Takes

Ages 21 through 26 are the 'prime stains' years for a man's clothing

I would expect that at 23 years old, you would have some just random stains on you... I'd say if you're 23, I would expect that to. It's like 21 through 26 is that's Prime stains.

NBA 'Aura' rings prove that the wealthy have access to secret medical technology

Why doesn't everybody have a titanium ring that will tell you 3 days in advance if you're going to get [the virus]? It essentially confirms what we all knew but didn't fully know that rich people just have medicine and technology that the rest of us can't have access to that will keep them alive forever.

Coaches leaving Michigan to coach at Ohio State is an act of betrayal

You got coaches from that locker room leaving there and going to coach at Ohio State. I know back in the day that it would never fucking happen. It's like betrayal... every man has a rivalry and there's so much that went into that.

A gorilla would beat a grizzly bear in a fight if it could make a weapon

I would agree with [the grizzly bear] unless the gorilla is in an environment where he can learn to make weapons... I'm gonna leave the guns next to him right before the fight... One in the Chamber... guess who's closer to human? Gorilla.

Opening a bar with your best friend is the quickest way to end the friendship

Most stories that take a turn start with the sentence 'and then we opened a bar together.' It's like, and then we opened a bar together and everything in our life like as friends as brothers went downhill. If you want to hate your best friend, open a bar with him.

Tom Brady in a Buccaneers jersey makes him look like a Sith Lord villain

Me personally I think that him in the Buccaneers Jersey makes him look like a total villain because it's just the color schemes like big like Sith Lord Vibes... he went from blue and red which is like you know like I feel like Synergy good Jedi and then it's like Sith Lord but that's just me.

A girl taking forever to get ready is actually a positive for guys

Taking forever to get ready to go out... as soon as you like as you get older you realize like the timing of things and that's just free time. that's a rain delay that you get for going out that's you know what that time is that sit on the couch and refresh Twitter every two seconds right and not have to feel bad about not feel that at all.

ESPN's 'Long Gone Summer' documentary stunk because it taught us nothing new

The long-gone summer stunk. It was impressive in the fact that it was a two hour long documentary that taught me absolutely nothing new. It will have—that's a—I've never sat down and watch which should be like a detailed look at an era where they—there were no new facts. It was a YouTube compilation with some Radio Calls.

Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and Roger Clemens should all be in the Hall of Fame

Everyone was doing it one, you can't tell me that Barry Bonds isn't a fucking Hall of Famer or Sammy Sosa isn't a fucking Hall of Famer, Roger [Clemens]—like all these guys should be in the Hall of Fame.

Kyrie Irving is right that the NBA's return could distract from the Black Lives Matter movement

The thing I don't understand—I actually Kyrie's statement, I actually kind of agree with. Like his point is if you're—if we're pushing for something to radically change, the one thing you don't want to allow is for people to be like, 'can we just get back to normal?' because like when you're back to normal, it's easy way of just saying, 'Oh well, like we'll deal with that later.'

For many players, using steroids was simply a 'business decision'

This is a business decision and you've got to—you got to—you got to think about a few things here... am I okay with being able to look the man in the mirror... look my friends, family, fans, whatever. Can I look them in the eye and be okay with making that decision? And if at the end of the day, you can check all three of those boxes, that's a business decision regardless of who's in front of you.

Sports leagues should offer a 'Darren Rovell-free' broadcast option for extra money

Just give me a Darren Rovell free option and I'll pay extra for that. Right? Even if he wasn't going to be on the original cast, they could be like, hey extra $10 a week to watch Sunday Night Football with no Darren Rovell on. I'd be like, yeah, just to be safe. To make sure that he doesn't show up.

Authenticity is the key to comedy because real people are naturally weird

If you're authentic in your credible. People are funny. Anyway, right like you could if you're real people are weird like in real life people are just nuts. So you can if you telling you know, the story about someone's life and some lesson they learned or how they got through something hard if you take it seriously, it's still going to be funny.

Michael Jordan's 'Flu Game' pizza story is high comedy regardless of whether it's true

This brings us to the Michael Jordan eating a pizza during the NBA Finals question. What is funnier than that? Right? It's the the highest Stakes thing in the world... Whether it's eating a pizza or pretending to have eaten a pizza to cover up a mistake that's high comedy stakes. And what would the end of that movie be? Having the best game of your life while almost vomiting the entire time.

Lance Armstrong is the most self-centered and selfish person in the world

Does who the fuck is Lance Armstrong think he's fooling to be like remorseful without remorse... he's realize he's he's the most self-centered person I think I've ever ever seen like that's not really an exaggeration I think he's the most selfish person the world but he's reached the point in his life where he's had to confront what a dick that he's been in public.

The sighting of a white spirit bear in Canada is a sign of good things to come

Cool throne all of us because there was a white spirit bear spotted in Canada, which is a sign of good things to come. Yeah, so cool throne all of us. White bears are here. Yeah, like it's a phenotype of a Grizzly where it has white fur. Hell yeah.

Virginia Tech sucks and their traditions are stupid

The bottom line is Virginia Tech sucks and their traditions are stupid.

Having low-hanging fruit for people to criticize is a great shield against being called an asshole

having some low-hanging fruit that everyone can always pin you to is actually not a bad thing. Because then they won't... No one will be like, fuck PFT, I think he's an asshole. They'll be like, fuck PFT, he just didn't give the money he said he was going to give to charity. You basically give them a layup.

College coaches who claim they don't know what's happening in their programs are lying

Every coach that has ever coached in college basketball or football is the biggest control freak you've ever met. They know everything. They know everything that goes on. Everything that goes on on campus, no matter what.

Any move I make is by definition a 'Blake move' because I am a Blake

I seem to subscribe to the thought that any move I do is a Blake move because I am a Blake and I'm not sure that you guys can quite speak to that because you've never been a Blake.

The NBA season should start on Christmas Day to avoid competing with football

I do think that we should we should push our start date back just because we're having we're competing against college football and nfl football just so big. I feel like the casual fan of sports doesn't really care about basketball until christmas anyway.

The worst part of vacation is waking up on the third day after binge drinking

Waking up on the third day after binge drinking for two days, and it really just all sets in. I think Thursday. I basically just slept all day.

Different state laws are a top reason to stay home rather than go on vacation

Changing state laws. Like getting arrested in Virginia with a radar scanner... So I just like to stay home and I'll come to work anytime. This is way better than a cubicle by any means.

Hockey is not one of the major four sports

No hockey doesn't count hockey doesn't count. Not one of the major four sports. What's the fourth? MLS?

The NBA return plan is effectively the 'Zion Williamson rule'

The New Orleans Pelicans are right now the 10th seed... they want to figure out a way to get Zion West and I am all for that. It's the Zion rule. Adam Silver could have just gotten in front of the nation and been like 'Hey guys Zion, have you heard of him? Kind of a big deal and we want to make sure that he's involved in this no matter what.'

Counterfeit wine is the perfect crime

It's the perfect crime. Really, even though he's in jail, I know that sounds very counterintuitive because you got caught, but finding a way to sell to get a bunch of rich white dudes drunk and then pulling a scheme on them while they're drunk is genius.

Wine snobs are 99% full of shit

It kind of reveals what I thought all along—why people are full of shit. Most of them are. 99% of them... I think that most people could probably tell the difference between a seven dollar bottle wine and like a $70 bottle, but anything above that you can be influenced by a cool-looking label.

Peter King's power rankings are influenced by which coaches and quarterbacks return his phone calls

Once you get out of the top five, you can tell which coaches and quarterbacks return Peter King's calls. Because that's also why Tom Brady's up there is because he calls him back.

A 50-game MLB season is too short to weed out the bad teams

I think 50 would be exciting, but it also would be maddening to watch a team... 50 games is tough. 70-80, I think you can weed out. You'll still have a couple teams where you can point to and say there's no way they would have lasted an entire season.

The Forrest Gump book is not as good as the movie

I think it's not even close... I think the author is a talented man and I couldn't have imagined it without him. But I think I just took off in my own direction and something spoke to me.

Writer's block doesn't exist; you just need to 'change the weather' in the script

I've never, I've had places where I've gotten sort of stopped, but I just... what I have always advised people was change the weather. In other words, make it rain, make it snow, do something different just with the weather. And all of a sudden you have a different look at things.

David Fincher and Martin Scorsese are the best living directors

but David Fincher to me is the best, probably let's say Marty and him best living directors.

Tobey Maguire is the best poker player in America

I know that Tobey Maguire is the best poker player in America.

A dog's head tilt is the best thing about having a dog

The inquisitive ears slash look when a noise or, you know, like your dog's like trying to learn something new and they give you that sideways glance. The head tilt. Oh, the best.

Resting your hands on your knees while tired is a sign of weakness that I will exploit

I still believe if you have your hands on your knees, it's a sign of weakness and I will exploit you. [Resting your hands on your head] was such a mind fuck when they said that it doesn't make a difference if you're tired.

I am reclaiming Hawaiian shirts for people who like to party

Apparently, this has become like a race war white supremacist thing to wear Hawaiian shirts... Fuck you. You will not take... I'm reclaiming Hawaiian shirts for people that like to party. I will not allow the Hawaiian shirt to be co-opted.

The NFL's statement on George Floyd is only being made because it's now 'safe'

The NFL has a track record of being reactionary rather than proactive. And this is exactly what they're doing right now... They're saying it because it's safe to do so now... If you're really with it, then condemn the ownership that has blackball cap, condemn the ownership that has funded and backed publicly a man that is calling the same protesters thugs.

White privilege is not something to feel guilty about, but something that requires empathy

I shouldn't have to feel guilty about being white. I agree. You're conflating guilt with empathy. That's all it is. Saying, I see black people struggling or I see the plight against a people of color is not the same as saying it's wrong for me to be white in this country. Nobody's saying that.

Netflix's Outer Banks is a bad show that is also good

I like Outer Banks. It's such a bad show. It's so bad. It's become good. It reminds me of all my favorite action movies with Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme... it is so bad, and I'm learning nothing. I'm getting dumber.

MLB players are right to stand by their collectively bargained contracts

I don't expect you to have pity for the players. This isn't about pity, but it's still about right and wrong. And if we have a contract and the contract has been collectively bargained... All right. Well, I already gave you half of it back [for games not played], and now I'm going to go honor my contract, and you want me to take half less again. Well, that's bullshit.

Truck nuts are the ultimate indicator of a douchebag

I will start with truck nuts. Truck nuts are the Mount Flushmore of car accessories. If you see a dude with truck nuts, he is 100% a douchebag.

Car eyelashes are a psycho move and reveal specific lifestyle traits

The front lights eyelashes. Psycho move... VW bug, throw the eyelashes on, probably own at least three pugs. Like the Venn diagram for pug ownership and eyelashes on your car is a big circle. And yeah, probably living a life alone.

0.0 bumper stickers are the lamest distance-based stickers

I actually think there's a new number one leader when it comes to distances that's way worse, the 0.0. I think that's the lamest. That one used to be funny. Now it's lame. Now it's so lame.

People in their mid-20s are losing a prime year of their life due to the pandemic

If you're in your mid twenties, you're just giving away a year of your prime. It's like Sean Payton getting suspended for a year with the Saints. Like, you have just given away a year that you'll never get back.

It is more entertaining to watch amateurs play golf than professionals

People love amateur stuff. Whether it's pornography or it's golfers, it's almost better watching people who aren't professionals do it.

Your imagination is better than any video game console

Turns out your imagination is way better than any video game console. We should definitely do a just hour-long Dungeons and Dragons episode.

Roy Williams is only the second-best coach in the ACC

Roy Williams. Ty Lawson called him out. I mean, everyone knows Roy is a little bit suspect. It's not surprising. Second best coach in the ACC.

The Cowboys don't view Dak Prescott as a top-tier franchise quarterback

The fact that it's taken this long speaks to exactly how the Cowboys feel about Dak Prescott. They like him. They want him. But he's not [Mahomes]. He's not Russell Wilson.

The least realistic thing about Entourage is the four guys being together so often

Whenever anybody asked me about the realistic stuff of the show, the thing I always said was the least realistic thing is that four guys would be together this often.

Joe Flacco has a gentle hand placement compared to Ryan Fitzpatrick

Joe [Flacco] probably because he never actually really got really that far in there. He was almost like a low backhand placement. So I'd say he's probably the most gentle. ... every time [Fitzpatrick] would get under center, he'd give a little bit harder of a tap.