Takes

Ezekiel Elliott has a chance to beat his suspension entirely

There's a chance [Ezekiel] Elliott beats this whole thing, not just this year, but this year, next year, and for good. Right now, it actually looks good for him to get an injunction that would allow him to play all season.

The Patriots and Seahawks will meet in the Super Bowl

Right now, if I had to pick two teams for the Super Bowl, I'd say the Patriots and the Seahawks.

Clayton Kershaw will never 'suck' in the playoffs again

When are we going to see playoff Kershaw where he just sucks and gives up mammoth home runs and we all get to laugh on Twitter? Never.

The Dodgers will beat the Astros in six games

Dan Heron on the record, Dodgers in six.

Lonzo Ball will have 24 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 assists tonight

I'm going to go ahead and say Lonzo Ball tonight, 24 points. Eight rebounds, six assists.

John Calipari will be the next coach of the Phoenix Suns

Now that they fired their coach and there's trouble in paradise, you think of what I'm thinking? Coach Cal. Brandon Knight, Eric Bledsoe, Devin Booker, Tyler Ulis... All went to Kentucky.

Kris Bryant was likely playing through an injury during the playoffs

Look for Kris Bryant to come out with maybe like a little surgery soon. A little hockey surgery. Clean up. He's been injured. That's what I'm saying... I'm going to say lower body. Yeah. He'll just get his ankle cleaned.

I'm taking the Packers +4.5 at home against the Saints

I'm taking the Packers. Ooh, okay, I like that. Plus four and a half at home. Everyone loves the Saints. The Saints... Be careful, my friends.

I'm taking the Eagles at home against the Redskins

I'm going to go with the Eagles at home against the R-Words. Ooh, Monday night.

Julio Jones will have a massive 'revenge game' against the Patriots on Sunday

My stardom: Julio Jones. The Patriots secondary stinks. Primetime revenge game. Julio Jones. pick him up on the waiver wire and start his ass.

The Yankees are going to win the World Series because they have 'the aura'

The Yankees, I think, are going to win the World Series. I'm actually going to say that right now. I think they have what we call the look. I was going to say the aura, actually. The aura.

The 49ers are 'cover machines' and I will keep betting on them

My cool throne is, number one, the 49ers for the gambling luck. They've lost the last, what, five games by three points or less? They're cover machines. I'm going to keep riding those Niners.

Philadelphia can't have nice things, so the Eagles' success will eventually fall apart

My hot seat is the Eagles. And this is quick... It just seems like it's too good right now. And Philadelphia can't have nice things.

Maryland football will become a contender in the Big Ten if DJ Durkin stays

I think if DJ Durkin stays, that there'll be a time not too far from now when not just the Minnesotas of the world that you beat, maybe you can step up. I'm telling you.

I will never do another show with Ryen Russillo

I don't think we're ever going to do a show again. [SVP and Russillo]

The Dodgers will fold if the Cubs push them because California teams are soft

As long as [the Cubs] win two games at Wrigley... I still think the Dodgers, if you push them a little, they'll start to fold. They're a little soft. [Because they're from California?]. That would be correct.

If Johnny Hendricks loses at UFC 217, he should retire

I think [Hendricks] would have to start looking at retirement. [if he loses].

Conor McGregor's next fight will probably be against Tony Ferguson in Las Vegas

It's probably going to be Tony Ferguson in Las Vegas. But we do want to do Croke Park. The reason we haven't done Croke Park yet with Conor is because we can't get it done over there... they have noise ordinances.

Hugh Jackson will lose the power struggle with the Browns front office

When you know the front office and the coach are on the outs with each other... only one can survive... I think Hugh's going to lose that power struggle.

Mitchell Trubisky and the Bears will cover +6.5 against the Ravens

Taking our boy, Mitchell. Mitchell Trubisky. Plus six and a half... The Bears, are we sure they're bad with Mitchell Trubisky? This is a breakout game. They've covered the spread.

The 49ers will cover +10.5 against the Redskins

I learned my lesson. I'm not going to take any D.C. teams, so I'm taking the 49ers to cover double digits [against the Redskins]. They're due.

The Steelers will cover +4.5 against the Chiefs

I'm going to do the rat line of the week, the wonky game of the week. I'm taking the Steelers plus 4.5 [against the Chiefs]. It makes no sense... Vegas doesn't know what to do about that.

Big Ben will have a big game against the Chiefs because he's too dumb to realize he stinks

Big Ben is too dumb to realize he stinks now. That's why he's going to come out. He's going to throw all over the field. Big Ben, he's fatter than Andy Reid now. That's a win for Big Ben.

Eli Manning might get traded to the Jaguars to reunite with Tom Coughlin

Do you hear this one about Eli Manning maybe getting traded to the Jaguars? Because Tom Coughlin. Think about it.

Mitchell Trubisky is going to be a star in the NFL

Mitch Trubisky is going to be a star. Sit [Sanchez] for Mark Sanchez and run the butt fumble play every single down. ... I like Mitch Trubisky. I think he's going to be good.

The Eagles have no possible way to screw up this winning season

Philadelphia's got their blue-collar quarterback and a winning team. There is no possible way they can screw this one up, folks.

JJ Watt might legitimately be forced into retirement by this injury

It's a tibial plateau fracture and as somebody with Google I can now report with confidence that he's fucked... This might be like legit retirement for J.J. Watt. Not Players' Tribune fakery.

Washington sports teams will win the World Series and Stanley Cup this year

Washington is back. It's the Nats year. It's the Caps year... So they're going to win the World Series. They're going to win the Stanley Cup.

Wisconsin will never have another quarterback reach the level of Russell Wilson

Ever since Russell Wilson came and spent that one year there and everything he's done, you're never going to have a quarterback again that's going to kind of get to that level I don't think.

Ben McAdoo is about to be fired after taking away the team's practice music

That is the last thing you do before you get fired. Take away the team's music. No more fun on this team. The ping-pong table, they take that out of the player's room, and they're like, it's over.

Roberto Aguayo will return to the Buccaneers to replace Nick Folk

What's that sound I hear? All that wrestling in the distance. That's [Roberto] Aguayo coming back to claim what was once his, the prodigal son returning to Tampa.

The Indians will sweep the Yankees in the ALDS

The Indians and the Yankees. The Indians are up 1-0. I think they will sweep.

I love the Packers moneyline and spread against the Cowboys

Love, love, love the Packers. Plus two. I love Moneyline. I love them straight up... Love the spread, love the money line.

I love the 49ers as +1.5 road dogs against the Colts

My pick, I'm taking the 49ers as Road Dogs plus 1.5 over Indy. That's my team... Love the Niners. Love betting on them. Love Shanahan. Yep. I mostly just love betting against Chuck Pagano in his permanent hot seat.

The Cleveland Browns will win at least two games this season

Could the Browns go two and 14? The Browns could... they could win two games... I'm going to cross my mind on the Will They Win 4 games, but two games? Still could do it.

Sit Michael Crabtree in fantasy this week because EJ Manuel cannot be trusted

My sit-em is Michael Crabtree. I don't trust EJ Manuel as far as he could throw me.

Hunter Henry is a sleeper tight end pick for Week 5

My sleeper. Leave me alone. Hunter Henry. Tight end.

Wisconsin will lose in the Big Ten Championship game this year

Wisconsin, this is their year. Oh, yeah. They're probably going to lose in the Big Ten championship this year.

The 2017 Nationals are the most balanced team I have been on heading into the playoffs

Man, if there's ever a year, this is a year. I've been in postseason several times now, and this team that we have going into postseason, man, it's one of the best teams I've been upon just in terms of overall balance. You're talking about we have speed guys, we have power, we have pitching, we have elite pitching.

Panama might beat the US Men's National Team on Friday

It would be funny if Panama, if just... God forbid. Panama wins on Friday. God forbid the U.S. men's team didn't make it into the Yogo Benito Championships next year in Russia.

Jared Goff is an NFL MVP candidate.

Jared Goff is good. Jared Goff, league MVP candidate.

Jay Cutler has at least two more years left as a quarterback in the NFL.

I think we have another, like, two years of Jay [Cutler] in the NFL.

Lock of the Week: Ravens +3 at home against the Steelers

I'm going to go with the Baltimore Ravens. Home dogs. Plus three. ... If I know Joe Flacco, and I know him pretty well, this is one of the weeks that he comes out and he has like three touchdowns and 320 yards.

Lock of the Week: Rams +6 and outright win vs. Cowboys

I like the Los Angeles Rams, plus six. I think they're going to win that game outright. [They are playing] the Cowboys.

Lock of the Week: Jaguars -3 vs. Jets

I'm going to go with the Jaguars. Minus three. In New York. ... I think Blake Bortles, there's no way he can regress. I think he finally took the step forward and he'll never take a step back again.

Julio Jones will go off in Week 4; pick him up off waivers if he's available

I'm going to start him, Julio Jones. He's going to go off this week. I guarantee it. Start him if you have him on your team. If you don't, pick him up off the waiver wire.

Big Baller Brand will corner the market because they're the only shoe company not implicated in the bribery scandal

Big Baller Brand, by being the only shoe company that's not implicated, could have just cornered the market.

Randy Moss will be a first-ballot Hall of Famer

I think he is [a first ballot Hall of Famer]. Yeah. He has the numbers. He had the type of impact on football that would warrant him going into the Hall of First Ballot.

The 0-3 Giants have the league right where they want them and will win the Super Bowl

Do the Giants have everyone right where they want them? Because this feels like one of those stupid years where everyone's like, Eli's the worst quarterback ever, and then they'll just finish 9-7 and somehow win the Super Bowl.

Bryce Harper will lead the Nationals to a surefire World Series title

He's coming back to lead the Nationals to a surefire World Series. It's the Nats year. This is the year that Natitude is back.