Takes

Arkansas is the greatest university in the entire country

I know people think I'm crazy when I say, I think this is the greatest university in the country. I, I do. I mean, that's my opinion. I can have it. And, and that's what I believe. And I want people around me believe the same thing.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT because he could pull off a Hitler mustache without criticism

That also proves why he's the GOAT because he could do a Hitler mustache and still survive. No one says anything. Imagine LeBron does that. We wouldn't let them off the hook.

Saltwater crocodiles are the most fearsome predators in the wild

Probably a saltwater crocodile. Don't mess with the salties... I put them as number one in terms of fearsome predator been around since the dinosaurs for a reason... you're in the water with a salty you're in trouble.

The weekly NFL MVP award has tarnished the importance of the actual MVP

The importance of the MVP award has been tarnished. Now they're doing one weekly. I don't like that.

Peyton Manning would be a fantastic booth announcer if he committed to the travel

I do think Peyton Manning would be fantastic if he ever decided to actually commit to this and go into the booth.

USC is a top three job in college football

I think USC is a top job. Top three job maybe.

Mitch Trubisky is better than Taylor Heinicke

I wouldn't hate Mitch Trubisky on the football team... He's better than Taylor Heinicke... He absolutely is.

Anthony Davis can be Robin, but LeBron James can only be Batman

I think AD can be Robin... LeBron could try to be Robin, but that ain't who he is. He is Batman. You know, he Bruce Wayne. AD can be Robin. He can switch it up.

Kirk Cousins is officially a 'bad asset' due to his contract

He's officially bad. He's taking resources from everyone else. He's breathing our air. He's a bad asset. It's tough to have everything right around him when he's taking up such a huge percentage of the cap.

Kyler Murray is the most 'video game' player since Michael Vick

I think Kyler Murray is the most real-life video game character since Michael Vick. When you watch him run around, it looks like if you had just created a player in a video game and made him 99 speed. It's not even running forward, it's just spinning and running backwards.

You either have 'it' as a quarterback or you don't; sitting and learning doesn't help

You either have it or you don't. ... Everybody always says, well, Aaron Rodgers got the watch for a couple years before he played, and it really helped make him a better quarterback. No, it didn't. You either have it or you don't.

Summer is officially over after Labor Day

Summer's over. Sorry, anyone who says summer lasts past Labor Day is a loser. We're so fucking pissed. Summer's over.

Blake Bortles is an alpha leader because he convinced a quarterback room to fake their social distancing tracking

The fact that the entire quarterback room went along with it shows me that Blake is a leader. And so they were all looking up to [Bortles] as the alpha in that group, furthering the reasons why he should be on an NFL roster right now.

Rats are nastier than pigeons and would win in a fight

Just an all-out rat versus pigeon fight would be fun to watch. Just like who's the nastier animal. I think I got to go rats on that one.

Putting mayo on a turkey sandwich is the most American thing you can eat

A perfectly normal amount of mayo on a tuna fish sandwich or a turkey sandwich, that's the most American thing that you can eat.

Rap is a young man's game and artists shouldn't try to look like they're 22 when they are 31

I'm 31. I don't need to be rapping like I'm 22. And hip-hop especially is such a young man's game. It doesn't mean that men can't age in that. But as far as trying to be like, look at me. I'm on TikTok doing a dance. Like, no, I'm not, motherfucker.

Terrell Owens would suit up and play in a Jackson State game if allowed

[Terrell Owens] would do it. T.O. would do it.

College football should go back to starting with 'cupcake' games

My only real takeaway is like the first game change that they've made where you have to play conference opponents sucks. I don't like it. I really liked starting the season against like South Florida or UNLV or Akron or someone and putting up like 60 points and not even having to turn my brain on until like the third or fourth week is September. I don't like this. I want the cupcakes back.

Tulane's powder blue and green uniforms are the best in college football

The Tulane uniforms, those are maybe my favorite uniforms in college football. The ones they wear are so good. Those powder blue with the green and the weight, like incredible uniforms.

Mayonnaise is objectively delicious and hating it is a media trend

I actually think that mayonnaise recently has gotten a bad rap in the media because it's become cool for people to be like, ew, mayonnaise... Mayonnaise is objectively delicious. Don't overdo it. Don't eat gobs of it. I'm here to be a mayo stand.

Having PFT and I as caddies will be a huge advantage for Brooks Koepka

I honestly think that having me and PFT on the bag is going to be a huge advantage for [Brooks Koepka] for at least like the first hole until Big Cat and I get too tired. It's gonna inevitably ask him to just carry his own club. It's going to be an emotional jolt for about 15 minutes for him.

Smoking an analog cigarette is cool as fuck

Smoking a cigarette. Yeah. Smoking a cigarette looks cool. Very harmful. I don't care if it's vape these days, but smoking, smoking, smoking an analog cigarette is cool as fuck. It's cool. It is.

James Franklin would be magnificent as the head coach at USC

I think James Franklin would be magnificent at USC because the one thing that USC, that you really need to take advantage of if your goal is to win national titles... you need a guy who's really good to try to bring that talent in like Pete Carroll was doing... I think James Franklin is one of the guys who's capable of doing it to be blunt.

Muhammad Ali is the most famous and most loved person on the planet

Muhammad Ali is the most famous and the most loved person on the planet. I'd want to know, I'd want to know how that happened.

Hard Knocks sucks this season

We have watch hard knocks and it sucks. And I don't know what we're doing, but we're here for the people, right? That is our dedication to you.

Cam Newton would still be on the Patriots if he were vaccinated

I think if cam Newton was vaccinated, he'd still be on the team.

Mets fans are really mad at Francisco Lindor, not Javier Báez

Javi Baez is actually not the one that I don't. I don't think Mets fans are actually mad at Harvey because Harvey is a rental. This is all Francisco Lindor. He signed a 10 year, 300 plus million dollar contract. He's ABI by his best friend. He's been doing the thumbs down. That's the guy that I think Mets fans are truly mad at.

Coach Prime is objectively better than Hard Knocks

Coach prime. It's like a Barstool version of hard knocks. Deion Sanders, Jackson state. It's out now. It's better than hard knocks objectively. No bias.

You should kiss your boss to avoid work talk on the golf course

Just try to kiss him in the middle of your round and be like, I always get horny when I play golf. And then he'll never invite you something about the holes. Either and if, and if they don't give it to you lean in for a kiss and then if they kiss, you just say sexual harassment or 50% raise, ask for the kiss.

Nebraska needs to run the dirtiest, most unethical strength and conditioning program to win games

Seriously, if you're the next Nebraska coach, just buy all the steroids, just get all the steroids. If you get caught, I guarantee you that Cornhusker fans will not give a shit. If you get caught running the dirtiest strength and conditioning program in the history of college sports... it would be less embarrassing if you're Nebraska to get caught cheating than it is running whatever you have been running for the last 10 years.

The NBA should return to best-of-five series for the first round of the playoffs

I think MBA absolutely should go back to the best of five... Dikembe Mutombo shocked the world... those are the moments that you get.

Trent Dilfer was coaching hard, not committing physical assault in his viral high school video

I hate the argument you never put your hands on a player it's like grabbing a guy by shoulder, grabbing him by the elbow. Come on. Are we really going to get upset about that. Obviously, if it's like punching choking... this, there was no malicious intent in this.

College football has the best regular season but the worst postseason in sports

We have to fix it. It's gotta get better. The best regular season, the worst post season right now in sports. So that has to be fixed. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy when teams get together.

I could easily hit home runs off Little League World Series pitchers

I'd love to fucking just Jack home runs off these little kids. This guy throws Gavin Weir could strike me out. Yes... But if you go up against one of the guys that's throwing 70 miles an hour, I would absolutely be able to take a lefty. I could go yard off a lefty that's throwing 70 miles an hour.

Watching football is 10 times more stressful than playing it

It proves that watching football is by a factor of 10 more difficult than playing football. We just, they, they are the operator of the rollercoaster. We're just so long for the ride. So we prove it our point. Yeah. I already got it. I'd like to see one of them trade positions with us for a weekend. They couldn't do it.

I could swim 10 miles to shore to survive a shipwreck even with a shark nearby

I can make it. I can go to, I can get 10 miles, 10 miles... if it's just on survival alone, if the shark wasn't in there, I think I could do, I definitely could do way more, but that's the only sketchy part.

Wedding Crashers is a romantic comedy

I'll probably get some pushback with this, but game on, I think Wedding Crashers, that's a raw romcom. That's a romantic comedy... mostly a story about two bros increasing there... The main driver, the main yeah, the driver becomes yes. Owen Wilson not... when they're on the bikes in the fucking meadow and they're, you know, doing the whole scene.

Hard Knocks has taken a nosedive and is no longer essential viewing

hard knocks has taken a nosedive. It was a drone shot, which was cool. The drone shot was very cool. Very cool... but that is what hard knocks [is]. Like we're at a point now that was tonight's mojo moment. It was the mojo moment. We're watching the hard knocks because that's what we want to do. But there's also moments where we're like, why are we doing this?

Hard Knocks should be a two-hour special at the end of training camp instead of a weekly series

I think maybe if you, if you were to take the entire training camp and then distill it into two hours. Yeah, I think that would be good. We'll film a film. Yeah. Just like, guess have it, have it be two hours on HBO. Like the last week of the pre-season after the cuts, that way you get to meet everybody, you get to meet all the kids.

Aroldis Chapman is the sweatiest man in New York sports history

I mean, if [Aroldis] Chapman, like, if that's your closer, I can't who sweat, who's a sweaty or man Aroldis Chapman or Patrick Ewing and the history of New York sports cause a role does Chapman. He is able to accomplish Patrick Ewing, like levels of sweat in a much shorter periods.

Quarterback 'grit' is taking a big hit and immediately moving to the next play

for a quarterback, I feel like grit is being able to take the big hit and going onto the next play. It's the men looking at you and seeing some qualities that they like. You're kind of getting away from the pretty boy aspect of being a quarterback. Maybe not sliding feet first, but diving head first into the end zone.

Buffalo has the most fanatical and unparalleled fan base in the NFL

I've loved a lot of the places that I've played. I really have, but nothing compares to the city of Buffalo. Nothing not even close. I love it.

The iceberg is the ultimate villain of the Titanic story

I'm going to go with the iceberg in Titanic. All time. Villain killed a lot of people... The iceberg fucking hanging out. It smoked like 4,000 people... The iceberg took a charge, right? The iceberg, the ball's going the other way. Worked didn't fucking move. Iceberg had position. That's a fact.

Capitalism is the true villain of the Titanic movie

Billy says capitalism is the villain and Titanic because we're trying to maximize profits instead of safety.

The boy from 'The Giving Tree' is a toxic friend and a 'real prick'

The kid in the giving tree... the kids a real prick... the tree is just honestly, a toxic friend. Is it like, he's a piece of shit. The kid takes every frame, everything from this tree until he cuts the tree down at the end and sits on his like, thank you tree for being here for me when I'm an old man... no you fucking prick. You just killed your best friend.

High-fiving the opposing pitcher after hitting a home run is over the line

The high five of the opposing pitcher is over the line and I don't support it. The pitcher runs up to home plate, high fives the batter as he's running around... That's too much for me.

You shouldn't be allowed to coach Little League if your children aren't in that age group

You should honestly should not be allowed to coach Little League if your children are not in that age group. Agreed. That's not a career, but you can stay on a Little League. Coach is not a job that you have for the rest of your life. You don't retire from becoming a Little League coach.

Mitch Trubisky is one of the best handoff quarterbacks in the NFL

I've given you a lot of credit in the past because I think that you are like one of the best handoff quarterbacks. Like really? You have a very quick step. You extend the arm. There's a, there's an art to handing the ball off isn't there?

Buffalo is the greatest place on Earth

The city of Buffalo is the greatest place on earth. We went to the meet and greet yesterday, it was like two and a half hours straight of meeting people, taking pictures, and it was awesome. There's just something special about the people here.

Skip Bayless officially won the breakup with Stephen A. Smith

Max Kellerman is out. So officially, like Stephen A. Smith, I think Skip officially has won this breakup because Stephen A. Smith is now moving on from the rebound. It was a five-year rebound or whatever.