Takes

Duke would have won the National Championship by 50 points if they had reached the final.

I think if Duke plays in the championship game, they win by 50. Easily. That was a wasted opportunity.

College basketball is now 'pay to win' and that's unsustainable

It's a pay to win tournament. Like basketball is ruined. Unsustainable. Yeah, that's the new word that I keep hearing.

Arturas Karnisovas was definitively the worst General Manager in the NBA during his Bulls tenure.

AK [Arturas Karnisovas] was one of, if not no, he was definitely the worst GM right now in the NBA. That's, I think that's actually, you can't dispute that fact. The moves that were made... absolute disaster of a front office. Terrible at scouting, terrible at trades, terrible at timing.

The $1.2 billion valuation of the Enhanced Games is a fake number.

The enhanced games just got valued at $1.2 billion. And the enhanced games... are the steroid users alternative to the Olympics. It's being run by Peter Thiel. It sounds like it's a fake valuation because it just sounds good to say $1.2 billion.

Geno Auriemma is the biggest baby ever for his reaction to the 2026 Final Four loss

I don't think there's ever been a bigger baby ever than Geno. Everything he tried to say in the press conference was just immediately refuted to be false — Dawn Staley didn't shake my hand at the beginning of the game. Yes, she did. Sarah Strong got her jersey ripped. No, she ripped it herself.

Dawn Staley's post-loss quote — 'I can swallow the loss because we lost to a really good human being' — is the biggest loser quote ever heard

That is maybe the biggest loser quote that I've ever heard. And she's a great coach. 'I can swallow the loss because we lost to a really good human being and a good team.' She's still thinking about Geno.

The Eagles front office and coaching staff authorized a hatchet job against Jalen Hurts

There are some people in that still work for the Eagles in the front office and the coaching ranks of the Philadelphia Eagles that authorized a hatchet job against their starting quarterbacks. Not just your [Kevin Patullo]s, not just the guys that used to work there... There's some guys inside those walls that gave the go ahead and the green light to run a clear hit piece against the guy.

Danny Hurley will be the best bald coach in sports history if he wins a third championship

I think that would make Danny Hurley the best bald coach in sports history. The only other option could be Red Auerbach, but he wasn't bald for his entire career. I think right now he's already on the Mount Rushmore of bald head coaches. But if he wins a third, that puts you in rarefied air.

Inhaled 'Protein Hookah' will revolutionize bro culture

A doctor claims that inhaled protein enters the bloodstream faster and absorb more efficiently. It's kinda like weed. All I'm saying is like keep your eye on this technology. Because it has the opportunity to revolutionize bro culture.

Society has gotten too soft — kids need dodgeball, the SAT, and pressure to build real toughness

The fact that we're not playing dodgeball in gym class, and even there should be some type of standardized tests. What happened to the SAT? Like we've gotten so soft on young people that you don't even have to go through like the pressure and stress of having to prepare for that test, take that test, have to get some type of a number. Or dodgeball in gym class. You don't think that this is gonna make people tougher and more resilient? Greater fortitude, be prepared to handle the things that come up in life, the ability to compete, have to respond from failure, deal with pressure.

Jon Scheyer should not be allowed to wear the Blue Devil logo until he wins a championship

Scheyer needs to take the D off of his sweatsuit. Off of his chest. He should not be allowed to wear that patch. He's gotta earn it back. Win a championship, then you can wear the Blue Devil logo on your chest.

Jon Scheyer might be on the hot seat after another tournament failure

Jon Scheyer might be on the hot seat. I don't know how you don't call a timeout. It's the time. I don't know how you don't like, that's like day, literally day one of camp is like, all right, let's run some, some out of bounds end of game situations.

Tiger Woods is a bad guy for repeatedly driving under the influence

Tiger Woods got in another car crash... Tiger, the memories he's given us... I don't understand some of the Tiger fanboys that can't just like separate it at this point and be like, hey, if he was doing this... bad guy! You're putting other people's lives at risk... schools are getting out? Bad guy.

Tiger Woods is an all-time scumbag for not hiring a driver despite his wealth

If you're Tiger Woods, it is so easy for you to afford a full-time driver... and he doesn't, and the only difference between some people trying to defend Tiger right now, and Tiger being an all time scumbag is that he got lucky and didn't hurt anybody... if he does hurt somebody, it's going to be the biggest no shit moment ever. Big time scumbag.

Jay Bilis is being disingenuous with his criticism of the transfer portal

Jay Bilis is being disingenuous... what I don't understand about Jay Bilis is like, so what if people complain about the transfer portal and the NIL... this is a tweet from 20 years ago. Everyone's saying Will Wade's a dickhead.

Golf carts should replace cars as the primary mode of transportation for non-highway use

What is your thoughts on maybe moving away from cars and really locking in on the golf cart as transportation A to B and only using cars highway use only. So like neighborhoods outside of that. We're just using golf carts on an everyday basis for travel.

John Calipari has officially won the breakup with Kentucky

Do we think that there has ever been a bigger 'won the breakup' more than Cal in Kentucky right now? ... Cal is living the best life. He has gone to back-to-back Sweet Sixteens and Kentucky is in a complete crisis with Mark Pope. It couldn't have gone worse in the first two years for this breakup.

Nate Oats needs to teach his players to never let the police look through their phones

Let the Aden Holloway situation be a reminder to everybody that you don't have to let the police look through your phone. I actually point the finger at Nate Oats for this, because Nate Oats, you gotta do a better job of explaining the first through fifth amendments to your players. Given the history that you've had... day one you should have a, get the guys from Morgan & Morgan to come in and be like, 'Do not talk to the police if you're in trouble. Shut the fuck up.'

Fouling when up by two points late in a game is a terrible strategy

Todd Golden said in the press conference they were trying to foul up two... That's insane. Foul up two's crazy. You know how crazy he is? Steven Che thinks it's a good idea. Fouling up two does not make any sense... Play defense! How about that? The, that my groundbreaking end of game scenario that I would coach in that situation would be: play defense.

NFL players should not be confident in their union representation with JC Tretter as NFLPA head

He's a moron. So it looks like Roger Goodell now has his doofus set up as they go into the next CBA. If I was an NFL player, I would not be too confident about my representation right now.

Aaron Judge is an absolute choke artist after his WBC performance

Aaron Judge just sucking yet again. And he's gonna get, he's gonna lose some pinstripes over this. I think that's only fair... absolute choke artist. Expected nothing else from him. And he delivered nothing.

Aaron Judge is an absolute choke artist who delivered nothing for Team USA

Aaron Judge, like you knew he was striking out. And he did. He's an absolute joke, absolute choke artist. Expected nothing else from him and he delivered nothing.

Timothée Chalamet can't win the big one after losing another Oscar

Timothy Chalamet. Yeah. Did not win... he's now in that like, can he win the big one? It's, it's I think it's his third time. Nothing. Can't win the big one. Nothing to show.

Ludvig Åberg is a choker who can't win on Sundays under pressure

Ludvig Åberg. Can't win the big one. Yeah. Big time. Can't win the big one. Another choke. Choke to the masters... He stinks on Sundays. I don't know what it is about him... just when he gets under pressure he just melts down.

I am rooting for the Dominican Republic over Team USA in the WBC because they are more electric

The Dominican team is electric and I like to be entertained when I'm watching sports. This tournament's for entertainment. I want to watch more games with the Dominican Republic team. I want more. I'm rooting for the USA correctly, but I respect the hell out of the Dominican team.

I need to get into a car accident that totals my car so I have an excuse to buy a new one

I need to get in an accident that totals this car so that I have no choice but to get a new car. I want to get a sick car. That way I don't even have a choice.

Adults who wear swim shirts at the pool look like children

If you wear a swim shirt as an adult, you just you look like a child. They shouldn't sell adult swim shirts. I agree. No shirts belong everywhere but in the water.

The Ravens are using a physical loophole to back out of the Maxx Crosby trade

I'm calling bullshit on all this. It does feel like something's fishy here. And maybe it's just the Ravens using the loophole of, hey, we can see, we can trade for Maxx Crosby, see how the rest of free agency plays out, knowing that this stupid legal tampering and then official free agency, there's a two day gap and then just figure it out later.

Tua Tagovailoa will never be more than a check-down quarterback with no deep ball

I don't think that Tua can throw the ball downfield at all. But he can do swing passes to Bijan [Robinson] and that's pretty much what they're gonna ask him to do there. I think what we saw from Tua is what we're gonna get.

I am against prenups because marriage should be forever

I'm against prenups. Because if you're getting married, you're never—you're getting married to be together forever. If you really love someone, the money shouldn't matter.

Laser tag is a children's game and it's terrible for adults

Why were you playing laser tag as an adult? Laser tag sucks. It's a children's game. I guarantee you I've played more laser tag in the last five years than any of you guys... every laser tag, the guns don't work. You hit someone and it doesn't register.

A joint bachelor/bachelorette party is a 'pre-crime' indicating a lack of trust

If you do a joint bachelor bachelorette party, you just, that's pre-crime. That's the most insane thing possible. It's, it's, it's not, it's bad, bad behavior. It's, it's, that means you just don't trust each other.

Dennis Rodman is a role player because anyone who isn't a 30-point-per-game scorer is a role player

I would say [Dennis Rodman] is. But like, it's like, I think anybody who's not a 30 point a game scorer, you know, like the 20 to 30 like takes most of the shots is pretty much a role player.

Winning a Thunder NBA championship and appearing on the Pardon My Take book cover are more significant than winning the NBA Cup or the 2020 Bubble title

I think it goes: Thunder championship, book cover, NBA Cup second place, NBA Cup third place, and then the bubble championship. [74 in Tahoe] is up above the cup games. People gotta talk about it more.

The half marathon is a joke of a race that isn't a 'real' accomplishment

Half marathon's gotta be the lamest thing to break. Call it a 10,000, what is it? 10,000 meters. Half marathon is bullshit. Make it a full marathon or make it a 10K. It's just a joke. It is a joke of a race. In principle it is a joke.

Team USA would have lost the gold medal game if they listened to Aaron Judge's speech

That was one of the worst speeches of all time. If they're, why don't put that out. If you're world ba baseball classic, don't put that out. I think they're trying to get a little bit of the buzz from the Olympics team. USA would've lost the gold medal game if, if if someone stood up and gave Aaron Judge's speech.

Fettuccine Alfredo is fake Italian food.

Alfredo's not real Italian. There's no heavy cream in Italian cuisine. Alfredo's fake Italian. He [Rick Pitino] would maybe do a lemon chicken, maybe do a lemon chicken Piccata. But Alfredo... Cacho e pepe, that's Italian. But there's no heavy cream in Italian cuisine.

Tua Tagovailoa's market value is non-existent relative to his contract

Everything's on the table for the Dolphins. Tua could be a fullback. What would you... What do you think the Dolphins would say yes to for a trade for Tua? Like a sixth round pick for Tua? A jugs machine? I don't know what the hell would Tua's market be?

Big game hunting and winter survival should be added as Winter Olympic sports

I do agree with big game hunting [as an Olympic sport], that would rock dudes. It's like you go out in the wilderness and then you just have to weigh like, how much bear did you come back with? The Olympic sport of just watching dudes in the middle of the woods who can start a fire faster. I'd watch that.

Hockey is only America's fourth most important sport and we still beat Canada

I choose to win with class. Does it hurt for Canada that I graciously said hockey is our fourth like the fourth sport we're best at? We're football, baseball, basketball... and then hockey. I love hockey, but it's our fourth most important sport. And Canada, Canada's everything. And we fucking beat you. And we have the gold.

Peptides are the play for weight loss and health in 2026

Through some limited extensive research, I think part of my peptides might be the play. All the hot people online are just like, 'these are what you need to do. Take these peptides, you'll lose a bunch of weight.'

NBA owners should be forced to sell their team if they win fewer than 20 games for three straight years

What they need to do for all sports is if you don't reach a certain level of win percentage in consecutive years, you have to sell the team. Which that would be awesome too. If you win less than 20 games in the NBA for three years straight, you should have to sell the team.

A sniper's most likely hiding spots are a clock tower or a warehouse

That feels like the, the two most likely places for people in Texas to hide if they're a sniper.

I am done with all international NFL games because the Bad Bunny halftime show was so bad

The halftime performance was bad. I don't obviously really care about the halftime performance... I hope they never do international games [again]. That was the thing that turned [me].

Jordan Queen has already wrapped up Jordan of the Year in February by wearing an Orchids of Asia Day Spa shirt to the Duke-UNC game.

Jordan [Queen] was there [at Duke-UNC]... and she was wearing an Orchids of Asia Day Spa shirt. Unbelievable. Which is the day spa that Robert Kraft got jacked off in. Jordan of the Year is open and shut case... early February. Jordan of the Year has been wrapped up.

Duke cannot just lose a basketball game; they always have to make it about a larger issue like player safety.

I just love when Duke loses. They can't just lose, they have to make it about something... It has to be something bigger than just basketball. It has to be, you know, teaching kids to become men or unsportsmanlike or this or that or the other. Just lose the fucking game. You lost the game, you choked.

Tom Brady is a competitive psycho who doesn't want anyone to ever win another Super Bowl again.

There's also a world that Tom Brady's such a competitive psycho. He just doesn't want anyone to ever win another Super Bowl again... He wants to win all the Super Bowls that have ever existed. So he's like, I'm not in it, [so I don't care].

The 49ers would have beaten the Seahawks if they were healthy

At the end of the day, man, you need your horses when you're going up against the guys who have their best players. To not have me and Bosa on defense... the times that we have been healthy, man, we've been in that game down the street [Super Bowl] and have had a chance to win them.

I would literally die for Cooper Kupp.

That's like my freaking stepfather... Cooper Kupp... I would die for Cooper Kupp.

James Harden is a first-ballot 'I gotta take care of me first' Hall of Famer.

James Harden is, I'll say this about James Harden. He is maybe first ballot hall of fame. I gotta take care of me first guy, wouldn't you say? He's always like, Hey, what can I do for James Harden?