Takes

I expect Patrick Mahomes to throw 48 touchdowns in the 2019 season

I'll give a number. I'll say 48.

I do not count my 2017 NBA Championship as earned

To be honest with you, I really don't count that championship... I got hurt going into the playoffs... and I'm always someone that like, I've never been given anything. So to me, I always wanted to earn it. And I felt like because I wasn't out there, you know, on the court with my guys sweating and fighting that it was kind of really just it was given to me.

My best NBA games were played while high

My best games in the NBA were high... After [shootaround] I would go home, I'd smoke a joint, then I would take a nap. And then I'd wake up, shower, eat, and bounce... It was probably within four or five hours of the game possibly.

Jon Snow will kill Daenerys Targaryen and the dragon

I've said that Jon Snow's going to kill Dany... I think Jon Snow's going to kill Dany and kill the dragon. Because he's going to be like, we can't have dragons in this world. Look what they did to King's Landing.

Arya Stark will die in the Game of Thrones series finale

I think Arya's going to die too. Yeah. There's my prediction. Yeah, she seems like she's a likable enough character. She's got a little bit of that spunk in her where she can get herself into some trouble.

Kevin Durant is 100% going to the New York Knicks

PFT, they are going to find out because Kevin Durant, according to sources, is 100% going to the New York Knicks. My source is someone who DMed Colin Cowherd.

Golf courses should be shortened to 14 or 15 holes to be more fun

How do you speed up the game? Literally, I would just make it like 15 holes, 14 holes... Because then you get to go in the 19th hole a little bit quicker... It gets boring from like hole 5 to 12. You're just like, where am I right now?

Nursing school graduation is a second-tier event that doesn't require a video recording

Should I be mad at my boyfriend for not videoing me walk across the stage at my nursing school graduation? No. Nursing school, that means it's probably your second graduation, right? So you probably already had a degree. Maybe if you were a doctor [it would matter].

The 'Melo Curse' is a real phenomenon where teams fail after trading Carmelo Anthony

If USA Basketball doesn't win the next gold, I'm officially saying Melo is the best cursor of all time... Syracuse hasn't won a championship since Melo got traded. Boom. Done. Whenever he leaves your team, you don't do anything.

James Harden definitively lacks the clutch gene

Now we finally have a guy who we can say lacks the clutch gene. Definitively. He and Chris Paul. No clutch gene between the two of them.

I would want Robert Horry taking a last-second shot over Kobe Bryant

[Big Cat asks: Who would you rather have taking that last shot?] Robert. Robert, yeah, Big Shot Bob. Big Shot Bob. There was never any doubt at the end of the game. He could have three points that game, and he had the ball, he was going to make it.

Frank Vogel was hired by the Lakers specifically to be fired

Actually, it won't be interesting to see what happens with Frank Vogel. Frank Vogel is like – he got hired to get fired. Essentially. How long until Jason Kidd is the one that's drawing up plays on the sidelines?

The Warriors winning the Rockets series without Kevin Durant will be viewed as an indictment of Kevin Durant's impact.

If the Warriors win this series, it will be an indictment on Kevin Durant by everyone else. Are the Warriors better without Kevin Durant? People are going to ask that. I'm already asking it.

The Celtics should not re-sign Kyrie Irving and instead let the asset walk.

I feel like I don't care what's going on with the team during the year. Lose that asset. It's all about the assets... for [Kyrie Irving] to do what he did in the playoffs it's like Brad Stevens' problem.

If modern teams used the defensive shift against George Brett, he would have hit .450.

If they put the shift on me, I'm not bullshitting you. I'd hit 450. Because I could hit a ground ball to the shortstop or third baseman whenever I wanted... I stood far enough off the plate that it didn't matter.

Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez should not be in the Hall of Fame.

[Barry Bonds, in or out?] Out. Alex Rodriguez. Oh. [Steroid era guys] had already broke my record... they were always saying, if they let these guys in, I'm never coming back. And I respect their opinion.

The Chicago Cubs organization banned the 'circle game' fan without a proper investigation to gain positive PR.

If the Cubs didn't actually investigate it and they were like, hey, we can get a quick fucking W here before we have Addison Russell, who is a shitty person... Cubs, if you didn't actually, if Crane Kenney didn't actually investigate this, I fucking hope he did. Because if he didn't and he was just like, we got to catch a quick W right here. Yeah, that sucks.

Bill Belichick manipulated Sean McVay into watching too much film for Super Bowl LIII by praising his dedication.

I believe that Bill Belichick knew that [Sean McVay] was going to go and watch too much film... He's been calling Sean McVay all season long... Telling him stuff and being like, Sean, one thing I really admire about you is your dedication to film study.

Jon Snow will die in the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones.

Well, here's my hot take preview. I think Jon Snow dies on Sunday.

If the Nuggets or Trail Blazers win the NBA title, I will swim in a sewage pipe

If the Nuggets or the Blazers win an NBA championship, I will eat Portland or Denver's asshole, meaning I will swim in one of their sewage pipes.

Hollywood lacks real stories because it is run by third-generation nepotism

I think Hollywood just didn't see like they thought that they just like narrowed everybody's mind and cornered them and owned them so much and corporations that they had just owned them so much that they could do whatever they want with them... it's nepotism now. It's a lot of third generation. Nobody from the middle of America. Nobody has any stories.

Steph Curry gets the least criticism of any superstar in sports for playing poorly

Watching [Steph Curry] play and watching him shoot and get hot is awesome. But there is not one single superstar that I've ever seen in any sport that gets less shit for sucking than Steph Curry.

Kevin Durant is the most unguardable human being ever created

What I'm saying is that when you look at all these guys [MJ, Shaq, Kobe, LeBron]... [Durant] does things at such an efficient level and at such a high rate. He's a seven-foot two-guard. He shoots 90% from the free-throw line. He's shooting 50% from three right now... if you had to create a basketball player, I think the two guys that you would create are probably Bron and KD for very different reasons.

Scott Foster is the best referee for a road team because he is a 'dickhead' who ignores the home crowd

There are certain referees that you want to see going into an arena... if I was going into Boston on the road, I want to see Scott Foster. Those kind of dickheads, those assholes, those guys that are kind of just like, leave me alone, I have to do my job. Those are the guys that I want. If anything, if the home team or the home crowd starts acting like jerks, they will actually go the other way.

Daenerys Targaryen is the worst dragon owner of all time

Daenerys is the worst leader of all time... she gets her fucking dragons killed every single turn. She's the worst dragon owner of all time. Honestly. Like, they would come and take those dragons away. Be like, you are not fit to own a dragon because everywhere you go, the dragon gets killed. fly them up in the stratosphere dude they can't hit them up there she's so stupid.

I would cut D'Angelo Russell for being a 'bad decision maker' after his weed arrest

The stupidity is, like, way worse than the crime... Bad decision maker. Honestly, just put it in your pocket. I'd cut him.

3-1 in the Finals is a better record than 3-6 when comparing Durant and LeBron

So he's [Durant] got the same amount of rings... It feels like three and one better than three and six. We could go all day, folks. We could cherry pick all day.

Brad Marchand should not have been suspended for his 'rabbit punch' on Scott Harrington

I was going to puke if he got suspended. That is not a suspension. Stanley Cup playoffs, a little punch in the back of the head while the guy's on his knees... it was not suspension worthy.

NBA players and fans are soft for cheering an injury comeback that NHL players do routinely

I saw that asshole from the Cavs [Kevin Love]... broke his nose and came back with a fucking mask on and got a standing ovation. Are you shitting me? Ryan Malone on Pittsburgh... got a slap shot directly in the face... shoved a couple tampons out there and came back, no mask, no standing ovation for him.

The St. Louis Blues have a 100% chance to win the Stanley Cup

They're a really good team. And it'd be one of the coolest stories ever. Last place, January 3rd... I mean, they got a lot of good weapons there... So there's a chance 100% that they could get the Cup.

The Bucks are unbeatable and will dominate the Eastern Conference

But as I've said, these Bucks are unbeatable in this playoff. They are going to dominate the East. Clearly the best team.

Teams should be allowed to draw their own custom three-point lines on their home courts

Imagine if the Heat could draw their own line or the Warriors are playing at home, and they have one line. Then they go to Houston, and there's a different line... it gives a home field advantage. It's fun for the fans. So I think that would be interesting because right now, dudes, the shot is too easy for too many guys.

Zion Williamson is a bust-proof prospect

The best shots in the league are still near the rim, and he's going to be able to get there. He's a big boy, and he's athletic. He's a bust-proof, in my opinion.

Al Davis being dead is the only reason DK Metcalf wasn't a top-10 pick

By the way, credit to the entire NFL and the draft process for not picking DK Metcalf top 10, being like, hey, this guy's really good at running in a straight line. He's really jacked, but he can't do anything else that makes you a good receiver. And when I say credit to the NFL, I mean Al Davis is just dead.

The Jeopardy buzzer is goosed to help James Holzhauer win

I think Jeopardy's probably goosing his buzzer speed because he's really, really quick on the thumb... I think the buzzer on the left is faster than the other ones because it's in the best interest of Jeopardy to have a dominant star. They need a king.

The Giants drafted Daniel Jones as a genius move to keep Eli Manning starting

It was actually, when you think about it, a genius move by Dave Gettleman because what he did here was he drafted a guy who everyone, all the Giants fans, he'd be like, look, we drafted a guy top 10. We have our quarterback of the future. He's just going to suck. And we can keep Eli going.

Bran Stark is an annoying character who ruins every scene he is in

Bran, I hope that fuck gets skull fucked in the middle of the field because he's so awkward. It's the guy in the wheelchair. I know Lieutenant Bran. He's so annoying. He ruins every scene.

Daniel Jones will be a career backup in the NFL

Some guys like me think [Daniel Jones] is a career backup. So it's not nearly as good in terms of the quarterbacks this year.

Jared Dudley is a clown

I'm just going to say totally unbiased, even though I'm biased because I don't like Jared Dudley because he denied an interview on Pardon My Take and canceled last second. I think Jared Dudley's a clown.

The Redskins will trade for Josh Rosen

I think that Josh Rosen is—I'm calling my shot. I think that Josh Rosen is going to be a Redskin. I think that they're going to make a deal.

Bran Stark will either kill someone or is the Night King

I'm still very woke on Bran. I think that Bran is either going to kill somebody... he's the Night King... he could be the Night King.

The Patriots dynasty is officially over

This is the year that the Patriots dynasty is officially over. This is the end. This is the end. It's got to be the end. This is the end. I can smell it.

The NBA should have a 'kill switch' rule for playoff games decided by 35+ points

In a playoff series, if a team wins by a certain amount... in basketball if they beat them by 35-plus, the series is automatically over right there. We just fast forward and we save everybody the time. If you get beat by 35 points, it's just the kill switch. And it would make blowouts exciting because teams would be having to try really hard in game one.

Modern weed has become too good and it actually sucks now

My first personal Fyre Fest is weed. Just pot. I don't like smoking really good weed. I think really good weed has gotten so good that it sucks. I like nice, kind bud. Like a decent KB is what I'm about. If you give me something... orange crystals... I'm like, no, I don't want to smoke that because I'm going to feel like I'm on the moon and I don't want to be on the moon. I want to be like in the clouds.

The Cleveland Browns will win 12 games in the 2019 season

Browns record, 2019. I was going to say 12 wins. 12 wins is going to be my number. I feel like you're getting a little cocky. I feel like we haven't gotten 12 wins in like 10 years combined... Browns, like, celebrating in the streets this year. Like, the real winner of the Super Bowl was the Browns this year.

Daniel Jones will be the second quarterback taken in the 2019 NFL Draft

Daniel Jones from Duke, 6'5", 220, 6'5". John Elway just took off his pants, is rocketing up the mock drafts... But he might be the second guy taken.

Blake Snell was actually having sex in the shower when he hurt his toe

Dude, you're having sex in the shower. Like that was a really long way of just saying, hey, I was having sex in the shower and I stubbed my toe.

Max Kellerman farted on 'First Take' because he's terrified of Stephen A. Smith

I think he did fart, and I think it's because Stephen A. Smith has just been owning him with debates... Kellerman is scared of Stephen A. Smith. He is absolutely frightened by the very sight of him.

The Washington Capitals killed the Eastern Conference

Did the Washington Capitals kill the Eastern Conference? Not just the Penguins, who, by the way, they haven't won a game in the playoffs since the Caps beat them... Nor have the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Bran Stark will win the Iron Throne

I think Bran's going to win the throne. He's not a human anymore, though. He's a three-eyed raven. He'll fucking tell everyone about it.