I am going to make pooping your pants as an adult socially acceptable

None of it comes even close to what I'm trying to accomplish when it comes to making pooping your pants as an adult not something to be ashamed of. I'm a 31-year-old man. I make mistakes just like you... If this happens to you, don't be ashamed. I'm here for you. I want to give a voice to the voiceless, the grown adults out there.

Lionel Messi is afraid of killing everyone in Argentina because he chokes so much

Messi's afraid of killing everybody in Argentina because he chokes so much. So he's doing the right thing and dropping out. And I'd like to see players in the U.S. start to drop out for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones.

Lionel Messi lacks the clutch gene and is likely a relative of Nazi Josef Mengele

I think that Messi might be a relative of a Nazi because a lot of them went to Argentina after the war to try to escape. Now, there was a doctor [Josef Mengele]... He was unable to uncover the clutch gene and isolate it. And that's why, you know, like Hitler, if he had had the clutch gene, he probably wouldn't have choked... Mingel moved to South America, had sex with an Argentinian. A few years later you get [Messi].

The Rays are playing an exciting brand of baseball

It's a very, very exciting brand of baseball. And I'm gonna miss it when it's over. So I did not wanna sweep, so thank you.

The Cowboys are a bad football team

The Cowboys are a bad football team. And I can't wait for people to start to say like, this is when, look at the schedule. Dallas is gonna put some wins together.

Performance-enhancing drug shortages may explain dominant teams falling off

There started to be severe, severe supply chain issues when it came to performance enhancing drugs and peptide shipments coming to the United States. I just think it's interesting.