Takes

The Houston Astros were flat-out cheating, not just looking for an edge

To have some guy on a computer and a button sitting in the video room and seeing what the catcher's putting down—I mean, that's, there's no place for that in the game. That's, you know, that's cheating. That's cheating. That's not looking for an edge. That's flat-out cheating. And, you know, I was pretty disgusted with it. I'm not going to lie to you.

Barry Bonds was easy to pitch to because the best strategy was just walking him

Barry Bonds, he was the easiest guy in the league to pitch to. I mean, because you throw him fastballs away, and if it mattered at all, you just walked him. So he was like, no stress. That dude was so easy to pitch to. It's his fault for being as good as he was.

You can tell a lot about a guy by the sunglasses he wears

This is an all-time guy who wears Oakley sunglasses move. He's a big-time Oakley... you can tell a lot about a guy by the sunglasses he wears. If you wear Costa sunglasses, you go deep-sea fishing twice a year. You probably have a DUI in Florida. If you wear Shady Rays, you're cool. And then if you're an Oakley guy, you probably send dick pics during child support meetings.

Novak Djokovic is a scumbag for his selfish COVID restriction requests

Australian Open, Australia has COVID under control... Djokovic sent in basically his own list of requests and suggestions on how they can actually do a better job with COVID... His suggestions were to basically lessen the restrictions, make it easier. Basically, he was selfish.

I am okay with moving the Elite Eight and Sweet Sixteen to Saturday through Tuesday

I do actually like that. They're the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight. Sweet 16 is Saturday, Sunday, Elite Eight, Monday, Tuesday. I'm okay with that because Elite Eight is, it's weird when you have the Elite Eight on that Saturday and Sunday and you're like, wait, there's only two games... Whereas now you'll work all day Monday and then you get basketball at the end of the day.

Jimmy Butler is a great teammate and the media perception of him is wrong

Jimmy Butler is a great teammate. I don't understand the media twist on what he is... he challenges people and he pushes people, and a lot of people aren't willing or wanting to maybe hear that. But in reality, it's just trying to achieve success... He's certainly had a huge impact on my career.

NBA officials might respect me more if I had a tattoo sleeve

I've thought that [getting tattoos]... from just a respect standpoint, you know, like whether it be officials or the opposition... particularly like in the playoffs, I got targeted a lot on defense. I figured maybe that would happen a little bit less if I had some [tattoos] on me.

Saints fans will eventually regret only winning one Super Bowl with Brees and Payton

If you asked a Saints fan, like, hey, that was incredible, awesome memories, but there's definitely a small part of you that's saying to yourself, shit, how do we only win one? That absolutely exists.

In the modern NFL, good offense always beats good defense

At this point in time, it used to be the saying, good defense trumps all, defense wins championships. That's not the case anymore. Good offense beats good defense in the NFL today.

Lamar Jackson is the second best playmaker in the NFL behind Mahomes

Lamar, to me, is... if you want to say playmaker, he's probably the second best behind Patrick Mahomes. But all-around quarterback, he is still limited as a thrower.

If you don't like Lamar Jackson, you're an asshole

I'm a huge Lamar Jackson fan. I am. Even though I'm a Browns guy, I feel like he's the most likable player in the NFL. If you don't like Lamar, you're an asshole. That's how I kind of feel.

Nick Saban is the greatest coach to ever coach anything in any sport

Can we say in any sport, Nick Saban is the best coach to ever coach anything?

Using Delta 8 THC will make you better at video games

3Chi is great. It'll make you better at video games. There, I just said it... I get more kills as a single person in Warzone when I take a 3Chi than we do as a team when I'm playing with Billy.

Bitcoin investors will die rich but never spend their money because they are obsessed with holding

The whole point of being rich is to spend money and do cool shit. Bitcoin people just... in the next 10 years it's going to be the only currency that exists. There's going to be at least a few people who die and they're like... worth 100 million dollars. They didn't spend any of it.

Big Ben Roethlisberger will spend the entire offseason watching pornography

Sad Big Ben. He's going to watch so much porn this offseason.

Josh Allen's elite balance and footwork are more important than his arm strength

I actually think that his feet are better than his arm... His feet are the best that I've seen in the NFL this year. He's always on balance. He's never off balance... That is actually sometimes better than having a hose attached to your shoulder.

Russell Wilson is to blame for the Seahawks' stagnant offense and postseason failures

There seems to be a little bit of a rumbling that Russell Wilson is more to blame than people are letting on... in those 16 playoff games, he's 25 touchdowns, 12 interceptions, 236 yards average... that's not like lighting the world on fire.

Sean McVay is a 'mini Belichick' due to his ability to completely change team identity to win

When people put him in the conversation as like the next Belichick or mini Belichick. This is why. Because when I look at the Rams... they basically completely changed their team to a defensive team, running team... He's not going to try to beat you just his way. He's going to beat you whichever way is best.

Mike Vrabel’s fourth-and-two punt against the Ravens was the most cowardly coaching move of the weekend

Mike Vrabel cut off his balls instead of his penis... It was honestly the most cowardly punt that I've seen... Bad weekend for Mikes in their punting. Bad, sad punt weekend.

The Chicago Bears are a soul-sucking dumpster fire with no end in sight

The Bears suck... they play a soul-sucking version of football. It's exhausting... just a fucking dumpster fire of an organization. This is the opposite of the Washington football team. I feel worse because it feels like there's no end in sight.

Modern college recruits are making a mistake by prioritizing the NFL over their college experience

These high school going into college, these kids are missing out on an opportunity to really make a difference in the college game... it's like they don't even really plant their roots at their college stop... they all think they're going to become Patrick Mahomes... when it doesn't happen, you need to have something to fall back on.

Roughly 21% of NFL players are on performance-enhancing drugs

I would say probably five to seven different types of things. Oh, yeah, 20, 21%. Just stuff.

Greg Williams' practice style stunted Sam Darnold's development

The things that Sam [Darnold] sees on the practice field from Gregg Williams will set a quarterback back years. You remember when Sam Darnold said 'I was seeing ghosts'? Well, part of that, that's part of the process, and I'm not blaming it on Gregg, but there needs to be a progression. You can't bring a young quarterback on with all that stuff going on.

JJ Watt's heartfelt apology to Deshaun Watson was staged for the cameras

My Hot Seat is the Texans camera crew... JJ Watt and Deshaun Watson were sharing a heartfelt moment of JJ Watt apologizing to Deshaun Watson and he said, 'I'm sorry we wasted a season for you.' And a fucking camera guy caught it... he's got to be pretty embarrassed about that because that's something that, you know, between teammates... or else everyone's going to know what a great dude you are.

This 2020 Packers squad is the best Green Bay team in a decade

One of the words that was brought up last year a lot with this Green Bay Packer team was 'soft.' ... but they have seemed to remove that the last six weeks of the regular season... To me, this is the best Green Bay Packer football team probably in a decade.

Notre Dame has a ceiling because they can't recruit elite five-star quarterbacks like Alabama

The craziest part about Notre Dame is Notre Dame is like at its ceiling... they only, the only thing that Notre Dame can can do, I think to, to actually get over this Hill is they need a Trevor Lawrence or a Tua or Joe burrow. Like they need one of those crazy elite quarterbacks.

The targeting rule should be changed so the opposing coach chooses between 3 points or an ejection

I actually threw out Mike Greenberg's dumb rules. It should be. If you, if a guy gets called for targeting, the coach gets to decide either give the other team three points or you get to give the other team three points and he can stay in or he's objected. I like that.

Jeeps are superior to Teslas in every way

Jeeps are cooler, right. It just, you know, you can take the doors off. He can take the tops off... if there is like a zombie apocalypse or something like that, and there's like a Tesla that is like, let's say abandoned... you disconnect your sway bar. You're in a Jeep, bro. You just go right over it. But you know what I'm saying? That, so there's a lot of benefits, you know, but ultimately Jeeps are just superior in every way, shape and form.

A US handball team with me, LeBron, and Patrick Mahomes would win Olympic gold

I guarantee we can put a team together. We can win gold. Just, just from pure like arm speed. I don't think guys in other countries and just a really big guy as the goalie back. Right. If you watch it, I mean, I've studied this from time to time... I think if it was you, Patrick Mahomes, and LeBron just how many players play and handle like eight on a shirt all the time. So it was you three against eight players from any other country. I think we went, I think we, I guarantee we can put a team together. We can win gold.

The Pro Football Hall of Fame should not be for 'very good' players

What I would say is it, shouldn't be hard to make it into the hall of fame. Absolutely. It's not the whole of very, very good. And I love it. It's the hall of fame.

Scottie Pippen definitely had a migraine in the 1990 Game 7 and shouldn't be questioned

Listen, when you have migraines... you can blow worry. You can't see the Noah's is crazy. There is no waste guy that could be a function that there will be migraine. And he did have a migraine men. And for, for us, it's, I mean, for the people who sipping guests that, I mean, I don't know if you can say, you know, the, you know, it, you can kiss my ass. You know, that's, that's crazy, man.

My famous defensive stop on Steph Curry was actually a bad defensive possession

When you say it was actually, you know, I played great defense, but as far as the defensive scheme and play, it was actually a bad defensive possession because I wasn't supposed to let it was supposed to deny the ball back to Steph and I let him get the ball back. So Draymond had caught it kind of in the corner. It was like, okay, I need, I'm going to need Steph to, to make this play because he's done the time and time again.

I was incredibly sober during my peyote trip with a mountain lion

And I'd gone off on a sunrise walk with this gentleman and he was... slowly disseminating the payoti... when I got back down on the property, there was this, he had this mountain life in his cage... I get confident that me in this mountain lion are on the same frequency... The great thing about peyote had done the right way. No, I don't look back on that at all. I look back on that and go it. If anything, have you looked through the book there's times I've taken, what would be considered risk that absolutely paid off... I would say I was incredibly sober.

Ryan Fitzpatrick should be in the Hall of Fame as a contributor to the game

I actually think that Ryan Fitzpatrick should be in the Hall of Fame. I think he should be a Hall of Famer. Not just memorable, not just because the bust would be legendary with the beard in it, but because like he's provided so many great memories... if he's not a player, he should be contributor to the game and get into the NFL. Absolutely.

You should always root for your team to make the playoffs, even if they'll get crushed

I know I've seen this like, 'Oh, why would you want to get in the playoffs and get the shit kicked out of you so that you get the worse draft picks?' What are you talking about? Being in the playoffs is all—that's what you root for... give me a seat at the table. A chip and a chair.

Eli Manning had the best retirement strategy by leaving early rather than hanging on like Big Ben

Who actually is coming out the biggest winner, Phillip Rivers, Eli Manning. Eli Manning retired first. He was the first to leave the party. Now he was obviously, when he got bad at the end, it was bad, but our lasting memories are now going to be a bad, bad Big Ben... Eli's just sitting, eating, whatever, like sloppy Joes... and he's going to end up being like, Oh, remember Eli. He was awesome. He never got bad. He's like, it is a great lesson. Like leave the party, be the first to leave.

Going to a strip club on Sunday is just bad decision making regardless of COVID protocols

Going to a strip club on Sunday is just in general, not a smart idea. Sunday's not a good strip club day... a smart quarterback in my book would either go Monday for $5 buckets or you go on Thursday for the lunch steak and shrimp combo.

Army football players and soldiers are the 'last of the hards'

The over 1 million men and women who serve in the United States army that we represent when we go and play in this bowl game and we play every week, they are the last of the hard... they are the people who are willing to do the hard jobs and other people don't want to do to stand in the gap between freedom and those wanting to take it from us. And it takes a hard person that's determined and has a spirit about them that's different.

Championship teams don't need to be friends, they just need to respect each other

There is no championship team that are just holding hands and skipping their way to the finals. There's going to be moments where you don't want to talk to each other... you have to respect each other. You don't have to get along. I think that's been proven time in and time out.

Ryan Tannehill is a top five quarterback in the NFL

Ryan Tannehill deserves the credit for being an awesome quarterback the last year and a half. One of the top five quarterbacks in the league. Whether you think he's ranked there or not, he's ranked there statistically.

Matt Stafford is the toughest player in the NFL

Matt Stafford is the toughest motherfucker in the league. He had hurt ribs... didn't practice all week... and still like kept the Lions in this game for three quarters. This dude is a fucking horse. He's always, there's always something going on with him, but not in a Ben Roethlisberger type way.

Eagles fans want Carson Wentz to succeed because they feel guilty about Nick Foles

I feel responsible for sort of making [Wentz] bad because they were mean to him. Well, basically when Nick Foles won the Super Bowl... they want him to succeed because they want to believe that he could have won that Super Bowl. And he is the continuation of that story. They also don't want to admit that they were wrong to run Nick Foles out of town.

Patrick Mahomes with one eye would still be the best quarterback in the NFL

Patrick Mahomes with an eye patch would still be the best quarterback in the NFL. It's crazy. If you confiscated one of his eyesights, he would still be, I think, yeah, I just think that he's built different. If you made him close an eye, he'd probably still be able to do 70% of the shit that he does right now.

Indiana has every right to be upset about being snubbed from a New Year's Six bowl

The people who actually have a gripe, I'm going to get mad for Indiana fans. Indiana fans should be upset and they have a right to be upset because Iowa State has lost three games and they're going to a New Year's Six bowl. Indiana should have gone to the New Year's Six bowl. They should be ahead of a three-loss Iowa State team. It's stupid.

Hugh Freeze would jump at the Tennessee head coaching job

I think he'd like to be the next coach at the University of Tennessee. I think that's the job he's wanted for quite some time, probably since before he became a college coach... if that opportunity came available, he would jump at it.

Saved By The Bell wouldn't stand up as a new show today

I have to be honest, it didn't pique [my daughter's] interest. I mean, she laughed because she saw me at her kind of like a little bit older than her, but I don't think it's the TV that they would want to watch right now. That show would not stand up today.

The 'Jessie's Song' caffeine pill episode of Saved By The Bell is a top 3 TV episode of all time

I think the episode with Jessie would still stand up. That to me is that the episode where she got hooked on trucker pills. That's one of the top three television episodes... 'I'm so excited, I'm so scared.' I mean goosebumps.

Losing a bet on a safety or scoregami play is a better story than a standard loss

If you had like a unit on it, it's not even that bad because that's a story that you can tell. I'd rather lose on that play and be like, 'Oh man, I can't believe I had the under in Raiders Colts.' This is a great story you can tell. I took the Browns to cover on that Monday night football game where Lamar Jackson spent half the time getting rid of the Chipotle that was in his anus.

Giannis staying in Milwaukee is a major victory for NBA parity

I think this is actually great for the league. It's a win for the league because you have a little bit more parity. You have the small market teams like teams drafting a superstar and be able to hold on to them is important for the league.

Outside beer season is the best beer season

Outdoor beers. It's outdoor beer season. When it's snowing outside, when it's cold, you don't have to take up space in your refrigerator, you leave the beers outside. It's God's refrigerator. You crack open a beer directly from your porch and it tastes colder than it does on the fridge. It's the best season of all.