Takes

Professional sports teams are starting to incorporate Dungeons and Dragons into their operations

If anyone's been noticing the Chiefs recently ran D&D on my and like put it up on social media and stuff. All I will say right now is I'm talking to some teams.

Sam Darnold is officially confirmed as a franchise 'guy'

The Super Bowl was [Sam Darnold's] hundred and first game. So we do confirmed to have a guy. Todd Bowles saw it. Yes.

Sam Darnold's performance in the NFC Championship game was his defining moment as a quarterback.

The way he [Sam Darnold] won the NFC championship game cannot be forgotten because that was probably the Super Bowl... that was his defining win as a quarterback in terms of how he played. He played a perfect game.

Mike McDonald is a defensive wizard who has swung the NFL back toward defensive-minded head coaches.

Mike McDonald is a defensive wizard... For a league that is going in one direction in terms of offensive head coaches, he has completely swung it back and being like, I can scheme up a game. I can have a game plan ready to go.

Giannis Antetokounmpo will never be traded

Giannis is never going to get traded. Everyone's hair's on fire, everyone's panicking and nothing ever happens. Giannis is never going to get traded.

No one ever needs to actually 'check out' of a hotel

I've never checked out of a hotel in my entire life... The most I've ever done is once in a while... put your room key in here when you leave. Other than that... I think I threw it in the trash.

The Celtics trading Anfernee Simons for Nikola Vucevic is a sign that Jayson Tatum is returning

I like this trade. I was happy with this trade. Well V[ucevic]—it also means Jayson Tatum's coming back... because if Tatum comes back, those are minutes like Simons has been playing, but if [Tatum] comes back, those minutes are gone.

The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl because they eliminated the 49ers

Seven of the last eight teams to eliminate the 49ers have gone on to win the Super Bowl. That's kind of crazy. ... The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl 'cause they have eliminated the 49ers.

Mark Sanchez has more career playoff wins than Justin Herbert

Mark Sanchez has more playoff wins than Justin Herbert. ... Significantly more.

Indiana winning the National Championship is the greatest story in college football history

The Indiana Hoosiers are national champions of the college football world... it is the craziest story... the greatest story in college football. That is a fact.

CJ Stroud was 'mega ass' against the Patriots

CJ Stroud, CJ Stroud. Little bro ass. Lil bro ass... He was the most ass he's ever been. Wow. It was that ass. And he's been ass before. It was mega ass.

Matt Stafford is unreliable when protecting a lead in the second half.

Matt Stafford, when he has a lead at halftime, his record against the spread in the second half. The second half spread 35% of the time, he covers only 35%. Pretty bad.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially back

The U, it's all about the U back. Miami Hurricanes are back. Instant classic in the desert. It was what a game.

The Trae Young trade to the Wizards is the most 'NBA trade' ever because it's only about spreadsheets

It was the most NBA trade of all time. Oh yeah. Because neither team is doing this trade to win a title. No, they're not even really doing it to get better at basketball. They're just shuffling guys... because your spreadsheet could use a guy with that number next to it.

Caleb Williams is a 'big game' quarterback

The thing I'm actually least worried about is I, I think Caleb Williams is like a big game guy. Like, I think he's gonna be ready for this game... I think he's big game Caleb.

The Jaguars are better than the Bills at everything except for having Josh Allen

The Jaguars are better at everything, but they don't have Josh Allen and Josh Allen. You're totally right. When it gets to the playoffs, it's like stuff doesn't hurt anymore... He's liable to go nuclear.

The Bears vs. Packers Week 16 game is a must-win for Chicago to avoid playoff uncertainty

This one you gotta win because the Bears are most likely gonna make the playoffs if they lose this game. Then it starts to get, Hey, what's going on here? You start looking at the calculations and the 49ers are a game that's coming up next week and then the Lions in week 18. You don't want to get to a spot where the Lions Week 18 becomes a win and get in.

Mike McDaniel cannot win in cold weather

The Dolphins have lost 13 straight games, including the playoffs, with kickoff temperatures below 40 degrees since 2016. ... He keeps saying that he's not cold and he gets there early to practice in the cold. ... Mentally, physically, in all the ways, the cold has beaten him.

Cooper Flagg is fully activated after his 40-point game

Cooper Flagg may have fully been activated. He has reached full activation. 18 years old. 40 piece in regulation. ... If we're talking just highlight tapes, he's looking good.

Philip Rivers won't play as well in his second game back

Seattle didn't come after him at all. ... I have to imagine they're gonna come after him a little bit more this week, put some pressure on him... that ball's gonna come out quick. He's not gonna take a whole lot of hits. ... I don't know that that's gonna bode well for Philip, unfortunately.

The 49ers will be a very dangerous team in the playoffs

Brock Purdy, he's starting to really warm up. ... they're getting healthy at the right time on offense. ... I think they'd be a really dangerous team in the playoffs. ... a team rallying to the ball on defense and it pops out to you when you're watching.

I bet the Chiefs beat the Chargers because it is a massive trap spot for the public

I love the Chiefs in this game and I am saying that from a point of, I'm not someone who's been chasing the Chiefs every single week... This feels like a huge trap. Everyone watched the Chargers win on Monday night. Everyone watched the Chiefs lose on Sunday night. Now the Chargers are getting five and a half points... I think Mahomes is going to maybe do the dink and dunk down the field. I like the Chiefs in this game.

The Seahawks are going to 'kill' and 'fuck up' Philip Rivers in his return

But the Seahawks are probably gonna fuck him up probably... This is a I'm worried about him getting hit. That's the problem... I think the Seahawks are gonna maybe kill him. Seahawks are really fucking good.

Colts GM Chris Ballard is on the hot seat because he hasn't won the division in nine years

My Hot Seat is Chris Ballard. I'm gonna put him back on the Hot Seat. The GM for the Colts... has been the GM for the Colts since 2017, nine years. He has never won the AFC South.

The Texans are the most dangerous team in the AFC right now

I think the Texans are go 12 and 5. I think they're in the most dangerous team in the AFC right now in terms of just their defense.

LeBron James robbed fans of a hater moment by making the correct basketball play

I feel so robbed by it because [LeBron James] actually made a very selfless play. A game-winning assist for a buzzer beater. I was really hoping that the situation had occurred where he was trying to force it and he cost him the game. He robbed that from us.

The Steelers have become a retirement home for players

The Steelers did sign Adam Thielen today, who is a 2018 pro bowler... Mike Tomlin has gotten to the point where you can just perfectly troll him and predict everything he does... the Steelers are just become a retirement home for, for players. It's crazy.

Drake Maye is not in the elite 300-yard passing club yet

Drake Maye is not on it. There's an elite club and all the players know about it. The 300 club, the 300 yard club... he hasn't thrown for 300 yards yet. What's up with that?

The 49ers will win the Super Bowl if they make the playoffs

The 49ers I think since there's no really good teams. They're Super Bowl contenders. Yeah. This is the year that they do it. The Niners, if they make the playoffs, they go to the Super Bowl. Yeah.

James Franklin is leaving a $50 million buyout because he has a competitive drive to coach, not just for the money

I feel like you don't get to a point where you are successful enough to get a $50 million buyout unless you have that like killer instinct, competitive drive. ... James Franklin's going after being an awesome coach, coaching, he needs football to live.

The Commanders are one of the worst teams in the league

I think the Commanders are one of the worst teams in the league. We just lost to the Dolphins... the offense is trash, the defense is also very, very, very bad.

The Bears have officially graduated to being a good team

I do officially think we've graduated to good. We're obviously not great, but we're good for right now. Seven and three. You can't deny that they just find ways to win games.

We are officially done with the Bengals for the 2025 season

Can we be done with the Bengals? ... They're not making the playoffs. Joe Burrow, don't rush back. We're done. I think Bengals fans would agree. We're done with the Bengals this year.

The Jets fleeced the Cowboys in the Quinnen Williams trade

You gotta haul. I would even say memes, I dare say fleeced. I think you fleeced the Cowboys.

Jerry Jones is the biggest loser of the NFL trade deadline

Jerry Jones is the big loser in all of this because he traded for a guy [Quinnen Williams] in on a season that things aren't going well. And then also watched Micah Parsons... it feels like Jerry Jones should have gotten more from Micah Parsons is my big point.

Ohio State's defense is one of the best in the last 25 years

Ohio State has absolutely just dominated their way through this thing because they play smart football and they got the best defense. They got one of the best defenses we've seen in the last 25 years in college football.

The Tennessee vs Oklahoma game is a playoff elimination game

I'd say the game that intrigues me most is a pure playoff elimination game in Knoxville... Tennessee, Oklahoma, absolute winner is alive, loser is dead. And the Oklahoma fans very down on Brent Venables. They'll love him if he wins.

Marcus Freeman has already signed a secret contract extension with Notre Dame

I think Marcus Freeman already signed his new contract. I'm saying it right now. I think Marcus Freeman will have his new contract announced at the end of the season, but he's already signed it.

Jonathan Taylor should be in the NFL MVP discussion

Jonathan Taylor... should be the MVP... in the discussion at least. He's got 14 touchdowns through eight games. That's, that was the LT 2006 season when it was just every single Sunday.

The Eagles are not currently trading AJ Brown

Right now, I will tell you 'cause it just was something that I was part of the last few hours. They they are not trading [AJ Brown].

The Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl

The Chiefs are gonna win the Super Bowl. Hank's Patriots are back. So back Chargers. Hold off on the Dolphins. Dolphins are bad Vibe City.

Aaron Glenn will not be coaching the Jets this time next year

I don't know if [Aaron Glenn] will be, if he'll be coaching this time next year.

Drake Maye might be legit

What if Hank was right about the passing of the torch game? What if, what if Drake Maye has just... I, there is a part of me that's like Drake Maye, might be legit. Legit. And it has less to do with my quarterback, but more to do with the fact that I don't think that America is ready to handle Patriots fans with a big ego. Again.

The Steelers should win the AFC North

And with that defense, it, it could be, I mean, they should win the north. They should win the north.

The Ravens could be 6-6 after starting 1-5

I think the Ravens could be sitting at six and six even though they're one in five right now. I think they could be sitting at six and six... That to me looks like at minimum five in one with a healthy Lamar.

The Cubs will be the only team to get swept in the Division Series

I think the Cubs are screwed because I saw Tom Fornelli our good friend who's on later on in the show, who does not like the Cubs tweets. So we're gonna get three out of four of the DS series as sweeps, and now the Yankees won. That means a Phillies are gonna win and the Cubs are gonna be the only team that gets swept.

The Chiefs have regressed into a normal good football team that loses like everyone else

It's that the Chiefs, they're starting to lose games in ways that are familiar to every other team out there to every other fan base. It's they, they look like all of us now. I'm actually starting to think that it might kind of be their regression back to being just like kind of a normal good football team.

Ohio State's defense is definitively better than it was last year

I do think there is an argument to be made that the defense is better than last year's defense. I think [Jim Knowles] is just confusing the ever living crap out of all the quarterbacks that he has faced so far. ... Once they get to the red zone, they're just absolutely clamping down and not giving up anything.

Michigan is a better team than USC and will beat them on the money line

I think the wrong team is favorite in Los Angeles. I think Michigan's a better football team than USC. ... I'm probably just gonna be on the Michigan money line. ... I think Michigan's just much better than they are along the lines of scrimmage.

Just bet the Lions every week because they are a covering machine

I read you the stats on Friday. Just bet the Lions every week all they do is cover. It doesn't matter the spread. They are a covering machine.