Takes

The gap between regular season NBA teams and playoff teams has never been wider

The regular season can be very misleading. And I've been kind of on this for the last couple of years where I feel like there's never been more of a separation between what playoff teams look like and regular season teams look like.

The Atlanta Hawks are already acting entitled and 'bored' despite not having won anything yet

The Atlanta Hawks halfway through the season were like, 'Yeah, we're sort of over this, we're sort of bored.' Regular season? Like you guys haven't done anything... Who do you guys think you are? You haven't even made your name tag yet.

Marcus Smart should be the NBA Defensive Player of the Year

I think Marcus Smart cared even more so because he was having such a good season and wanted to make a push to show that he could be defensive player of the year, which is hard for guards... I'd rather have [his knowledge] than some super athlete that's just freelancing.

Jayson Tatum is now capable of going punch-for-punch with Kevin Durant

Tatum has added that part to his game and can still go off for 40 in a playoff game. So you're right to expect the Tatum maybe hangs punch-for-punch with Durant. I think he's still a sliver below Durant, but that's not saying much to say you're just behind who I think is still the best offensive option in the NBA.

James Harden is a quitter whose personality can't be trusted when playoff situations get tense

I have a problem with anyone who's a professional athlete who is okay deciding that they're just not going to be competitive twice in a year because they don't like their situation... if you're okay sucking on purpose and having it happen that many times in a very short span, then why would I bet on your personality when everything's tense and it matters.

Chris Paul will get injured sometime in the middle of the second round of the playoffs

Have you decided what your spin zone is going to be when Chris Paul gets injured somewhere in the middle of the second round this year? ... Emergency podcast.

The Phoenix Suns are leaps and bounds ahead of everyone else in the Western Conference

The west, I would kind of be shocked if it was anyone but the Suns... the Suns are leaps and bounds ahead of everyone else. I don't see how anybody beats them.

The NBA Finals will be a Suns-Bucks rematch with Phoenix winning the title

Phoenix, Milwaukee. I think it's a rematch. Phoenix wins.

Erik Spoelstra is the best coach in the NBA

I'm going to take Spoelstra... He's the best coach in the NBA.

Ty Lue is the Bill Belichick of the NBA

I'll take Ty Lue... someone called Ty Lue the Belichick of the NBA last night.

Steve Nash is a great coach who does a good job handling massive amounts of locker room bullshit

I actually think Steve Nash does a great job because holy fuck. Does he have to deal with a lot? ... Having the disposition that this guy had the last two years dealing with all the bullshit that he dealt with. I don't want to fucking hear it [that he can't coach]. It's actually incredible.

John Sterling's botched home run calls are so bad he should consider retiring

Stanton hit a bomb, but not deep enough... 'high, far, gone, but caught' is what the call was. Hilarious. Like just a funny clip on the other end. Yankee fans... not exactly the clip you would put on a hypothetical resume. Right? Some people saying he needs to hang them up... His eyes are shot.

Minnesota sports fans deserve to celebrate play-in wins like championships because they are a factory of sadness

Minnesota is an absolute factory of sadness... The Timberwolves had Kevin Garnett... they went to one Western conference final with him... the twins have lost 13 straight playoff games... So if you're a Minnesota fan celebrate, like this is a championship because it has been that bad and they deserve a young, fun team like this.

There is a zero percent chance LeBron James watched the WNBA draft

There's no way he watched a WNBA draft. There's a 0.0% chance. If he was watching WNBA draft, he would have tweeted it during the WNBA draft, not 24 hours later being like just a thought I've had on my mind recently.

The Celtics will beat the Nets in six games

I think the Celtics are going to beat the Nets. I watched that game tonight that Kevin [Durant] and Kyrie [Irving] didn't miss a shot for three quarters and the Cavs... almost won... the Nets just don't have any defense... I think the Celtics are going to beat them in six.

The Nets are going to 'whomp' the Celtics

I think that the Nets are going to whomp the Celtics. I really, I really do. I think it's going to be a whopping... When they want to play well, they can play well. They are the rare team that I think the switch can be flipped on.

The Chicago Bulls are currently complete garbage

I get it. Obviously the nets are way better than the bulls right now. The bulls are fucking complete garbage.

Ben Simmons will return for the Nets during the playoffs

I do think that Ben Simmons is coming back. I think that he's ready. I think that they've just been waiting to get them back out there... I do think that he's going to come back. I think that he's ready to come back.

The Pelicans will make the playoffs

I also have weighed a humongous amount on the pelicans to make it to the playoffs, which means they have to win today as you're listening and then beat the Clippers.

Dan Snyder is done because he finally made the mistake of taking money from other NFL owners

I think Dan Snyder has done... he's been busted for sexual harassment. He's been busted for persecuting minorities... but if there's one thing, you can have 40 sexual harassment claims against you, if you take money from the other owners, that's when they're going to do something about it.

Most people can get by drinking only 32 ounces of water a day

I think most people can get by drinking like 32 ounces of water a day and getting the rest from their food... I drink a half a gallon of water a day. Get the rest of it from your food and your other parts of your diet.

Coach Cal is truly on the hot seat at Kentucky if people believe fake firing rumors

It makes me think like if a joke like that can be believed that much he's truly on the hot seat. This, this it is.

LeBron James is a coach killer who has gotten six coaches fired

LeBron has been freed of another coach... LeBron has gotten six coaches fired in his career... I don't know why we don't talk about LeBron James as a coach killer more because Frank Vogel got overall raw deal.

I would become a Lakers fan if Stephen A. Smith became the GM and Mark Jackson the coach

I also saw Stephen A. Smith said that he could fix the Lakers... if Stephen A. Smith was the GM and Mark Jackson was the head coach that if LeBron wants, I would be Showtime, I would maybe be a LeBron fan.

Robot umpires will ruin the fun of complaining about baseball

That's been my take for a very long time. That robot ops will ruin everything because then we won't get to have guys like Joe West that we can complain about, right?

You can't trust anyone who owns a snake as a pet

I have a longstanding theory that like, if you can't trust anyone who owns a snake as a pet and that's biblical, like the snake is bro snake showed up on what day seven and was in fucked everything up.

Music is a deeper passion for me than acting

If I had to pick [between acting and music]... I would go with the band. I had to.

Scottie Scheffler's Masters performance was legendary because it was so forgettable

What a legendary performance. We won't forget just because of it being so extremely forgettable. We'll always be like, you know what? This was the masters where Sunday was meaningless.

Every guy from Dallas looks like a 35-year-old accountant when they are only 25

He just reminds me of every dude I've ever met from the Dallas, Texas kind of area where it's like you're 25, but you look like you're 35 and you got married when you were 23 and you just got your shit together better. He looks like a medium good accountant that's pretty good at golf.

Cam Smith would be the coolest Masters winner because of the mullet and mustache combo

I really just have a soft spot for Australia... the mullet and the mustache combo. I'm pretty sure that like there's rules at Augusta National... if you show up wearing that, if it's, if you're not competing in a major tournament... they are allowed to shoot you. The security force at Augusta is allowed to put you down like a dog. He was, he was a fun guy to root for.

Max Homa should turn in his tour card after his performance at the Masters

We did positive vibes only, but now we can speak honestly, the way [Max Homa] played after he made the cut was disgusting. And he should probably turn in his tour card.

I can hit an 8 or 9 on the 18th hole at Augusta using only a putter

I go putter off the deck off the tee box... then I just go putter the entire time I ended up hitting eight, maybe nine. If the pin's attackable, if it's center green, I think I could do it in eight. If it's back, right, that might be an eight or nine.

I would shoot a 13 on the 18th hole at Augusta if I was lucky

I think I'd go 13. I would, I documented I'd slice it into the woods. I would hit it into a tree... piece of shit, one good shot. Then I'd just go bunker, bunker, maybe like, like a, sorry, a sand wedge that I can't hit for shit for five yards. Then another one on then I'd put like five times 13.

Bet against the Pittsburgh Pirates in every single road game this season to make money

My algorithm is thus, you just bet against the Pittsburgh Pirates every single game... we're going to bet on road games, every pirates team under and for the other team to win Moneyline against the pirates. And we're going to all make a bunch of money.

Gerrit Cole is a loser for blaming a four-minute delay on a bad start

Garrett Cole said that the game being delayed four minutes was an unforeseen challenge for him. He said the festivities got a little away from the schedule... he's just a loser. Before he came to New York, everyone just assumed he was like the bad-ass dude... then he comes to New York and he's just, he's like sweaty. And he can't answer questions correctly.

The 'Sampson Effect' causes players to perform worse when they join the Yankees and have to shave

If you have to cut your hair or shave to change your personal appearance, I bet it throws you off Sampson effect. I bet you it's almost every player that goes there... Randy Johnson shave his beard when he sucked, when he was in the eighties.

The 2022 World Series will be the Phillies vs. the Padres

Can you imagine if it's the Phillies and the Padres in the World Series? How right I would be. Yeah, that would be sick. If the AL just imploded. That would be the all-time prediction.

I'm officially voting Joel Embiid for MVP, but the season is a failure if the 76ers don't win the title

I'm just going to vote for [Embiid] with my vote... and say that if the Sixers don't win the title this year, it's a disappointment all for naught.

James Harden will definitely mess up Joel Embiid's chance at a ring this season

James Harden will fuck this up for [Embiid] and Embiid, everyone's going to be like, Embiid is so good. Why? Like he deserves a ring. I've already seen that he deserves a ring. I don't know, it's going to be like trying to figure out who to blame between Harden and Doc Rivers.

The Cleveland Cavaliers can beat the Brooklyn Nets in the play-in game

I think the calves can beat the nets. I'm just gonna, yeah. [They] are a better match up for us. I still think we can beat the nets. And then if we beat the nests, we have a better path to the finals.

The Milwaukee Bucks will sweep the Chicago Bulls in the first round

The bucks are going to kill him. It's going to, I just want it to be over as fast as possible... the box are going to sweep the bowls and at least I know how to deal with Packers fans.

The 2022 NBA Finals will be a rematch between the Phoenix Suns and Milwaukee Bucks

I am... just going to be the Suns and Bucks again. And I know that the Hank, you poo-pooed that, but it, I just think Giannis is he's so fucking good... I'm going Suns and Suns in Bucks rematch. I think it's plus 600 if you want to pick... that's my pick.

The 2022 NBA Finals will be the Boston Celtics vs. the Golden State Warriors

Go Celtics warriors.

The 2022 NBA Finals will be the Brooklyn Nets vs. the Golden State Warriors

I'm going to double dip. I'm going to go nets warriors... Meaning like the warriors are kind of, I'm treating them the same way I'm treated the nets, which is they're too good. They've got so much talent. They're going to figure it out.

The New Orleans Pelicans will make the playoffs through the play-in tournament

I have a, I have a big future on the pelicans to be in the playoffs after the play and games are over.

Tiger Woods is the only person who can pull off a mock turtleneck; anyone else would look like a tube of cookie dough

The mock turtleneck, short sleeve, tight shirt, people are going nuts over and you're going to see a lot of guys that try to pull off this look that Tiger's got right now. And it's only Tiger that can pull this off. If you or I showed up, it would look like we got a big tube of cookie dough that got left out in the sun for three days.

LeBron James is noble for missing the playoffs to step away like Bruce Arians and give young stars the spotlight

Like Bruce Arians, LeBron decided that now was the time to step away from the game and put the spotlight on some up and coming players that might not be able to get that much attention if LeBron was still around dominating the conversation.

LeBron James will eventually declare himself a huge Ja Morant fan and try to get him traded to the Lakers

I'll just call my shot right now. [LeBron James] is going to become the biggest Ja Morant fan, baby Braun. Cause you know Ja Morant will do something insane in the playoffs and he'd be like, holy shit, I'd love to play with him. Can we get him traded to the Lakers?

The Dodgers will beat the Mariners in the 2022 World Series

The Dodgers versus the Mariners. Dodgers win. I'm going to go like that. Mariners going to be the playoffs in 20 years.

The Phillies will win the 2022 World Series over the Yankees

I like the Phillies a lot. They have the reigning MVP... I think it's going to be the Phillies against the Padres in the [NLCS] and then the winner of that... I'm going to say as the real world series champion... but no, out of the AL teams, I really think this is the year the Yankees get it done. I think it's going to be the [Phillies vs.] Yankees.