Takes

Short people take over the world for moments and then are infamous for the rest of history

Short people take over the world. For moments. And then are infamous for the rest of history... Tall people run the world day to day. But ironically, they have to be looking over their shoulder.

No one actually likes dad bods; it's a myth

No one actually likes dad bods. That's such a fucking myth. And to be like, have the glimmer of hope... No, that's not real.

Luke Willson would not work well in Bill Belichick's system

I don't think the Belichick system would work too well with him [Luke Willson].

The NFL Combine question of whether a player is 'too smart' is actually a valid concern

When we always laugh about the Combine interviews and the Josh Rosen, like, is this player too smart? Yes, 100%. It absolutely is a real question... This is actually a perfect case where Andrew Luck is a very smart guy. He has a ton of interest outside of football. I think he loved football. I think the injuries made him fall out of love with football because he's like, you know what? There's more to life than this.

Breaking Bad is the best show in the history of television

Breaking Bad movie following the season finale... I'm very excited about that. Very excited. Best show in the history of television.

It is just an excuse for the Saints to blame the pass interference no-call for their NFC Championship loss

All I said was that it's just an excuse to blame one moment. And that's the truth. The reality is, as I've said before, if they were winning the game at the moment, or if that play would have ended the game, then that would be a valid argument. But the truth of the matter was the game was tied... You can't say that you for sure won the game based off the one play.

The Lakers signed Dwight Howard to be the fall guy for LeBron James

Lakers fans, no matter what happens, no matter how shitty the team plays, they're going to hate LeBron or they're going to hate Dwight more than they hate LeBron. So LeBron has a real easy fall guy to point at and Dwight Howard and then be like, we got rid of the fall guy. Now it's time for us to gel as a team.

Christmas Day is the official start of the NBA season

People start caring about the NBA on Christmas Day. That is the official start of the season. They should just start it at that point and then move on from there because, yeah, football, we own the fall.

Jewel was the Rihanna of her time

Jewel was Rihanna before Rihanna. I'll say it. [Big Cat: That strong?] Yeah.

The Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich is one of the best sandwiches ever

Unpopular opinion that Popeye's chicken sandwich is good. I'll die on that hill. No, it's really good. And I need to have another one.

Aaron Rodgers is a try-hard loser for his Canada Boys outfit

Three years after that joke was funny, and probably like 10 years after that joke was funny, Aaron Rodgers hopped on. Classic. Way to go, dude. You fucking try-hard loser.

No one in history has ever regretted getting a dog

No one regrets a dog. No, no ever that's facts.

Jon Gruden is the funniest coach in the NFL

Jon Gruden leads the league in being pumped... I fucking love them. I'm switching. We make fun of Jon Gruden. We make fun of the Raiders the whole hundred million dollar contract. I have switched. I want Jon Gruden to succeed because we need him in our lives for as long as possible.

The Antonio Brown helmet saga is officially exhausting

I am officially as well. So sick of Antonio Browns helmet. Yes, sick of the helmet but in love with the jumpsuit... just either find a helmet don't play with a helmet. I don't care. We might Riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff.

Devin Booker complaining about double teams in open runs is a soft move

Devin Booker was mad because Joakim Noah sent a double team on them. And Devin Booker was like, hey, we don't double team and open run... it just showed maybe Devin Booker is the s word soft... what more could work on your game than having a double-team you get double-teamed in the NBA. Why wouldn't she want to be double-teamed right here?

The NFL has the most boring quarterback controversies ever in 2019

This year, we've got the most boring quarterback controversies of all time, perhaps ever in the history of the NFL... Titans [Mariota/Tannehill], Dolphins [Fitzpatrick/Rosen].

Bill Walton should be the commentator for every sporting event televised

Bill Walton watching a baseball game is just, it's incredible. He should do way more games. I don't know why they haven't thought of this, but he should just do everything. When they do the Ocho on ESPN, it should just be Bill Walton.

Carolina Blue is the best shade of blue

I'll go Carolina blue. Who doesn't love that? Baby blue. Also, a.k.a.

Gold is more valuable than money

I'm going to go with something better than money, gold. [Gold is more valuable than money.] It is.

Fullbacks are among the smartest players on the football field

Fullbacks get the rap that we're not smart people. I think they're some of the fucking smartest guys on the football field because we got to know every line scheme whether it's a run game or pass game... know every single route because they'll spread you out.

The NFL intentionally closed the helmet loophole to 'win' against Antonio Brown

At best, it's been horrible communication... At worst, I feel like they just want to win. They're just making it up as they go... once they recognized there was a loophole because they had failed to previously test the Schutt Air Advantage, they jammed that loophole shut to win.

The Washington Redskins locker room is less safe than a WWI trench

You'd have better luck getting injured at the bottom of a trench in World War One than in that Redskins locker room right now with all the shit that's like creeping around.

Small dicks and dad bods are the defining trends of the decade

Small dicks are back. That's true. Small dicks are back. So shout out to me and all the other small dick guys, but dad bods and small dicks—it's our decade.

Age 100 is the best age because everyone laughs at everything you say

If you get to a hundred, people think you walk on water. I think you're Jesus. [...] Everyone throws you parties. [...] If you're a hundred, people will just laugh at everything you say no matter what. You can go viral at a hundred for just existing.

Green Bay should move the Packers franchise if they need gimmicks to get fans loud

It's a sad, sad day when the Packers need to find gimmicks to be louder. [...] If you have to ask the Green Bay fans to be louder, maybe just move the whole franchise.

I am disappointed in Big Cat's flip-flopping on being an anti-vaxxer

I'm a little disappointed in your flip-flopping with anti-vax. [...] If you're going to pick a side, you have to stick to it. [...] What kind of example are you setting for your son without succumbing to peer pressure?

Pretending you were sprayed by a skunk is the ultimate work/school excuse

Saying that you got sprayed by a skunk... if you say 'I got sprayed by a skunk,' nobody will ever question you on that. [...] Skunk it. Free advice. Anybody use it. Never be questioned.

Green Bay is kind of a dump

We went up to Green Bay. Kind of a dump. We talked to Matt LaFleur about coaching Aaron Rodgers. They call it title town for a reason, folks.

Dak Prescott is not worth $40 million per year

I don't think he's worth 40 million dollars. And I think that you probably have to sit down, Dak, and be like, dude, I know that you want this much money, but would you rather this much money or maybe win a Super Bowl with the Dallas Cowboys?

NFL teams should be allowed to give one rookie a monk haircut as team building

I think that you should be allowed to give one rookie a monk. Yes, yes, I agree. That's not hazing, that's team building. That's funny. Big difference. If it's funny, it's not hazing.

Home Depot is the ultimate masculine experience if you don't ask for help

I successfully went to Home Depot and got what I needed without asking anyone. And there's no better feeling in the world. You feel like the manliest man that's ever walked Earth. It took me about 25 minutes to find the wood glue, but I did it.

Chappelle's Show is the greatest TV show of all time

Chappelle's show... Greatest show of all time. Undeniably the number one pick.

I don't think you can put an age on leadership

I don't think you can put any type of age on leadership. I saw Sean [McVay] firsthand and I thought he did as good a job as anybody I've been around in terms of getting the respect and the command from the team.

Pass interference review rules might actually favor the defense

Honestly, I think it could be an advantage from a defensive perspective, considering that all scoring plays are under automatic review. And you see a lot of rub or pick plays down in that red area. So it could actually help the defense.

Bill Simmons genuinely wants to stop the union at The Ringer

There's a part of me that thinks that what Dave was doing part edge stick today is exactly what Bill Simmons wants to do for real. Bill Simmons lucked into this day because holy shit.

I think Antonio Brown has had an actual mental break

I actually think Antonio Brown is – I think there's something wrong with him. I think that he's, like, going crazy. He's had, like – an actual mental break that doesn't mean that like we can't joke around about the whole helmet saga because that is fucking hilarious but I actually think that there's something wrong with the guy.

The Raiders lost their mystique by refusing to let Antonio Brown wear his old helmet and just paying the fine

In a backwards way, all Raiders mystique has been lost because... if the Raiders were to just give Antonio Brown his old helmet and just pretend that it's not happening, they would possibly get an infraction, a penalty, a fine, whatever it may be. But they won't do that. And guess what? Man card Raiders, the old Raiders, they would just let him wear like a fucked up helmet and be like, guess what? We just want our guy out.

The fact that pace of play is only an issue in baseball and golf proves they are the most boring sports

The fact that pace of play is only baseball and golf, like the two most boring sports to watch, tells you a lot about what – like that right there, you should be like, you know what? Let's go speed golf. Because if we're talking about pace of play, it probably means people are taking naps during our games.

You shouldn't be allowed to take three and a half minutes for a putt and then miss it

I'm pretty sure that you're not allowed to take three and a half minutes to line up a putt from eight feet and then miss the putt. If you make the putt, I think people overlook it. But if you miss that putt, then we're going to have an issue.

Regional Little League World Series games are more exciting than the actual World Series in Williamsport

I don't know if this is a hot take or not, but the regional part of it before the actual Little League World Series is almost more exciting because... the America versus America, like Kentucky, Iowa versus Minnesota, those games are electric.

Eating raw cookie dough is worth the risk of salmonella poisoning

Eating raw cookie dough is worth the risk of salmonella poisoning... Dude, who gets salmonella from fucking eggs anyway? That's such bullshit.

Spontaneity and the feeling that anything can happen at any time is lost in today's wrestling product

When you used to watch, you know, back in the Attitude Era... it was a sense of urgency. You felt like anything could happen at any one time. And to me, it's just maybe, I'm not picking on today's product, but I'm just saying the spontaneity is lost. Like that feeling that anything could happen is lost.

If I could go back to WrestleMania 17, I would have hit Vince McMahon with a stunner and maintained my babyface run

If I could call the Audible now, I would have just told him, hey, man, I ain't feeling it... if I could go back, I just said, hey, man, I'm calling an audible, watch the stunner. And then stunned [Vince's] ass and would have maintained my baby face run.

Auburn should have just called the new logo a logo change to sell more merchandise to SEC fans

What they should do is just lean into it and then get all new sales from the new logo. Because if I know something about SEC football, if you slightly tweak the logo, everyone will buy new stuff. They'll buy new stuff before they pay their mortgage, before they get food on the table for their kids. They've got to have the freshest new Auburn logo for the fall.

Combining Paxton Lynch and Geno Smith would only equal a quarter of Russell Wilson's talent

If you combined Paxton Lynch and Geno Smith's powers, they would be like one quarter of Russell Wilson.

The sound of creasing paper is the worst sound in the world

This is a personal one, but the sound of folding paper, like a crease in folding paper... it's the worst sound in the world.

The Monday Night Football outro is one of the worst sounds in sports

Thank you for watching this presentation of the National Football League on a Monday night. That sucks... you just came off a whole Sunday of football, and then that hits, and you're like, well, no more football for another fucking three days.

Derek Carr is extremely awkward on Hard Knocks

Hard Knocks is back. Derek Carr is awkward as fuck... It's very clear that the message the Raiders are trying to send is Derek Carr is our quarterback, and we're going to give him a lot of air time, and we're going to show how tough he is, including bullying his two young kids to fight in the living room while they're playing basketball. That felt scripted.

Antonio Brown used his kids on Hard Knocks to rehabilitate his public image

Antonio Brown, I forgot about this part. Starting the entire Hard Knocks episode, basically trying to erase the fact that he went crazy for three months and every teammate of his in Pittsburgh hated him by showing us how cute his kids are. They're very cute. And you know what? It worked. It absolutely worked.

Kobe Bryant being ranked 13th for the 2010s decade is fair

There was the all-decades list for the 2010s and Kobe was 13 on it, which I honestly think is like fair... If you're looking at the whole decade, his body of work over the 2010s is not like [first team].