Takes

Different state laws are a top reason to stay home rather than go on vacation

Changing state laws. Like getting arrested in Virginia with a radar scanner... So I just like to stay home and I'll come to work anytime. This is way better than a cubicle by any means.

Car eyelashes are a psycho move and reveal specific lifestyle traits

The front lights eyelashes. Psycho move... VW bug, throw the eyelashes on, probably own at least three pugs. Like the Venn diagram for pug ownership and eyelashes on your car is a big circle. And yeah, probably living a life alone.

Vince Carter's dunk over Frederic Weis is the most vicious in basketball history

Fredrik Weiss not getting out of the way of Vince Carter worst business is very is he's ever made? Yep. Yep. It was vicious nut dragging dunk in history of basketball.

White Volkswagen Jettas are strictly for drug dealers and girlfriends

White Jetta is just your girlfriend's car. Or a high school drug dealer. Like, hey, this isn't expensive but it's kind of nice... I would actually say that probably 33% of Pardon My Take listeners have either dated a girl that drives a Jetta or bought marijuana from somebody that drives a Jetta.

Dasani is the worst bottled water in the world.

My first one I'm going to go straight forward and say Dasani. Dasani water is trash, all of it, it's the world's worst water. It just tastes like shit.

I'm afraid the entire world is just a Matrix simulation

I'm afraid that this entire world like us sitting here right now is just an imagination of one huge species... every now and then I'm like, we're definitely in The Matrix and none of this is real. None of it. The last year has been very strong evidence.

South Dakota is the most unremarkable state in America

The most unremarkable State I don't even know if we have a listener here. If we do have a listener here tweet us. We'd love to hear from the listeners in the great state of South Dakota. who the fuck cares

Delaware is only known for tax shelters and Joe Biden's corpse

Delaware number one a number one Delaware. What is in Delaware? Those people are tax. They've got a heart attack... all that's in Delaware is I guess Joe Biden's corpse and those weird tax companies credit card companies.

New York would be nice if it wasn't for the 80% of the population that is here

I will go with the state. We're all in right now, New York. Wooohooo! York State the Big Apple... since this quarantine is started... you realize a New York could be nice if like 80% of the population, which is All the time because like walking around during quarantine. It's nice.

Church is one of the worst places to be drunk

My number one, I'll go with... Church. If you just like taking sacrament too many times, blood of Jesus. You're the biggest lightweight of all time and you're an embarrassment.

Robert California's character marked the end of The Office being good

I'll go with Robert California that fucking soaked... then Robert California just it's like, alright, this show is completely over.

Milk Duds are a trap because they get stuck in your teeth for four hours

I fucking hate Milk Duds. You never eaten a Milk Dud it didn't get stuck in your teeth for fucking hours? The most annoying candy to eat... It's like a fucking trap every time.

Hot dog water is a top-four worst type of water

I've got hot dog water. It is the equivalent of juicing a diet. Remnants of bathroom hot dog water... that's the most disgusting thing you've ever said in your entire life.