Takes

You know within the first 20 practices if a rookie quarterback is 'the guy'

But you know, within the first 20 practices; like you don't have to see. Yeah. Like you, you wanna see it on the field to kind of confirm, but man, it is just the way these dudes carry themselves and how they act at practice and how they're focused.

The 1992 Dream Team is better than the 2008 Redeem Team and it isn't close

I would say the dream team was the greatest basketball team of all time... And it's not even close. Well, yeah. Probably, probably not close. But this team was very, very good.

Pete Carroll is having more fun with Geno Smith than he did with Russell Wilson

I actually think that Pete Carroll's having more fun with Geno Smith as his quarterback. It's a combination of like, okay, weirdo Russ isn't around so I don't have to worry about placating him all the time... If I win a game with Geno Smith, that's pretty cool. If I lose, who really cares.

George Kittle should receive fantasy points for run blocking

A lot of people are like, Hey, when are they gonna get Kittle involved? Kittle is involved in the run game and I think he actually everything, I think George Kittle should get fantasy points for run block. Because he's one guy that does make that much of a difference.

The Detroit Lions won the Jared Goff/Matthew Stafford trade from a purely passer perspective

It's time to ask like who really won that trade Cat? The Rams or the Lions. [Big Cat: I'd want Jared Goff.] That's smart. So it's time to ask like who really won that trade... I mean Super Bowls, that's a team stat. Just from a purely passer perspective.

The Wisconsin head coaching job is better than the Nebraska job

I think I would rather, I would rather take the Wisconsin job than the Nebraska job. Nebraska fans will get very upset, but I agree. Nebraska feels like it's the entire job is poisoned... Really the only way that you can possibly succeed at Nebraska is to do what Bo Pelini did... which is to just make everybody in town hate you.

Losing a preseason game to an NBL team is bad for Chris Paul's legacy

The sun's lost their first games. Good for us. They lost an NBL team, an Australian league team... How did Chris Paul do though legacy wise? [Hank:] I mean, that's bad for your legacy. [Big Cat:] I'm gonna count that as another 3-1 lead blown.

NFL cornerbacks are the biggest psychos on a football team

I would say cornerbacks. If cornerbacks were any bigger, we would have to just put 'em all away... they just have so much confidence at all times. All cornerbacks... they're psychopaths... they lead the league in pointing at other people.

Scoring a rushing touchdown is more demoralizing for a defense than a passing touchdown

Statistically speaking, you take a look at teams that lead the league in rushing touchdowns, running the football into the end zone is demoralizing for a defense... heads down, hands on hips... The past game: It's a quick touchdown. Okay, we'll get 'em back. They threw it in. The running game is like, go fucking replicate that ass whipping we just put on your defense.

Teachers are not blue-collar workers

I don't think the teacher is [blue-collar]. I would say no to that... I don't I think they eat in the cafeteria. [Big Cat: It's mental blue-collar.] I don't know if a teacher is, and it's no disrespect to teachers out there... But I, I don't think they'd say it's blue-collar.

Patrick Mahomes would lead the Texans to the playoffs right now

The reality is, I think if you put Patrick Mahomes on the worst team in the league, I think they make the playoffs. Yeah, I think he's that good. I think he is. If he, if Pat, if you took Patrick Mahomes right now and put him on the Texans... they probably make the playoffs.

Kirk Cousins officially killed the 'Gritty' dance

I think Kirk Cousins killed the gritty. Yeah. And then Zach Wilson brought it back... basically what Kirk Cousins did to the gritty is exactly what he does to steaks. Yeah. He took all the seasoning off of it. It was, it's so bad.

Trevor Lawrence is a bad weather quarterback

Can Trevor Lawrence not play in rain?... I'm just excited cuz we can start a narrative, a new narrative of bad weather guy where we can just bet against Trevor Lawrence.

Wisconsin would hire Urban Meyer and put morals aside for a national title

Hypothetically, would you like to put your morals aside to win a national title? Yes. The answer's yes. The answer is yes.

The Bengals have the best wide receivers in the NFL

They've got maybe the best receivers in the NFL. Definitively number one, the best receivers in the NFL. Don't ask us who numbers two and three are.

Eating 14 hot dogs over 12 hours is not an insane amount of food

The second place person should have 10 hour days. Second place person can probably get out in one day. If they just need 14 hot dogs, they have to bowl 160. I don't think that 14 hot dogs over 12 hours is like an insane amount.

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000-yard rushing benchmark for everyone else

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000 yards because he did it right after he was coming off an ACL surgery. So everybody else from that point, if you got an ACL injury, it's like it's not that bad.

Spitting is the new slapping in terms of celebrity drama

Harry Styles is spitting on Chris Pine. All right. That's just gay. I watched the video. That movie is just a lot of drama. I like the slap. The slap was great. It brought America together for an evening. The spit is the new slap.

I can survive for three weeks on the streets as a stray dog

How long do you think you could survive on the streets? Like a stray? Three weeks. I'm a warrior. I survived out there.

I am officially in my annual 'betting unders' phase

I'm starting to like betting unders and it's a phase I don't like and I do it every year. I win one under and I'm like, that was easy. I'm deep in it right now. I only look at the board and I'm like, 'Oh, I love all these unders.' It's gross. I'll phase out of it and get back to betting on the over for games that I like the under.

Daniel Jones has the worst internal clock of any quarterback in NFL history

Being able to actually focus on one game, it reminded me that Daniel Jones has the worst internal clock of any quarterback I've ever seen in my life. He's like just like 10 minutes either ahead or 10 minutes behind. But he is never on schedule.

War should be replaced by a 'Space Olympics' where countries compete to blow up asteroids for mining rights

We drop so many bombs on Earth every day. Why don't we just throw all those bombs and blow something up and develop a point system and compete. Make it like a Space Olympics. And we like compete with like other countries and space programs. And the winner gets like, I don't know, mining rights to certain natural resources.

Dude Perfect's $100 million facility is the official tipping point of the American empire's decline

Dude Perfect is building a hundred million dude facility in somewhere in Texas... I think we're gonna look back on this in the history books... as signs of American decline. Why did this Empire Fall? No, it was [Dude Perfect] building a giant monument to themselves in central Texas to the tune of 150 million. That is the tipping point of our society as a whole.

Being a field goal holder is an easy job that even freshmen can do

I've been a holder. Really? Yeah. When I was like third string quarterback. It's an easy job. If you're a decent, if you're like can catch like they put like freshman as holders.

Greatness is a mindset rather than an ultimate goal

You talk about the name Greatness Wins. I think a lot of times people look at greatness and they think it's an ultimate goal. I look at it as a mindset, you know, so I look at having that mindset and anything that you want to achieve.

Yankee fans only care about what players do in the postseason to earn their pinstripes

You gotta do it in the playoffs. At least now you have to do it in the playoffs. Because there's this level of expectations that come with playing for the Yankees... Yankee fans pay attention to what you do in the postseason. They can pretty much care less [about the regular season].

Wade Boggs and Tony Gwynn might not have had long careers in today's analytics-driven MLB

Man, you just go through the Hall of Fame and just think of how many players because of Launch Angle and exit velocity probably would've never had a long career. Wade Boggs, Tony Gwynn... The job was to get a hit and get on base.

A joint bachelor party between the groom and bride is a terrible idea

Don't do this. This is a bad idea. One side is not happy about this. Deep down they don't really want to do it. The only way this can work is if you have about a 90% clearance rate on both sides of the groomsmen and the bridesmaids being single... otherwise don't do it. It's never fun.

A Browns Super Bowl win with Deshaun Watson would be the most hated of all time

What if the Browns go to the Super Bowl and Deshaun Watson is the quarterback... America hates this shit out of them. It should be their moment, their crowning moment of like this team has never won a Super Bowl... and you win the most hateable Super Bowl of all time.

Kyler Murray looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone

The greatest description I saw of Kyler Murray is that he looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone.

Justin Tucker will be the greatest kicker ever if he continues his current path

If [Tucker] continues on this path, he'll be the greatest ever. I hate to say that cause I was pretty good, but... I think Justin Tucker is kicking around 90 like for his career. 92%? That's an insane number.

Ime Udoka's suspension from the Celtics is a messy, public drama nightmare

My Fyre Fest besides the Celtics coach getting suspended for a year... for what? Disgustingly messy public drama. Yeah, that sucks. The only crime he did was his dick was too hard.

New York is a bad sports town because Yankees fans celebrate team records too much

This is embarrassing that [Yankees fans] are celebrating this hard when they just went down from four to three in the bottom of the ninth. Are the Yankees a bad sports town? Yes... I just don't get all the hoopla around it... Whatever, it's a team record. He's going for a team record.

Fans who return historic baseballs for little reward are likely getting paid secretly

I have a take. I think that [MLB teams] are paying these guys a lot, but they don't make it public how much they're giving them because they don't wanna raise the price for future type memorabilia. All those times you're like, oh, this person's stupid for just taking that much... I think they're getting paid off behind the scenes.

I am officially done believing in Kirk Cousins

I've been fooled by Kirk cousins for the last time, for the last time. That was the last time that he's gonna fool me for the last time last night.

The Vikings are a bad sports town for not retiring Randy Moss's number

Minnesota, what the fuck are you doing? Not retiring Randy Moss's number... The fact that you have someone a, a tight end wearing 84, Randy Moss's number. I don't wanna say it Hank, but bad sports town. That's a bad sports town move to not retire one of the greatest wide receivers of all time.

Georgia's defense is currently an NFL-level unit

They're an NFL team, Georgia. Their defense is an NFL defense. It's just three years away from being in an NFL defense.

A college team running the triple option with five-star recruits would be unstoppable

I would love to just see the triple option with elite athletes, cuz no one, I would love to just see the triple option with elite athletes and how much it would fuck everyone up. Cause I don't know how you would defend it. If you had like five star dudes buying in to triple option.

Marcus Freeman might not be a good coach

Marcus Freeman's in trouble a little bit, a little bit. He might not be a good coach. I'm actually gonna say that. He's not.

Magnus Carlsen is a 'baby back bitch' for quitting the chess tournament

And then they, they, they finally have another matchup yesterday and Magnus quits after one move. He retires. And he disconnects his entire computer. I might not be this goat thing might not be working out. He might, he might be baby back bitch.

The Beyond Meat COO bit a man's nose because he craved real animal protein

My hot seat is beyond meat. The COO. Yes. Of beyond meat after the Arkansas, Missouri game bit a guy's nose in a parking lot. And that's just a class example of a guy craving real animal protein.

The 'He is Him' phrase is being overused in the NFL

I think there's too many hymns right now. It's like church. There's a lot of them. There's a lot of 'em going around. I think, you know, if everybody's great. Nobody's great. So we gotta, I there's gotta be a new word.

Justin Herbert is to blame for the pick-six because he should have known Gerald Everett was gassed

I'm gonna blame Justin Herbert for that pick-six and not [Gerald] Everett, because he should have known that Everett was tired and asking out of the game and he should have gone to somebody else. If Justin Herbert's the guy that he's supposed to be... then he needs to be able to make the decision to go somewhere else with that ball and not to your receiver who's puking all over himself.

Jeff Bezos hates fat people, poor people, and people with weak bladders

I'm pretty confident in saying Jeff Bezos hates fat people. He hates poor people. It's people who have like weak bladders, he hates. There's a lot of people that Jeff Bezos finds disgusting. That's a fact.

Seahawks fans deserved to lose the SuperSonics

The Seahawks take, which was correct... I think what people got really mad about is when you said like you deserve to lose the Sonics. Yeah. That Joe sports... because the Sonics like just straight up, they left, they fucked over the city of Seattle.

Andrew Luck was a 'busted chaw' and is an overrated quarterback

Andrew luck busted chaw, badge for town. Okay. Fact game over and debate. I've had people fucking bitching and complaining... Andrew luck was great? Even though he was four and four in the playoffs. And then they're like, oh, it was offensive line. They had a great offensive line and he quit.

Tuna is the beef of the sea and Salmon is the chicken of the sea

Tuna is the beef of the sea. Salmon's the chicken of the sea. [Big Cat: Tuna cans literally say chicken of the sea.] No, because it's red. It's the beef.

Jerry Jones secretly likes it when his starting quarterbacks get hurt because it creates more storylines for the Cowboys

I, in a sick way, I kind of think that Jerry Jones almost likes it when his starting quarterbacks hurt. Yeah. Because it, it, it keeps them in the news the entire time. That's true. And Jerry Jones can go on the, on the radio every week and be like, yeah, I'm expecting Dak to be back next week. And then that's another week of storylines about the Dallas Cowboys.

Texas A&M is a cult

Texas a and M is a cult. Yeah. I, I say this as somebody that knows a lot of Aggies. I lived in Texas for about 10 years. They're cult. A lot of 'em are nice people, but nice people who are in a cult. What was the thing the guy was doing where he, like, he would do that every time? That's that's the horse laugh. Oh my God. They've got entire, they have an entire like catalog and encyclopedia of different hand motions and body motions that these yell leaders have to make at certain points. They're just, they're just cults.

The Saints should stop scaling back Jameis Winston and just let him throw picks and be free

It's almost difficult for me to watch him play now because he's, he's not really playing his brand of football. Like it's so tame and almost like they've scaled it back so much for him... try to make him, you know, Drew Brees like that, it's not really who he is. We gotta let James free. We gotta let him spread his wings. We don't need 30 picks in a year. But like Jameis, like 15 picks is okay, because he's going to throw the ball down the field and make plays.