Takes

The Saints would have won if they kept Taysom Hill on the field

But if Taysom Hill stays out there, they win that game. ... Taysom Hill was electric. He was the best player on the field.

Jadeveon Clowney's hit on Carson Wentz was assault

Jadeveon Clowney with the cheapest hit on Carson Wentz concusses him. ... Anyone who's calling Carson Wentz injury prone off of that is fucking bullshit because Jadeveon Clowney assaulted him.

Derrick Henry would rush for 400 yards in an NFL game if given 57 carries

If he played the worst team in the NFL, he could probably get, if he ran him 57 times, he could probably get 400 yards.

Gus Johnson is not a good football announcer

I just firing off some takes that I've been sitting on and I got ratioed because I don't think Gus Johnson is a good football announcer. Okay. And people got mad.

Kirk Cousins is going to look 'so short' playing in the Superdome

Kirk Cousins on the road and the Dome. He's gonna look so short. You know look so short. You know what else this is—this is also I just thought about this but Sean Payton hasn't done any weird motivational gimmicks this year.

Frosted Flakes milk is a top-five milk

Frosted Flakes milk is a top-five milk. I think. Oh, no doubt. No doubt.

I would be much more successful in today's NFL spread offenses

I'm a little jealous of what's going on right now with the spread offenses. It makes it a lot easier for a smaller guy to be successful in run the quarterback draw... we were running RPOs [in Canada] in '94, '93.

Juggling is the ultimate flex move and only exists to make other people feel inferior

The problem with juggle guys is when were you break it out where everyone isn't like fuck you man. I've said every time someone I was like what? Okay, cool. Dude. Juggling is such a flex move... they're just like rubbing your face.

Russell Wilson is the best quarterback to have with the ball at the end of a game

In terms of quarterbacks I want to have the ball at the end of the game, [Russell Wilson] is my number one. Yeah, he's my number one, even though they didn't score there, he's still my number one because he did everything to get them to score.

Kevin Harlan is the best play-by-play announcer in all sports

Kevin Harlan I actually was thinking about this because he... honestly might be my favorite play-by-play like all sports.

Aaron Rodgers looks miserable and doesn't seem to love playing football anymore

Does Aaron Rodgers love football? Yes. He he has the worst body language I've ever seen... deep down you have to ask yourself is something up because he looks miserable playing football. The first half he was missing wide-open guys.

Terrell Owens and Calvin Johnson were better than Larry Fitzgerald

Tio's better than Larry Fitzgerald. I'm sure someone will show me numbers. I watch both guys play I'd put Tio in there... Calvin Johnson was better than Lou Fitzgerald Calvin Johnson didn't make the top [100]. I agree with that. I think Calvin Johnson Calvin Johnson and Tio were better.

The Steelers would be a 10-win playoff team if Big Ben provided even average QB play

If you just play average football the Steelers win 10 games this year and are in the playoffs.

The Big 12 should be banned from the College Football Playoff for a year

I want to do right now here now say that Oklahoma deserves a one-year ban from the college football playoff... the entire Big 12 done out here band for the Big 12 out out. I can't I can't do it.

Hell is a self-imposed condition you create within yourself

Hell is what you make it within yourself. So hell is a self-imposed condition... hell is really something you create yourself. The difference between organized religion and spirituality is organized religion is built for people to be afraid of hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there.

Golf takes too long and should be reduced to 14 or 15 holes

Nobody wants to spend five and a half hours out there... Literally, I would just make it like 15 holes, 14 holes. Because then you get to go in the 19th hole a little bit quicker.

Today's wrestling has lost the spontaneity and sense of urgency of the Attitude Era

To me, it's just maybe, I'm not picking on today's product, but I just think the spontaneity is lost. Like that feeling that anything could happen is lost. And if you bring it back and create that excitement, I don't think you need to go to filling up this with that or crushing things. Sense of urgency I think is the most important part.

No matter how smart you think you are at 20 years old, you are actually an idiot

No matter how smart you think you are, you're an idiot... This is why everyone older than you hates you, because they all went through the exact same thing where it's like I got everything figured out, and then you just realize you don't. And it doesn't mean you're not smart. It doesn't mean you're not creative... [but] you can't have any of this perspective that you're going to need.

I'm the number one person in the world at finding open tables at packed bars

I think I'm number one in the world at finding open tables at packed bars or seats in general because of my figure and I don't like to stand very much... I will always find an open table.

Screaming 'hot soup' is the most effective way to move through a packed subway train in New York

Also do the hot soup on a packed subway train in New York if you're trying to get to the exit. Just give a quick hot soup coming through and everyone will move out of the way. Swear to God. It's so stupid, but it works every time.

Ben Roethlisberger is tough as hell but often exaggerates the severity of his injuries

It's a lot of injuries Seven [Roethlisberger] shouldn't have played. But he's just a tough... That's what makes Seven seven... And there's probably a lot of other injuries that... Seven, man, come on, man, stop all that BS... So you're going to have the boot on on Monday, but Tuesday you're going to be all good.

A VCU home game is more life-altering than a 10-day trip to Europe

Yeah, but you haven't been to a home game at the Siegel Center [VCU]. And I was like, this was peak Shaka [Smart]. This was Travion Graham, Briante Weber. Like, you want to do push-ups on picket fences when they put the press on. So this was kind of my subtle way after we broke up to kind of, like, send, you know, a shot across the bow.

The first post-airplane fart is the best part of getting off of a plane

I would say that the best part about getting off of a plane is that first post-airplane fart that you have. For whatever reason, the altitude sucks it all up in you.

NHL refs rely on video replay too much as a safety net, which creates inconsistency

With that sort of difficulty now that they've infused this video replay that is such a safety net for guys, they rely on it too much. It's not even they don't... a goal goes in the net and they're standing so deep in the corner. They don't even signal it. They might not even see it. You got to see everything and use the replay to verify.

The NHL video replay room in Toronto should be staffed by former referees

The problem is that they should have former referees sitting in that room [in Toronto] to make the decision [on video replays].

The only way to cure a Dave & Buster's obsession is to beat the person and get a higher score on every single game

The only way that you can actually beat this [Dave & Buster's obsession] is if you get better at Dave and Buster's than him. That's the only way. ... The only solution, if you really don't want to go to Buster's, is you have to get the high score on every single fucking game. ... You have to win more tickets than him one time. ... And he will never go again.

Week 17 fantasy football leagues are for psychos

Hank, bring that up on the other side... how stupid people are who do week [17]... people that somehow keep their fantasy season going along until week 17. You're a psycho. You're a psycho if you do it.

Blake Bortles was the glue that held the Jaguars together

One must ask was Blake Bortles the glue that held the Jaguars together? Oh for sure. I mean, that's that's why I ran. Wanted to go to LA.

If you FaceTime anyone over 30 who is not a professional athlete, you're an asshole

Those are FaceTime [people]. That's true because every I have never not looked horrendous in a FaceTime... if you FaceTime anyone over 30 who is not a professional athlete, you're actually an asshole.

This is an off year for college basketball

It's an off year for college basketball. I love it. Now. They lost him at home [referring to Duke].

Colby Covington isn't a real fighter; he's a joke who made his career off bashing people for clicks

This dude has made literally his career because he he's not a fighter. He's made his career off bashing people bashing even the fans and this world over and over... you deserve what happened to you [getting jaw broken]. You deserve to be a fucking meme for all of eternity.

Fighters come back as better people after being sent to the Shadow Realm

If you get someone unlucky and Street Jesus baptizes you, you want [to go to] Shadow Realm my brother, but you could come back a better person from The Shadow Realm... most come back a better person. Look at Ben [Askren], some hard thinking back a better person.

Street fights are won by the person who doesn't give a fuck and keeps punching when the other guy gets tired

I never been knocked out. I never gave up... guys gave up because I got tired and I kept punching them in the face... in the street, you just go [until] somebody gives up. So in the fight game in the street. I've never lost an opponent. That's probably like 15 16 fights.

Always bet the 'Under' on bowl games played on Christmas

I always do Christmas unders. Got to go Christmas time unders although it's hot on the block right [Ben] Herbert, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Just the first game right? No first three games.

Passer rating is the dumbest statistic of all time

Drew Brees was 29 for 30, 307 yards, four touchdowns, zero interceptions, and he was still 10 points shy of a perfect passer rating. Not good enough for me. It's the dumbest statistic of all time. Not only that, because it's dumb, but it's also someone can explain to me why it's still graded out of 158.3.

Shitting is an essential mental break during the work day

I feel like the art of going to the back, even in high school before I had a cell phone, I was still just like, let me get out of the class and go take a shit for 30 minutes. It's a mental break. So I don't even know that the cell phone thing would work as much. Like, people back in the day, before cell phones existed, were still taking long shit breaks.

Analytics ruined the Cleveland Browns

You know, the analytic thing is obviously it's trending right now. We saw what it did for the Browns a few years ago. It ruined the organization because that's what they stood behind. But everybody's interested in that. And basically, analytics are all based on past, based on history.

The NFL should return to having only one week between the Conference Championships and the Super Bowl

There's only one week between championship game and Super Bowl. Last time [it happened in 1999]. There's always been two weeks. So could you imagine that happening now? I would love it... Why don't they do that? Bring it back to January 30th.

Modern NFL executives and coaches don't watch enough game tape

There's no substitute for putting tape or film or video... on and watching a guy play. There's no substitute, and there's not enough good people in the league that are studying tape. I would go on a limb and say there's executives in this league that don't know how to watch tape or would rather not watch tape.

NFL coaches are better suited for college recruiting than people think

Someone that says something along those lines with respect to a – directed towards an NFL guy that's looking at college I think is pretty simple-minded because as NFL guys, we're on college campuses all the time during the spring... the attraction to me with respect to the college game is to be able to go get a young man as he enters the university – before he makes some decisions that affect him later in life.

I will fight anyone who is genuinely mad about John Rothstein wishing coaches good luck

If you have a problem with John Rothstein texting good luck and most of the time getting left just completely ignored by the coach, come fight us. If he's wishing good luck to both sides... he just wants everyone to play well. It's just so petty. People are coming after our guy.

Pitchers should be required to finish the entire inning they enter

I actually think they should go one further and a pitcher gets in the game and they have to finish the inning. Because it would be so funny watching a pitcher just die out there and give up a million home runs.

The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL

The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL. And I feel really bad for Lions fans, even though I root for a team in their division... They have one single playoff win in the Super Bowl era.

The NFL should not schedule divisional opponents to play twice in a three-week span

I don't like when the division ends when you play the same team twice within the last three games. They should do it on aggregate, if anything, because you're playing the exact same team twice. Sometimes a team can be totally different at the start of the year than they are at the end... I like spreading it out a little bit.

Saquon Barkley misses out on easy yards because he tries to hit home runs

Sometimes he just doesn't get the easy yards. He's one of those guys. He tries to hit a home run every time. He tries to juke everyone out, like, just go forward, dude.

The Browns should trade Odell Beckham for offensive line help

I don't know what Odell Beckham's contract is, but they have to move on from that... If you could trade Odell Beckham for pieces that would make your line better, you'd have to do it.

Skyline Chili is disgusting

I hate that stuff. It's not real chili. It's just sauce... Cincinnati's going to hate me, but I hate that stuff.

Matthew Dellavedova is genuinely an elite and good player, not a joke

Everyone thinks it's a joke, but [Dellavedova] is good. He is good. I've been a Delly fan from the jump back in 2014... When Kyrie [Irving] went down in the 2015 finals, I was like, relax, Delly is going to come in and wreak havoc. He shut Steph Curry down in that first game.

There are many parallels between preparing for an NBA game and preparing to be on screen as an actor.

A lot of parallels in how you prepare for a game and how you prepare to be on screen. You have to know timing, you know momentum, believe it or not, chemistry.

Teammates must respect that every player has a different way of preparing for games, including those who need isolation.

Everybody's different man and you have to respect everybody's different... the fact that you're in the corner being isolated... I have always respected people's views on what they need for themselves. Lord knows I have my own and in preparing and we all prepared different and I had to read, you know respect everybody's way of preparing.