Takes

The murderer in Don't F*ck With Cats was not a genius mastermind

This guy is not as smart as everyone's making him out to be. He is not some mastermind. He's a fucked up piece of shit... he's narcissistic and he got caught in like three days.

The 2020 Wild Card weekend was the most thrilling one in history

That was an insane, insane wild card weekend. Probably, I wouldn't say the best wild card weekend because I honestly just can't remember all the wild card weekends off the top of my head. But it was probably the most thrilling.

Josh Allen is like Brett Favre with ADD

He was playing like a little kid just hopped up on sugar, just running around, making plays. He was like Brett Favre if Brett Favre had ADD.

Jameis Winston is worth more money than Tom Brady right now

Who's worth more money, Jameis Winston or Tom Brady? Jameis. ... He's just got more years. Yeah, he's 26. And he's a future Hall of Famer.

I would rather have a bad quarterback than draft Tua Tagovailoa

I don't want to deal with the bullshit media for like a year being like Tua and Tua and Tua. ... I'd rather have a bad quarterback than a good quarterback. ... A Big Ten, some Big Ten, or like random MAC quarterback.

The Saints would have won if they kept Taysom Hill on the field

But if Taysom Hill stays out there, they win that game. ... Taysom Hill was electric. He was the best player on the field.

Jadeveon Clowney's hit on Carson Wentz was assault

Jadavion Clowney with the cheapest hit on Carson Wentz concusses him. ... Anyone who's calling Carson Wentz injury prone off of that is fucking bullshit because Jadavion Clowney assaulted him.

Wisconsin will never be a national title contender

Wisconsin never going to be a national title contender. The Rose Bowl is the Super Bowl and I'm fine with that. Some people call that loser talk that's called being a realist fan.

Frosted Flakes milk is a top-five milk

Frosted Flakes milk is a top-five milk. I think. Oh, no doubt. No doubt.

I would be much more successful in today's NFL spread offenses

I'm a little jealous of what's going on right now with the spread offenses. It makes it a lot easier for a smaller guy to be successful in run the quarterback draw... we were running RPOs [in Canada] in '94, '93.

Pete Carroll took a deliberate delay of game to avoid another goal-line mistake with Marshawn Lynch

I actually think conspiracy theory here that Pete Carroll took the delay game on purpose because he didn't want to be stuck in a situation where he screwed up on the one-yard line again with Marshawn Lynch back.

Russell Wilson is the best quarterback to have with the ball at the end of a game

In terms of quarterbacks I want to have the ball at the end of the game, [Russell Wilson] is my number one. Yeah, he's my number one, even though they didn't score there, he's still my number one because he did everything to get them to score.

Jameis Winston's entertainment value to the NFL is worth over $30 million a year

I actually think that as far as entertainment value goes [Jameis Winston's] worth for the NFL is worth well over 30 million dollars. Yes because of what he delivers to the fans if he doesn't get 30 million, I will pitch in I will help Jamis get up there to that point because he's worth every penny.

Kevin Harlan is the best play-by-play announcer in all sports

Kevin Harlan I actually was thinking about this because he... honestly might be my favorite play-by-play like all sports.

Aaron Rodgers looks miserable and doesn't seem to love playing football anymore

Does Aaron Rodgers love football? Yes. He he has the worst body language I've ever seen... deep down you have to ask yourself is something up because he looks miserable playing football. The first half he was missing wide-open guys.

Hell is a self-imposed condition you create within yourself

Hell is what you make it within yourself. So hell is a self-imposed condition... hell is really something you create yourself. The difference between organized religion and spirituality is organized religion is built for people to be afraid of hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there.

Today's wrestling has lost the spontaneity and sense of urgency of the Attitude Era

To me, it's just maybe, I'm not picking on today's product, but I just think the spontaneity is lost. Like that feeling that anything could happen is lost. And if you bring it back and create that excitement, I don't think you need to go to filling up this with that or crushing things. Sense of urgency I think is the most important part.

Ben Roethlisberger is tough as hell but often exaggerates the severity of his injuries

It's a lot of injuries Seven [Roethlisberger] shouldn't have played. But he's just a tough... That's what makes Seven seven... And there's probably a lot of other injuries that... Seven, man, come on, man, stop all that BS... So you're going to have the boot on on Monday, but Tuesday you're going to be all good.

NHL refs rely on video replay too much as a safety net, which creates inconsistency

With that sort of difficulty now that they've infused this video replay that is such a safety net for guys, they rely on it too much. It's not even they don't... a goal goes in the net and they're standing so deep in the corner. They don't even signal it. They might not even see it. You got to see everything and use the replay to verify.

Week 17 fantasy football leagues are for psychos

Hank, bring that up on the other side... how stupid people are who do week [17]... people that somehow keep their fantasy season going along until week 17. You're a psycho. You're a psycho if you do it.

Freddie Kitchens must be fired by the Browns

I think in Cleveland, Freddie Kitchens needs to be fired. Situational football, not his strength... And only a bad coach lets that happen. I just don't... I think he's worth firing.

Take all the unders in late-season NFL divisional games

I feel like late in the season divisional just take all the unders. I know that sounds crazy. I know overs are more fun. But these two teams know each other they yeah, they it's tough to beat a team twice.

Always bet the 'Under' on bowl games played on Christmas

I always do Christmas unders. Got to go Christmas time unders although it's hot on the block right [Ben] Herbert, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Just the first game right? No first three games.

Passer rating is the dumbest statistic of all time

Drew Brees was 29 for 30, 307 yards, four touchdowns, zero interceptions, and he was still 10 points shy of a perfect passer rating. Not good enough for me. It's the dumbest statistic of all time. Not only that, because it's dumb, but it's also someone can explain to me why it's still graded out of 158.3.

Drew Brees gets lost in the GOAT conversation because he never had a year where he was clearly the best

Drew Brees, though, is a classic case of a guy who just played in an era where there were one or two guys that were always just a little bit better than him. He's never won an MVP... Aaron Rodgers threw 45 touchdowns and six interceptions in 2011... 2013, Peyton Manning threw 55 touchdowns... there was never a specific moment in time where you were like, this guy was the best quarterback in the NFL because he also played against Tom Brady, too.

Shitting is an essential mental break during the work day

I feel like the art of going to the back, even in high school before I had a cell phone, I was still just like, let me get out of the class and go take a shit for 30 minutes. It's a mental break. So I don't even know that the cell phone thing would work as much. Like, people back in the day, before cell phones existed, were still taking long shit breaks.

There is no athlete on defense equivalent to Lamar Jackson

There's never been one like Lamar and you know you can just you can tell I mean the defenses are outnumbered and that's the that's the idea... now you can't even, with Lamar, you can't even spy the dude because there's no athlete on your defense that's equivalent to him.

Analytics ruined the Cleveland Browns

You know, the analytic thing is obviously it's trending right now. We saw what it did for the Browns a few years ago. It ruined the organization because that's what they stood behind. But everybody's interested in that. And basically, analytics are all based on past, based on history.

NFL coaches are better suited for college recruiting than people think

Someone that says something along those lines with respect to a – directed towards an NFL guy that's looking at college I think is pretty simple-minded because as NFL guys, we're on college campuses all the time during the spring... the attraction to me with respect to the college game is to be able to go get a young man as he enters the university – before he makes some decisions that affect him later in life.

Pitchers should be required to finish the entire inning they enter

I actually think they should go one further and a pitcher gets in the game and they have to finish the inning. Because it would be so funny watching a pitcher just die out there and give up a million home runs.

Jameis Winston is a Hall of Famer

He's a Hall of Famer. No one else has done that [throw back-to-back 450-plus yard games].

The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL

The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL. And I feel really bad for Lions fans, even though I root for a team in their division... They have one single playoff win in the Super Bowl era.

Eli Manning should retire now after his win against the Dolphins

I don't think he should play next week or the week after. He should go out like this. He won. It felt good.

Saquon Barkley misses out on easy yards because he tries to hit home runs

Sometimes he just doesn't get the easy yards. He's one of those guys. He tries to hit a home run every time. He tries to juke everyone out, like, just go forward, dude.

Miles Sanders is the Eagles' best skill player on offense

Miles Sanders is that guy now. He's their best player on offense... besides probably Zach Ertz.

The Browns should trade Odell Beckham for offensive line help

I don't know what Odell Beckham's contract is, but they have to move on from that... If you could trade Odell Beckham for pieces that would make your line better, you'd have to do it.

Skyline Chili is disgusting

I hate that stuff. It's not real chili. It's just sauce... Cincinnati's going to hate me, but I hate that stuff.

Ryan Tannehill is peaking and will never play better than he is right now

We're in the process of watching Ryan Tannehill as good as he's probably ever as good as his body is capable of playing football. That's how he's playing. The best will ever get it's probably not going to get any better than this.

The Cowboys are the new Falcons: high talent, low results

I finally realized what the Cowboys are: the Cowboys are the new Falcons. They are a team with a ton of talent that we say 'well, they haven't played their best game, it's coming.' You can name all these guys on the team... They're just not good. They're average to below average throughout the season.

Anthony Rendon's contract with the Angels is a retirement deal

This is a great move if you're Rendon because you don't like dealing with media, you don't like the spotlight that much, you don't have to worry about that. It's a retirement brilliant contract. You just move to Southern California and you get paid to just chill.

Jameis Winston's stats are only better than Peyton Manning's because of the era

This is how the new-age NFL [is]. This is why the Jameis Winston/Peyton Manning stats are ridiculous when you actually adjust them for era. It's like, yeah, of course Jameis Winston has these numbers that are better than Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning still played partially in the old NFL.

The Giants have to play Eli Manning again to let him get back to a .500 record

Now what sucks is now Eli's 116 and 117. You've got to play him again, though. You have to play him again. You've got to give him a shot to get back to 117, 117.

Division winners should keep their home playoff games regardless of record

I like the fact that the Eagles could win the division at 7-9 and host a playoff game simply because we get to sit here and say, that's not fair. I like that if you win your division, you get a home playoff game, even if you're a terrible team. It just seems like one of those rules I don't want changed.

Sean Payton's butcher should stick to groceries and stay out of football coaching

Sean Payton went to the grocery store and his butcher was giving him shit about going for two in the game. Sean Payton was like, I told my butcher, you worry about running out of meat, I'll worry about coaching the football team. The butcher obviously doesn't understand math. He doesn't know that if you go for two the first time, you actually increase your chances of winning.

I don't want the Cubs to trade Chris Bryant

Chris Bryant is the word. And everyone's, you know, what happens is whether they trade Chris Bryant or not, I do not want them to trade Chris Bryant. But what pisses me off more than anything is fans who are like, well, you got to trade Chris Bryant because we have no money. Like, don't buy that bullshit.

Brandon Cooks is the definition of elite foot speed

I think it's probably Brandon Cooks, a receiver we have out here in L.A., and I actually trained with him for the combine. I thought he was fast then, but he's on a whole other level of fast and the definition of foot speed, extremely quick.

Sam Pittman is a panic hire for Arkansas

Sam Pittman is who you're talking about. He's the Georgia O-line coach. That is a panic hire for Arkansas. I saw his face. I was like, that's not a head coach. That's not a head coach.

Freddie Kitchens should be fired even after a win

Freddie kitchens should be fired even in a win. Freddie kitchens is passing like he can't even pass the simplest of tests and the simple test that I am talking about is the Bengals have the worst run defense in the entire league and Freddie kitchens ran the ball six times in the first half... He is a dump you... He's a dummy.

It is impossible to tank in the NFL

I think it's impossible to tank in the NFL. I really do because it's just a sport that's impossible to think like guys are playing for their next jobs. It's a violent game. It's hard to tell people. Hey go out there and just don't try right?

The Packers are a little bit fraudulent

I feel I feel like the Packers are a little bit fraudulent. Oh, welcome to yes the right side of History SHINee. It took only beating the Redskins by five points for me to realize that. Hey, maybe they're not that great of a football team this year.