Takes

Ohio State will beat Villanova in the NIT championship

I just filled out my, my NIT bracket. Shout out NIT stew. I've got Ohio State beating Villanova in the finals.

I'm counting Anthony Edwards' dunk over John Collins as a real dunk even if the ball left his hand early

Was that a dunk? So all those dunks always inspiring. Yeah. When you, when you like zoom in, you're like, did the ball leave his hand beforehand, didn't touch the rim? I'm counting it as a dunk. Just 'cause I like cool sports moments like that where the world stopped to be like, did you see what Anthony Edwards just did?

Aaron Donald had as close to a perfect career as you could possibly have

Aaron Donald played 10 years in the NFL. He was a pro bowler all 10 years. He won Rookie of the Year. He won three time defensive player of the year and he was an eight time first team all pro selection... Aaron Donalds as close to a perfect career as you could possibly have minus the Super Bowl loss.

The Patriots Dynasty documentary was a hit piece intended to bury Bill Belichick

It was very clearly pointed and it was meant to make Robert Kraft look like the, the benevolent father who kept it all together... and it made Belichick look like he was like abusive. They, they made him look like he was abusive and negligent.

The Patriots documentary tried to make it look like Bill Belichick would have been fired if he lost the Super Bowl to the Rams, which is false

They also made it seem like, well, because, you know, bill did good. I had to, I told Tommy, Tommy knew like I had to sign Belichick... It made it seem like they were gonna fire Belichick if he lost that Super Bowl [to the Rams], which I don't think was ever gonna happen.

Malcolm Butler's silence on his benching suggests that he did something truly scandalous

The weird part to me is like the Malcolm Butler thing. Malcolm Butler has never said what he did. Right? So it has to be something that people would be like, 'whoa.' You know what I mean? Belichick will never say it. Malcolm Butler will never say it... doesn't it feel like if you got benched in that position and you literally did nothing, wouldn't you just be like, 'here's everything I did'?

Tom Brady had Nick Foles' name edited out of the Patriots documentary out of pettiness

They showed the highlights of the Super Bowl with the Eagles won and on the Philly special, they played an edited version of Al Michael's play call... They edited out the word Foles. What? ... He fucking hates Nick Foles. And he had his name edited out of this Documentary.

Boeing whistleblower John Barnett did not commit suicide

There was a whistleblower... John Barnett... His body was found the morning of three nine dead. He was allegedly from suicide even though he told his family, if I die, it's not suicide. He was suicided.

The Royal Family exists solely as a group of people for everyone else to make fun of

The British people are fucking weirdos... I I kind of love the royal family because they're, they're the quintessential, like you can just make fun of 'em. Maybe that's what they're there for. They're not really there to give hope and meaning and optimism to the British people. Maybe they're just there to have like a group of people that you can just make fun of all the time.

Houston is on the Hot Seat because top seeds keep losing to teams with phallic names

The Hot Seat is Houston... In every Tournament since 2021, the top two seat has lost in the first round to a team with a phallic euphemistic name. 2021 Oral Roberts, 2022 St. Peters, 2023 Fairly Dickinson. Three times as a pattern. In 2024, Houston will face Longwood in the first round. I see two right next to each other. What about Moorhead? Yeah. Moorhead. And then Drake. Drake's very phallic.

North Carolina is my national champion for the 2024 tournament

[Big Cat: Who's your national champion this year?] North Carolina. So shout out to the Howard Wagner.

This Michigan State team doesn't have the best version of itself needed to go on a typical Tom Izzo run

Every other team, I felt like there have been stretches through the season where Michigan State has shown the promise and then they just put it together in March. I don't feel like this year's team has really ever shown that... It's not that Izzo goes to the final four every year. It's that you have situations like last year they had no business beating Marquette. I just think that this year's team, their best version isn't really that good.

Arizona is the king of beating themselves in the tournament

Arizona, it is interesting because they feel like a program under Tommy Lloyd that has racked up a ton of wins... but they have underperformed in the NCAA Tournament the last few years. It does feel like a great draw for Arizona. But they can't get out of their own way. Both this particular team and them under Tommy Lloyd... they are the kings of beating themselves.

Illinois are frauds because they haven't beaten a currently ranked team all season

I didn't realize that Illinois has not beaten a currently ranked team all season. Like Illinois? Are they frauds? Yeah, why not? Frauds. I would feel a lot more comfortable about Illinois if, if part of their path to the Big 10 title was they beat Purdue by like 10, you know? And yeah, that context you need though.

Drake is my tournament Cinderella and I have them in the Elite Eight

I took a shot at, I like the Drake. I like the idea of Drake going on a run too. Yeah. So I put Drake's my, Drake's my Cinderella of this Tournament. I have Drake in my Elite Eight just 'cause I felt like I should pick one crazy team in the elite eight and Drake was my pick.

North Carolina is the most susceptible 1-seed in the tournament

I have North Carolina. North Carolina I think's the most susceptible one seed. Because they are, they are heavily reliant on Armando [Bacot]... and also he's not, he's just not that good... I think they're the most susceptible one.

Purdue fans are humorless goobers and dorks who have the demeanor of nerds without the intelligence

They [Purdue fans] are humorless goobers. They have the demeanor of nerds but not the intelligence. They're goobers. They're dorks. They have an inferiority complex with a superiority complex at the same time. Somehow it makes no sense... they know they're gonna fuck it up in March, but then they also puff their chest.

Wisconsin is in trouble against James Madison

I've looked through the Wisconsin James Madison game in depth. I think Wisconsin's fucked... I'm being completely honest and unbiased that like, this is a bad matchup.

This is the year of the 'cold ass white boy' in college basketball

I've been saying it all year about this season of college basketball. It is the year of the cold ass white boy. And if all over college basketball, there are just white dudes that can light it up. And it's not just that they score a lot... they just got a little sauce to their game.

Texas A&M is a 'live' underdog against Houston because they can grind out low-possession games

I actually think Texas A&M might be live [against Houston]. They can get down and dirty and grind it out and play low possession games. 'Cause that's what I always look for with these upsets is like, what teams can play these low possession games where you can... make them have to execute in a half court and things won't go as well.

Houston will win the 2024 National Championship

I have Houston win at all in my bracket. Houston is my national champion... I think they can score and I just don't, I don't think they're gonna lose to inferior teams. And I don't think there are a lot of teams that are, that are better than Houston.

The 2024 NCAA Tournament committee is a bunch of sick perverts

Someone in that committee is a real sick pervert... The Pardon My Take region. It wasn't just that they had to put me versus PFT Wisconsin versus James Madison in the first round. They also put Vermont and Duke in the same quadrant.

UVA getting into the NCAA tournament is a disgusting decision

The sickest thing they did was put UVA in. Yeah, that's disgusting. UVA. So you should be ashamed of yourself.

James Madison will reach the Sweet 16

I have the JMU Dukes, I have James Madison winning two games.

Samford will be the 2024 NCAA Tournament's 'America's Sweetheart' team

Samford's playing Kansas 13-4. Kansas has been trending downwards... Samford plays so fast they chuck and like that's the type of team that everyone falls in love with. Just a bunch of like, undersized guys who hit threes and played a crazy pace.

Selection committees are bullshit and fans could do a better job

I'm convinced that all of these committees can be the job of the committees can be done better by like 75% of the fans... Just anyone who's been paying attention. I, I know for a fact I know college basketball guys who are way more informed about college basketball and who's good and who's bad than this stupid committee.

Joe Lunardi hates his job and should be replaced by Steve Kornacki

Joe Lunardi has to work three weeks a year and he said goodnight at 10:57 during conference championship week on Friday night when there was like six games left. What is up with this guy?... What he needs to realize is that with one snap of the fingers that freak Steve Kornacki could step into his job and do it better.

I wake up every day believing I have accomplished nothing

The only way I know how to live life is to go through every life, each and every day. Like I've accomplished nothing. And the way in life to accomplish everything is to wake up each and every day believing that you accomplish nothing.

Duquesne will upset BYU in the first round

My upset in this region is Duquesne beating BYU in an 11-6. I think we have to remember this and you guys get this. BYU for the most part was a team that was recruited to play in the West Coast Conference. And now you have a team in Duquesne who just won the Atlantic 10.

UConn will repeat as National Champions

I've got Yukon out of the region of Gladiators... I like Yukon over Purdue, Clingan against Edey, a Battle of the Titans in the title game, and Yukon led by Dan Hurley... becoming the first back-to-back national champion since Florida in 2006 and 2007.

The Bears organization failed Justin Fields

The Bears failed Justin Fields, it sucks that this is the way it ended. They set him up in a really bad spot in the fact that they drafted him with a coach that was already on the hot seat... Year two, the team was actively tanking... Year three, they were basically like, be so good Justin Fields that we will keep you go out and do it with an OC that doesn't really know how to use you.

The Bears were right to trade Justin Fields to prioritize Caleb Williams

I thought that they had to trade him. And I'm happy that he was traded just because Caleb Williams is the future. And you couldn't have done the Justin Fields Caleb Williams thing at the same time. And if you had kept him, maybe you could have gotten more for him when quarterbacks get injured. But that would've been a disaster for Caleb Williams.

Justin Fields will eventually beat out Russell Wilson for the Steelers starting job

I hope Justin Fields beats him [Russell Wilson] out. I think he's better than Russell Wilson right now... Once you watch Justin Fields versus Russ, it's gonna be apparent.

Caleb Williams is set up better than any number one overall pick in NFL history

I think the Caleb Williams might be set up better than any number one pick ever. And I know that sounds crazy because it's still the Bears... He now has a legitimate number one, he now has a legitimate number two in Keenan Allen. He has a top 10 tight end in Cole Kmet. He's got a running game... this is finally you've set up your future franchise quarterback to walk into a situation that he can succeed in.

Charleston will upset Alabama in the first round

I have Charleston over Alabama and Vermont over Duke. Ah. And deep runs. I have Drake in the Elite Eight and I have Florida in the Elite Eight.

North Carolina will win the 2024 National Championship

I had North Carolina winning the championship. Congratulations to the Howard/Wagner winner on beating UNC because that will be my trend of my champion being out day one.

You never win an overtime bet; it's where underdogs and unders go to die.

We could do without overtime though. [It] is a sword to the stomach if you have any sort of action. Because you never win an overtime bet. Never. Dogs die there, unders go to die there.

Kyle Neptune is not a good basketball coach and has to go

Kyle Neptune sucks at coaching basketball. You are not crazy. He got absolutely worked by Shaka Smart. The fact that he didn't call a timeout with 30 seconds left in the game... That guy is not a good basketball coach. Jay Wright would've won that game. It was disgusting... Kyle Neptune's gotta go.

Duke locking their Twitter comments after the NC State loss is the softest thing ever

It was also classic Duke, because after the game they did post the final score on Twitter. Yep. But they locked the comments. Yep. Classic, classic college shutting down free speech on in in America... I think it's better that they just don't post the final score than if they post it and then shut it down.

The Bears are a year away from being all in.

I think they're a year away from being all in. Okay. I think next year. I think the way that Ryan Poles is structuring this roster. Like he didn't go nuts in free agency.

Marquise 'Hollywood' Brown is going to have the best year of his career now that he's playing with Patrick Mahomes.

Patrick Mahomes, congratulations. You have a good wide receiver again. Got Hollywood Brown. He's gonna have like the best year ever. Him teaming up with [Kadarius] Tony, Thunder and Lightning. Actually two lightnings. He's gonna be incredible.

Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce's steakhouse, 1587 Prime, will fail within three years of opening.

He's opening up a steakhouse. That's really it. Like, you know, when you finally have made it, you have to. I should say the final, final step is the steakhouse failing in like three years. They're naming it 1587 Prime. So it's Kelce and Mahomes together.

Aaron Rodgers will run for vice president

I think he's gonna do it. I think he's gonna run for vice president. It's gonna be hilarious. I don't know if he's going, is he gonna retire or is he gonna try to do both? That's the real question.

The Commanders will draft Jayden Daniels

My instant knee, knee jerk reaction was it, it was a Jayden Daniels move. Because... if they were getting Drake [Maye], Sam Howell and Drake Maye are good friends... I think Jayden Daniels, I think it might be Jayden especially. 'cause We got Marcus Mariota. I feel like his style of play Yeah. Run the same offense.

You must wear a golf shirt to a golf tournament

I'm fine with crying. But you have to wear a golf shirt to a golf tournament... I don't think [there are many T-shirts]. Even sweatpants [are a problem].

If the Bears had drafted Patrick Mahomes, something tragic like being hit by a bus would have happened to him immediately because of the franchise's luck.

if we had Patrick Mahomes, he would've just been hit by a bus. Like crossing Michigan Ave just being like, bus hit him. Patrick Mahomes is dead. Something weird would've fallen from the L and hit him in the head. We would've not gotten lucky with him either. Something bad would've happened to him. Injury year one, probably.

Disney adults are weird and scary

I live in California. I live in Southern California. When I see all these people that have like yearly passes and I'm like, you guys have kids? And they're like, no. And I'm like, okay. I don't think we can talk anymore... It scares me.

Hollywood won't cast a ginger as a lead actor

I just think they don't, they're never gonna make a, a ginger a lead... something about orange men, they just, it's hard to lead a movie... if Bill Burr can't do it, I don't think I've got a shot.

Curb Your Enthusiasm is better than Seinfeld because it is the darker, more realistic version of what Seinfeld was meant to be.

I'm a much bigger fan of [Larry David] than Seinfeld. I think his line of what Seinfeld was, was, that's why Curb was so great. It was like the version of Seinfeld that I wanted more was that, more so than the other thing that Jerry [Seinfeld] did. Larry's Seinfeld is what Curb is and that's what I always wanted it to be.

Doing podcasts over Zoom is whack and doesn't work; you need to be in the same room together.

You have to physically make everyone agree on being in the same place because the Zoom shit whack. It's whack. It doesn't work. You need to be together. So as long as me and [Bobby Lee] are gonna be doing our show, we'll be in LA.