Takes

A player's preparation matters far more than what color jersey they are wearing on game day

No, I do not [think players play different in different jerseys]. I think it's in the preparation, not in the jersey.

I will get 10 cats if the Chicago Bears win a Super Bowl

I'll get 10 cats if the Bears win a Super Bowl. Love it. There we go. Well under your guys' watch, you guys can bring us there.

Sloth bears are more vicious than honey badgers

I've been going on a deep dive and rabbit hole on sloth bears. They're the most vicious animal on earth. I think more vicious than a honey badger. They fight tigers and tigers are literally scared of them.

The 76ers have zero percent chance of winning the NBA title

The Sixers have no chance. So I will not be putting anything on the Sixers... I'm only betting things I actually think could win. I'm not gonna bet the Sixers have 0% chance.

Standing up at bars is the most overrated thing people can do

Standing at a bar for about an hour and a half. That's usually my capacity. And the whole time I was like, this would be sweet if I could sit down... Standing is the most overrated thing people can do.

Bryce Young will be a top five draft pick regardless of his size

I think he eventually will just not matter [his size]. Yeah. It might matter when he's playing, but in terms of getting drafted, I don't think it will be that much of a bearing. I think he's going to go in the top five no matter what.

Jalen Carter will still be a top five pick despite his legal situation

Everyone takes their like pause to say, oh my God, this is horrific. And then [Jalen Carter] will still go top five.

The Lakers' season is over because of LeBron James' injury

LeBron is pretty much done. Three weeks will be reevaluating... Yeah, he's, it's this Lakers season is over.

The Phoenix Suns will win the NBA title this year

They're gonna win though. They're gonna win probably. They're definitely gonna win the title. This is year for Chris Paul.

Aaron Rodgers is the first domino in the NFL quarterback market

Everything's being held up right now by the quarterback in Green Bay. Yep. But he is outta the darkness. Once that happens, he's the first quarterback domino. Then all the other quarterback dominoes begin to fall.

The Jets are the most likely trade destination for Aaron Rodgers

To me [the Jets] is the one that makes the most sense by far. Okay. And it's not, if he is gonna be traded, that's the place it would be.

Bryce Young will measure in at 5'11" at the combine

My guess is five 11... He's hired a nutritionist to put on extra weight. So maybe you come in 195, 200.

The Bears' #1 pick is worth at least two first-rounders in a trade

To go from one to four. It, it's a minimum of two ones and then some and then some. Oh hell yes. Like it's, it's a lot.

Jim Harbaugh is going to stay at Michigan for a while

I think for the benefit of the Michigan football program, I think [Jim Harbaugh] is gonna be at Michigan for a while. I think he's shown that he loves the school, loves the players... why is he gonna do it next year for Team X? And is that team next year gonna be more or less likely after these two years to go after him?

Davis Webb will eventually be an NFL head coach

Buffalo wanted Davis Webb to be its quarterback coach [last year]... I think in time, we'll see how it develops. Davis Webb will be an NFL head coach. You'll be down the line.

Dan Snyder will sell the Washington Commanders

I think he's going to sell a team... I don't think you go down this road and have people touring the building and have as many people around the league looking at you in the way that you do with all these investigations... I think by the start of the new year, I think there's a new owner.

Roger Goodell will sign another contract extension as NFL Commissioner

I'll make a prediction. That could be a, I I think he'll sign another extension. Oh.

Snake owners are absolute weirdos and potential serial killers

It's serial killer vibes to be a pro snake... Snakes literally have had the worst rap. Deservedly so in the history of animals... Just get a dog.

I am going to have 'final four abs' by getting cool sculpting done on my stomach

When I went in to get my platelet-rich plasma injections into my scalp, I got upsold into getting cool sculpting done on my stomach. And so now my stomach hurts really bad. The good news is I'm gonna have final four abs.

I am going to start taking Ozempic and tell everyone I just learned how to eat right

I am going to do that insulin medicine without telling anyone, and someday I'll just start shedding pounds and everyone be like, 'what is he doing?' and I'd be like, 'ah, I just learned how to eat right. I'm 40 years old, I just started following a diet.'

Juju Smith-Schuster is a piece of shit and AJ Brown would beat him up

He's a piece of shit. Like, I don't know who he thinks he is... AJ Brown would beat the absolute fucking... AJ Brown would've. AJ Brown basically said, said that he would, he would beat the fuck out of him if he's keep talking about him.

October is the best sports month of the year

It is my, it's not the best sports month. I think that still is October. It might be second. It's, I think it's the best sports weekend of the year. The first weekend of March Madness.

Conference championship weekend in college basketball is like eating a giant appetizer that makes you too full for the entree

Conference championship weekend. It's, it's like eating a, a giant appetizer where you fill up a little bit too much where the entree comes in. You're like, am I gonna be able to handle this? You take two bites of that entree and you're like, yeah, you know what, I can do it.

I would be surprised if Aaron Rodgers is a Green Bay Packer next season

I think that Aaron Rodgers is probably gonna leave. I didn't ever think that before. Even when he was coming back, when he was trying to figure out if he was gonna play. I always got the feeling like he would be back in, in Green Bay... This time, I would be surprised if Aaron Rodgers was a Green Bay Packer next season.

Aaron Rodgers is going to be a New York Jet next year

If you're the New York Jets, you're gonna be, you're kind of all in at this point on Aaron Rodgers. That's why you hired Nathaniel Hackett... I do think that Aaron Rodgers is gonna be a Jet next year.

Tennessee just screams Carson Wentz to me

I also think that Tennessee just screams Carson Wentz to me. Yeah. It feels like a Carson Wentz situation.

It is ridiculous to think the Lakers are title contenders just because they beat the Mavs

I think it's ridiculous that everyone thinks the Lakers are gonna win the West because they beat the Mavs on Sunday.

The Lakers haven't been good since they lost Alex Caruso

The bottom line is that the Lakers haven't been shit since they lost [Alex] Caruso. He was the straw that served the drink.

Full Swing gets 3.5 balls out of 5

I give it three and a half balls... I think you could get to four and a half balls if you just had Patrick Reed in it.

Max Homa will win the U.S. Open

I think [Max Homa] is gonna win the US Open... It's in LA, it's where he is from. He's got all those positive vibes... I think LA could be the spot for him.

Sahith Theegala's episode of Full Swing was my favorite

Sahith [Theegala] was my favorite. He was my favorite story and episode. His dad was awesome... when he messed up on 17, that was the most emotional I got.

Tiger Woods is way overdue to shave his head

I did have one moment that took my breath away that I'd forgotten about when Tiger Woods was wrapping up at St. Andrews... he took his hat off... it is bad. It looks like a chia pet in the Sahara Desert. It's not good... It is way, way overdue for [shaving it].

Not messing up is the key to being good at golf; scratch golfers just don't bogey

I saw a stat the other day where it was like scratch the difference between scratch golfers and golfers that hit 90 is only 1.8 birdies around. So basically like it's not fucking up is like the key to being good at golf... these guys are just so they, when they get a triple boge, everyone's gasping.

Russell Wilson is a bit of a fraud

Super weird with [Russell Wilson]. I gotta admit I had his jersey... and I believed in what he was selling... turns out he is fraud is a bit much, but sounds like he's got too big for his boots and I'm glad that he's not a Seahawk anymore.

The Celtics own the Sixers and it's frustrating

We would get smoked. The Celtics just fucking own us and it's so frustrating. I just fucking hate the Celtics so much.

Victor Wembanyama is going to be out of this world good

Charles Barkley has come out and said he doesn't know if [Wembanyama] will be good because he's gotta see him play the physical nature of NBA basketball. This means he's going to be out of this world good because Charles Barkley... is kind of stuck in the past... talking about the Golden State Warriors that went on to win four titles shooting jumpers.

Grown men hating on women is pathetic

Britney Mahomes tweeted something about grown men talking shit about someone's wife is real weird... actually, grown ass men hating on women in general is pathetic. I'm taking Britney's side on this.

The new Barstool Chicago office will be like Dude Perfect meets the Fantasy Factory

The office is gonna have a ton of awesome stuff... full basketball court, full golf simulator, full workout area... it's basically, if you thought about like if Barstool Sports met... Dude Perfect... Fantasy Factory.

The primary separator in elite golf is ball striking and driving distance

I think the big separation is, is in the ball striking. And if you just look at the FedEx couple list or the, the money list every year it's gonna be typically the guys who hit it far... you look at Scotty Scheffler and Rom and Rory right now. Like they just bomb it and they hit it very straight.

Professional tour players have a massive advantage over club champions on harder course setups

The harder the golf course is, the bigger advantage tour players have. So if you go play like your local Easy Country club... the separation won't be as much as if we were gonna play like a US open setup. Like that's when you get a big separation where like a club champion would still probably shoot 90 at a US open setup.

Max Homa is a choke artist

But he is a choke artist. We both know it... Did you see him with the Genesis? Did you see him with the Genesis? ... Oh yeah, we called it a choke. We dubbed it, we, we claimed it was a choke.

Max Homa will win the Masters this year

I also do think [Max Homa] is gonna win the masters. We have a complicated relationship with Max where I, I I'm very negative to him cuz everyone on the internet sucks his dick constantly.

Jared Kelenic will have a breakout season for the Mariners

Jared Kelenic is having, I think he had an awesome off-season. He's have good spring training and he might actually, you know, kind of be dangerous this year and come into his zone. So I'm actually a big Mariners fan.

The NBA is currently too watered down

The the the other problem is the NBA is so watered down now. Like the the the difference between the top five or six teams and then the bottom half is just just atrocious. So like if you just add two more teams, you're just gonna I mean you might as well have me play.

The college basketball chaos on Saturday was triggered by Fran McCaffrey's stare down with the referee

I think Saturday we got the chaos all because of Fran McCaffrey's stare down. It was from that point on the day, just went off the fucking rails. There's nothing like a good old fashioned coach just staring at a referee so close and neither one of them was gonna walk away.

MLB pitch velocity will decrease by 0.02 mph this year due to the new shot clock rules

This guy Corky knows his shit. He is projecting right now an average decrease in pitch velocity this year of 0.02 miles per hour. Whoa. Because the new shot clock rules. So yeah, keep that in the back pocket. We're gonna see slower fastballs this year.

Keith Hernandez has toxoplasmosis from his cat, which is why he's messing up player names

Keith Hernandez has toxoplasmosis from living with his cat. Oh. That's why he's messing up names. But I mean, is it really a mess up? Because Chaz Chisholm [Jazz Chisholm] is just a Hall of fame name.

I would rather be a grumpy, triggered sports fan after a loss than be numb to it

I absolutely let my team's success dictate my mood. I was very upset, grumpy, mad... people should be applauding the fact that I'm a grumpy triggered bitch after my teams lose. Because I could easily just remove myself... but I don't. You'd rather care way too much than be completely numb to it.

Brandon Miller should not have participated in the weapon pat-down pregame introduction

I'm just gonna say, I think Brandon Miller probably should have not done that. Just because you're 18 years old, you should probably not do the weapon pat down.

The Bears should consider trading both the #1 pick and Justin Fields to maximize draft capital

The Bears Trade, the number one pick. Okay. The Bears also trade Justin Fields. Then you're loaded. Just have like eight first round picks. The Eagles were able to load up because they were able to, to take advantage of a cheap contract with a quarterback. What if we just strip it all the way down and get all the picks and have all the Cap and Caleb Williams, Drake May coming up.