Takes

Sack fumble is the best play in football

You know sack fumble is the best playing football, right?

There is nothing better than the deep touchdown bomb

I want to be physical, but there ain't nothing like the deep pass, man... I like the touchdown pass. I like the bomb. I like it, you know, like the Oakland Raiders go deep.

The NBA was 'asking' to be prank called because their security is so bad

Not to victim shame, but the NFL knows how to stop us. The NBA, they were kind of asking for it... There were some elements of provocation that the NBA gave to us.

Outside of the Bears, the Bills and Browns are the two teams I most want to be good

I think that I mean, obviously, I want the Bears to be good again. But like after the Bears, it's like the Bills and the Browns. Those are the two teams that I would like to be good again, you know, or good period.

LeSean McCoy is the best cold-weather running back in the world

You do have the best cold-weather running back in the world on your team. LeSean McCoy, for some reason, when you put him in the snow, he gets better traction.

I am not fully convinced on the CTE science yet

I'm not fully on the CTE thing... I think there's a lot of studies that need to be done. I didn't make a knee-jerk reaction off of one study where they only tested NFL players that thought that they had CTE.

I would still let my son play football, but I would delay pads until age 12-14

[If I had a son], I still would [let him play football]. I would just probably delay when he actually was in pads to like 12, 13, 14. It's just some kind of balance... Football's really fun and enjoyable. I don't want to rob my kid from that.

The CHL Fortnite addiction story is a hoax created by an old-school GM

I'm a little bit woke on this... I'm a little bit woke that some grumpy Canadian GM was like, all these kids are playing their video games all the time, so we're going to make up a scare and make up a player and say that he's not going to make it.

A person can be judged by how they get ketchup out of a Heinz bottle

Basically, [Paul Alexander] decides that a player can be judged by how they get the ketchup out of their Heinz 57 ketchup bottle... 'When I see a large football player turn a bottle of ketchup upside down and pound at its heel with tremendous force yet with limited success, I immediately make the mental note he must either play defensive line or if he plays offensive line, he can't play for me.'

I am a full-blown Manalytics guy now

I have to say, boys, I hate to do it, but I'm going to give a little hat tip to Colin Cowherd. Because I am a full-blown Manalytics guy now. It's all Manalytics in the playoffs.

Ty Lue knows about as much about coaching basketball teams as I do

Lou knows about as much about coaching basketball teams as I do, I think. So he's just going to be like, NBA teams are going small. We're going to go small. But he doesn't have any small players, but he's just going to put his smallest players out there and be like, okay. We'll see if this works.

James Harden needs to get in shape

James Harden, he played his heart out in the first half... when is that guy going to get in shape? Because he was running – he was doing what I do... When I get really gassed and I just pass the ball and then stand as far away from the hoop as possible.

Chris Paul is a sneaky, very dirty player

I think people forget often that Chris Paul is sneaky, very dirty. Like, they're like, oh, shit, Chris Paul, what are you doing there? Oh, no, that's actually... Chris Paul's like, yeah, he'll elbow you right in the butthole.

You should only pay cash at Chili's to keep your meal untraceable

Chili's is a cash establishment. You don't bring plastic into this equation. Cold, hard cash is the name of the game. You want to have your meal at Chili's be untraceable. That's on you if you paid with a card.

Adam Silver is a narc for reporting email threats to the police

Adam Silver, he turns out he's a narc... Everyone thought that Adam Silver was the cool commissioner. But if he's so cool, how come he called the police on the guy that threatened to murder him? And had him arrested.

An expansion team like the Golden Knights winning the Cup in their first year is a bad look for the NHL

The one thing you make sense is it's not a great look for the NHL in a sense that— Right... every GM around the league is like, all right, this team's lighting it up. Like, my owner's going to be like, why the fuck isn't your team good?

Modern hockey is much better than the 'old school' era

No, because the game is so much better now. And when you say old and grumpy, there's a generation above us that the best players didn't make much money... But for me, like, I love seeing guys get paid... I love seeing guys get [money].

The NBA is a show where players stay down after contact so people can take pictures of them

LeBron, he caught a pinky to the side of the head today. So he stayed down for 45 minutes, make sure everyone could take a picture of him. And then he went in the locker room five minutes later. It's a show. Probably liked a couple pictures on Instagram and then was like, all right, everyone knows I'm out.

Robinson Cano took steroids specifically to heal his broken wrist faster

He broke his wrist like a week ago, and now he has... That was pretty quick of him to do steroids for the recovery. Got to admire the hustle. That's Andy Pettitte-like hustle to the pharmacy.

Every crime drama can be successful with just interviews and aerial drone shots

We need to do a crime drama because essentially all you have to do is interview a couple like FBI or ATF guys and then mix in a shitload of drone shots of where, around where it happened. Like, Making a Murderer, it was just half drone shots. Evil genius, half drone shots.

Big Cat should buy Bitcoin, but PFT Commenter should stay away

Should you buy Bitcoin? I would say for Big Cat, I'd say for sure do it. For PFT, I would say not a good idea for you right now.

Jordan Spieth should take off his hat so people only focus on him being bald rather than his bad golf

Spin Zone or PR 101, [Spieth] can just take off his hat and people be like, oh shit, you're bald. That's the bald guy. So no one will remember that you did the snowman thing.

I have a photographic memory like LeBron James

LeBron memory test... I had a donut on Saturday, but I played two hours of basketball, so that doesn't count. I had a donut. I had two donuts... I had Thai food for dinner... Fucking photographic memory of my ass.

The Vegas Golden Knights being successful as an expansion team makes the NHL look like a 'rinky-dink' league.

I think if you're a true blue hockey guy... you kind of got to root against Vegas because this makes them a little bit of a rinky-dink league if an expansion team can come in and just steal the show.

Winning the Stanley Cup in their first year would be bad for the Las Vegas Golden Knights franchise.

There was a takequake on ESPN the other day... they said that Las Vegas winning the championship in their first year would actually be bad for Las Vegas... I agree 100% with that. You can't set the expectations that high.

LeBron James is arguably up there with Michael Jordan as one of the best players in history.

It's a no-brainer that LeBron has ended up becoming one of the best players in the history of the game. And arguing, you know, up there with Mike.

Tom Thibodeau's high-intensity practices and heavy minutes took a physical toll on the Bulls' stars.

I think, unfortunately, it ended up taking a toll on us... You've got a guy like D. Rose playing 42 minutes a night. He's also practicing three hours a day... I think there has to be this balance between preparation and game.

The Chicago Bulls would have won the 2012 NBA Championship if Derrick Rose hadn't gotten injured.

If D. Rose doesn't get hurt, I think we break through that year... We had a roster where we could play. I think we were like the number one or two defensive team in the league. We were top five in offense. I mean, we were a very complete team that year. And then, boom, Derrick Rose gets hurt. And it just... It took the air out of the balloon for us, you know what I mean? Because we all thought that was our year to win the whole thing.

Darren Rovell is a 'Debbie Downer' for analyzing athlete business ventures like Marvin Jones Jr.'s cupcake shop.

Darren Rovell from the rafters telling him that the most important part about opening a franchise is to understand that franchisor fees come off gross sales, not net sales... and basically shits all over Marvin Jones Jr.'s dream and tells him that he made a terrible investment... He is Debbie Downer in real life. What a fucking asshole.

Joel Embiid should stop talking trash and worry about breathing through his nose in the 4th quarter

Joel Embiid, I get it. You're funny. You're good on Twitter. The Rihanna thing. Cool. I actually like your game a lot. I think you're going to be a great player. But, dude, you run out of gas every fourth quarter. You can't talk shit when you can't even speak. Stop talking shit and worry about breathing through your nose.

Michael Jordan is definitively better than LeBron James

I'm exhausted by the debate too, but guess what? I'll still stand here and say MJ's better. I don't care.

Tom Brady looked like a 'plastic weird doll' at the Met Gala

My other hot seat is Tom Brady for looking like a plastic weird doll... Take away the clothes. His face looked weird. I definitely don't understand fashion. I don't, but I don't think it was a fashion. Take away the clothes. His face looked weird.

Younger players learn differently now because of the 'BlackBerry' technology shift since 2006

I think we deal more with the way these younger players learn and the way they've learned the advent of so many different technologies that didn't exist. Maybe back in '06, even 2006, when I got hired, the BlackBerry was your main thing... I was still hitting [the button] two, three times to get like a 'C'.

The best drafts in NFL history are built in the 2nd through 4th rounds

I think the key for us are we try to look closely at what are the things that these players that we've hit on have in common... the great drafts in our league history consist of second rounders, third rounders, fourth rounders.

Winning a Super Bowl makes a quarterback 'elite' regardless of other stats

I think when you win a Super Bowl at that position, the way he [Joe Flacco] played, you're elite. When Joe won, that was kind of a contract big year. And look, it's still the ultimate team game. And you bring up Trent [Dilfer]... Ultimately, your defense has to be playing well, and you've got to be playing well as a team.

Matt Harvey moving to Cincinnati is hilarious because the city lacks New York models

Matt Harvey in Cincinnati is hilarious for a couple reasons... I don't think the models that are walking around New York City are going to be walking around Cincinnati. And if they are, they probably have diarrhea from Skyline.

Every woman past the age of 22 adds one pillow to her bed every year

I think it's just every woman who gets past the age of 22 decides that every year they're alive, they need to add one pillow to their bed. And then just eventually they end up with an entire house of pillows. And you're not allowed to sleep on them.

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA

I mean, I think [Brad Stevens] is the best coach in the game. He's a mad scientist.

LeBron James intentionally makes his teams worse as a GM so he can stand out more

One thing, we can actually make the argument that LeBron James is at his worst as a GM, but I think that he makes his teams... I think he makes his teams worse on purpose, so that he's the guy that stands out. And it's like, oh, look at these shitty teams.

James Harden is officially on my enemy list

James Harden, he's got to be the most annoying player in the entire world to guard... He's infuriating to watch. You know what? I've turned the corner on James Harden. I used to like him. I don't even like watching him play basketball... I'm putting James Harden on my enemy list. There we go. I have a feud now.

Brad Marchand licking people is one of the funniest things to happen in sports

The biggest story, maybe the funniest sports story of 2018 is Brad Marchand licking people. He can't stop. It's actually a great litmus test for who has a sense of humor because the people who get legitimately upset about that, fuck them. That is one of the funniest, trollest things to do.

Nobody in hockey analysis actually knows what they are talking about

Here's what I've learned about hockey analysis. Nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about ever... Hockey is the toughest sport to... You could put a lineup of five random guys in the NHL and just put them on a team, and I would not be able to tell you who's good and who's bad.

Tuukka Rask is good but bad in big moments, which makes him not good

The Tuukka Rask thing to me... if he was good, you wouldn't have to tell people he's good. He's good but bad in big moments. So it's like, is that really good? So that's kind of bad.

If you sue someone for steroid accusations, it proves you didn't do them

I think Albert Pujols like, if you sue the guy for saying you did steroids, then guess what? You didn't do steroids. That's very... Absolutely true.

Being an NBA referee is an extremely difficult job

It's a very hard job, and they do their best. And one time I tried to ref one of my kids' camp games, and it was really hard, so I understand what they're going through.

Jeff Green is a bad basketball player despite his good performances against the Raptors

Jeff Green stinks. I thought he was dead. Jeff Green's been on a million NBA teams and he stinks everywhere he goes, and somehow he is lighting up the Raptors.

LeBron James literally owns the entire 'state' of Canada and the city of Toronto

LeBron owns them. He literally owns the entire state of Canada and the city of Toronto.

Ben Simmons should be eligible for Rookie of the Postseason next year because he didn't show up for this one

Do you think Ben Simmons should be eligible for rookie of the postseason next year because he didn't show up for this one?

Jason Witten got hair plugs this offseason as part of his preparation for a TV career

You're not going to be able to sit there and tell me that Jason Witten didn't go into this offseason knowing he was going to be on TV next year... because that is not a football move.

Kurt Warner deserved the Monday Night Football job over Jason Witten

I actually think [Kurt Warner] should have gotten the job [over Jason Witten]... Your point that you should probably get it over Jason Witten because Jason Witten has never spoken into a microphone... That's a good point.