PMT DB
PMT DB
Michael Rapaport on Fantasy Football, the Solar Eclipse, and Sully
The world might be stopping to look at the solar eclipse, but the football guys of the world aren't blinkin. Big Cat and PFT Commenter noticed a trend of our peers like Nick Saban, Will Muschamp, and John Harbaugh independently deciding that the sun being blocked by the moon is a massive distraction from practice. If it's not 100% totality, Harbaugh isn't interested, and Saban is too busy watching the Weather Channel to care about looking up. PFT has his own theory about why we're obsessed with the sun anyway.
PFT CommenterThe sun is a total fraud and completely overrated.
Basically, what I've discovered is that the sun is overrated. Fraud. Hot fraud. Cold fraud. The sun is flat. Everybody knows it.
In honor of the eclipse, the crew did a Mount Rushmore of things they don't understand. Hank kicked things off by questioning why we don't come out of clouds soaking wet when skydiving, which led into a deep dive on how languages were even invented. Big Cat is particularly baffled by the fact that regardless of what language you speak, everyone knows what a laugh means.
Big CatLaughter is a universal language that predates spoken word.
How is how does everyone have laugh and as like the universal, like we're having fun. ... You speak Portuguese, you speak, you know, whatever, Taiwanese or whatever, but you both laugh when you're having fun? ... I think laughter came before language, I believe.
They also touched on the black magic of batteries, Wi-Fi signals passing through our bodies, and why men have nipples. While the science might be shaky, the trade-offs for modern luxury are very clear to Big Cat.
Big CatI would give away five to ten years of my life to guarantee Wi-Fi on every plane flight.
Nothing worse in the world than being on a plane with no Wi-Fi and no TVs. I would give away five to ten years of my life to make sure that I had Wi-Fi on a plane all the time.
They even tackled the biological mystery of why your bladder seems to betray you the second you have your first beer of the night.
Big CatThe 'breaking the seal' phenomenon is real and causes your bladder to refill faster.
What the fuck happens when you break the seal? Why do you then have to piss? When you have all the pee in your balls and then you break the seal and then your balls fill up with pee again really quickly, what's with breaking the seal?
Who's Back
Javier Baez is back and his slides are so electric that Big Cat was ready to make a permanent life decision based on a single extra-inning win.
Big CatI almost got a tattoo of Javier Baez on the back of my neck after seeing his slide against the Blue Jays.
Javi Baez had such a good slide for the Cubs to win an extra inning... In that time, I almost got myself an El Mago tattoo. ... Maybe on the back of my neck like his MLB tattoo.
Meanwhile, PFT defended the honor of millennials after Playboy and Business Insider claimed the generation is killing Hooters and losing interest in breasts. It turns out the stats are just skewed by how people use the internet.
PFT CommenterMillennials aren't less interested in breasts; they just don't need to Google photos of them because they are actually having sex.
It's because millennials aren't Googling boobs. Pictures of boobs. Yeah, because we have sex. We see it. ... Of course it's going to be baby boomers and old people who, when they're looking for porn online, they just type in pictures of boobs.
To round it out, Hank tried to claim Pumpkin Spice is back despite it being 88 degrees in New York City. Big Cat rightfully called "ant" on the pick, refusing to acknowledge the fall flavor until it's actually jacket weather.
HankPumpkin Spice is officially back because stores are already displaying it in August.
My first who's back of the week is Pumpkin Spice. ... Walking to a grocery store, walking to any type of store, you will see ... It's just who's back of the week. And who's back of the week is pumpkin spice.
Michael Rapaport
Friend of the program Michael Rapaport joined the show to promote his new podcast, *Fantasy Football Follies*. He walked in with a full entourage and a post-Colbert glow, but it didn't take long for the conversation to devolve into yelling about his yard's cat problem. Apparently, there was a "cat sexual assault" happening in his backyard at 1:30 AM, and Rapaport was more interested in filming it for the show than stopping it.
When he wasn't talking about his feline intruders or his five-minute role in *Sully*, Rapaport was busy throwing heat at the Jaguars' quarterback situation.
Michael RapaportBlake Bortles is a disappointment and won't be starting for the Jaguars by Week 8.
Blake Bortles is a fucking fantasy football and real life fantasy and real life football disappointment. ... He's not going to be starting by week eight. I predict week eight. No injury. Bye-bye.
Big Cat fired back with some Bears talk, explaining the logic behind the depth chart in Chicago. While Rapaport thinks Mitch Trubisky is the savior, Big Cat knows there's a specific reason for the Mike Glennon and Mark Sanchez signings.
Big CatThe Bears signed Mike Glennon and Mark Sanchez specifically as a 'buffer' so they wouldn't have to sign Colin Kaepernick.
The Bears basically gave themselves a buffer against Colin Kaepernick. They're like, if we sign enough mediocre quarterbacks, no one can say, hey, the Bears should have signed Colin Kaepernick.
Rapaport also dropped some NBA knowledge, or at least some very loud opinions, regarding LeBron's future and the chemistry in Houston.
Michael RapaportLeBron James is definitely going to the Lakers next year.
[Big Cat]: Where do you think [LeBron] is going? [PFT Commenter]: LA. [Michael Rapaport]: If you're a little pussy-ass bitch, you go to LA. ... Lakers. It's already set up.
Michael RapaportJames Harden and Chris Paul will not be able to get along on the Rockets because there is only one ball.
There's only one ball. No, only one ball. Only one ball. It's not going to work. No. No, only one ball. They're not winning shit. No. Houston ain't winning shit.
They also debated the current status of the Ryan brothers, who are currently out of the league but still very much in the hearts of PMT fans.
Big CatThe Ryan brothers are 'football guys' for life, even when they aren't coached.
You don't lose your football guy-ness. ... If anything, it actually enhances their football guy-ness because they're just going out there drinking, getting in fights, wearing jerseys. ... When a football guy loses football, he has basically a slow mental breakdown.
Segments
Thoughts and Prayers went out to MLB umpires who wore white wristbands to protest players being mean to them. Joe West thinks respect for authority is at an all-time low, but PFT thinks the solution is simply to escalate the conflict to a level the players can't match.
PFT CommenterMajor League Baseball should arm umpires with tasers to defend themselves against players.
What if we just gave tasers to umps? Oh my god. Yes, let's arm umpires. Yes. I'm 100% on board with arming umpires. ... We need to start arming them so they can defend themselves.
Protect the NBA Shield covered Magic Johnson's blatant tampering on Jimmy Kimmel. The guys realized that if the NBA is going to be this open about it, the pod should probably get a piece of the action.
PFT CommenterOwners and GMs should use PMT as a mouthpiece for illegal NBA tampering.
If you want to tamper, tamper through us. We'll be your mouthpiece. We'll tamper away. ... I heard the Lakers really want Paul George. Wink, wink.
We wrapped up with a little Talking Thrones and a victory lap regarding Aaron Judge's historic strikeout streak. Turns out the guys really did call it on the Judge regression.
Don't look at the sun without glasses, unless you're a football guy.
