Takes

A sniper's most likely hiding spots are a clock tower or a warehouse

That feels like the, the two most likely places for people in Texas to hide if they're a sniper.

It is worth $40,000 to watch the Patriots lose a Super Bowl

$40,000 is a lot of money. It is, no matter how you slice it, it's worth it for the Patriots to lose. I, if you, if you would tell me that I would have to pay $40,000 for every Patriot Super Bowl loss, I'd say that's a hell of a deal. I'd shake your hand.

Duke cannot just lose a basketball game; they always have to make it about a larger issue like player safety.

I just love when Duke loses. They can't just lose, they have to make it about something... It has to be something bigger than just basketball. It has to be, you know, teaching kids to become men or unsportsmanlike or this or that or the other. Just lose the fucking game. You lost the game, you choked.

The 49ers would have beaten the Seahawks if they were healthy

At the end of the day, man, you need your horses when you're going up against the guys who have their best players. To not have me and Bosa on defense... the times that we have been healthy, man, we've been in that game down the street [Super Bowl] and have had a chance to win them.

Matthew Dellavedova stinks and has zero athleticism

I have a ton of respect for Deli. 'cause he's so, so hard-nosed, but like both things can be true. Like I can have a ton of respect for him and he stink... The man was like guarding the hell outta Steph Curry... He has zero athleticism.

I have a top-five basketball IQ in the NBA

I definitely 1000% have a top five basketball IQ in the NBA for sure... Myself, [LeBron], Joker... Chris Paul... and Luca.

Bill Belichick not being a first-ballot Hall of Famer is an embarrassment

Bill Belichick not making into the Hall of Fame first ballot... It's an embarrassment. This is based on your career and your accolades and what you've done. This isn't a personality contest.

Bill Belichick is an obvious Hall of Famer and the voters look foolish for his snub

They look pretty foolish... I had my speech half written for Bill. Not that I'm sitting there writing it in January... 11 people [voting against him] is a lot. It's a lot of people. I understand. Willie Mays wasn't unanimous... but duh. He's in... Oh God yes. [He should be in the Hall].

The Hall of Fame is a joke for not making Bill Belichick a first-ballot inductee

The Hall of Fame looks really stupid being like, yeah, Bill Belichick's not a first-ballot Hall of Famer. It's like that one guy who voted against Derek Jeter. It was the dumbest thing ever... The Hall of Fame is a complete joke now.

Hiring Mike McCarthy is like shitting your pants and only changing your shirt

Going from Tomlin to McCarthy is like shitting your pants and changing your shirt. [Big Cat]: I don't know if it's right. Because again, Mike McCarthy is a good coach... but I too understand how you would look for somebody that's like a very clear change of direction and this is not that type of hire.

The NFL should implement a 'Loony Rule' requiring teams to conduct one absurd head coach interview

Instead of the Rooney Rule, we need a Loony Rule where every single team has to do one crazy out of the box interview. Have Pinto Ron come in with his ketchup and his mustard... I watch Cortez get interviewed for the head coaching job... you'll get something out of that conversation that will help you going forward.

If you are a soft coach who is scared of Philadelphia fans, you shouldn't coach for the Eagles

There's guys that can coach in Philly and there's guys that can't. I like this soft. If you're not a guy that, that can't coach in Philly, don't come here. ... I don't want a soft coach that is scared of coaching Philadelphia.

Winning a national championship at Indiana is worth four titles at Alabama

Winning a national championship in Indiana is like probably worth four at Alabama. Yeah. So if [Curt Cignetti] wins one more, he already has passed Nick Saban.

The Bills must fire Sean McDermott

I think you have to move on from Sean McDermott. Yeah. I don't know. It's not that he's a bad coach. You can't keep doing the same thing every single year. You can't keep losing in the playoffs every single year this way and expect things to change.

Kyle Tucker came up small and 'sucked' in the playoffs

Kyle Tucker did have the perfect spot in game five against the Brewers and had a perfect pitch to, to, to hit an extra base hitter or a home run. And he fucking did nothing with it. Came up so small... he sucked. He was hurt, but he sucked. No, no. Don't give him, don't give him an out. Yeah, he sucked. He was a pussy about it.

The new Commanders stadium rendering is worth three wins a year alone.

This stadium, just looking at it, max, I think that this stadium is worth three wins a year. Yeah. The stadium alone.

The football gods cursed Mike McDaniel for not breaking the NFL single-game scoring record

Mike McDaniel chose not to go for the NFL record at the end of the game [against the Broncos in 2023]. Did not kick a field goal. I believe the football gods cursed him after that moment. The Dolphins went 23 and 25 after that.

Failure to win a championship is an indictment of the Buffalo Bills organization, not Josh Allen

Josh Allen's ready to go to the Super Bowl. He just needs the help that Patrick got that others in history have gotten... If Josh Allen doesn't [win], that says more about the bills, in my mind, it says more about the bills than it does Josh Allen.

Josh Allen is currently the best playoff quarterback in the AFC

Josh Allen, who is the best. I think he's the best playoff quarterback in the AFC right now. As much as people like to say that Josh Allen is a choke artist because the Bills haven't won a Super Bowl, Josh Allen is awesome in the playoffs. He is incredible. And the losses that he's had, he's been the best quarterback on the field.

Any NFL team without an innovative offensive mind from the McVay/Shanahan tree will be out of the league soon

If you don't have the innovative mind and process and play calling stacking of someone from the tree of Sean Payton, Andy Reid, Sean McVay, or Kyle Shanahan, then get out of the league. ... It's not working. And you look at what's happened in Jacksonville, Liam Cohen... he's the fruit of the tree, right? And he gets it.

Drake May's MVP case is strengthened by his lack of Pro Bowl offensive teammates

Every other MVP in the NFL history has played with another pro bowler. Okay. But he's, so if [Drake May] is able to put up those stats without another pro bowler, that makes his case that much more interesting. Zero Pro Bowl teammates on offense.

I would have been a top 10 draft pick if my last name was easier to pronounce

Maybe a few years younger, maybe a couple letters off the last name. It might be, might be a little bit richer. So I don't, I don't know... once you learn it, it's kinda hard to forget it.

If a college coach doesn't show significant improvement by Year 2, the hire was a failure

If your guy's not getting it done by year two, you blew the higher. That's, that's it. In this era, you blew the higher, if your guy's not good by year two... if you've got a coach te begging for patience, that's a coach who knows He's already cooked.

Michigan officially broke Ryan Day and the Ohio State program

It actually is my, my weird take here is that Michigan did it again. They broke 'em. Ryan Day had spent so much energy to beat Michigan this year, after they beat Michigan, it was over.

Saquon Barkley 'fucked' the fantasy team and wasn't clutch

We're never drafting an Eagle ever again. Max. It's over Saquon. Hey Max. Saquon fucked us hard this season. He fucked us real hard. He was our first pick... Championship game. Championship game... He fucked us so hard. Max so hard.

The Bears can beat any team in the NFC in a one-game tournament

I walked away from this game still convinced that... can the Bears play with every single team in the NFC playoffs? I'd say absolutely. Yes. In a one game tournament, they can beat any of these teams. Can they do it three times in a row? I don't know... but there's not one team where I'm like, we have no chance against them.

The Eagles might still stink despite clinching the NFC East

I think this team might still stink. They were losing to the Commanders... we were losing with three minutes to go in the third quarter. I'm not very confident in this team, if we're being completely honest.

Caleb Williams is the clutchest quarterback in the NFL this season

I'm fully in on the Iceman nickname because that's what he is. That's what Caleb Williams is. He's the clutchest quarterback in the NFL this season.

Todd Bowles should resign as Buccaneers head coach

I don't think there's anything he can do from here except maybe resign... Respectfully, maybe get out of town. Go retire, find a beach somewhere. Because you can't just keep delegating the thinking to other people. We need a guy who's down to think.

Boxing is officially dead as a sport

Boxing's dead. It's currently dead. It might get brought back to life bad, but it's a bad spot. But boxing, boxing as we know is dead.

Ava Hudson is the best volleyball player I've ever seen

Ava Hudson was insane. She might be the best volleyball player I've ever seen before in my life. And that's saying a lot.

The NFL engineered the Steelers' Monday Night Football winning streak

The NFL has engineered this streak for the Pittsburgh Steelers. The win-loss record, the winning percentage of opponents that the Steelers have played during the streak on Monday night football is 40%. That is by far the weakest schedule of any team that's played on Monday Night Football.

AI technology is failing because it doesn't justify its investment costs

I think AI is in hot water. I feel like this is, we're we're in a good spot as humanity right now where AI has not been making enough money to justify all the investment. ... We might beat the robots.

Jalen Hurts is Russell Wilson 2.0 (and that is a good thing)

I said Jalen Hurts is Russell Wilson 2.0... I said Russell Wilson was a very good quarterback. I think Jalen Hurts is a very good quarterback. They, they're not the top three guys in the league, but they're somewhere after that where if their team is good around 'em, they're winning a Super Bowl.

I would rather have the Eagles lose in the first round than miss the playoffs

I want to get a first round blowout so that next year could be Super Bowl... Preferably by the Bucs, but I don't think it is possible to play the Bucs in the first round.

Matthew Stafford's 31 career pick-sixes is actually a complimentary stat

Matthew Stafford has 31 [pick-sixes]. Brett Favre has 32. And you're like, 'Ooh, that's a bad stat.' And then you realize... that means you're very, very good because you played long enough that it didn't actually matter. It's actually kind of a compliment that the rest of your game is so good that 31 pick-sixes are completely irrelevant.

James Madison is a better team than Notre Dame

Does that mean that JMU is better than Notre Dame? I have no choice but to say yes. It does mean that because we would be in, Notre Dame would be out.

Texas A&M is a fraudulent team

Texas a and m has the classic look of a fraudulent team... Their first seven SEC games where they started seven and oh, they played teams ranked nine through 16 in the sec. The second they played somebody in the Top half league, Texas stumped them. This looks like a team that feels like a fraud.

Michigan players saying they were 'protecting the logo' after getting crushed is pathetic

If you're a Michigan fan, you have to be completely embarrassed that that was actually said afterwards... to come a to afterwards be like Yeah, we were making sure that they couldn't do anything with the m we're gonna protect the m... That's so pathetic.

The Eagles run the simplest offense in the world and every team knows what they are going to do

Every team knows what the Eagles are going to run because we just run the simplest offense in the world. How are, is every other person in football recognizing what is going on to this offense except for Kevin Patullo and Nick Sirianni themselves to make a fucking change.

JMU is the number one destination for any up-and-coming head coach

I think that that would cement JMU as being the number one destination for any up and coming coach. Yep. If they want to get paid, which is a good spot to be in.

The Colts are frauds

If you're not a fraud, this is a game you win. [The Colts] are frauds. That was their game to lose and they choked.

Jackson Smith-Njigba is the best wide receiver in the NFL this season

I have been saying Jackson Smith-Njigba has been the best wide receiver this season for a month and it is facts. He's incredible... He's on pace to break an NFL record of 2,029 yards.

Sam Darnold will eventually revert to his old, mistake-prone self because 'you are what you are'

Usually this league you are what you are. You're gonna have moments where you're up here... and moments when you're down here... eventually you're in the middle and that's who you are... [Sam Darnold] looked frazzled [last week] and that can't happen. It just can't happen in the big games... there's a Sam Darnold problem at least in my mind.

Dan Campbell's fourth-down aggression is 'aggressive stupidity'

Dan Campbell goes for it all the time... I'm okay with aggression. I'm not okay with aggressive stupidity. That's the [difference]... if he had kicked field goals the other night, would he have won the game?

NFL teams should be required to win at least four games to receive their first-round draft pick

Dumb rule: teams should have to win four games to get their first pick. So at the end of the season, a Raiders Monday Night Football game has actual consequences where it's like they need to desperately win this game to get their allotted first-round pick.

Billionaires who don't own a professional sports team are losers

I've said it a million times, I think it's a very strong take. If you are a billionaire and you don't own a professional sports team, you're a loser. ... The only reason you get that much money is to go buy a team.

The best way to surprise a girl with a proposal is to do a fake one at a sports game first

The surprise is already over because you already are planning it. ... The only way he could truly surprise you is doing it at a sports game... center court at a mid-tier college basketball game. ... He does a fake proposal to you at a sports game and then he's like 'piss you off! Just kidding!'

Raheem Morris is on the hot seat after five straight losses

I think that I've been hesitant to say Raheem Morris is on the hot seat. He's on the hot seat now. This is five in a row that the Falcons have lost.

LSU is a top-three job in college football and is better than the Alabama job

I caught a bunch of flack for saying I think LSU is a top three job in college football... I think it's a better job than Alabama... They've got more resources at LSU than there are at Alabama... Alabama doesn't have [boosters like Todd Graves] guys. They don't.