Takes

Hank's backswing sucks

Bing bong your backswing sucks. White bow.

MLB fucked up the playoffs with the wild card expansion because bad teams stay alive too long

The Major League Baseball completely fucked up the playoffs with this wild card. It's so stupid because now everyone's alive... I don't like that they did this in the NBA either. It's my biggest gripe about the play-in that you let owners get off on basically saying, 'well, we're putting together a playoff team' when no, if you're a play-in team, you're not... it's just bullshit.

Tearing my meniscus was one of the best things that happened to me this season

I'll tell you what, it almost, it was one of the best things that happened to me for the rest of the season. 'Cause it put me in like this fight or flight mentality to where like I could just not relax... I've been thinking about maybe getting hurt every All-Star break.

I would rather get blown out than lose a close game

I'd rather get my ass kicked than lose a close one. You lose a close one, guys play 40, 42 minutes, they're tired, you know, you gotta travel back. You get blown out, take the guys out, they play 25 minutes, get the boys some rest, and you know, you kind of regroup the next day.

The Joker is more dangerous than Batman because he is willing to do whatever it takes

The issue with Batman is like he's not willing to do whatever it takes. Like he has a chance to throw [Joker] off the cliff at the end of the second one and he doesn't do it. He saves his life. And so like the scary thing about Batman is like is he willing to go the extra mile to do what's necessary for the greater good? And that's the danger part of Joker is like he's willing to go the extra mile to get his point across.

Hank has until the end of the Celtics parade on Friday to shave his head

24 hours... [actually] I think let's give him a little leeway here. Let's say until the parade is over. Friday afternoon... Because then now you're people like you, Hank, will be the reason why we struggle next year because we're trying to get ready for the next season. Shaving your head is the beginning of us turning the page.

I will be calling college football this fall

If I make myself publicly fully available right now, best case scenario, I'm in the booth calling college football this fall. Is that gonna happen? Is that reality? I don't know. But the odds are going to increase by making this jump right now.

The Celtics will win Game 5 by a lot

Celtics I think are six and a half point favorites on Monday night. I believe they're gonna win by a lot.

Every athlete should get one pass per year to skip the media after a loss

I think that every athlete should get one a year where they can just say, I'm I'm not doing this and, and this you, you and if you, if you don't use it, you lose it. So you don't get carryover, but you get one a year where you can just be like, Nope, no moss, I can't do it. Because I would, if I were Rory and I had to sit there and have Bryson come up to me and be like, that was an incredible fight you put up, you know what? Oh, you played so great. I wish two of us could have won this. And then go sit and have some reporter say, Rory, talk me through what happened with that putt that you missed. I kill myself.

Rory McIlroy's tire spinning exit gave reporters a better story than a boring press conference would have

The media gets so mad after Claire. And then they have all their articles about how this person didn't give them anything to write about. Right. And he actually, Rory gave everybody so much more stuff to write about. Right. So much more stuff to talk about by not answering questions than he did if he had stuck around and just given like deadpan answers of credit to Bryce. And he played really, really well. Of course I'm disappointed. Very upset that I missed those puts, you know? Yeah. It's one of those things, golf's a hard game. That's what Rory would've said.

There is no way the Celtics blow a 3-1 lead with two home games left

When you have a three oh cushion though, I mean there's no way. There's just no way. They have two home games. Oh, no way. Worst case way, worst case scenario. But it's not scenario they have.

A Celtics and Panthers money line parlay is a lock for Monday night

The fact that the Panthers then lost eight to one in the exact same setup made me feel like both teams are just gonna like, listen, I'm not a gambling expert, but a Panthers Celtics money line parlay game five feels like it could potentially happen.

A Jimmy Carter 'not awake' report is effectively a death notice

Jimmy Carter, who it was reported the other day that Jimmy Carter is no longer awake every day... isn't that just dead? The guy just let him die. He's been in hospice for like a year and a half... grandson, don't wake him up next time he is not awake for a day. Don't wake him up the next day. Just let him sleep forever.

Charles Barkley's retirement announcement is just a leverage play

I don't buy it. I don't buy it. I don't buy it. He's too good. That's just what you say at the end of the year. He's just doing, he's he's said a million different things. He's like, well maybe I'll just hire everyone and we'll have a new, we'll bring it over here. Maybe I'll retire. Maybe w he's just, I love Charles Barkley. I love, love, love Charles Barkley. I don't buy it. Charles Barkley could talk about anything on TV and I would watch. Yeah. It doesn't matter what it could be.

Rory McIlroy just made the 'gimme' range much longer for every amateur golfer

I'm mad at Rory though. I think that all amateur golfers, all people that golf for fun should be really angry with Rory today because he just made the length of a gimme putt so much longer because now if it's inside Rory range, you're gonna have to put that out.

Rory McIlroy will likely pull out of the Travelers Championship

I think this one's gonna sting for a really long time and it won't surprise me to see him pull out of the travelers this next week. I, I doubt we'll see him there. I'd be shocked if we see him there and yeah, the fifth major, there you go.

Bryson DeChambeau's bunker shot on 18 was a one-in-a-million execution

I was probably 15 yards away from him... a 55 yard bunker shot is one of the more difficult shots in the game. And Bryson probably hit a gap wedge... full swing. The fact that he went in there full swing and bringing in literally watching it over the clubhouse and having the nerve to pull the shot off and get it inside at five feet was unbelievable.

The Jets made a bigger story out of Aaron Rodgers' absence than it needed to be

Don don't think there's a problem. And I know that memes had some issue with something that I said last week because I saw the tweet and I had to send it to you Big Cat to get an interpretation like most people of my generation do. Hey son, what is this all about? I didn't get it. Here's the issue with Aaron Rogers and I think this is more about the Jets than Aaron Rogers. They fucked this up so bad last week. All they had to do was excuse his absence. That's all they had to do.

Fans should root for the NFL to lose the Sunday Ticket lawsuit

The NFL has always just kind of pressed forward and made as much money as they could from it. But this case is about what the NFL allegedly has done to protect the deals with CBS and Fox. And without getting too deep into the weeds, it's as simple as this. They required allegedly, but I think the evidence has proved this. They've required DirecTV to charge a certain price so people don't get it and they just watch whatever CBS or Fox has to offer. ... we should be rooting for the NFL to lose this because it will make it easier for all the fans to have cheaper choices and broader selections to watch outta market games on Sunday.

Tua Tagovailoa wouldn't get a massive contract on the open market

Tua I think goes into a different category as well. ... I don't think the Dolphins want to pay something that starts with a five. And you have to wonder, will they just say Tua go ahead because ask yourself that question. If Tua is available to anyone who wants him, what are they gonna pay? Yeah. What's it gonna get on the open market? And I feel like one of these days one of these teams is gonna draw that line in the saying.

Kirk Cousins could spend as little as one season in Atlanta if he struggles

Next year his compensation is only $27 million. So you could trade him. I know he's got a no trade clause. But if you wanna move on to Michael Penix Jr... [Cousins] will wave his trade. I think it could be as short as one year with Cousins in Atlanta.

The Steelers will surprise people because Mike Tomlin knows how to manage a room of difficult personalities

Steelers you got? Oh, Steelers. Okay... bringing Arthur Smith in there... Tomlin's superpower is to take a room full of guys that you would individually look at them and say, okay, and slap 'em all together and make it into a playoff team... He knows how to speak to the better angels of all these players and get the most out of them.

I would be surprised if Rashee Rice plays in Week 1 of the 2024 season

I'll be surprised if [Rashee Rice] is playing week one, he's either gonna be on the commissioner's exempt list or he will have pled guilty to one or more of these felonies and he will be suspended under the personal conduct policy.

Jayson Tatum's poor shooting in the Finals needs to be a bigger story

Tatum won 15 five and three on four of 10 shooting. He is now shooting 36% from the field and 29% from three. This series. I just like thought that we should have talked. We should talk about that.

The Celtics will win the NBA title on Friday night

I'm gonna say right now, the [Celtics] are gonna win on Friday night. I don't know if that's a fact, but I feel like they're the better team. Well, that's a fact. They are the better team. And the Mavs have quit.

Jaylen Brown should be the NBA Finals MVP

I do agree with Hank that [Jaylen] Brown—it should be offense though, but—[Jaylen] Brown was incredible. Like phenomenal. The Celtics team... [Jaylen] Brown's gonna hit a big jumper to ice the Mavs out at home.

The Celtics are a perfect team with no holes

More than just Luca's defense, it's just more of a testament to the Celtics having no holes. They don't have a guy who can—you can sag off of. They don't have a guy that you can basically say we're gonna ignore them. They don't have a guy that you can put your worst defender on and say he's gonna be okay.

LeBron James is just a Brian Windhorst merchant

I would make the argument that LeBron is just a [Brian Windhorst] merchant that [Windhorst] made LeBron not the other way around.

Rory McIlroy's makeup sex with his wife is propelling his US Open performance

Now that [McIlroy] is back, he's having the makeup sex, and the makeup sex is propelling him to get in the hole.

Mid Pines is way better than Pinehurst No. 2

I think Mid Pines is way better... Way better test. Yep. I love the test talk. Whenever they say it's a great test... None of us shot five under at Mid Pines.

Dak Prescott will get a $300 million contract

Dax [Dak Prescott] is gonna get 300 [million].

I would take Trevor Lawrence over Drake Maye

[Big Cat]: Hank, would you take Drake Maye or Trevor Lawrence? [Hank]: Trevor Lawrence.

Tom Brady is a better football player than he is a person

Tom Brady is one of those people who you can absolutely say he's a better football player than he is person. I very much disagree with that [Hank's] statement.

Aaron Rodgers missing mandatory camp is not a problem

There's no problem. The problem is Robert Saleh handled the situation wrong and it sounds like a problem... There's no problem as long as he is there for week one. No problem.

Every championship team needs a 'nasty' enforcer like Draymond Green or Ron Artest

Greg Popovich said that every championship team needs a Draymond Green, needs a Ron Artest. You gotta have that one guy... being an athlete, you gotta have somebody to go in there and be the enforcer... you need guys like nasty.

The era of the 'Super Team' is dying because of depth and draft importance

I definitely think it's more back on strategy and management and drafting right and trading right... the [super teams] that really, I look at those as kind of like those weight builders that only lift their upper body and their legs are like [thin]. Like you got a really heavy top three and you don't have any depth. So now it's more important about depth and drafting and trading.

NBA stars don't take enough responsibility when their teams lose

It should be way more blame on the players... any other time when Jokic lose, when any other team loses, it's the star's fault. But soon as the Lakers lose, they blame it on the coach. I hate it. The stars, you have to be responsible because just when you win, the stars get all the credit.

JJ Redick getting the Lakers job is a result of white and LeBron privilege

I love JJ solid dude... but it's a lot of privilege you going on... definitely white and LeBron [privilege]. Yes, definitely... you knowing it was coming. It was the setup and how are they cool? When did they ever, when have you ever seen them cool? This is all, this was all a play.

I was a better basketball player than Ray Allen

Ray Allen... I'm not saying Ray wasn't great but... I'm a basketball player. I wasn't one dimensional. I just didn't shoot, I just didn't play defense. I did everything. So I look at myself as different than a lot of these guys that were one dimensional... I just felt like I was a better player.

Caitlin Clark is getting 'checked' like any rookie, but her teammates are weak for not having her back

As far as her getting beat up, elbowed, hard screen knocked down, that's kind of the hard knocks of being a rookie. My whole thing... was where the fuck are her teammates at? You guys gotta have her back... you knock my star down, you knock our rookie down and we're gonna knock yours down. There was just none of that. And you know, to me I think that's weak.

Anthony Edwards is a top 5 player in the NBA right now

My top five right now I'm playing. Yeah. Luca, Jokic, Anthony Edwards, Shai [Gilgeous-Alexander] and I probably would throw Embiid.

The USMNT should reach the quarterfinals of the 2026 World Cup

I think our ceiling is probably the semi-finals at the very best in the next World Cup... Quarterfinals in the World Cup. And we've got a good enough team. The players are good enough to do it.

Gregg Berhalter is a shitty coach

Our coach stinks. And having him get this tie against Brazil is gonna—because we are a loser country in soccer—[make people think] Greg's got the team on the right track and he's not gonna be fired... I do know that it's gonna be bad news if he's the coach of the World Cup team.

The USMNT's tie against Brazil is actually 'bad news' because it keeps Gregg Berhalter around

This was a bad tie because now it's gonna keep a shitty coach around because people are gonna be like, 'Good job Greg. You're coaching for your job and you got a major win when you tied Brazil.' ... It's gonna be bad news if he's the coach of the World Cup team.

Joey Chestnut's ban from the Nathan's contest is a sign of the late stages of the American empire

Joey Chestnut has been banned from the Nathan's hot dog eating competition on July 4th in America is at its knees. It's the end of it. It feels like the late stages of an empire. This is the sign.

Joey Chestnut is the best eater of all time in the history of the world

Everybody eats. Joey Chestnut is the best person, the best eater of all time in the history of the world. He needs to be rich for that fact.

Joey Chestnut should be a billionaire

What does Joey Chestnut, what does Jeff Bezos do better than Joey Chestnut? Not a lot. What does Elon Musk do better than Joey Chestnut? Like, I want Joey Chestnut to be so rich that he can do whatever he wants.

The Celtics might be cursed due to the rare Kristaps Porziņģis injury

I spent the full Uber up there when I thought I had my backpack. I'm thinking I'm just getting on the flight. I'm like, we're cursed, we're cursed, we're cursed, we're cursed. Like is there a chance we're cursed? This is bad.

Dan Hurley turning down both Kentucky and the Lakers in three months is a historic run

Dan Hurley might be the, the, so back to back national titles, obviously the new face of college basketball coaching. And then to turn down Kentucky and the Lakers in the same three month span. That's a historic run to turn down those two entities in that amount of time for that much money. He's just flexing on everyone.

The Lakers are embarrassed after being rejected by Dan Hurley

LeBron [James] does kind of get like the Lakers get embarrassed here a little bit. This is, and Coach K did it 20 years ago. But you don't turn down the Lakers.