existence as well. I personally prefer [to not be an asshole].

Fresh Skyline Chili is absolute gas and tastes like Mediterranean food

Skyline is actually fire... Didn't have Skyline from Cincinnati before. I had it from the cans and I didn't really like it. Got some fresh Skyline. It's absolute gas. It kind of tastes like Mediterranean food. Literally. Like the chili gives off like – hero [gyro] vibes.

Putting milk in eggs makes them better and more like pancakes

What you do is you put like, I have put milk in my eggs and then they're like, almost like a pancake when you do them. But apparently the nice browning of the outside of the eggs... it's better than gooey icky eggs.

The best way to eat a cookie is to make it giant with a crispy outside and gooey inside

Instead of making small cookies, I make four gigantic cookies. And then I bake them. And then I make them gooey, and then I eat one... Well, the thing about the big cookie is you can get the outside crispy and then the inside gooey.

Winter and summer menus at salad restaurants are absurd

I just think it's absurd that they have winter and summer menus in a fucking salad place. ... What's the difference between salad in the winter and salad in the summer?

Dippin' Dots is a depreciating asset

I learned a lesson, which is Dippin' Dots is a depreciating asset. Yeah, absolutely. No regrets.

Medium Rare Plus is a legitimate and superior steak temperature

PFT, you just won't believe me that medium rare plus exists, even though every time we go somewhere I order it and the waitress here... they always say yes. [Restaurants] will always err on the side of rare [when you order medium rare], so that's why I get plus.

The Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich is one of the best sandwiches ever

Unpopular opinion that Popeye's chicken sandwich is good. I'll die on that hill. No, it's really good. And I need to have another one.

Acai bowls are a scam that make you fat because they are basically just ice cream

I found out about them [Acai Bowls]. They're awesome. It's basically ice cream. But then I found out they make you fat... Turns out it basically is ice cream. They're labeled as superfood.

Yolked: A gym that serves gourmet egg breakfast sandwiches

All in my notes, it just said, Yolked, and it's a gym and egg sandwich breakfast combo... Y-O-L-K-E-D... you can get yolked and then you get an egg sandwich.