Takes

Deebo Samuel is a bigger factor for the 49ers than the weather or Brock Purdy's skill set

That is way more significant than the rain and how Brock Purdy looked is losing Deebo Samuel. If he's not playing, the Lions are as live as live could be. He's that much of a game changer.

The Kansas City Chiefs will beat the Miami Dolphins because Tua Tagovailoa cannot play in the cold

I don't see Tua winning this game... the stats that you had for Tua, you can just watch Tua when he plays in the cold. He looks very uncomfortable going on the road. Arrowhead is like one of the top two or three hardest places to play... I think I'm gonna take the Chiefs.

Nuclear missile whale play on the Packers vs. Cowboys over

I think I might make this a nuclear missile whale play on the over... I don't know how the Packers are gonna stop the Cowboys. And I also don't really know how the Cowboys are gonna stop the Packers 'cause Jordan Love's been that good... I like this over a lot. 50 and a half.

I am switching my pick to the Detroit Lions over the Los Angeles Rams

I said Rams all week... and I've switched... I'm betting the Lions. I'm gonna take the Lions just because I don't want to make blood money off the Rams winning... I think the Lions are better.

DeMar Hamlin should not win NFL Comeback Player of the Year

I'll be the brave one and say, this guy shouldn't win the award... It is just a fact. He shouldn't win the award.

Antonio Pierce has earned the full-time head coaching job for the Raiders

I do think that Antonio Pierce has, has coached his way into being the full-time head coach. Agree. If they really wanna win this game, Mark Davis should announce before the game starts. Like you're giving away a scholarship like this, this Walk-on now has earned his position.

The Steelers will beat the Bengals in Week 16 because of their culture

This feels like to me and also no Jamar Chase for the Bengals and DJ reader, which will be very important in my opinion. This feels like the Mike Tomlin Steelers era is on the line. This is for the culture because it's, it's an underdog game at home. No one thinks the Steelers are good. They're very banged up and I think they're gonna win this game.

Aaron Rodgers' injury is the most human thing ever, not a superhuman recovery

Aaron Rogers is not even human. I'd actually say missing the entire season because you got injured is the most human thing ever. Well, was he injured scenes? That was, I mean, he's literally showing that he's human. The fact that he hasn't been playing.

The NFL wants the Chiefs to play on Wild Card weekend to maximize ratings from Taylor Swift fans

I think if the NFL wanted anything, they should want the Chiefs not to get the bye. 'cause that's one extra game of ratings for the Swifties Super Wild Card weekend.

Birds stand facing into the wind because they like 'adversity'

Did you know that? You can tell which way the wind is blowing by how birds are standing. Birds always stand facing into the wind. Oh, they like the adversity. They don't wanna get blown away too. Because if they, if the wind kind of gusts, then they just take off and fly away.

Dolphins fans are insufferable and it would be funny to see them lose the AFC East

Dolphins fans are annoyingly cocky and Bills fans... I feel more of a connection to... Dolphins fans are insufferable. Like they're super annoying. They're super cocky. They haven't won shit. And seeing them blow a season and somehow lose the AFC East would be funny.

The Bears are no longer one of the 'truly terrible' teams in the NFL.

The bears are not as bad as people think they are. They are. They're [not] the worst teams in the league... which are the Panthers, the giants, maybe the Patriots, the Cardinals... I think the Bears are a step above that. They get lumped in there. They've actually been playing really good defense.

The Cowboys are frauds if they lose to the Eagles

I say if the Cowboys lose this game. Frauds. Yeah. We're we're, we're gonna call 'em frauds. Yep. If the Eagles lose this game and it's close, we're gonna say, should you take out the panic button?

Antonio Pierce will provide an immediate 'interim coach bounce' for the Raiders

I love the Raiders in this game. 'cause Antonio Pierce feels like it's the perfect interim head coach bounce... Antonio Pierce feels like it's the perfect interim head coach bounce except for the fact that the guy calling the plays now for the Raiders... is from the Adam Gase Coaching Tree.

Bryce Young will play well and the Panthers will win their first game against the Texans

I think Bryce Young's gonna look good today. I think the Panthers might win their first game of the season.

Jared Goff is a top-five quarterback this season

I think Jared Goff has been playing... I think he's a top five quarterback in terms of this season.

Benching Desmond Ridder would mean the Falcons are giving up on the season

I think if you benched Desmond Ridder right now, it's, you're done, you're done over him... You're giving up.

David Tepper is a meddling owner who is hurting the Panthers

[David Tepper] basically in those two quotes was like, 'Yeah, this guy is putting his nose where it shouldn't be and micromanaging a football team.' And that's not how a successful organization runs. You can't have the owner forcing the coach to have a meeting multiple times a week. He sounds like a miserable person to work for.

Brock Purdy is an MVP candidate

Should we be talking about Brock Purdy MVP Watch? If you look at his stats right now, Brock Purdy has MVP level stats right now. That's all I'm saying. He's the number one quarterback in the entire NFL in yards per attempt.

The Rams will finish with over 7.5 wins this season

I've launched a nuclear missile on the Rams season win total. It's over seven and a half right now... They've got two wins already. They play a lot of winnable games for the remainder of the year. It was minus one 14. It's my biggest bet of the season so far.

The Broncos' offensive success is a result of playing terrible defenses

Is there a chance that Russell Wilson, he's looked better, but he has not played a good defense? ...he played the Raiders, bad defense. Commanders, bad defense. Dolphins, bad defense. And then last week they played the Bears, the worst defense. So is there a chance that we see bad Russ here against the Jets defense?

You must fade any team the week after they score 70 points

I might just put this in my gambling portfolio: any team that scores 70, fade them the next week. If you score 70 points in a game on 71 plays, you can't tell me you don't go into the facility the next day like, 'We're the best, we'll just run the same plays.'

Justin Fields' best effort likely won't be enough for the Bears to beat the Chiefs

I do think they're [Bears] gonna give their best effort, but unfortunately for them, their best effort's probably not gonna be enough [against the Chiefs].

The Bengals will 'right the ship' and beat the Rams in Week 3

I'm gonna take the Bengals minus three. I actually think this is the Bengals week to right the ship. I've been the Bengals whisperer... now's the time.

The Buffalo Bills must win convincingly against the Raiders to get their swagger back

It feels like the Bills have to win this game and they have to win it convincingly to get their swagger back a little bit. It does feel like it's kind of, I don't want to sound the alarm so bad, but the bills just, they need to win. They need to win this game and they need to do it well and they need to win by a lot.

The torch on the Statue of Liberty makes it the biggest lighthouse in America

It's actually the second biggest lighthouse in America. The Statue of Liberty is the biggest lighthouse. It was used as a lighthouse. You fucking moron. It's not a lighthouse American history. It was used as a lighthouse. There's a light at the top of that thing. It's the torch. The torch. It's the most famous torch in America.

A player will record an 'Octopus' (scoring a TD and the following 2-point conversion) in the Super Bowl

I also like this one... there to be an octopus. Yes. Plus 1150. I'm going, yes. An octopus is a player scoring a touchdown and then scoring the next play, two point conversion.

The Giants (+3) will beat the Vikings because the Vikings are frauds

Giants plus three NFC Beast baby. ... I think their defense is gonna fail them and Brian Daboll and... the Wink Martindale defensive scheme is gonna fluster Kirk Cousins. ... Wild card hosts that missed the playoffs last year are 12 and 28 against the spread.

Tom Brady has won the Super Bowl every other year since 2013

Tom Brady's won the Super Bowl every other year since 2013. [2014, 2016, 2018, 2020].

The Titans will stay within 20 points of the Cowboys because there's no tape on Josh Dobbs

I put a pft on this game that I'm, I'm sure that it's gonna win because it's Titans Plus 20. Right. They're gonna keep within 20. Josh Dobbs. Sure. There's no tape on Josh Dobbs.

The Giants -5.5 is the easiest bet of the year because the Colts are the worst-coached team in the league

My favorite favorite is the Giants minus five and a half. So. Watching them Monday night. Easiest bet I had all year was the Chargers. They're, they're the worst coach team in the league. They're terrible. They can't score points, they can't do anything. The Giants are fighting for a playoff spot.

Eliminated teams playing teams that need to win in the final weeks are a 63% ATS betting lock

The eliminated teams playing teams that need to win over the final two weeks of this season are 63% against the spread since 1990. So essentially any team that needs to win and you're playing a dead dog team, it just always, it, it, it usually works out that the dead dog team's a little livelier than people realize.

The 'candy ass' Dolphins will suck against the Patriots because they are playing in the cold

Patriots minus three. No Tua going up North. Candy ass Dolphin suck.

Lane Johnson is a warrior and will be 100% back for the playoffs after choosing not to have surgery

Lane Johnson is pretty important... He has confirmed that he will be back for the playoffs... He's choosing not to get surgery so that he can, he can 100%. He's a warrior.

The Packers being 3.5-point favorites over the 12-3 Vikings is the biggest trap of all time; Green Bay will win and cover

The Minnesota Vikings plus three and a half in Lambeau. This game scares me. I want the Vikings to win... They're not gonna win. The Packers are gonna win. And they're probably gonna cover, because similar to the Lions game a few weeks ago, the Vikings are 12 and three and they're playing, it's a seven and eight team and they're three and a half point underdogs. That seems like the biggest trap of all time.

Bills-Bengals is the best Monday Night Football game of all time based on records

I am so fucking excited for this game. Yes. It's, it's I think the best Monday night football game of all time considering the records of the teams playing in it.

The Bengals will beat the Patriots because Matt Patricia is a demoralizing coordinator

This is entirely the Patriots. Our joke, there's season's over demoralized. Matt Patricia's still the offensive coordinator. ... So why not just fire him now? ... it literally cannot [get] worse.

Weather is not real and the Bills vs. Dolphins game will go over the total

Hank weather isn't real. Also over 44... This is going way over. I'm a big believer in, it's one thing I know... Saturday night. Great game weather doesn't matter. This is going way over.

The Minnesota Vikings are absolute frauds

I'll tell you why. Billy, let me take you to school real quick. You wanna hear some cold hard facts? Out of every single team to ever be 10 and 2 since the 1970 merger... the Vikings are by far and dead last for point differential. Their point differential is three times smaller than the second worst team. The Vikings, they're frauds.

Removing ping pong tables from the locker room makes the Bengals a lock to beat the Browns

This is a ping pong table game for Cincinnati. No distractions. I'm a big believer in ping pong tables. If you, it doesn't matter if you put the ping pong tables into the locker room or if you take them out of the locker room, if you're moving a ping pong table around that week, I will bet on your team.

The Lions will destroy the Jaguars in Week 13

Give the lions minus three. Whoa. I The lions minus three. I'm putting 'em on the table right now. It's not gonna happen. Love that outta the lines are gonna destroy him.

The Broncos and Panthers will go under 36 points

Broncos Panthers under 36. It is very low. Very low... The Broncos though are nine and one to the under and their unders have been like under 40 in like the last four or five weeks. So it, they just can't score. And they have a good defense.

The Commanders will beat the Texans by more than 3.5 points

Commanders minus three and a half. Personal. Thank you. Revenge game.

The Cowboys will beat the Vikings

My favorite favorite also groans for me to say these words out of my mouth is Cowboys minus one and a half.

The Patriots will beat the Jets at home

My favorite favorite, I'm gonna take the Patriots minus three and a half... Home against the Jets. 34 out of the last 40 games have been won by the Patriots against these Jets.

The Bills will beat the Browns by more than 7.5 points

Bills by seven and a half... I think that him [Josh Allen] in a dome, he's gonna be more comfortable... the Bills need a confidence game. And confidence games usually end up in beating up on the other team.

Hammer the over in the Toledo vs. UAB game

Hammer the over in the first game. Toledo plays up and down UAB Jelly Walker, we talked about it.

The Packers will cover +5 against the Cowboys because they are at rock bottom

I don't know if the Packers are gonna win this game, but I feel like they're gonna cover it because you can't get lower. Like they, they are as low as possible in terms of a stock and even that Lion's game. Like they probably should have won that Lions game by a couple touchdowns.

The Buccaneers will cover against the Seahawks in Germany because of the defense

I'm going with the Bucks. ... The Bucks. It's not never a bet on Tom Brady. The relapsing, It's a bet on their defense. I still think their defense is very good. I think their defense give the Seahawks a lot of problems.

There is an 80% chance the over hits in the Bills vs. Vikings game if Josh Allen plays

It's a mathematical almost certainty this hits, I put it at 80%. Wow. That the over hits. And here's why... if Josh Allen plays in this game over 44 is a guaranteed winner.