Takes

Rookie of the Year is the best baseball movie

Best baseball movie... I'm actually going to go Rookie of the Year number one... Because it's the Cubs.

Urban Meyer will eventually coach at Notre Dame

I think he's going to resurface in a few years at Notre Dame. If there's any organization that has a history of overlooking some of their leaders' past discrepancies, it's the Catholic Church. So I could see him joining up with Touchdown Jesus.

I'm never going to retire from the NBA

I'm not retired, man. I'm never going to retire from the NBA. Just leave that there.

New York sports outside of the Yankees and Giants is a total shit show

New York sports is basically the Yankees, with the Giants with an honorable mention. If you look at the rest of them, it is a fucking shit show. The Knicks, the Nets, the Rangers, the Mets, the Jets. I mean, it's just everybody. It's like if you combined all those years, how long it's been with all of those teams just not winning championships.

The new NFL helmet tackling rule is going to kill football

The new helmet rule, the tackling helmet rule, is going to kill football. It's essentially every single hit in the NFL you can be like, is there going to be a flag? There should be a flag every single tackle. So we're kind of screwed.

LeBron James will never speak to Tristan Thompson again following the Draymond Green club fight.

LeBron then left the club right after because he was sick of the shit. And that leads me to the question, do you think LeBron James will ever speak to Tristan Thompson again in his life? He's a fake friend. You don't leave your friend behind like that. He's never going to converse with him again. That was it.

The Seattle Seahawks will finish the 2018 season with a 5-11 record.

When I tally it up, I look back at it and I go, how the heck did I get the Seahawks at 5-11? Because I didn't think they would be that bad either. But then I went back and looked at it. Their schedule is brutal. I mean, it is really, really tough. And I think those defensive losses are going to be felt.

The Green Bay Packers will face the Jacksonville Jaguars in Super Bowl LIII.

I had in my predictions the Super Bowl as Packers versus Jaguars. I think the Patriots are going to be... as long as Belichick and Brady are there, they're going to be fine. It's just that I don't think they're going to the Super Bowl. I think Jacksonville's legit.

Drew Brees is just a 'dinker and a dunker' now.

Brees still, huh? Really? But all he does is he dinks and dunks. He's a dinker. He's a dunker. No, all he does is, like, oh, I got Kamara. I'm just going to give him the ball and let him run with it. That's what Drew Brees does.

Josh Allen is going to be a big-time NFL quarterback despite his college stats.

Josh Allen's going to be a good quarterback, though, but I can't figure out for the life of me why that kid takes as much abuse as he does. Okay, his stats weren't good at Wyoming, but if you watch the tape, he was playing with bouncers and bartenders... he is going—it might take him a little seasoning—but he's going to be a big-time quarterback.

The Cincinnati Bengals have a chance to be a sneaky playoff team in 2018.

Don't sleep on the Bengals either, by the way. You're going to laugh when I tell you that. The Bengals have a chance. Because they've got young talent on defense... Lawson and Willis... and that offensive line... I think it'll be better with getting Cordy Glenn in there.

NFL owners should pay for their own stadiums without taxpayer money.

The owners should pay for their own fucking stadium. A segment that we'll throw out there... If the taxpayers pay for the stadium, they get to decide the rules. No laws inside the stadium. Anything you want.

The Cleveland Browns will win seven games this year

I have something very brave to say. I think the Cleveland Browns are going to win seven games this year.

Losing the 2011 Finals to the Mavericks was ultimately good for LeBron James's legacy

The best thing that happened to LeBron, even though the way they lost was not great, the best thing that happened to LeBron was that Miami team losing to Dallas. Because it validated those other two titles. It made it seem hard... The fact that they had real adversity made the rest of the championships feel validated to the public.

LeBron James intentionally put together a 'blame team' of flawed teammates for his first year in LA

LeBron James, the 2018-19 Los Angeles Lakers, he has put together the greatest blame team of all time. He's basically punted on this year... They have Rondo, JaVale McGee, Lance Stevenson, Michael Beasley. That team will get blamed and laughed at on Twitter every single night, and LeBron James will basically be like, well, what is he supposed to do?

There is an oversaturation of dogs on social media

I'm getting on the borderline of getting sick of the oversaturation of dogs on Twitter.

Facebook is officially done as a relevant company

I'm calling my shot. I'm going to put the PFT death stake is going into Facebook right now. Wow. They're done. Have you been on Facebook recently? No. It's trash... it's all ants, trolls, and ants.

The Washington Capitals run was a dynasty

The Washington Capitals. So the Caps year wins year of the year. Truly a magical run. A dynasty. Maybe the best hockey team of all time ever assembled. Great coaching, great executing, great fans.

The Duke Blue Devils are definitely winning the national championship

The Duke Blue Devils are going to win the national championship. And this isn't a reverse jinx. I know you're thinking, Big Cat, you hate Duke. No, no, no. They're definitely going to win the national championship. You heard it here first. It's done.

Dwight Howard is the ultimate locker room cancer because he ruins every team he joins

dwight howard is my number one in like the world to me he is everywhere he goes he is terrible... he's been with all those teams. He's ruined all of those teams. I honestly think if you put him on your team, you're just basically... trying to destroy your team from within.

Modern baseball and stat heads are ruining starting pitching

modern baseball is ruining starting pitching. Like, you see guys starting relievers now. Stat heads have killed starting pitching... if they expand rosters it's over there's not going to be starting pitching anymore it's just going to be a bunch of relievers.

Gary Sanchez should have his pinstripes taken away for his lazy play against the Rays

He removed his pinstripes, said Gary Sanchez should have his pinstripes taken away... El Gary is supposed to be the people talking Hall of Fame after his first year... he should just show up to the next home game with the road jersey and be like, here you go, boss. Here are my pinstripes.

Tim Tebow would definitely hit a home run if he were ever called up to the Major Leagues

If you think Tim Tebow would not have hit a home run in the major leagues, you do not know Tim Tebow, my friend. All the guy does is miracles. That's all he does.

The fan Tiger Woods hit with a golf ball is responsible for Tiger losing The Open

Tiger was back for a minute, and then he hit a guy with a golf ball, and everything fell apart from that moment on. I hope that guy's a real asshole, the guy that got hit. And I hope it affects him down the line. I hope it becomes like a Steve Bartman situation because he took something very important away from us. He took Tiger being in contention on the 18th hole of a major championship in the year of our Lord 2018 away from the world.

Tiger Woods has won a major in every country that has a Perkins restaurant

Tiger Woods has won a major tournament in every single country that has a Perkins restaurant. That's a fact. Well, there haven't been any majors played in Canada. I'll give it to him.

Twitter would have caused the Cuban Missile Crisis to actually happen

The first one I have is the Cuban Missile Crisis. So the Cuban Missile Crisis, when the world is about to go in a nuclear standoff, I think Twitter might have actually had it happen. Like if JFK was tweeting at the Russians, like that probably would have caused the Cuban Missile Crisis to actually happen.

I would take five LeBrons over five Michael Jordans in a prime matchup

[Big Cat]: Five MJs, five LeBrons. Who you got? Both in their prime. [Dan Patrick]: I'll take five LeBrons. LeBron's going to be as accomplished. The fact he went to eight straight NBA finals.

Jimmy Garoppolo's date with a porn star was actually a charity auction win

The porn star won an auction, a charity auction, to spend an evening with Jimmy Garoppolo. So he was saving kids' lives by taking the porn star on a date. I don't know if this is true or not. In fact, it sounds exactly like something that you would make up to tell your girlfriend... I'm saying that what actually happened was the porn star paid a couple grand probably for a nice evening out on the town with a nice young quarterback.

Dabo Swinney will be the first coach to win a game of Fortnite to impress recruits

I'm going to make a prediction. I'm going to try to call my shot. Dabo [Swinney] is going to be the first one to ever win a game of Fortnite. To battle royale number one. Because he's going to start playing and being like, check it out, guys. I play Fortnite like you do.

The Oakland A's will make the Wild Card in 2018

The Oakland A's will happen to creep into that Wild Card spot in the AL. The Oakland A's will be playing meaningful and potential postseason baseball come the finish of... late September.

Jimmy Garoppolo dating a porn star is like a pro-am for sex

Jimmy Garoppolo is so confident in his sex abilities, he's doing a pro-am right now. He's playing with a pro... Jordan reached the mountaintop in his chosen profession and then he chose to go try to compete against the best in another profession.

Bryce Harper's Home Run Derby performance raised his value from $300 million to $450 million.

Colin Cowherd actually said that Bryce Harper, based on the home run derby, made $150 million last night. He's going to go from a $300 million guy to a $450 million guy because all the owners in baseball are going to lick their lips and be like, I want a piece of that ass.

Le'Veon Bell will eventually sign with the Washington Redskins.

So, yeah, future Washington R-Word Le'Veon Bell. You heard it here first on Pardon My Take.

Yadier Molina will be the next player-manager for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Yadier's going to be the new player manager. That's what my sources are telling me.

Elon Musk is a total fraud.

I'm so here for Elon Musk, like, just having meltdown after meltdown because everyone realizes he's a fraud and, like, promising people to go to Mars. ... Elon Musk... Total fraud.

The St. Louis Gateway Arch is the worst monument in the world

I have my nominee for the worst. The Arch in St. Louis. Yes, that one sucks. Like, hey, let's just put like a big piece of metal on your front lawn. It looks like a leftover part from the air conditioner.

Lionel Messi is the greatest soccer player of all time, better than Cristiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo versus Messi. Who's better? [Rooney:] Messi. Yeah, I think I've said it before, but they're both probably the best players ever to play the game. And I just think Messi is... In my eyes, the greatest ever.

Mike Matheny is a 'dumb-dumb brains' for his management and team culture issues

Thoughts and prayers to Mike Matheny. Dumb-dumb brains is what I have been calling him over the years. So he got fired mid- I think that probably had a lot to do with his firing. Dumb-dumb brains. Once you get labeled as dumb-dumb brains, you can't come back.

Yadier Molina's career-high home run pace at age 35 is suspicious

Yadier Molina, 35 years old, on pace for the most home runs in his career. Very interesting. And the seams have been raised, so it's actually harder to hit home runs. Very interesting.

The US not making the 2018 World Cup was the best thing for soccer in America

The U.S. not making this World Cup is actually the best thing that has ever happened for soccer in America... with the U.S. removed, you watch this World Cup... and people got to enjoy soccer for soccer and not worry about, are we good enough? Is the U.S. up there with them? They just got to enjoy the game.

Every vegan who says they like tofu is lying

Every vegan who says they like tofu, I know they're lying. I like tofu. No, you don't. False. All right, we settled that.

Being a virgin after age 30 is actually a good 'line' to use on women

After you turn like 30, and you say, like, I'm a virgin by choice. I feel like there's an element that the girl is like, I want to be the one. I want to be the one that makes him switch over to the other team... I think it becomes more positive after 30 than it does between the age of 18 and 29.

Phil Jackson will return to coach the Lakers after LeBron's first year

Phil wouldn't come back this year, but maybe once they add another piece or two and LeBron gets his one year of a fake injury out of the way, that is a prime Phil Jackson move to swoop in on an already established, really good team.

Adding any player to the Warriors decreases their chances of winning a title due to chemistry

Honestly, at this point with the Warriors, any addition that they make probably decreases their chances on winning another title. Because it's like they're a perfect team. So no matter who you add, there's always a small chance of it fucking up the chemistry.

The Rockets losing Trevor Ariza and gaining Carmelo Anthony has a bigger impact on the NBA title than Boogie Cousins joining the Warriors

I actually have a hot take. I think the Rockets letting Ariza go and somehow making it Michael Carter Williams or Carmelo Anthony has more of an impact on the title than Boogie Cousins.

The 2018 Cleveland Browns will win 6 to 8 games and potentially make the playoffs

I'm calling it right now six to eight wins. We may be able to go nine and seven and sneak in as a wild card.

LeBron James will beat up Skip Bayless at some point this year

There's a good chance that LeBron beats up Skip Bayless at some point this year.

I will win a National Championship for the state of Louisiana

I want a national championship for the state of Louisiana, for these players. They yearn for it. They work for it. And I want to win a national championship there.

Kirk Cousins is the Rihanna of NFL quarterbacks

I'm just the biggest Kirk Cousins fan in the world... It's like, if you're in a relationship, you know, your girlfriend would understand, okay. You got a wandering eye... If that's Rihanna, or, like. Wow, Kirk Cousins is Rihanna.

You could walk onto an Amtrak train with a bomb and no one would stop you

I hate to say this because I imagine some people are going to hear this... You could walk onto this train with a bomb... I'm talking about a sign that says, I have a bomb, and nobody would ask any questions.