Takes

Kelly Olynyk's face makes people want to punch him the moment he steps on the court

He's the kind of guy that steps on the court and everybody wants to punch him from the get-go. You're looking for an excuse. When Kelly Olynyk is on the court with you, you're taking any excuse that you can get to just punch him in the face.

Isaiah Thomas should get a gold tooth or no teeth at all to save money on mouthguards

I think [Isaiah Thomas] should go no teeth overall. Gold tooth. Save a shitload of money on mouthguards.

The Raptors are a joke of a franchise

The Raptors are a joke. I love our Canadian listeners, but the Raptors are a joke of a franchise. Can we just agree with that?

Tyronn Lue has Stockholm Syndrome and has absorbed LeBron James's mentality

It sounds to me like he [Tyronn Lue] has Stockholm Syndrome. Because this is something that LeBron James would say about himself. Like, leading this Cavs team is the hardest job... I think he's kind of absorbed his stars mentality a little bit.

Isaiah Thomas might not be a great second-half player, but rather a terrible first-half player

I'm not ready to say that [Isaiah Thomas] is a great second-half player. I think he might just be a really shitty first-half player.

The Cavaliers are going to sweep the Raptors

The Cavs are going to sweep the Raptors. Get us to the conference final. Get us to the finals.

The Raptors have a 7% chance to beat the Cavaliers

I think they're going to muddy it up... Two over five. Seven percent chance.

Greg Popovich will complain about James Harden flopping during their series

Pop is going to complain about James Harden flopping at some point in the series in his very Pop way... about how James Harden kind of jumps into defenders when shooting threes.

The Warriors will miss Steve Kerr in the later rounds of the playoffs

Steve is the one who is able to sort of maestro all of that along. I think they will miss it in the later rounds as the competition gets tougher... it is a delicate thing over there.

Trading Jimmy Butler would be 'categorically insane' for the Bulls

The idea of trading Jimmy Butler is so absolutely categorically insane.

The Clippers must blow up their current core

Can we just be done with the Clippers as they currently are constructed? I don't know how they're going to blame it on Blake Griffin, but I'm sure they will. Doc Rivers, just stop. Just get out of here. Don't coach anymore. Chris Paul, go find another team.

If Rajon Rondo is the linchpin of the Bulls season, that is a big problem

I even hate even more is people saying, oh, well, if Rondo was still in this series, the Bulls win. Yeah, probably right. But if Rajon Rondo is like the linchpin for your whole fucking season, that's a big fucking problem.

Russell Westbrook distrusts his teammates more than any player I've ever seen

I don't think I've ever seen—and don't tell him I said this because he'll get very upset at me—I don't think I've ever seen one player distrust his teammates more than Russell Westbrook. Unbelievable season, but he really was like, these guys fucking suck, and I need to make sure they never get the ball.

Mike Brown is a better coach for the Warriors than Steve Kerr

Mike Brown is better than Steve Kerr. It's obvious if you watched the first quarter of that game last night. Steve Kerr, as we say on the show, he's a system coach. He only coaches well when he's coaching in his system. So I think that we're going to see him be exposed more and more.

Pat Riley is a time traveler

Here's how I know he's not dead is because you have to have feelings to be alive in the first place. And since he has just shut out all of his feelings, then he can't possibly ever be alive or dead. Therefore, he'll never die. Therefore, he is a time traveler. He's in a constant state of just focus. Of being.

The NBA first round this year has been far superior to the NHL first round

The NBA first round this year has been far superior to the NHL first round. I know there's been a lot of overtime games, but like you said, there's no Game 7s. And the NBA feels like... last year was really bad. This year, there have been some really compelling stories, and we have a lot of fights going on.

Steve Kerr's back issues were caused by inhaling LeBron James' pre-game chalk dust

I'm pointing the finger again at LeBron James for Steve Kerr's issues. LeBron James gets up before every game and throws some unknown substance into the air. Guess who's closer than anybody else to that situation? That dust that he's thrown. Steve Kerr.

If the Celtics win the next game handily, they will win the series against the Bulls

I think if [the Celtics] can win the next game handily, they can win the series.

The NBA playoffs are predictable and the first round is a joke

I mean, the only thing I don't like about basketball is just like it's pretty predictable who's going to the conference final. It's never really a surprise. So it's just the first round's a joke. Does anyone even pay attention until the conference finals?

LeBron James feels scripted and forced compared to the cool cockiness of Michael Jordan

I respect [LeBron] as an athlete... I just feel like he's a little scripted. Everything he does is calculated where I feel like people compare him to Jordan where I'm like, Jordan was so much cooler. He just carried that cool cockiness where I feel like, it's forced by LeBron.

The Celtics look lost without a 100% focused Isaiah Thomas

But for Isaiah Thomas, who's clearly the Celtics' number one option in the heart and soul of the entire team, for him to not be 100% focused and 100% there for obvious reasons... it just makes the team look lost. You can just tell they're not fully in sync.

Paul George's rivalry with LeBron James is completely manufactured

All rivalries pale in comparison to the Paul George-LeBron James rivalry. ... Paul George said that his rivalry with LeBron James is for the culture. ... a crazy rivalry that I don't think anyone including LeBron James knew existed. ... it's kind of like what we're doing with that snowflake cuck Mark Cuban just creating a rivalry out of nowhere.

LeBron James should be in the GOAT conversation with Michael Jordan

I'm one of these guys who says that LeBron should be in the conversation with Jordan. ... Michael Jordan, probably the best NBA player of all time... but [LeBron] should be in the conversation.

James Harden has perfected the ability to get fouled whenever he wants

James has this unique ability to actually get fouled whenever he wants. It's unbelievable. He's asking for it. I don't know how he does it, but he has perfected it. ... If we're playing situational games in practice... I'll stick my arm out and he'll run through it and he can stop and start so quick... he does look for his little angles in practice to perfect it in a game.

LeBron James has a fake Instagram account for creeping on people

LeBron said that Coachella looked fun, but LeBron isn't on any social media. ... ZeroDark3023. So no Twitter, no Instagram, but Coachella looked fun. ... LeBron James has a Finstagram out there that he uses to creep on people. He has a fake Instagram. ... Shocker. LeBron James, not on social media, but says that Coachella looked fun. Hmm.

The Wizards are going to win their series against the Hawks easily

John Wall is really good at basketball... He's very good. The Wizards are going to win easily.

LeBron James has never actually read The Godfather book

You read the Godfather book for the 7,000th time in a row, even though I don't think you ever read it the first time.

The San Antonio Spurs are the most impressive franchise in American sports history

The Spurs are the most impressive franchise in the history of American professional sports, right? They've been good for, like, 25 of the last 26 years.

Russell Westbrook is the obvious choice for NBA MVP

To me, Westbrook is the kind of obvious answer, I guess. And Harden is the second most obvious answer... Leonard seems like it's overthinking it a little bit.

Golden State is better with Kevin Durant than without him

So you think that they're better with Kevin Durant? Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think they were better this year than they were.

Phil Jackson is actively trying to get fired by the Knicks to get a settlement

Phil Jackson is actively just trying to screw up as much as he can on purpose... Everything that you thought that Phil could do to try to get fired and get a big settlement, he has done it.

The Bulls will give the Celtics a good series in the first round

I think the Bulls are going to give the Celtics a really good series.

You have to suck for a long time before you are allowed to be good in the NBA

I'm a big pay your dues guy. So I can appreciate that. You have to suck for a while before you're allowed to be good at it. Those are the rules. It took Jesus like 30 years before he started washing whores' feet and making miracles. You got to pay your dues. You got to go out there. You got to be a carpenter for a while before you can be a messiah.

The Clippers are officially in America's 'friend zone'

Here's the thing about the Clippers. They're not a threat to do anything. They're in the friend zone. They're in America's friend zone... I'm totally comfortable with them taking me home on a late night and walking me back. I know it's going to be a hug and I'm going to go into my house.

The Cavaliers are scared of the Bulls and punted the number one seed to avoid them

Are the Cavs scared of the Bulls? Because it all signs point to yes they have punted on the number one seed which means we have the inter podcast matchup Celtics-Bulls.

The Bulls will win exactly one game in their playoff series against the Celtics

They're [the Bulls] going to win one game. That was talking Bulls.

Only the Spurs, Warriors, or Cavaliers can win the NBA title this year

Can you give us a team, not named the Spurs, Warriors, or Cavs, that can win the NBA title this year? [Ernie]: No.

If forced to pick a sleeper team, the Wizards are the only other team with a chance

If I have to name one [other team to win], Wizards.

Tony Romo is a coward if he doesn't check into the Mavericks game

I'd just like to say that if Tony Romo doesn't play, if he doesn't choose coach out to get in that game, he's a coward. Doesn't love the game.

The Steph Curry 'Oxblood' shoes aren't actually that bad

I don't think they're that bad. That's all I was saying. I wouldn't wear them and buy them myself, but the way the internet freaks out about them, it's the worst thing in the world. There's been much worse NBA player shoes.

LeBron James would not be an all-time great if you removed the 30 feet around the basket

If you took away the 30 feet around the basket, though, LeBron James would not be an all-time great basketball player. He relies way too much on driving and his jump shot... On the high percentage shots. And dunks and, yeah, anything inside the logo.

Jimmy Butler has only been the 23rd or 24th best player in the league this year

Jimmy Butler, he's played like a... 23rd, 24th best player in the league type this year, about exactly where I thought he would be.

The Bulls will beat the Raptors in the playoffs because they own them

The Bulls are going to beat the Raptors because they own the Raptors. I'm not saying the Bulls are a better team than the Raptors. The Raptors are a better team overall, but the Bulls, for some reason, just own the Raptors.

In the Eastern Conference playoffs, you should always bet against teams wearing red

All the red teams are pretty much the same team. They might win one playoff series. If you're the Heat, if you're the Raptors, if you're the Bulls, if you're the Hawks, you're going to win maybe one series and then you're done... Always bet against Red.

Derrick Rose will be playing in China with Stephon Marbury in a couple years

Except here's one silver lining I'll throw out there. Stephon Marbury versus Derrick Rose in China in a couple years. That'll be good.

The Golden State Warriors are a worse team with Kevin Durant

I said that they were going to be worse with [Kevin Durant]. I said that. I was the only one. You called me an idiot. Guess what? The black hole is leaving Oakland, but he's the new black hole. You pass the ball to him, it disappears... I think he's the second best player in the NBA, but I think that they're a worse team with him.

The Celtics can beat the Cavaliers in a seven-game series with home-court advantage.

Do you think the Celtics can beat the Cavs in a seven-game series? Yes. With home advantage? Yes.

The Rockets could theoretically win the West, but the Thunder have zero chance.

I think Harden wants to win this, but the Rockets actually are a decent team. Things have to break well, but in a world, there's a theoretical world where they could win the West. The Thunder, no chance. Zero chance.

LeBron James only wears protective gear to look tough or have an excuse for losing

He literally just wears these things so that then he can say these things were screwing with me... or he can look tough in front of the cameras and everybody's like, oh, look at him. He's not even taking his own health into consideration.

The Golden State Warriors are soft 'candy-ass'

If you can put a live cam on Steph Curry and the rest of the soft candy-ass Golden State Warriors watching the finals that they should be in. That would be great.