Takes

The US Men's National Team will win the 2026 World Cup because of Folarin Balogun

We got a big defection... Folarin Balogun. He's on the arsenal, he's on the arsenals and he's a striker. And we don't have a striker... so it's coming home 2026. Hell, yes. Way to go, dude.

The World Cup final will end in a 4-4 draw and France will win on penalty kicks

Four four penalty kicks... I think we'll go one each and extra time... And then France wins one gold to nothing in penalty case.

I guarantee a USMNT World Cup championship in 2026

This is mission accomplished. It's a win. Anything else on top of that is gravy. We won the World Cup today by advancing out of the group stage... in 2026, that's when the boys spread their wings and become a butterfly. And that's, I'm guaranteeing personally a United States World Cup championship in 2026.

Federico Chiesa is the next GOAT of soccer

That dude Chiesa, my guy Chiesa, he's the next GOAT. Like, we might be seeing a torch event happen in the next year, two years, where Messi passes that torch.

American sports owners like Stan Kroenke and the Glazers tried to turn European football into WrestleMania

And in came the American sports owners... Stan Kroenke, who it's not clear to me actually knows he owns Arsenal... you've got the Glazers... and they've got ideas... it was a bit like that old sci-fi show V where we welcomed in the aliens who seem nice... to try and turn what is precious, what has grown over a century, just that evolution, the history, the traditions, and to try and turn that into WrestleMania was a bit dark.

Messi is better than Ronaldo because he is better at cheating on his taxes

Messi is probably got like a billion... He's better at shooting us, he got away with cheating on taxes for longer than Ronaldo did. Rinaldo you bitch. Messy has one, two, three, four, five, six golden boots. Count the booties.

The U.S. will win a World Cup in the next 10 years

First question for you, Landon, will the U.S. win a World Cup in the next 10 years? [Landon]: Yes.

Portugal was a better soccer team without Cristiano Ronaldo in the Euro 2016 Final

I'm going to go with hurt because he actually made the team better. I think the question has to be asked now, like, was Cristiano Ronaldo actually holding Portugal back? So better team without him. Kind of like the whole Steph Curry situation where the boys, the lads on the pitch just really opened up the game and the spacing was better.

Under Armour signed Lionel Messi because they specialize in signing the biggest chokers in sports

Congratulations to Under Armour for apparently signing Lionel Messi to round out their stable of Spieth, Cam Newton, and Steph Curry, the biggest chokers in the world.